Cas is at my door Sunday afternoon. He's dressed casually in jeans and white converse and a baggy brown knitted sweater. His hairs different again, this time, brushed backwards mostly, save for this one curl in the front giving him cow lick. The whole of it — the clothes and the hair and the way the sun's reflecting off of his face so he looks all flushed and warm. It's a lot for the early afternoon.

     "Hi," he says, sounding nervous. "You busy?"

     I shake my head. "No, I'm — I was just reading. What's up?"

     He turns his head so he's eying me from the side. "Reading?" he repeats like this isn't something I do. I don't do it the way Cas does, or did at least, but I still read periodically.

     He pushes past me before I've responded, walking into the kitchen. He laughs loudly and I think is this it? Have I spoiled it now?  "You're re-reading my letters?"

     "I was, yeah," I respond because there's no way getting around it.

     "Huh," he responds glancing at the island where I've left his letters out and then back at me. "Do you want to go look at an apartment with me?"

     "Look at an apartment with you?"

     "Uh huh. It's close. It's in town. Shouldn't take too long."

     "Okay."

     And that's how Cas and I end up in his car driving into town to go look at an apartment. The ride is quiet, but content, and we pull up to a new building in good proximity to the hospital and the center of town. Iron Lofts is what they're calling it.

    "My agent should be in the lobby," he says as he gets out and leads the way inside. Cas has a real estate agent and is shopping for an apartment and owns a sports car that he drives a little too fast for my taste. Cas is an adult now. It is a jarring thing to acknowledge.

     Cas's agent is tall woman with a forceful presence that commands the room the moment we enter it. She walks over to Cas in shiny stilettos and a modest, but tight, dress. "Calvin," she says leaning in to kiss both his cheeks.

     "Hi Rosie," he says. "This is Dresden."

     She holds her hand out to me. "Rosie Gonzalez."

     I shake it, impressed by her but I'm not even sure why. She just seems like the kind of person that impresses other people. Her smile is wide, but soft, not at all forced.

     She tucks back her dark hair behind both her ears and says, "So I have two available units for you. They're both on the fifth floor and facing the south so you'll the perfect city view."

     She herds us into the elevator and takes us up to the fifth floor as she unearths a key from her purse. I whisper to Cas as we stand in the elevator, "Did you just start looking for apartments because of what happened?"

     He shakes his head. "No, I've been browsing for the last month now. When we moved back, I knew I was going to need to get my own place. Seems kind of ridiculous being a doctor and living with my mom still."

     Rosie doesn't budge the whole ride up. Either she can't hear us or she's doing an upstanding job at pretending she can't.

     When we step out, she leads us down a dimly lit corridor. It smells clean, like fresh linen and something that's cooking. Maybe a curry. Definitely spicy. She opens a door to the left of us and holds it open for us. Cas walks in first and I follow.

     "So this unit is our more modern option. Its a one-bedroom, 820 square feet. So on the smaller side. You'll see the white oak floors and white cabinetry. That is unique to all odd number units."

     We enter right into the kitchen, which is small compared to the rest of the space, cut off by a bar that sits across from the counter. Cas wanders down the little aisle between the counters and the bar, running his hand along the quartz countertop. The room itself is very large, with high ceilings and windows that cover most of the outer wall. It's not furnished, but there's clearly a designated living and dining area.

     The bar is multi-level, the first in line with the height of the counters. There's a stainless steel sink in the center of it and a tile backsplash that matches the backsplash on the counters. Above it is like a sill, enough space to eat and by the three tall bar stools on the other side I'm assuming that's what it's meant for.

     The appliances are new and there's a smart, two-door fridge with one of those glass doors so you can separate the things you reach for often from the rest of your fridge. Everything in the kitchen is curated for ease and modernity. There's an abundance of storage space, with white cabinets that sit high, touching the ceiling, and then smaller ones below it with frosted windows.

     Cas glances at me. "What do you think?"

     "What do I think?" I ask and Rosie looks between us, maybe gauging who she actually needs to be selling the apartment to.

     "All of the appliances come with the unit," she says. "They'll be under warranty with the building so you won't have to worry if you have issue with anything."

     "I think," I say finally. "That you don't know how to cook."

     Cas glares at me, but it's more playful than anything. "I know how to cook."

     "Oh?" I say. "What can you cook?"

     "I can make a mean burnt egg. Extra crispy is just how I like them scrambled, I'll have you know."

     "Well, if the kitchen is not your space, come see the bedroom."

     Right next to the kitchen's bar is an alcove with a doorway that's open. I can see the beginnings of the bathroom and then the wall juts outward, before another door appears, this one leading into the bedroom. It's spacious but not huge, with an accent wall in a deep blue-green hue. There's enough room for a queen sized bed comfortably. Which Rosie notes before pointing out the walk-in closet. It's in this little entryway between the room and the bathroom. The bathroom is nice, is always something I appreciate when I look at real estate. The floors are pretty marbled tile, and everything's white and crisp. It has a deep-set shower with a tub that'll need a shower curtain. Not my personal preference.

     "And look at the view," she says from the bedroom, though Cas has wandered with me into the bathroom. "Can't beat it."

     "What are you thinking?" Cas asks quietly as he glances around the bathroom.

     "Decent sized bedroom," I respond. "I like the tile in here. You have a washer and dryer in unit so that's nice, too." I point to the little closet where the washer and dryer are visible.

     "But?" he muses.

     "I hate these kinds of showers," I say. "Shower curtains gross me out."

     He huffs on a laugh. "Shower curtains gross you out," he repeats quietly like this is news.

     "What are you thinking?" I ask after a moment, looking at him.

     He shrugs his shoulders, seeming mostly disinterested. "I really don't know what I want. Do I care if the floors are wood or carpet? What's better gas or electric stoves? Showers with tubs or no tubs? I have genuinely no feelings about any of it."

     "I don't know," I say after a while. "Think about where you can see yourself living. Just imagine the place. Put as much detail in it as you can. Then make a list of all the things that were in it. A balcony? Bay windows? Exposed brick? Granite counters? And then after you have a list, order it in terms of deal breakers and things you're willing to compromise on."

     I wait, watching Cas as he thinks. He doesn't say anything for too long so I go, "Have you imagined it?"

     He startles like he forgot what he was doing. "Nope," he says quickly. "Drew a blank."

     He walks out of the bathroom, over to Rosie who's waiting. "Shall we go look at the other unit? It's got maple wood, instead. So a bit more traditional."

     Cas glances back at me, his face holding a question. I nod. "Maple wood would be a deal breaker for me, yes. But maybe you'll like a warmer setting."

     Rosie glances between us before saying, "Are you renting together?"

     Cas shakes his head quickly and I cough. "No, no, this is just for me."

     "Oh," Rosie says sounding unconvinced. "Okay."

     "What's your pet policy?" I ask.

     Rosie answers, "Dogs are allowed. There's a two-pet limit. And there are some breed restrictions."

     "You could finally get yourself a dog," I point out. "I think you should add no pets as a deal breaker."

      "And cheat on Delta and Charlie? I could never."

     "Need I remind you of Fester?"

     Cas is grinning now. "Fester! Oh my god, I forgot about Fester. He was a great dog. Sucked having to give him back."

     "See, you definitely want a dog."

     "Yeah," he says after a moment. "Yeah, you're right."

     I like being right. It makes me feel like maybe I still know him, even if it's just a little bit.