"There is two feet of space between us and about a mile of separation"

~Rachel Caine~

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Aabha sat on the floor below the window, hugging her knees, unable to believe what she had seen, even as her mind coldly gloated, 'I told you, you were stepping into dangerous territory, hoping he would remember you, that somewhere his heart recognised you, which is why he was kissing you.'

And her heart admitted, 'He must have changed or maybe the one you knew was not the real one and this is the real one, the one who can simply leave a woman whom he kisses with passion and immediately goes to take another woman in his arms.'

Her mind instantaneously turned treacherous, 'do not be hasty, she is a good friend and nobody has gossiped about them so it cannot be that there is more than friendship between the two of them. Maybe it is some great news, there is no way a person who has a memory loss can change his personality. Can you just not wait for him to come back and let you know the reason?'

But Aabha had enough; those months of working in close proximity had taken a toll on her heart, she did not have the strength to find out anything. All she knew was that she was tired of reasoning and analysing everything that she heard and felt and the constant conflicting views of her heart and mind were beginning to fray her nerves. And at that minute she just had to leave before she broke down. With only one thought of not wanting to see Shaurya, Aabha gathered her hairpins, the scattered pages of the report and her laptop and stuffed them into her bag. Desperate to leave and not wanting to run into Shaurya, she took the service stairs and fled home.

During the journey home, she remembered what Shaurya had once told her, a long time ago, during those days long past when her home was in his heart and her place was in his arms, 'Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.' When she accepted his deal for the third time, she could not shake off a feeling of foreboding that this deal would also change her life. Twice she had made a deal with Shaurya, the first time she had unburdened her heart and the second time she had lost her heart to him and she had wondered what would happen the third time. 

She now knew, she thought. This time around, she had her heart broken by him.

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'Twenty days more for the wedding and she is back to being Dr Ice', noted Shaurya, with growing ire.

He would never be able to understand her, he thought, till a day before they were able to actually carry out pleasant conversations and when he had given in to the constant pull of his heart and kissed her, he had been elated that she appeared to reciprocate. Holding her in his arms was familiar and comforting and he was sure he heard her murmur that she loved him. Then when Tanu had called and he returned after meeting her, Aabha was gone.

Further, she had refused to answer a single call of his; even the calls from the landline had gone unanswered. Slightly worried, he had called Ishaani, only to be told that Aabha was sleeping and if it was urgent, she could wake her up. Shaurya had replied, "It is fine, Ishaani, nothing very important. Let her sleep," and had cut the call.

The next day she was back to ignoring him, though she did maintain a polite friendly face in his presence, which made it all the more difficult for him. She also seemed to know exactly what he thought, there was no way she allowed him a chance of catching her alone. This game of cat and mouse would have continued indefinitely had not the fates decided to be kind to Shaurya.

It was the day that Aabha had decided to skip lunch, as she was neither feeling quite hungry nor was she able to face any company at that moment. It was nine days since she had lost her head and kissed Shaurya, nine days of having that image of Shaurya hugging Tanushri branded on her mind, nine days of pretending that everything was fine. She needed some time alone and pleading a headache, decided not to join the team for the Friday lunch, it would be an extended one as it was their last Friday before the assignment was completed and she could not bear the pain of smiling when she was breaking inside. It was with relief she noted that it was also the last day she was required at the office as she planned to spend the next few days at home with Ishaani and help out with the wedding preparations.

Shaurya had also skipped the Friday team lunch, he had stepped out of the office for a meeting and had informed Reyansh that he would be delayed inordinately so there would be no point waiting for him. He strode into the near-empty office still bristling over Aabha's avoidance of him, it was a constant dull burn; and flinging his coat in his chair, decided to risk the vending machine coffee. Bursting into the pantry he pulled up short, standing beside the vending machine, staring out of the window and lost in thought, was Aabha.

He froze, unable to move, his eyes drinking in the sight of her. He did not have to see her face to know that she was tired and hurt and it was a stifling torment for him. He hated that she was hurting and that he could do nothing about it; unwilling to intrude but unable to leave, he called out to her. She whirled when she heard him call her name and her eyes blazed even as she stood defiantly facing him, contemplating whether she had to stay around him or forgo her desperate need for tea till she decided that ignoring him would be the best bet. Hence Shaurya's ultra polite 'good afternoon' was met with silence as were all his attempts at conversation.

