Dedicated to: Vca Ikalabinlimang Konseho "Quince"

Chapter 29: Escaped 

When I was still reading romance novels, I find it very exaggerating when the writer narrates how the female heroine's world started to slow down the moment her eyes locked with the man she loves the most. How the surrounding suddenly had dancing petals of flowers, how the butterfly flutters around her, and how the music seemed to whisper in her ears.

I thought everything was just those flowery words that would make the novel breathtakingly beautiful. But when I fell in love with Seiji Matsumoto, he made me feel all those feelings.

Na hindi ko akalaing mararamdaman ko. . . na hindi ko akalaing higit kong nanaising malunod.

It feels like I was sinking in the depth of the sea, with my hands extended trying to reach the surface, but as I closed my eyes, allowing the water to overwhelm me, Seiji with his small mesmerizing eyes, a little smile, and those familiar arms would wrap around me— pulling me closer with him, allowing us both to drown with our love together.

Seiji made me wish of nothing else but him. Na nagawa niyang higitan ang kasiyahang dala ng bawat tagumpay na nakampatan ko simula nang nabuhay ako.

If I could just pull him closer, if I could just wrap my arms around him. . . kung sana ay may higit akong kayang gawin sa kanya. Sa unang pagkakataon ay naramdaman ko ang panliliit sa sarili ko.

I am not enough for him, and his family— I will never be.

"I asked for an eternal trap, but this lifetime only gave me a sudden trap with you, bebe. . ." when I uttered those words, Seiji's hand on my arms started to lose its grip.

"Eve. . ."

Alam kong hindi lang ako ang higit na nasasaktan sa mga salitang binibitawan ko sa mga oras na ito. Ang tanging gusto ko lang naman ay bulungan siya ng mga salita ng pagmamahal pero hindi iyon ang mga salitang higit na tutulong sa amin sa mga oras na ito.

Seiji's family's already pressuring him. Sinigurado na nilang malalaman ko ang bagay na itinatago sa akin ni Seiji, inaasahan na nila ang sunod kong gagawin. How cruel of them to not even face me, and tell me straight how against they were in this relationship.

They're targeting Seiji, pressuring him, and forcing him to do something that he hates the most.

Umiiling na ako sa kanya. Marahan kong hinawakan ang dalawa niyang kamay na ngayon ay tila wala nang mga lakas. "L-Let's end this, please? Allow me to escape this trap, bebe. . ."

This might be the last time he'd hear my voice, our endearment, and my eyes lovingly staring at him.

Ilang beses na akong nagbitaw sa kanya ng mga salitang nagtutulak sa kanya palayo sa akin. Pero sa mga oras na ito, alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko na ito uulitin pa.

Handa pa akong lumaban noon, handa pa akong ipagpilitan sa kanyang kailanman ay hindi ako bibitaw, ngunit ngayong alam ko na ang lahat, saan pa ako hahawak?

Sa kanya na higit na nahihirapan sa sitwasyong ito?

Himeno was right— not everyone in this world can accept change. And as an outsider, a nobody, and someone who will not give any advantage to Seiji's family, how the hell will they accept me?

I will never fit in. There's no place for me. They had their plans for the very beginning, and Seiji loving a woman outside their standard was not part of it.

"I am sorry for insisting. Now I know why you didn't tell me everything, ako pa rin iyong iniisip mo, Seiji. You've been taking care of me without thinking about yourself," hindi na nagsasalita pa si Seiji, nanatili na lang siyang nakatitig sa akin.

I couldn't even see his expression because of his ruined face. Seiji hates this world and I want to pull him away from here, but how? How could I possibly do that?

Anong kapangyarihan kong agawin siya sa pamilya niya na gusto lang siyang protektahan at suportahan? I've experienced how my own family abandoned me. At hindi ko nais mangyari iyon sa lalaking mahal ko.

"J-Just like that, Eve? You promised me that you'll be with me forever," he said almost in whisper. Mas yumuko si Seiji para higit na makita ang mukha ko na bahagya nang nakatungo.

"But how? How can I do that? If I choose to be with you, your own family will abandon you. Everyone will turn their back against you. In your world. . . hindi ako ang kailangan mo. Sila. . ."

"Who told you—" I cut him off.

