The afternoon faded into early evening, with blood painted skies and brown shadow of clouds, the stadium blinded by the bright lights in every corner. The grass was wet from the light drizzle from earlier and I counted the steps I made on the floor, mud stain following behind me.

"I'm going to be sick," I burped, already full but still don't stop eating one French fry after the other. The tunnel-like entrance to the stadium greeted us, the downward u looking like a creepy clown emoji as we walked in. Violet was a few paces ahead, sporting a navy blue shirt a tad too big on her, the number 14 in bold, white letters printed on the back.

Lavender was beside me, clutching the side of my shirt with a tight grip while sipping furiously at the mega-sized soda cup in her hand, determined to not get lost in the crowd. She too had on the same shirt as her twin. The only difference was that she wore maroon plaid pants underneath the drowning fabric while Violet chose tights. I looked at the identical shirt I was wearing, only I had the original one with Xavier's school logo on the front, tucked neatly at the side of my skirt.

I heard obnoxious chewing beside my ear. I scowled at Ashton and his chips and the grin he made afterward. "So," he said, "Where's mama Wilson?"

"She's not coming," I answered, stopping short when he placed a chip in front of my face. I ate it. "Seeing Xavier get beaten up and fall to the ground while risking his life chasing a football reduces her life day by day. So she stayed at home for a while."

"Is that what you call it?" I craned my neck to my right to furrow my eyebrows at Lavender, urging her to elaborate on whatever it is she was saying.

"The football," She said. The bleak bleachers were on my line of sight and step by step we clambered up, occasionally run-hopping our way through with a few sorrys here and there because the child in front decided it was alright to step on people's things and not apologize. "The ball in football... is football? Is that what it's called?"

A fry fell from my grip and landed on my shirt, then on the floor.

No

I stared horrified at the yellow, crisp stick lying beside my feet like the world just ended. Like I had just been told I was adopted. Like Einstein danced his way back from the dead. Because it felt like all of them were happening at once.

Because that was my last fry.

And the game hasn't even started yet.

I wedged myself between Ashton and Lavender, at the farthest left side whilst stroking the stain on the collarbone of the shirt. I winced when someone blew a horn close to us, the noise loud enough to wake a day-long tired ant from a one-minute power nap.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Lavender clamp her ears and Violet close her eyes tightly. Like that would lessen the noise. That was a thing about going to crowded and boisterous places. At first, everything sounds like a bomb exploding in your eardrums, but as time passes by, they blend with every penny drop, crunch of wrappers, and shout of people cheering their favored team.

"Be careful!" Lavender wiped the stain on my shirt with a handkerchief.

"I am," I said. "I am careful."

"Then be more careful."

"This is me trying my best to be careful,"

"Ew. You disgust me," She glared, scrunching her nose with her lips jutted out.

I pinched her face, one hand cupping and squishing both her cheeks. Gently, of course, I would have mom to answer to if I ever did something as small as scratch her face. "Oh, I didn't know. I disgust you?"

She pulled back. Her face flushed bright pink, and I know just by her eyes that she would complain to mom with concrete evidence. No space left for me or anyone to argue. She looked away and a different spark fueled the flame within those green-grey irises—they look more grey than green now—and before I know it she's waving and waving and waving with such enthusiasm that I had to look at where she was looking.

"Dad! Here!" All of us soon followed, signaling and standing to let my father know where we are. It took a moment, but when he saw us, he grinned and came over.

I and Lavender looked at each other and we came to a silent agreement about dad's walk. Dad always had the best posture among all of us, like his torso and shoulders don't know when to relax. Maybe it's because of his job and his ability to stay professional always, but sometimes it was too much that even the way he walks extrudes boss, dominance, and, from what mom said, arrogance.

Then she remembers she's disgusted by me and scoots away, glaring.

"Did she get home okay?" Ashton asked dad.

"I just dropped her off. I called Mirri, and she woke up her daughter-,"

"Wait," I said. "She didn't fight you?" I asked because the Sam I know would've rapped an apology, all the while saying sorry and requesting to come back so she could support Xavier.

Dad paused. "Well-"

"Pigskin." Aiden's voice from behind snapped led us to focus on him. "It's called a pigskin," He was holding his phone, headphones around his neck, and hand on the front pocket of his jeans.

"What?" Dad asked. He sat on the other side, still in his work clothes, looking all polished and intimidating.

I drew a circle in the air. "The football ball. It's called a pigskin."

"So it's a pig?" He asked, but judging from the look on his face, he already knew the answer. That was another thing about dad. He enjoyed teasing and making jokes and acting like a kid high on candy whenever he's drunk.

I flashed him a dull show of my teeth, rolling my eyes and him rolling his back at me. That was the moment Violet got up and went over, sitting on my lap with her still facing me.

