The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt

~Sylvia Plath

Chapter Twenty One - "Speak To My Gucci Shoes"

"You made me wet!"

I lowered down the book that I was reading only to see Sunny drenched with ash brown beads of water dripping down her face and Ashton holding a tray with a toppled over soda.

Ashton gave her a smirk. "Wow you're right I did make you wet."

Sunny grabbed the can and sprayed it all over Ashton's shoes. "Oh, look. I also made you wet." She waved her hand in front of her nose. "Might want to change your socks, it's going to get stinky in here if you don't."

Ashton looked like he was ready to pounce any minute now but thankfully River got to him before anything happened. "Sit."

He rolled his eyes and complied."Yes, daddy." He sarcastically remarked and took a bite out of his pizza, sending an evil gaze to Sunny.

Ever since yesterday and their pepper spray fiasco, both of them were at each others throats. It turned out that the pepper spray belong to Sunny's older sister. She had given Sunny money to buy her a pepper spray since she was busy with college work, so Sunny was beyond angry when Ashton magically had it.

We were at the school's garden, sitting at the pebbled ground with a grey mini foldable table in the center of our group. "You guys really need to stop trying to kill each other if we're going to spend period breaks together," I eyed them both.

I wouldn't be surprised if both of them end up together by the end of the year.

"She threatened to cut my dick!" Ashton exclaimed in disbelief. All of us only rolled our eyes at him.

He noticed our disinterest at the subject and shook his head in disbelief. "Why is no one talking about the potential loss the female population might get if that ever happened," He grabbed another pizza and practically inhaled it by how big his bites were.

"Because there isn't a potential loss," Aiden piped in.

"Shh," Ashton shushed him and I curled back in disgust at how his saliva sprayed at us like a hose. "Your jealousy can be sensed a mile away Aids. I mean, I would too if I had a someone as good looking as me."

Aiden rolled his eyes and took a bite out of his spaghetti not before muttering, "Yeah, it's not like we're identical twins or anything."

"You're sounding like River," I told him just as the first bell rang. Automatically, everybody except Sunny, Ashton and me didn't scarf down their remaining food and clumsily stood up.

Sam looked at me, "Spare?"

I nodded. "Spare," I confirmed. She gave me a pitiful look as her eyes switch back and forth between the two people who I would be spending the rest of my break with.

"I'll be fine, now go ahead and focus on studying." I shooed them away. They were going to be late if they don't hurry up.

Right as they were out of sight, River turned back and crossed his arms in front of me, the majority of his brown locks were covering his forehead. I hoped that they would've covered the jade green eyes giving me a hard and long-leveled stare down.

"You need to work on your acting. Curling back in disgust whenever I hold your hand on stage isn't going to win us a spot at the regionals." He told me.

Damn it.

I thought he forgot about that.

"I will, I promise." I nodded at him and noted how that was the fourth time I told him that.

I wasn't the touchy feely type. It's too weird and uncomfortable.

"You've told me that about ten times already,"

"It was only the fourth actually," I stated matter of factly. He looked like he wanted to start an argument or a speech of some sorts but I beat him to it. "I'll handle it," I sighed dejected. "I promise alright? Now get to class already, I'll meet you at four."

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded at all of us, jogging away. He turned to me with one last glare. I saluted him as he all walked away and continued reading my book.

Last night was hectic. Not only did my wounds gross me out to death but there was also the fact that Xavier had managed to smudge animal poop inside our house, mainly the living room making it smell like a rabid mammal decided to throw a party in celebration for its feces.

"Sunny," I asked her only to see both of them intensely glaring at each other. I knew just by how one of them would occasionally twitch that they were kicking each others under the table.

"Does Blake have any friends or peers?" I placed down my book not before using a dead leaf beside me as a bookmark.

When it comes to bookmarks, I'm a girl scout.

She looked at me in surprise, obviously not expecting my question. Immediately a smirk took over. "He has some. But only few. Blake Owens is not a social person. That's why I was shell-shocked when he was by your locker yesterday. By the way, I really am the bridge between both of you. If I hadn't called you would still be a blubbering mess hey ow!" The table shook slightly just as she slightly jumped on her seat.

"There is no bridge between the both of us or anything in the middle,"

"Yes there is," Sunny countered.

"No there isn't,"

"Yes there is," This time it was Ashton who said that. I stared at him not believing what he was saying.

"Your taking her side? I thought you were mad at each other!" These two really need to point out where they stand in each others boundary.