Shaurya had enough, he did not care why he felt the way he did around her and was not too sure as to what he had done to entail such a reaction. He took a couple of quick steps and simply placed his left hand against the kitchen counter, blocking her way. But then Aabha was not to be intimidated easily, she gave a fiery glance and turned to the right. Shaurya did not care either, he was not going to give up either, he was tired of searching for answers for which he did not know the questions, he could not reason why this firebrand of a woman who always looked like daggers at him filled him with a desperate fury and a calm joy. He simply raised his right hand to the counter, effectively trapping her within his arms. 'So close and yet so far,' he thought as he looked into her eyes and his mind murmured, 'hazel depths of allure and charm, lulling you into that you have always searched for. Those depths are where you belong, where your home is.' Unable to think straight with that voice in his head, he said, "Till you give me my answers, I will not let you go anywhere."

She glared at him, leaning back in an effort to put as much as distance as possible between them, crossed her arms and said, "Fine, what is it that you want to know?"

As sheer relief coursed through him, Shaurya dropped his arms to his side, and asked, "Why are you avoiding me? One day you are all warmth and sunshine and the next day you turn to ice. One minute I have you in my arms, kissing me back and the very next instant you pretend like I do not exist." He cupped her face in his hands and murmured, "You confess to loving me and now we are here, where you do not even want to be in my presence."

When Aabha heard that she pulled herself free and turned away, she knew she had let slip that fact but she was not going to admit it to him, there was no way she would repeat her mistake of falling in love with him. Without turning around, she said, "Please Shaurya, that was just attraction and because I gave in to that temptation, it does not mean a thing. You know me for about, what, two months? And you think you know everything about me. Maybe it is normal for me to go around kissing attractive men, I could be one of those desperate women who simply throw themselves at men and ......."

She never had a chance to complete her angry tirade as she felt her hand being jerked and found herself flush against him, pinned by his arm twisting her wrist behind her.

She was too shocked to react but could feel the rage emanating from him and when she looked into his eyes, there was nothing there but icy cold rage as he fumed, "I do not understand anything about you but I am sure of it, I will not believe you to be a desperate woman. I only know one thing; there is no way you would ever surrender to any man unless you were deeply and irrevocably in love with him. I do not care what you think of me or what you delude yourself about your feelings but please, do both of us a favour and stop expressing such a disgusting opinion about yourself. I. will. not. tolerate. it. Do you understand?"

Aabha was stunned at his reaction, she had forgotten how quick he could be and how outraged he could get if anyone said anything against her, apparently anyone included her too. She did not know what to say, his wrath was a little frightening and his tight grip on her wrist was hurting and up and this close to him was disconcerting; she was determined not to lose her head again. She needed a minute to compose herself and allowing that image of Shaurya hugging Tanushri to flash before her eyes, she mumbled, "Shaurya, you are hurting me."

He released her hand, as though stung and closing his eyes, said, "I always seem to be hurting you, anything I do or do not do, it does not matter, I only end up hurting you."

That was when Aabha decided she had had enough, she hurt him and seeing him hurt, hurt her, it was a vicious whirlpool of emotions and she could not take it anymore but then she would not cry either, that was not what she was going to do. Staring at him, she countered "We had a deal, that we would be friendly with each other so that our assignment goes smoothly and we could try to be friends as our siblings were getting married. Once the marriage is done, we go our separate ways, right, that was what we agreed. And do not even bring up that word 'love' I do not believe in that word anymore, I might have, a couple of years ago, but no longer do. I hate you for that, for reminding me of the falseness and the irrelevance that word has."

She closed her eyes as if to reprimand herself and wearily corrected herself, "No, I hate myself and I am sorry that I agreed to what you suggested. In fact, I rue the day I allowed you to share my table and agreed to your first deal."

Shaurya looked at her, something was wrong; her words were supposed to be in anger but then he only saw pain in her eyes and heard the hurt in her words. He wanted to take her in his arms and soothe it all, hug her pain away and hide her from all the hurt. But he knew it was what he wanted, she did not want him or anything from him. He walked out of the kitchen without another word, uncaring about how he left Aabha behind; he had to leave before he broke all control and crushed her to him. 

Alone in the pantry, Aabha slowly sank to her knees, tears streaming down her face, as she conceded to herself, "I love you, Shaurya, I have always loved you. But I do not believe in you or that word anymore."

And another confrontation, sort of, with apparently no resolution of the confusion. It is not very long too, but if I continued, it would cross 3000 words, so stopped it here. But do let me know how you found it and their reactions, are they right in what they are doing, or should they actually try to sort it out in a different way? Or, maybe, they need a little nudge or a small push from someone - some love stories need a little help.

What do you think would happen next, would they sort it out or would it continue to spiral and spin them apart?

love,
Nyna