She tugged the band out of my hair.

"Gimme gimme, mine's pink," She loosened her grip and showed me her wrist that had a thin pink band.

I grabbed her arms, desperate to get her off me. "Get off of me you- ow, hey. Violet, stop it." She was untying my ponytail, letting all my hair out in its frizzy glory. She kept pulling at it, and the pain in my scalp was pulsing.

Unbearable.

All the adjectives you'll describe yourself feeling when someone unscrewed a cork, and it hit you directly in the face.

"Let go of me," I grabbed her waist and pulled, planning to throw her a good hundred feet away from me when a pair of hands reached out, yanking her away. She took the opportunity being lifted to slide the band out of my hair, effectively making my hair fall, a dark curtain in front of my face.

I wiped the hair out of my face, furious and furious and furious with all the shades of red imprinted in my mind. Maybe also in my face.

Ashton held Violet by the waist, lifting her up and dropping her on his other side. "Whoa. Hey. Calm down, little one."

I opened my mouth to scold her.

"Violet."

Even I flinched at the tone of my dad's voice. Aiden scooted a few inches away from him and I stole a glance at my sister, who was a brat a second ago, but still my sister. I watched as she glared at the ground, shirt crumpled and her right hand, the one gripping the hairtie, was on her lap.

The surrounding noise was boisterous and only a few watchers glanced at us like they couldn't care less if someone stripped in front of them. Then, "Violet, what are you going to say to your sister?"

We all looked at dad whose face was serious and all and everything parent-like. Simultaneously staring at Violet, all of us waited for her apology, not uttering a single word.

We waited.

I waited.

She was silent.

Oh, I'm a gummy bear

Yes, I'm a gummy bear

Oh, I'm a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky gummy bear

I'm a jell-

The buzz at the pocket of my camouflage skirt, mixed with the hushed singing of stretchy gooey bears that haunted my dreams when I was eight, alerted me. I glanced at it and swiped my thumb across, bringing it close to my ear.

"Hello?" I inquired, voice louder than usual.

"Where are you? The game's starting in fifteen minutes, and I just warmed up." Xavier's deep voice responded, the clamor of masculine voices intervening with each other in the background.

I glanced at dad and nodded my head. "Dude, we've been here for a while now." I stood up so fast that I grabbed Ashton's bony shoulder to steady myself. "Why? Do you want to see us now? Wait, no. Where are you? Let's meet up,"

At the end of my sentence, Lavender was already grabbing and gripping my left hand as we threaded against the mass crowd. Aiden was three steps behind us, Violet following close behind her twin. I wanted to thank whoever invented those spaces at the highest part of the bleachers, where rails barricade people from sitting on the walk because I absolutely despise walking headfirst in a crowd where no one seems to value the term personal space.

A few instructions from Xavier and we were on our way. We climbed down the stairs and turned left, heading towards the bottom part of the bleachers as a shortcut to get to the other side.

We've been here many times before that we know the shortcuts and the less buzzing paths. I recognized and memorize the halls here, especially on the principal building beside the stadium where the bathrooms and locker rooms are located.

Lavender suddenly stopped, making me glance back. "Ew, ew. Get it off, get it off." She said to no one in particular.

Violet reacted first, holding Lavender's face between her hands and blew repeatedly on her eyes. Dust must've fallen from the bleachers on top of us.

"Is it gone?" Violet asked.

"No, no. Just keep blowing."

She continued to blow air into her eyes. "Now?"

"Noooooooo, keep doing it. It hurts."

"Okay?"

"Okay," Lavender said. The area around her eyes was splotchy red from all her rubbing.

This is why only a few take this route.

I looked down when I felt something squishy below my feet.

And other things.

Kicking the piece of latex to the dimmest side where light barely crept through, I twirled around to check on Lavender's face and stopped. Aiden already has her in his arms, his forearm on her back, and he was picking at something from her eyes.

He held up something, but I couldn't see it clearly.

"An eyelash?" She asked.

He let her down. "Yup. Wait, don't you guys have that weird belief in these things? What was it again?"

"Close your eyes, Lav," I told her, Violet still shying away from me. Lavender did as she was told, and I laughed at how tight she did it. "Now, make a wish." I waited a few moments.

"Done," She breathed, voice filled with all the innocence a ten-year-old could ever conjure.

"Now, open. Then blow away your eyelash." I instructed. Aiden positioned it in front of her face and I watched as she blew it.

Then we were off, and this time Violet was holding Lavender's hand as we did so.

I was the first one to spot Xavier. He leaned on the wall beside the locker room, hair standing up in a way that signaled he ran his fingers through them one too many times and face slightly wet. He was already in his uniform, headgear being the only thing missing. His brows furrowed for a moment and he leaned to his left.