"Just because I want to kill her," He jutted out a thumb in Sunny's direction. "Doesn't mean I can't agree with her. Both our opinion are the same so I can't say that she isn't the bridge between Blake and you,"

"Why do you point it out like we're destined to be together and all that stuff, that doesn't happen in my life. High school will end soon and I need to focus on studying rather than chasing a non-existent love life." I shook my head at them.

Sure, the idea of having someone to stand by your side and care for you like a lover would will be one of the dreams I had in life, I am not going to risk my grades and future careers.

A boy was only one of my dreams, and I have many.

I was a tough nut to crack when it came to the love department. I know I wouldn't fall for the stereotypical Golden boy or bad boy and their flirty comment. I know my worth and I know that deep down if anybody would have any interest at me, they must first give me an important thing.

Respect.

And they need to deal with how my mind works. Dirty thoughts are always floating around there. I think it might need a full time working janitor in there if I want to keep it pollution free and not die of some scandalous disease when I'm older.

I want to be treated as an equal, not someone who cooks food and cleans the house for a living.

And plus, I'm pretty sure if I was in a relationship, I would be kicked out of my house for being involved in this type of things in a young age.

"Uh-huh," Both of them nodded unconvincingly.

I cried out in pain when I felt a kick in my ankle. "Holy shit iguana poodles." I smacked Ashton upside the head and gave him the meanest glare I could muster.

"Iguana poodle what?" He looked at me while rubbing his head.

Sunny clapped her hands not giving me an ounce of sympathy about my current state. "People! We are moving away from the main subject here!" I pinched Ashton's thigh making him snort-squeal like a pig high on cocaine but also had a bad symptom of a flu.

Sunny grinned at Ashton's dismay and turned to me. "As far as I know- and I've spent three years with him and Blake Owens don't associate often with human beings. His radar is quite small, not many try to talk to him and he doesn't talk to many so that's that I guess . I mean that's what I assume since the boy had never liked crowds."

My eyebrows scrunched and even if I don't say it I know I was the littlest bit relieved that he had friends. Lizbeth's comment must have caused something inside of me to stir. Look at me, caring and wondering about someone who wouldn't even spare me a glance.

"Oh, oh I know that face," Sunny's voice broke me out of my train of thought. "If you're worried, no. He doesn't have a girlfriend." That's not exactly what I was thinking but what she had just uttered made me curious.

"How would you know?" I asked her, my eyebrow arched.

"Zahara," She said in a 'duh' tone and pushed a piece of pizza in front of my face. I looked at it and when I confirmed that it was new, I bit it making a giant hole in it. She stared horrified at me like I had just committed a crime. Then she looked at me in disgust. "You have your saliva in it. Here comes the choo choo train~"

I obliged and chocked when she placed the whole pizza inside of my mouth.

"W-water," Ashton handed me his tumbler. He slapped my back while I was trying to swallow the pizza which resulted in me wanting to punch him since I was trying to eat and slap myself because I haven't drank the water yet.

Eventually I managed to swallow he whole pizza piece. I gulped down a plentiful amount of water and placed the tumbler beside me. "Z- zahara?" I asked her still coughing from the pressure.

"My cousin. She's Blake's friend. Best friend really," She lightly responded and I watched as both of them played 'who gets to get the last bite of nugget'. Their forks clashed and clinked.

"You dare challenge me peasant?" Sunny challenged.

"Speak to my Gucci shoes," Ashton had the tip of his tongue out as he concentrated on how to get the last food in the table. He managed to capture it and I watched as he smiled triumphantly, holding it up in the air like a trophy.

Wrong move.

I stood up and swiftly grabbed it, eating the whole thing is one solid bite.

"Remind me to not give you food for when I buy some," He narrowed his eyes at me. Sunny did the same.

I shrugged. "No promises." I smiled sweetly at him and grabbed my camera. Immediately Sunny struck a pose making me laugh at her.

I took a picture of her and laughed when Ashton gathered her curly hair and made a bun like style, his hands acting as a pony. Sunny slapped his arm. "Not now you peasant of an Ass,"

They began fighting, throwing occasional smiles at the camera whenever I clicked. I love how the power of camera works, they wouldn't want a bad expression on their faces because they know it would be a potential blackmail material.

That is if Ashton doesn't hack it.

"Bitch," Ashton smiled tightly as Sunny began to pull his nose.

Sunny only smiled mischievously at him and tightened her pinch. "Woof woof motherfucker."

