Dedicated to: Rose Anne Felicidario

Chapter 16: Masked

I didn't expect anything sweet approach from him right after what happened that night. Ganoon naman talaga si Seiji simula nang makilala ko siya. He's never been sweet. He's as cold as an ice. And I'm sure that he's even colder when he hasn't met me.

I should curse him for that, but shouldn't I blame myself as well? Ganoon na siya nang nakilala ko, but was it my mistake to hope that somewhat I partly changed him for good? That I somewhat gave color to his boring and silent life. Pero sa lahat nang ipinararamdam niya sa akin, I felt like he's still there inside his own bubble and he's not sharing it with me. He's secluding himself and he keeps putting restrictions. Hindi niya ako kayang yakapin sa mundong itinatago niya sa akin.

At hindi niya napapansin na itinutulak niya na ako sa paraan niyang iyon.

Hindi ko man lang nakita ang anino ni Seiji ng halos isang buwan pero alam kong may mga taong nanatiling nakapaligid sa hindi ko maintindihang dahilan.

Maybe his men? Or whatever gang he has.

As a famous actress I'm already used threats against my welfare, pero hindi ko akalain na sa sandaling magpakasal ako sa lalaking mahal ko ay triple pa ang mararamdaman kong pangamba— sa ahilang hindi niya maibigay sa akin.

Yes, Akio and my friends were always here for me. Pero tama pa ba itong ginagawa sa akin ni Seiji? He's been keeping me in the dark.

Huminga ako nang malalim bago ko sinundan ang tingin ng nalilipad pa lang na eroplano. Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa maleta bago ako lumingon pabalik sa mga kaibigan ko na nakasunod sa aking likuran.

I adjusted my aviators and gave them a fake smile.

"Are you sure about this?" tanong sa akin si Tanya.

"Of course. Kahit hindi ko naman ipaalam kay Akio o kay Seiji nasisiguro kong malalaman din nila kung saan ako naroon."

"Hindi ka ba mag-e-enjoy kung sasamahan ka namin?" nag-aalalang tanong ni August.

Tipid akong ngumiti sa dalawa kong kaibigan. August and Tanya are known for being the friends of everyone, halos ang mga kilala at ma-impluwensiyang babaeng kilala ko ay kaibigan nila. They're not just friends but a family to me.

As a famous actress who has it all, mahirap nang makakita ng totoong mga kaibigan. I've become an endless subject of envy, na halos iba't ibang paraan na ang gawin ng ibang tao sa akin para sirain ako at hilahin pababa.

That's the reality of life, not everyone will be happy with your success, not everyone will give you a genuine smile in your every achievement, and not everyone will agree that you deserve it. Not everyone will pat your head for a job well done, but instead, they'll find different kinds of rope to pull you down— worst they are dressed as your friends or even family.

But I am glad that I've found gems— real gems without hidden poisons.

Binitawan ko iyong maleta ko at niyakap ko sina August at Tanya.

"Thank you for being there for me. Hindi ko na siguro alam ang mangyayari sa akin kung wala kayo o kaya'y si Akio. You been here simula nang ang sarili kong pamilya ang tumalikod sa akin, at ngayon naman. . ."

"Ano ka ba, Eve! Seiji's not abandoning you, he's just—" naiiling na lang si Tanya sa salitang gusto niyang isunod.

"He's just being a jerk. He's a coward asshole," dagdag ni August.

"Yes," maiksi kong sagot.

Nang kapwa na namin marinig ang announcement ng airport, muli kaming nagyakapan bago ako humiwalay sa kanila.

If Akio and Seiji were expecting that I'd hide somewhere that would make it difficult for them to find me, nagkakamali sila. Why would I go somewhere too foreign to me?

Of course, I'll just go to Japan. Dahil tapos na naman ang taping, magagawa ko nang gumala mag-isa. Isa pa, hindi ko pa masyadong nagagala ang Japan dahil nang huli kaming nagpunta roon ni Seiji ay spring at inaatake siya ng allergy.

Seiji's always been the kill joy. Isa pa, I never experienced traveling for leisure. Karamihan ng pagpunta ko sa ibang bansa ay parte ng trabaho ko. This time, sisiguraduhin ko na mag-e-enjoy ako.