"Xavier!"

"Wait, Vi no—,"But it was too late, the kid was already charging towards him at full speed.

"There you guys are--," He winced at the impact, ruffling her hair then surveying the rest of us. He raised an eyebrow at me. "Rough day, huh? Seriously, what kind of rabid animal possessed you and laid a nest in your hair? Even my room is neater than that mess."

"Your sister."

"Which one?" He caught himself. "Never mind, I know who it is."

"Dude," Aiden and I stepped to the side as someone older than us approached him. His skin was dark, with hair so coily that you wouldn't notice their stringiness at afar because of how short he cropped them. "Why would you run away like that? I was just getting to the best part."

He noticed that Xavier had company, and he greeted Violet. "Hi,"

Violet, who was hiding behind Xavier, looked so shy than she ever did in her entire life. "Hello."

I shared a look with Aiden. Violet never said hello. Only hey and hi but never this formal. And judging by her expression, I immediately knew what was the case.

The boy made a move to get closer, but Xav pushed himself up from the wall and stared him down with a dark look. They peered at each other for a moment then, as if realizing what Xavier had done; he straightened up and raised his hands, backing up so he was closer to us. "Woah, Woah, wait. My intentions were pure, you sick bastard."

"I said nothing."

"Oh, don't I said nothing me. We both know what you were thinking," He did this repeatedly tiptoe thing while pointing both hands at the blonde who now had a serious expression on his face. "And I am offended and disgusted and, honestly, I think we should break up—"

"Enya?"

The male whipped his head towards me. "Nevaeh?" Then he was charging towards me with arms spread apart and my mind automatically came up with billon ways to avoid the hug. Kicking, punching, and pulling Aiden in my place were some few.

So I had to sigh when Xavier yanked him back by his hair. "Alright, that's it. What do you want, you lunatic?"

"It's funny," Aiden said beside me. "It always amazes me how he's so serious outside your house. Like, you'd think he would be the one to hug someone randomly when he's actually the type to lock them in a bathroom stall because they're a walking caution sign."

I nodded, still maintaining my eyes on them. Because it was true. And also because it was Enya, one of Xavier's friends that I actually got to meet and know. A question sat at the tip of my tongue.

My brother saw it coming. "He moved back at the beginning of this year. He's staying at his cousin's house."

"And you didn't tell me?" I asked incredulously.

He looked taken aback, with eyes wide and arms uncrossing. "I thought you wouldn't care. You only met the guy once."

"Still," I persisted.

"Ouch. Okay." Enya backed away, dusting off his jersey. He looked at me. "He's still a douche right?"

I threw a disgusted look at Xavier, playing along. "Yeah, yeah he is."

"How Old Are You?"

We all looked at Lavender, who asked that. Enya looked interested. "Eighteen. How about you?"

Lavender radiated warmth like she was happy to be asked that. "I'm ten. When did you get those earrings? "

"Oh, this? Three years ago."

"You were only fifteen?" She exclaimed in a disbelieving manner. "I thought only adults can get those." Walking to our brother, she knocked on his stomach. "Why don't you have one?"

Xavier sent Enya a sharp look. Enya registered what he just uttered and blinked, looking at Lavender then back to Xavier.

"Well, look at that. It's almost game time." He reached out, patting Xavier on the back in what was supposed to be a cool gesture, but it turned out to be awkward with him trying to keep his body meters away from Xavier's range of touch.

He walked away.

"Well?" Lavender asked impatiently, Violet coming to stop at Aiden's side. We were all in a mini circle now. "Why don't you have earrings like your friend?"

"He's not my friend," Xavier muttered.

"Then is he your boyfriend?"

I bursted out laughing, surprised by her response. Even Aiden was chuckling. "She's got a point, Xav,"

"What?—No. NO."

"Then what relationship do you have." Violet butted in.

"Acquaintances who happen to be teammates." He answered and I had to roll my eyes at his lie. It was obvious they were friends, him denying it was just a trigger because of his fragile masculine pride.

"What's an acquaintance?"

"A level below a friend."

"That means you're still friends, right?"

"No. He's not my-"

"You said a level below a friend, meaning the closest adjective you describe him as is a friend." I joined in, "So, yes, you are friends if you think about it." I looked at everyone for affirmation and they all nodded at me.

Ah, I love making my brother mad.

"Hey, guys." Enya passed by, with his helmet on and in complete uniform. "I don't want to ruin whatever bonding you're having right now, but, like—you know the game is starting in about ten minutes and coach will headbutt you to the ends of the Earth if you turned in late," He stared at Xavier directly in the eye. "Wilson.

"Folorunsho," Xavier nodded.to "Got it."