I placed down my camera and separated the both of them. I don't know what they would do to each other if they would be so close. "What does she look like?"

"Black hair cropped short. All black clothing.British accent and thin nose. Oh and a depressed type of humor. She jokes about death," I opened my mouth. " She's just like that. Always has been since were kids" I nodded in understanding. I knew not all people who joked about death was suicidal or in a gloomy state. I just can't help but worry if things like that would happen around me. Lives matter. Whether you want to die or not.

I've heard the stories of suicides and the causes of it. Our town actually had one when I was in elementary school. A seventeen year old girl decided to end her life because she was pregnant with the father of the baby never wanting to see her face again.

Up until now it was frightening. It was frightening how or what other people can do.

I mean I admit I did thought of what it felt like if I would just die. Right then and there. And it was scary, it was scary to think that people didn't have any dreams or hope to live.

"You're zoning out again," I blinked. "Sorry,"

"Oh! I almost forgot," Sunny excitedly gushed making me lean closer to her. Her eyes had a certain spark as she spoke, "Year level elections starts tomorrow. Every year there are two parties that would go against each other and whoever wins gets to design and plan all this years festivities. Programs, Carnivals, themes, you name it."

Ashton snorted. "Basically it's all responsibilities. That doesn't sound appealing," He blew on his glasses, making it moist and wiping it after.

"Besides, no one's going to run for the positions. It's not like you're going to run anyway."

Sunny was deathly quiet.

"Don't tell me you- no way, you must be out of your mind." Sunny only responded by innocently blinking at Ashton.

"I didn't say anything,"

I let my eyes travel down her attire. She wore a cherry red off shoulder top with ruffles like a carefully decorated pastry aligned at the bottom. Her skin gleamed golden with the almost afternoon light. As I assessed her, I remembered the certain shaggy haired boy she was always with. "Does Logan know?" I asked her slowly.

At her hesitation, I knew the answer.

"You know you should at least tell him this first, I mean he is your best friend afterall." I scolded her as gently as I could.

Ashton spoke up. "Let me guess, he said no."

"Actually you're wrong. He said 'Absolutely no'," We both looked at her and raised our eyebrows.

She crossed her arms. "Is it really that bad if I run for representative?" None of us spoke.

After an internal debate and looking at Ashton for his opinion, I decided to tell her my honest answer. "Well... If you're a hundred percent sure about this, I'll support you."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up and her posture straightened. Wow she does want to run for the elections.

I nodded and gave her a smile. In my peripheral vision I could see Ashton massaging his temples. I eyed him. "Why the sour face?"

"Everybody knows whenever there's an election there is going to be a lot of fights and blackmail."

I poked his chest. "That doesn't happen if there's no bad blood between the two teams. By the way Sunny if you're final about running, we need to know who you're up against,"

"No need, I already know." She looked confident when she said this.

"Who?" Both me and Ashton asked. Her fingers clenched in a fist.

"Lila."

"Alright class, I will be grouping you into five to discuss and study about any fascinating object or being there is in our universe. Elephant, Pencil, Water. Anything at all. You will make a presentation about why you have chosen it and it's most mind-bending trait. Explain thoroughly but make it simple. Do not, I repeat do not use other languages except for English. Terms may be excluded." Mr. Yeezh, our English teacher let out a joyful grin that made me want to slam my head to the table.

The whole gang was in this class as well except for Logan and River. Sam was at the front beside Sunny who was always leaning towards her and talking in not so hushed voices. I swear I would be a millionaire with the amount of times they were shushed and glared by the others. Sam would apologize and Sunny would quiet down for about one minute before finding something to talk about again.

Aiden was beside me with Ashton on the other side. He was using his phone, scrolling through the internet while me and Ashton were doodling random things in my notebook. Right now we were in a battle of 'who can doodle the best penis'.

Don't ask.

Mr. Yeezh clapped his hands when the whole room was filled with groans. "If you continue making noise I will not give you the privilege of creating your own group." The voices deceased. "If I am correct there are thirty five students in this class. The deadline is tomorrow so I won't take much of your time. Go find your groupmates."

Automatically, loud chatter danced around me. Chairs scraping, hand tugging and a few students were fighting all because they want a particular person to join their different groups.

I rubbed my forehead when Ashton tapped it with a pen. "You are hereby a part of Ashton's sacred group of..." He paused for a dramatic effect.

"Dick Painters!"