The four hours of air travel wasn't good at all. And the girl beside me made it worst, why would she read that book?! To all the fucking books in the world! That book I used to let go of Seiji. It was a limited edition, at talagang sa tabi ko pa niya iyon binasa?!

I thanked the eyeglasses and the maroon sarong I used to cover my face. Wala na akong pakialam kung isipin nilang mukha akong eyewitness na pilit itinatago ang mukha.

I know that moment I landed on Japan, I'd feel the freedom again. Walang basta na lang lalapit sa akin para magpa-picture o kaya'y titingin sa akin nang matagal at tatawagin ang pangalan ko. In Seiji's place, I am just a beautiful foreigner. Hindi ako sikat na artista kundi isang traveler lang na nag-uubos ng pera.

My little knowledge in Nihonggo made it easy for me to communicate with the people. Since I've made a reservations, naghihintay na agad ang sasakyan na magdadala sa akin sa hotel.

Bago pa man ako sumakay sa van, I could see the difference between my country compared with Seiji's. Kaya hindi na rin ako nagtataka kung bakit pilit niyang sinasabi na mas magugustuhan ko rito. Everything is organized, convenient, and of course, clean. As a tourist, I never felt threatened about the possibility that someone might snatch my things— a difference that's hard to accept.

From Nagoya airport, I have to travel a few hours again to Kyoto. Bubuksan ko na sana ang van nang may kamay nang nauna sa akin. I was expecting it was the driver but I saw a very familiar face.

Kyohei Matsumoto.

"Hey," he gave me his smallest smile. Mukhang napilitan pa.

Unlike his typical business aura, my eyes twitched a bit for his little changes. Parang hindi na siya iyong kontrabidang pinsan ni Seiji na hindi sang-ayon sa akin kundi naliligaw na hapon na inutusan at napilitang pumayag. He looked younger today with his white sweat shirt, loose khaki pants, and a white nike cap.

"I am here to travel alone. If Seiji sent you here—"

"I sent myself."

"So, he doesn't have any plans to—" nagkibit balikat siya.

Hindi ko na pinahaba ang usapan ako pumasok na ako sa van. He sat beside the driver at ramdam ko ang ilang beses niyang pagsulyap sa rear view mirror.

"I warned you before. Seiji's not just someone else. But you insisted on seducing my cousin."

I huffed while looking outside the window. Mas dumiin ang pagkakakrus ng braso ko.

"If you're here to blame me for the choice I've made, please stop the car and go outside. I am here for a vacation and not for a lecture from a Japanese. And I never seduced your cousin, excuse me! Siya itong habol nang habol sa akin simula pa lang!" wala na akong pakialam kung nakakaintindi ba siya ng tagalog o hindi. Bahala siya sa buhay niya.

"Honto?" he asked humorously.

Hindi na ako sumagot. I heard him chuckle. Simula pa lang talaga ay hindi ko na gusto itong si Kyohei. Ano ba ang naisipan nito at bigla na lang sumakay sa van ko?

Sa pagkakaalala ko ay ako ang nagpa-reserve ng sasakyang ito. He's illegally having his free ride!

"He only needs time."

"I gave him enough time. And please, I don't want to talk about your cousin. Bahala na siya sa buhay niya."

Hindi na rin nagsalita pa si Kyohei hanggang sa makarating na ako sa hotel.

"Are you sure that you want to stay here? I can recommend somewhere more—"

"Luxurious? This hotel is enough. Isa pa, hindi magandang hotel ang pinuntahan ko rito. I want to travel to the best spots. So, go," I waved my hand in dismissal.

I booked a hotel in Stay Sakura. I reviewed the ratings before reserving it, and the tourists were all satisfied, with the staff, facilities, and locations.

Iyon nga lang walang parking space na hindi naman problema sa akin dahil wala naman talaga akong dalang sasakyan. Kaya wala rin ibang dahilan si Kyohei na magtagal sa harapan ko dahil sa van ko lang siya puwedeng sumakay.

May sasabihin pa sana sa akin si Kyohei nang talikuran ko na siya. Kilala na niya akong may pagkamaldita at wala na akong balak baguhin ang imaheng iyon sa kanya.

That night, I forced myself to sleep without thinking about Seiji Matsumoto. But I failed, all I felt were tears gliding down my cheeks— na inakala kong ubos na.

