Leah

I rushed into the girls' bathroom and ran straight for the sink. Grabbing onto the white porcelain, I stared down into it. Breathing in and out deeply. My breath short as if I weren't taking in enough air, as I tried to control the sudden surge of emotions that flooded my mind.

He had seen it. He had seen the very thing I worked so hard to keep hidden. He had seen my darkest secret.

He had seen my scars.

Images of that night filled my mind, at the thought of what he had seen. That awful night that replayed in my mind many times before, did so again.

Breathe Leah, breathe.

And even as I chanted those words within my mind, my breathing continued to be laboured. Unable to breathe normally.

I tightened my grip around the edge of the basin as I tried to control my breathing. Fighting to control it, as my thoughts and emotions rushed through me.

Panic slowly set in. I could feel it as my throat started to close up. My chest tightening, my ability to breathe, becoming more difficult.

Breathe Leah, breathe. Slow deep breaths, just breathe...

I kept chanting those words through my mind. I kept chanting them, knowing that they usually got me through such a time and yet, in this moment, it wasn't working. At this very moment when I needed it most, it wasn't working. My only hope of getting through this, somehow broken.

I could feel a lump in my throat as a sob worked its way slowly up it. As I somehow had the strength to cry, yet not enough to breathe properly.

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I looked up into the mirror. My eyes shining back at me, glossy with held back tears.

My emotions crashed like waves within me, anguish, sadness, hopelessness, weakness, despair. I could feel them all coursing through my body, through my veins as that night replayed.

My chest tightened as the recurrence of that night ran through my mind, my breathing becoming harder as I stood there. I tightened my hold even further on the sink, hoping that holding onto something would help me calm down. Hoping with all hope that I could somehow find it within myself to stop whatever was happening to me.

People would call this a panic attack and it sure felt like one, but I stopped having those a long time ago. I stopped having them. I didn't have these problems anymore, because I didn't need anyone to look after me. I could look after myself.

As these thoughts rushed through my mind, my chest became less constricted. Allowing me some reprieve for a second, before it tightened once again. At the sudden restriction, my breath hitched within my throat, as a sob tried to escape.

The tears that I had held back were now forcing their way out, as I tried to force them back. Holding all except for one, as that one lonely tear, slowly made its way down my cheek.

I stared at myself as I tried to get a hold on the rush of emotions. Trying to stop the panic attack, which I knew was happening. Standing there, I stared at myself, as my vision blurred and stars dotted the ends of it. Hoping that I wouldn't black out due to a lack of air.

Hoping that this would just be over.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Ms. Rebel." A familiar voice said behind me.

I stiffened at their words as I dropped my gaze towards the sink. Not allowing her the luck of seeing the anguish and other emotions on my face. So that she couldn't see the trail that single tear had left on my face.

Air rushed back into my lungs as I dropped my gaze. The tightness in my chest slowly disappearing, as the emotions that swirled and rushed within my mind, slowed. The sudden rush of air burning my lungs.

I stood there and held onto the sink for a minute or two more, ignoring the sneers behind me as I finally got some control over my wild thoughts.

"Are you deaf?" I heard her snap.

I hadn't heard her come in, considering the shit I was going through, but her sudden appearance was appreciated. Without her interruption, I might not have gotten through that. Without her interruption, someone might have come in to find me unconscious on the floor.

So for that I had to thank her, but I definitely wasn't going to do so in person.

With everything back under control and my panic attack gone. I stood up straight, composed myself and let my usual mask of disinterest fall back into place.

"You better answer me, Leah." the girl behind me snapped, clearly irritated that I dared to ignore her.

Checking that I could breathe properly, I took in a deep breath before spinning around to face her. My usual smirk stretched on my lips.

"Milena, darling," I drawled. "Long time no see, oh and I see you have your cute little lap dogs with you. Aww how cute, such good doggies," I carried on as I pretended to talk in a baby voice to the two girls standing behind her.

The glares that I received from the girls were hilarious to see, while Milena stared daggers back at me. Neither one of them finding it funny.