I grabbed my notebook and pushed it at his face. He made a startled sound as I git up and trudged towards Sam, Aiden following behind me.

I tapped her shoulder and I noticed that Sunny was nowhere to be seen. She smiled at us and I know that we were group mates automatically. "Where's Sunny?" I asked her.

"I don't know. She said she wanted to introduce us to someone. She kept repeating it." Sam answered and glared at Ashton who tapped her forehead with a pen.

It was supposed to be gentle but then his feet almost slipped making the force much greater than what it was supposed to.

"Hey! What was that for!" Sam looked at him.

He didn't answer her and instead began standing still, his hand raised with the pen still in it. He looked at her with focused eyes and serious expression. "I hereby-"

"The scared ritual. No." He dramatically reached out his hand towards Aiden in a slow motion. The more I stared at him, the more his face looked like a punching bag.

Aiden grabbed the pen and pocketed it. "Oh shut up."

"But, but, the ritual."

"You'll live."

"Yes, but I'll be cursed!"

"Then even better."

Sam smiled at our best friend's craziness and I did the same. We wouldn't have got over Naiya's death if it weren't for his attitude. Even if it comes in the worst of times, Ashton will always put a smile on your face.

Not really but I need to promote him.

"Oops I forgot to mention. Since you kids are going to have to do this project overnight, your groups must consist of one sex only. All boys or all girls no excuses." Our teacher yelled and I remembered how there were twenty girls and fifteen boys in this class.

Oh come on, are you hecking kidding me. I hate groups because it would require interaction with people and now he brings this up? Is he for real?

"What? No way." Ashton whined and thumped his feet childishly. He crossed his arms and pouted. "I would have loved the news if I was gay, but I'm not."

"That doesn't stop anyone," Sunny's familiar voice responded. I turned around and saw her petite frame dragging someone along. She had short black hair with grey highlights .

Ashton looked deep in thought. "Hmm, you're right."I heard him being smacked at the back of his head. More likely by Aiden. I wanted to smack him too but my eyes were trained to the girl who was now in front of us

Black long-sleeved bodysuit with a cut that exposed her collar bones, black choker, black boots and black high-waisted leather shorts. Her brown skin looked healthy and offered a little bit of contrast to her style. Her nails were coated a matte black finish and I took note of her silver nose ring.

Everything was black but what had me curious were her eyes.

They looked dead. Like all the colors were drained. She looked like a fighter. Scarred and had to push her way through life but with a spark of dominance.

Her eyes assessed us all, raking us from top to bottom. She raised and eyebrow at me and continued on chewing her gum when she noticed me doing the same to her.

Zahara

A few minutes after the final bell had wrung, I was sitting at the passenger seat of our car with my mother at the driver's.

"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." I prodded my mother after she said no.

"I said no."

"But it's a project due tomorrow." We all had agreed that Me, Sam, Sunny, Zahara, and Blythe-who showed up late- to be groupmates on this project.

She dismissed my whines and looked like she was thinking hard. She turned to me. "Where did yiu say you where going to work at again?"

I fiddled with my camera. "VARA. You know, the building near-"

"I know where that is." She sternly told me. Okay, that was rude. "And I am sure that it isn't safe to work there. Especially at night. And all of you are teenage girls, what do you think would happen if I left you there. You could get raped, assaulted-"

I glared at the window beside me as my mother continued her lesson. I wasn't fazed when she started on telling me news and real life storues about how many treacherous things were done to young women like me.

"Mom," I tried getting her attention but she only continued her speech. "Mom," I tried harder.

She looked at me with a look on her face. One that suggests she had an idea. "I know, Would your friends consider sleeping at our house?"

I didn't speak, only staring at her with my jaw open. I have never been to a sleep-over before and now just like a snap of a finger we're having one in my house. Talk about ultimate mood swings.

I searched her eyes if she was bluffing and I couldn't help but grin when she she wasn't. "Mom, is that really you?" I couldn't help but ask.

Just as the words had left my mouth she rolled her eyes. My mother just rolled her eyes at me.

"I'll wait for you here, go tell them and ask if they're okay with it," She faced the front and pulled down the car visor, checking her face in the mirror.

I nodded at her and opened the door. I turned back to her which she responded with shooting me a curious look. I grinned and blew her a raspberry. Even though I have a weird relationship with her, I love my mother.

"Careful, careful," Xavier hissed as his foot connected with the bedside table. "I said careful, dumbass." I whispered the last part, afraid my mother would hear the curse word.