"Hindi na kailangang sabihin sa akin ang lahat. Tell me, what is your reason for keeping everything to me? Dahil ayaw mong malaman ko na hindi ako tanggap ng pamilya mo? You didn't want me to feel the same rejection I felt years ago. . . but Seiji, this isn't all about me! It's you! Wala na akong pakialam kung hindi ako kilalanin ng mga kapamilya mo bilang babaeng nagmamahal sa 'yo. But the fact that they are willing to abandon you just because of me?"

Akma na akong mag-aangat ng kamay upang hawakan ang mukha niya, ngunit itinigil ko rin iyon nang muli kong mapagmasdan kung gaano siya nais saktan ng sarili niyang pamilya para lang ipamukha sa kanya ang paghihirap na mararanasan niya dahil sa akin.

Hindi ko na naman napigilan ang luha mula sa aking mga mata, halos hindi ko na makita nang maayos si Seiji.

Bigla kong naalala ang mga sinabi sa akin ni Akio noon. Most influential and old families in Japan would always stick with their traditions and beliefs even years passed by. They hate change. Iyon ang isa sa mga karakter nilang kailanman ay hindi maiintindihan ng mga taong katulad kong malaya at walang pinipiling restriksyon.

And sadly, Seiji's been trap with their beliefs and traditions. At natatakot ako na ako ang maging dahilan para baliin niya iyon at talikuran siya ng mga taong higit niyang kailangan sa sitwasyong ito.

My love can't save him. My love can't save him from any bullets or bombs.

"I can do something else. Just please stay with me. H-How about our baby. . ." muli ko siyang pinutol sa anumang sasabihin niya.

"Seiji, can't you hear me? I want to end this. Not just for us. This unborn child deserves freedom. Nasisiguro kong katulad mo ay aagawan siya ng kalayaan sa sandaling dito siya ipanganak," sabi ko kahit na narinig ko nang sinabi sa akin ni Himeno na maging ang anak ko ay hindi tatanggapin ng mga Matsumoto.

Mas lalong hindi nakapagsalita si Seiji.

"Dahil kung hindi man ikulong ang magiging anak namin sa kanilang tradisyon, nasisiguro kong ganito rin ang magiging pakitungo nila sa magiging anak namin. Rejection. I don't want our unborn child to experience any rejection— bagay na naranasan ko."

"Eve. . ." mas lalong lumambot ang boses niya, akma na muli siyang hahawak sa akin nang iwasan ko ang mga kamay niya.

"I want out. You have a very influential family. They have connections in my country. They can settle this easily. I want to cut ties with you," iniwas ko na ang pakikipagtitigan sa kanya.

I wiped the tears on my face. Tumayo na ako at nagtungo sa cabinet. Funny how I mastered this kind of scene a long time ago, and how it hurts like hell when it actually happened.

Sobrang sakit na halos hindi ko na makita ang sariling mga gamit ko. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin habang nahihirapan akong mag-ayos ng mga gamit ko.

Nakatalikod man ako sa kanya, ramdam ko ang paninitig sa akin ni Seiji mula sa likuran ko. He's still there, on the bed, watching my every movement.

"Why is it so easy for you to ask for this? Have you ever heard me asking you to let you go, Eve?"

Hindi ako nagsalita at pinagpatuloy ko lang ang pag-aayos ko ng damit.

"Why? Is it because I am easy to replace? Is it because you have a lot of options?"

I bit my lower lip. Gusto ko siyang sagutin at sabihin sa kanyang hindi ko siya kayang palitan. He's never been an option, because from the very first place, it's always him. Sa sandaling lumapat ang mga mata ko sa kanya, kailanman ay wala nang umagaw niyon sa kanya.

It's always been Seiji Matsumoto. And I'll die loving him.

"Or maybe because you realized that I am really not fit for you? Did you grow tired of me? Was I too—" marahas akong lumingon sa kanya.

I glared at him. Alam kong narinig na niya ang mga rason ko sa kanya. Alam kong naintindihan niya ang mga sinabi ko.

He's just telling me these out of frustration, anger. . .

"You let go so easily, Eve, while here I am fighting for you. When you told me that you're willing to live the rest of your life trapped with me, I was the happiest man alive. But right now. . . were you lying that time? Was that a passing feelings? Just for a moment? Why is it easy for you to tell me those empty words?"

Wala akong mahanap na mga salitang maaaring sabihin sa kanya.

"I already accepted my fate in this cage since I was young. I never struggled. I never complained. I allowed them to decide for me. But when I met you, I felt freedom. I felt the word happiness. But right now? You're taking it away from me. . ."