"Oh aren't you guys just the cutest. You do those outfits justice, might I add. Though you two don't shine as much as Milena here does, rocking those outfits with such ugly mugs of yours," I said with a chuckle.

All three of them gasped in surprise at my words, as they turned to look at each other's outfits and then their faces. Trying to make sure that everything was perfect and not as I had stated.

Ebony and Trisha were the two girls that stood with Milena; two girls who were a part of her usual group of 'friends', that sometimes followed her around like lap dogs. This trio however, was usually only a one man group made up of Milena.

The other girls knew not to mess with me, while Milena liked to learn that on a daily basis, in the form of the hard way. Milena also had a 'bestie' who wasn't in our presence, which was cause for some questioning.

"You better watch your mouth," Milena sneered.

Looking at her for a second, I glanced down at my mouth, only to get a blurry view of my nose. "Uh... that's a bit hard to do," I said scratching the back of my neck, sheepishly.

Milena scoffed as she pushed passed me and walked over to the sink. Her posse, following close behind, as they tried to ignore my presence and instead paint their faces.

Milena Clark, was the Queen Bee of South Side High, who kept herself all high and mighty in this school, as if she ran it. Since most of the kids here had stinking rich parents- including Milena and her little girl band.

They all dressed up in high fashion clothes, drove high end cars and wore the most expensive make-up on their faces, while always looking down at their expensive phones.

Milena ran this school with not only her good looks and bitchy attitude, but also with her parents' money. Since they were benefactors of the school, they had some say on the school board, which affected us all.

Other than that, she was just an ordinary slightly tall girl who was shorter than me, outside of her six inch kitten heels, with blonde hair and brown highlights. Milena had brown eyes, a heart shaped face, straight nose and rosy lips that were always covered in lipstick.

She sported flashy manicured nails, and had a tanned complexion, which if I took a guess was sprayed on.

"Can I ask you a question?" Milena asked, turning to face me while closing her lipstick.

"You just asked one," I stated with a smirk. Enjoying the small amount of fun I was having, while I was still trying to get a hold of my emotions.

"What's this nonsense about you and Cameron being together this holiday?" Milena asked, narrowing her eyes.

At the mention of Cameron, I watched as her minions looked on in interest. Their interest in fixing their make-up, forgotten at the mention of the rumours spreading within our school.

"Ah so you heard the rumours," I said as I glanced down at my non-existent nails.

"Oh, I've heard them and I don't believe them," Milena said in a hard voice.

"Good, then you should really ask Cameron about them since he's the one that started it," I shrugged, before turning to leave the bathroom, having lost interest in Milena and her clown group.

"What?" Milena shouted.

"Oh, you heard me," I said over my shoulder and walked out of the bathroom just as the bell rang.

Turning, I headed down the hallway and in the direction of my next class, when Sean came out of nowhere. His eyes met mine, and my heart stopped as everything that happened came rushing back.

The fact that he had seen my bruises, seen my scars, that he had seen my deepest darkest secret. It all came rushing back as I stared at him from a distance. He looked at me for a moment before making his way towards me.

It was then that it all came crashing down around me. My emotions snapped free once more and my chest tightened again as my breath hitched. My skin felt clammy as the walls seemed to close in around me.

My eyes widened at the tell-tale signs of another major panic attack.

Watching as Sean pushed his way through the crowd towards me. I glanced into his grey eyes for a second longer, before something within me snapped.

I turned and fled.

People gave way to me easily when they saw me coming. Moving out of my way within seconds of noticing me and my mission to leave. As I soon found myself at the front of the school again, having lost Sean in the sea of students, I ran out the door.

I ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore. My breathing became laboured from running, my skin sweaty, instead of clammy, with the feeling of freedom surrounding me as I stood on the side of the road, breathing heavily.

I stood there and caught my breath for a few minutes, before sighing heavily. Pulling out my phone I looked through my contacts before letting another sigh leave my lips. There was no one to call, no one who would understand. No one who wouldn't lecture me on skipping school or on facing my fears.