Enya left, leaving us alone, and that was the first time I noticed how deserted the area was. Everybody must have been getting ready outside for the game.

"Alright, you heard him, right? Let's do it."

They all looked in my direction. "What?" Why are they looking at me?

"You're wearing the jersey. You start the prayer." Violet glared.

"Oh, right," We huddled together, hands holding the others' hands, in a circle with our heads bowed and eyes closed. Well, at least, that was what it looked like to me, because I didn't close my eyes. My brain was too busy searching for words for the prayer that I was about to say, and all in that small second everything felt heavy. Aiden's hand felt too warm, Lavender's felt too tiny.

I closed my eyes. "Dear Heavenly God, we pray that you guide, and um, keep everyone in good shape--,"

After a full minute of struggling and panicking to think of a decent prayer, we all said 'Amen' and squeezed Xavier in an endless amount of hugs, a pre-game ritual of ours. When I saw that it was time to go, I coerced my sisters to get going. Lavender said one last goodbye, but Violet looked at my outstretched hand and stuck her tongue out.

I opened my mouth to scold her when someone beat me to it. "Wait—is mom here?"

"Nope, she stayed at home," I answered Xavier.

"Good." Huh? What did he mean by good? It's not mom's first time not attending his games. "And, uh—Vi?" He bent down to whisper something in Violet's ear, careful to not let any of us hear whatever he was saying.

Violet listened carefully, then her face flushed with anger and she whispered furiously back at Xavier, who quietly said something again. This went on for a few minutes before Violet, who looked defeated, nodded glumly and after whispering a piece of good luck to Xavier, walked over to me and grumpily snatched my hand, pulling me along with her.

I grinned at Xavier, "If you lose, you need to buy me three milk teas." I shouted as we got farther. A mane of brown hair swished for a moment beside the locker room that he was leaning beside.

"Ooh, me too!" Lavender exclaimed.

"Me three," Violet said.

I heard him yelling, "That's nine drinks! I can't even buy myself a milk tea, you little aliens."

Too bad we were already rounding the corner and under the bleachers.

We passed by three shadows, and I knew they were cheerleaders, with short skirts and hair pulled high back. The sound of the speakers announcing the start of the game rang so loud that we had to run back to our seats because of its aggressiveness.

It sounded like 'The game is starting and we want this to end smoothly so get to your seats you littering, loud-mouthed people.'

We arrived at our seats and it startled me when dad shoved a bottle of water in my direction. "You need to drink first." I gulped hurriedly and passed it to the others, just as I heard Xavier's name being called.

"Number 14, Wilson, Xavier Seigfried."

Our side of the crowd went into an uproar. "WOOOOOO! GO XAVIER THAT'S MY BROTHER!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, laughing and looking to my side where the others were cheering as well.

Violet was on top of her seat, and Lavender had one leg crossed over the other with hands around her mouth, shouting her loudest. Ashton was jumping and drunkenly spinning the bottle in the air, jumping in a weird pattern as he did so. Aiden was yelling and pointing fingers with me.

This was off to a brilliant start.

It was halfway through the game that I started noticing things.

How the players of the other team kept going in and out of the room in the middle of the match.

Of how the cheerleaders in our team kept doing the same.

Of how an hour later a brown-haired girl kept going in alone and coming out with the others in tow.

Of Xavier approaching the said brunette amid a break and her not paying attention to him.

She was all alone; I thought to myself as I observed her lack of includement with the rest of her teammates, who were laughing and whispering to each other.

I thought I saw someone push her out of the way.

Then the second break came. The cheerleaders of both teams were about to do their routines; the opponents first before ours.

It was weird how one post out of the three we have performed far too close to the edge close to us. It seemed more suspicious as I caught sight of the brown-haired girl. She was the flyer. She looked too familiar to me I can't draw my eyes away.

It was only when she fell that I screamed out her name.

"Xiamara!"

Someone softened her landing.

*in a sincere voice* hoe hoe hoe my deers, and a happy new year. 

i wish for your happiness and sense of familiarity with yourself this upcoming year. that despite your struggles and problems, you'll still have yourself to rely on and fight for. for the ones you love dear, hold them close to your heart and tell them you love them, not just romantically i mean, because hell a simple 'i love you', hug, or a peck on the cheek causes a greater impact than you know. i want to remind you that you are valid and it's okay if you feel useless, we all have those moments. as long as we know in ourselves that we'll persevere, nothing else matters. a toast to new beginnings and new chances, because God knows we all need it. breathe my dear. breathe.

*gets drunk on wine*

i finished this for a while now and planned to write another chapter so that i can give you two surprise chaps but my overthinking ass slept at 3am only to wake up at 8am and let me tell you i tried everything to fall asleep. 

also, i want to know, did you celebrate Christmas or nah?