I woke up early in the morning. I used an app that I could rent a taxi to pick me up and I proceeded with my travel plan. I wore a long silk khaki skirt and a fitted white ruffled top, put a straw hat on my head, a small sling bag, and huge eyeglasses to cover my swollen eyes.

It took only a few minutes before I arrived at my first destination. It's a place where tourists can rent a yokata— traditional Japanese clothing.

Sinalubong agad ako ng mga haponesa na nakauniporme ng puti at itim. I didn't exactly understand what one of the ladies asked me, but when I've heard the root word, alam kong tinatanong niya kung may reservation ako.

So, I said yes.

Kung sa Pinas ay halos ipakita ko na ang balat ko, dito sa Japan ay mararanasan kong sobrang balutin ang katawan ko. One of the ladies assisted me on choosing the best colors, designs, and accessories that would suit me.

Since I've been using sexy colors in the Philippines, I've decided to choose bubbly colors. Not the typical Sidra Everleigh style with her red, black, or silver. I picked baby pink with a combination of yellow and white. They even asked about my desired hairstyle, the flowers, and other ornaments that would compliment yokata.

When I'm done choosing my yokata, accessories, hairstyle and make-up, the lady who were assisting me led me to the next room where every woman who rent yokata were dressing-up. Napapalibutan kami ng malaking salamin, mga babaeng unipormado na inaasikaso kami, at mga babaeng hinuhubaran.

Sanay na ako sa ganoon dahil nang mga panahong nagsisimula pa lang ako sa showbiz ay may mga kasama na rin ako sa dressing room, but to see this in different way with women dressing in pure white— like a virgin offering is a different experience.

Nang hubaran na ako ng haponesa na nag-aasikaso sa akin, hindi nakalampas sa akin ang reaksyon ng iba pang mga haponesa na binibihisan nang saglit na humantad ang kabuuan ko na tanging panloob ko lang ang nakikita. Every part of my body is healthy. Hindi ko mapigilan hawiin ang buhok ko at bahagyang iangat ang ulo ko.

Well, I am still Sidra Everleigh Rosilla, one of the sexiest women alive.

Gandang-ganda pa ako sa sarili ko nang maramdaman kong nagsimula nang magtali sa aking katawan iyong haponesa. She started putting endless laces on my tummy, numbers of covers, ties and such na halos hindi ko na mabilang. Halos hindi na ako makahinga nang maayos nang matapos siya sa kakatali sa katawan ko na parang isang suman.

Hindi na ako nakapagreklamo nang iharap na ako muli sa isang salamin at ayusin ang mukha ko. They started styling my hair with all those accessories I've picked before. Hirap na hirap ako sa paghinga bago matapos ang pag-aayos nila sa akin.

When I asked a fellow Filipina who happened to be renting as well that day, she told me that it's normal. Talagang nasanay lang ako na ang mga suot ko ay laging labas ang kaluluwa, kaya ngayong balot na balot ang katawan ko ay parang hindi ko na kakayanin.

When everything was done, from my yokata, make-up, hair and accessories, the lady assisted me outside. Hirap na hirap pa akong maglakad dahil sa suot kong medyas sa di-sipit na pang-paa.

But I endured everything because I want to experience the presence of Japan. I want to entertain myself away from the thoughts of him.

I chose my next destination that I thought I'd only see on Instagram. Siguro sa mga katulad kong mahalaga ang career at puro trabaho na lang, hindi ko na naiisip gumala kaya nang sandaling makita ko ang lugar na gustung-gusto ko pakiramdam ko higit na bumagal ang oras.

It wasn't spring or autumn, the weather was gloomy without the peeking sun, I slowly walked with minimal footsteps, a delicate small traditional red umbrella in my hands, dangling hair accessories near my ear, the lingering sounds of the old gong, prayer bells, prayers, and a huge red temple behind a tori gate atop on the long stoned stairs.

The wind whistled with my hammering heartbeat, with the familiar figure standing at the top of the long stoned stairs, between the arc of the tori gate, in front of the huge red temple— wearing a navy blue yokata, perfectly fitted with his iconic built.

He slowly put down the white cat-like mask on his face that I've seen in movies. And there with his eyes, I loved and hated the most. . . I suddenly felt like Seiji Matsumoto owned this place.