There was no one.

Glancing down at my phone once more, I called a cab as I sat down on the side of the road and waited for it to arrive. Hoping that it wouldn't take too long.

* * *      * * *

"Another, Randy," I said motioning towards my empty glass.

Randy was one of the bartenders at a North Side bar that I frequented. A broad shouldered man with slight bulging muscles. He has a square jaw, crooked nose, brown eyes and straight cut brown hair.

All in all, a good-looking specimen of a man, who made good drinks.

"I think you've had enough," he said with a stern look.

"Oh come on, I've paid my dues," I said rolling my eyes, "Now hit me with another."

"Shouldn't you be in school?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Shouldn't you mind your own business?" I shot back.

"Hey, it's my business to be in everyone's business," he said with a cheeky smile at me as he refilled my glass.

"No, it's your business to serve people drinks. The fact that they spew their problems to you is just an added bonus," I explained, as I swirled my newest drink around my glass.

My mind drifted back to what happened earlier today, as I stared down into my drink. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how the alcohol had made my arrival at the bar hazy, yet had left what happened earlier untouched.

I could remember everything that happened this morning, yet somehow I couldn't remember how I had gotten here.

My run in with Sean, in Vicky's office this morning, plagued my mind as I sat there. Even as I downed drink after drink, it stayed there. I tried over and over again to drown it out with alcohol, but it wasn't working. It was like it was etched into my mind, to never be forgotten, just like that fateful night.

My phone vibrated next to me again, for the umpteenth time, as I sat there and drowned my sorrows, failing at it badly. Glancing over at it, I noticed that I had received another message from Grace.

She had sent me several texts within the first hour and a half of my absence. And now after I don't know how many hours, she must have sent me twenty messages or more. I wouldn't know since I had ignored them all.

"Shouldn't you get that?" Randy asked, breaking me from my thoughts as he came to stand in front of me.

"Huh?"

"Shouldn't you get that?" he repeated, motioning towards my phone that continued to vibrate on the counter beside me. This time instead of a text, it was a call.

"Not important," I mumbled, flipping my phone over, before lifting my glass up in a toast and downing it.

Randy nodded, before getting back to stocking up the fridges that he had been busy with, since I had walked in. Slamming the glass on the counter, I motioned for Randy to pour me another.

Concern crossed his face as he looked at me, making me pause for a second before I shrugged it off.

"Be back in a sec, I gotta piss," I said, motioning once again at my glass, before I got up from the bar stool.

I stood with my hands on the counter top, making sure I was steady on my feet before I tried to move. Randy watched me closely as I stood there, opening his mouth to say something, but I stopped him by holding up a hand.

"I got this," I said with a cheeky smile, before heading towards the bathroom, holding out my hands in front of me, like a zombie, as it was the only way to keep my balance.

I used the bathroom, which for a shady looking bar in the North Side, was pretty clean. Except for the vandalised toilet paper dispenser and the wall which held a lot of gibberish, the toilets were pretty clean.

While washing my hands, I glanced up at myself in the mirror to see that I wasn't my usual self. My eyes were dull as per usual, but more so than before. My lips chapped, and my face a ghastly white.

These were the effects of reliving a past you wished to forget, as well as from having the most popular boy in school find out your deepest secret, which is most likely all over the damned school by now.

Switching off the tap, I dried my hands before turning on my heel and walking back into the bar. Only to find my lovely brother sitting in my seat and drinking my drink, while Randy talked to him.

"Traitor!" I growled at Randy, as I sat down next to Devon.

Devon towered over me and was taller than Randy. His broad shoulders and muscular build, a product of his training days and yet unlike me with my light complexion, my brother was gifted with a lovely dark tanned look.

With a square shaped face, bronze coloured eyes and long, dark, curly brown hair, my brother was as Grace would say, hot.

Randy looked me over before shrugging and walking off. "Ryan is a much better bartender than you!" I shouted after him.

Randy turned to glare at me before disappearing into the backroom to get another crate of alcohol.