"Seiji, you have your family—" tumayo na siya sa kama at malalaki ang hakbang niyang naglakad patungo sa pintuan.

Bago niya tuluyang buksan iyon ay tumigil muna siya habang ang isang kamay ay nakahawak na sa doorknob. He didn't even bother to look back at me.

"I will end this conversation. You can do whatever you want. In the very first place, our relationship was supposed to be our decision, but it was always yours. No matter how I begged, you will never listen to me. It's always the other people's decision, not mine."

For the very first time, I heard Seiji laugh sarcastically. "I really should get used to this after all, because even the love of my life didn't even give me a choice to be happy for my own decision. . ."

Hindi na ako hinintay pa ni Seiji na magsalita o sumagot man lang sa kanya, iniwan niya na ako sa kuwarto, at sa unang pagkakataon narinig kong marahas ibinagsak ni Seiji ang pintuan na halos nagpayanig sa buong kuwarto.

Seiji knew how I hate things moving by force. Higit akong natatakot kapag may naririnig akong ingay mula sa pagdadabog ng isang tao, dahil ganoon ang higit na takot na ipinakita sa akin ni Mommy. But Seiji with his anger forgot that little detail.

For the very first time, I witnessed how Seiji Matsumoto's anger toward me.

Hindi na pinalamig ni Seiji ang usapan namin, dahil hindi pa man nakakalipas ang halos ilang oras ay nagtungo na rin sa silid ko sina Kyohei, Tadashi at Kousuke Matsumoto.

"Your cousin is here," tipid na sabi ni Kyohei.

Tadashi assisted me with my luggage. Habang hindi makatingin sa akin ng diretso si Kousuke. Sinabayan na nila akong maglakad patungo sa pinsan ko.

Hindi ko na nagawang itanong sa kung paanong paraan nakarating agad rito ang pinsan ko. But everything is impossible to a wealthy family.

"I know that this thing will happen soon," panimula ni Kyohei.

"Kyohei!" saway ni Tadashi.

"The elders allowed Seiji with the thought that he'd soon end the relationship with Sidra. They all expected that he's just enjoying his youth while playing with a beautiful foreigner— that he'll come back with this perfectly made girl for him. But when they heard the wedding and how Seiji would do everything against our family's rules?"

"I thought they will just let this slide—" naiiling na sabi ni Kousuke.

Kyohei huffed. "You wish."

"So, who asked first?" tanong sa akin ni Kyohei.

"Can't you stop asking her like that?!" iritadong sagot sa kanya ni Tadashi. "Eve, you don't need to answer him."

Kousuke clicked his tongue. "Seiji will not ask her to leave."

"You've already witnessed Seiji's scenario, Tadashi. I think you can still stop your dream---"

"Don't talk to me, Kyohei Matsumoto," madiing sabi ni Tadashi.

Sa tuwing sinusubukan akong kausapin ni Kyohei, si Tadashi ang sumasagot sa kanya, habang si Kousuke naman ay sumasali rin sa usapan. Hinayaan ko na lang mag-usap ang magpipinsan habang lutang ang isipan ko sa susunod na mangyayari.

When we reached the living room, Seiji and Akio were sitting on the sofa's across to each other. Agad tumayo si Akio at malalaki ang hakbang patungo sa akin para yakapin ako. Seiji didn't even glance at me.

"I want to go home," bulong ko kay Akio.

He didn't ask more, he just nodded. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag-usapan nila ni Seiji pero sa nakikita ko, wala nang balak pang makipag-usap sa akin ni Seiji.

Kinuha na ni Akio ang maleta ko at hinawakan na niya ang kamay ko. Naglakad na rin ang magpipinsang Matsumoto patungo sa posisyon ni Seiji na nagsisimula na rin tumayo.

And when his eyes turned to look at me, he sighed in defeat. Kapwa na nakatayo sa paligid niya ang apat niyang pinsan at nagmistula ang mga iyong maliit na daan patungo sa akin.

I suddenly remembered our small wedding with his cousins and friends along the aisle, happily witnessing our love, but now's different.

Inangat ni Seiji ang dalawa niyang kamay at nakita kong unti-unting niyang tinanggal ang singsing sa daliri niya— our wedding ring.

"I don't think I can throw this. You can do something with this ring, after all, you're the one who asked for an escape, Everleigh."