Xavier collapsed face first unto his bed. I went towards where his feet was floating at the end of the bed and gently tried to remove his shoes and socks. I held my breath as I was doing so. "Your feet smell like stinky cheese."

"You don't even know what that smells like," He got me there.

I finished taking off his socks and shoes and placed them in the corner. He looked pale and sweaty. He was still in his practice uniform with a faint bruise forming at the upper art of his left cheek. "What happened with you?" I sat beside him.

Me and mom had just gotten home when I caught sight of a limping Xavier trying to reach a box of fruit loops at the highest part of our cupboard. I immediately dragged a chair and stood on it, grabbing the cereal and eating it then helping Xavier rest in his room. We fought as we climbed up the stairs but he couldn't blame me since he was much bigger and heavier than me.

"It's just a minor sprain. I took a hit when we were practicing for the game next week." He grabbed his hairband(Sam had given it to him as a present and now he wears whenever he studies or reads) and placed it on his head. "Getting hit and getting hit on are two very different things, let me tell you,"

I rolled my eyes and played parkour around his room where pile of clothes, socks and other stuff that I wouldn't want to name where lying on the floor, "Who are you up against this time?" I went to his bathroom and I scrunched my nose up at the strong masculine scent that hit my nose.

"They aren't from here. Their name is Polis Blackbears even though coach calls them furry red because they have these red jersey jackets they always wear. I met their quarterback once, the guy was a douche. "

"Alright, enough bad mouthing, I got you painkillers." I tossed him the small bottle. He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head. "You know I have zero tolerance for these."

I shrugged and threateningly moved my finger close to his ankle. His eyes widened as he screamed out. "Okay! Okay! I get what you're saying but I'll be fine, just get me some ice will ya,"

I played with him and his vulnerable phase a little more before dashing out of the room in a hurry when he started gathering his pillow. Just as I opened the door I almost bumped right into my mother. She held a hand to her chest and scolded me. "Nevaeh Mis'xielle Wilson what have I told you about surprising me."

She hated surprises, saying how she might have a heart attack if we kids kept doing that. Given her age, I know it might possibly be true.

That didn't stop Violet though. Whenever mom would come home she would hide behind the door waiting with a grin. It was quite a sight, I might say.

Jordan was the first to do that then Naiya then Violet. It was so amusing that even dad decided to join in one time.

Him and mom decided to play a game of cat and mice. Us kids followed and laughed at them especially when dad had a frying pan shielding his head from my mom's fly squasher sword.

I only grinned at her.

She looked at me. "Your friends are here, I told them to come up. Oh and can you help me with the laundry basket? I haven't prepared dinner yet."She gestured towards the basket at the top of the stairs. I nodded and grabbed it, setting it down when I saw something completely bizarre.

"Your friends are coming?" Xavier limped towards me.

"You should be resting young man." My mom warned him as she descended the stairs.

I picked up the cupid themed boxer and raised an eyebrow at my brother. I was about to comment about his taste in undergarments when I heard a whistle behind me.

"Man, that's got to be limited edition." Sunny remarked making Xavier blush. He looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him right then and there.

Xavier snatched it from my hand and hopped back to his room. "For your info, I- It is limited edition!" He shouted.

I smiled at Sunny and offered to take her moderately heavy bag, leading her to my room. Blythe was behind her wearing a pair of green pajamas and phone on her hand. I admired her nails a little longer than I should have but you can't blame me since I never achieved those magazine worthy ones. She was a cute girl. She radiates elegance and grace and I had to admit I was jealous of her dimples. She had deep dimples in both cheeks that remind me of craters whenever she smiled.

Zahara still had the same clothes from school but now with black jeans. She, out all three of them had the least baggage. She looked scary, especially with her dark hued makeup.

Right as we entered my humble man cave Sunny turned around and raised her arms making the sleeves of her oversized sweatshirt flap. "Let's get this party started," She yelled and I stared in horror as she pulled out a small bottle of alcohol from her bag.

So that was why it was heavy.

Yes.

This chapter sucks.

And for that I am deeply sorry. These past few days it feels like my mind types more words than I could ever do and my words are jumbled with this nagging voice at the back of my head judging every sentence that I write. I am trying my best to catch up but I am still slipping.

Hence, this chapter and it's lack of being meaningful.

And yes, the title has changed. It went from The Good Boy's Die Hard Fan to Amateur Hearts.

All because of a note twelve year old had written.

Do people even read these.