"If I were you, I wouldn't piss off my bartender," Devon muttered, as he took another sip of my drink.

"Whatever."

"He could poison you," Devon said, glancing over at me.

"You'd die though," I said, my words earning me a quizzical look. "You stole my drink."

"Ah, big brother to the rescue," he said, lifting his glass in a toast, before downing the contents.

"I don't need rescuing!" I snapped, "Especially not from you."

Devon glanced over at me, taking me in slowly before he motioned to a table in the back. Away from Randy and his ever-present curious ears.

"Two drinks, Randy!" Devon called, as we headed to the table.

"Coming up!" Randy called a second later.

Taking our seats, Devon and I remained silent until Randy brought our drinks. Speaking only once he had returned to the bar and his previous activities.

"I'm guessing Grace called you?" I asked, looking down at my phone for a second.

"A call is an understatement," Devon chuckled.

With a groan, I placed my head on the wooden table in front of me, scared to even ask what he meant by that.

"She came to the house," Devon explained.

"Why would she come to the house?" I asked, lifting my head from the table.

"I didn't exactly pick up the phone," Devon answered.

"Oh please no..."

But before I could even finish the sentence, let alone the thought, I noticed that Devon was already nodding his head. I let out a groan at the news of what happened, dropping my head on the table again.

"I don't even want to know," I said, as I glanced at him in disgust.

"Hey!"

"So that's why my phone is blowing up," I said, showing him the newest string of messages that I had received from Grace.

"This is your fault," Devon said.

"Oh, it's mine," I said, looking at him with a serious expression.

"You didn't answer your damn phone."

"You didn't either!" I retorted.

Devon and I fell silent as we glared at each other, blaming one another for the same thing. Blue stared at bronze, both holding a stubborn glint within their gaze as neither one of us were willing to back down.

Devon broke first, as he looked down at his glass, before taking a sip.

"Look, I'm not here to fight with you," he said in exasperation.

"Oh yeah, then why are you here?" I sassed, not daring to back down even though he already had. "Oh wait, I know," I interjected before Devon could say a word, "You're here because he called you!" I snapped, loud enough for Randy to hear me from across the room.

The bar was empty, because seriously, who drinks on a Monday afternoon? It was just Devon, Randy and I in the bar at the moment. Knowing that it would slowly get busier as it got later and turned to night, but for now it was dead.

Randy waved in greeting at the mention of his name, before turning back to his work, while I turned to look at my brother who stared back at me. A deep frown creasing his forehead as his eyes searched mine.

Devon continued to look at me in silence, as he waited for me to say something. Slowly sipping his drink while mine sat untouched on the table.

I looked at him for a second with uncertainty in my eyes, scared to tell him what I knew he needed to know. Fearful that he would once again snap back into his old routine of being my hectic overprotective brother.

With a sigh and the alcohol of my drink burning its way down my throat, having just down the whole thing. I looked Devon in the eye.

"The dreams are back," I whispered.

"I gathered that from this morning," he mimicked my soft voice.

"You don't get it," I said mockingly.

"What don't I get?" He asked, his eyes flashing with concern.

"It all came back," I whispered, cringing at my words.

"It all came back Dev," I whispered again, "It all came back. Everything, everything came back because he saw it. He saw them. He saw it all Dev and now the whole school knows," I said in one breath as I grabbed Devon's glass and down the rest of his drink.

Devon stared at me for a second or two, shock expressed on his face as his mind tried to catch up to reality. Everything seemed to finally sink in for him, when his eyes met mine. His mouth opened to ask the question, I didn't want him to ask.

"Everything is back," I said in a whisper again, before he could say anything as I got up and ran.

* * *      * * *

What a chapter - I hope you felt everything Leah did with her panic attack... I hoped to bring that emotions through and hope I did it justice. As conveying emotions is one of the most amazing things I like about writing.

That you're able to elicit an emotion from someone else with the words you use and the scenes you write.

Let me know what you love about writing in the comments and maybe we can have a chat...?

Vote and Comment like always.

- Orlaith