Dedicated to:angel_tanisha

Thank you so much for being an amazing reader and a fantabulous friend! I love you :*

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"She's the only love I've known and now she's gone away. She reached into my soul and all my darkness was killed. Will I ever love again?"

~QuotesGram

Logan's POV

My heartbeat rang rhythmically in my ears. The panic began like a cluster of spark plugs in my abdomen, shooting violently into my body.

It was like I couldn't hear anything for a while – my mind disconnected from the present.

Claire's eyes brimmed more until tears flowed unchecked down her cheeks, dripping from her chin. She stood there as still as a statue while I was left astray amid the torrid whirlwind of emotions.

Say something, Logan, say something.

I was at loss of words.

Furiously, she whirled around and within a second she disappeared into the darkness, betwixt the crowd of dancing teenagers.

"Claire! Wait!" I finally found my voice, but it drowned in the music "Fuck"

The soles of my shoes pounded against the floor as I ran after her. The people were omnipresent; I pushed them out of my way, craned my neck but I couldn't spot her anywhere.

I pushed further into the crowd, nervously whipping my head here and there, hastily scanning everything until I spotted a tinge of red and blonde near the exit – immediately, I knew it was her.

I bolted towards her, with all the strength I had left.

Before she could exit, I was standing behind her. I gripped her shoulders and turned her around to face me and what I saw shattered all the remaining shards of my heart.

Her face was reddened, her eyes swollen as she clutched her hair frustratingly between her fingers.

"Claire! It's not what it looks like!" I yelled over the music, running my hands through her hair to soothe her, endeavoring to bring her closer to me "I swear"

With an abrupt moment, she removed my hands from her blonde locks and rammed me off of her.

My heart squeezed again when one of her whimpers reached my ears.

"Then what was it?" she muttered, wiping painful tears off her cheeks.

"I wasn't the one–" I tried to elucidate, but she cut me off midsentence.

"Oh hold on, I get it now!" she snapped her fingers in realization, attempting to talk through her trembling voice, but it wasn't helping "Is this why you've been trying to stay away from me? Is it because...it was...Breanna all along?"

"No! You're wrong, let me explain!"

"I see what you're trying to do here Logan and guess what? It's not helping!"

What was I trying to do? What was she talking about?

I protested over her fury "Claire you need to calm down and listen to me–"

"No! You listen to me!" she yelled, misery and rage anointed on her tone "Logan, I was waiting for you. I waited for an entire week, maybe more. Every hour I asked myself – what was wrong with me? What did I lack? Why were you denying your love for me? Why you were trying to stay away from me!"

"Claire–"

"Now I get it! Because it was Breanna-fucking-Riley all along!" she broke down into an ocean of tears again. She smiled nervously "You could've simply told me you loved someone else! But you lied to me! You freaking lied to me! And I...I was waiting for you Logan...like an idiot that I am"

"Can you just fucking listen to me?" I yelled with all the fury I possessed this time, her impulsivity getting on my nerves "Everything you said right now is wrong! I don't feel anything for her; she was the one who kissed me first! I didn't even think about getting any close to her!"

"And you kissed her back?"

God! How was I ever going to explain to her that it was an accident? An aggravated groan and a trembling voice left my lips "Yes, yes I did but I didn't...I didn't realize what I was doing"

"And you think I'll believe you...again?"

My eyes snapped up and I looked straight into her watery eyes. My thoughts started accelerating inside my head. I wanted them to slow down so I could breathe but they won't. I risked a question – a question I never wanted to ask Claire Annesley.

I stuttered "You...you don't trust me?"

Her gaze directed to the floor, her shoulders slumped. Her breath came in gasps as she fisted her palm and wiped away another tear "No, I don't trust you, not anymore, not after everything you've done to me"

It felt like someone stabbed my chest with a dagger and was twisting and turning it into my flesh.

An involuntary exhale left my mouth and the room started to spin. She turned in her heels and steadily strolled out of the party house. I didn't stop her this time.

My feet stood rooted to the floor, my heart was hammering loudly against my chest. My head...it was throbbing. My breath...I couldn't find it. My soul...I couldn't feel it.

She's gone.

She's gone.

She's gone.

Thump-thump-thump-thump

She's gone.

Like a mighty tsunami, thrashing aggressively into a suburb, my anger gushed in. My fists clenched, my teeth gritted, painful wrinkles invaded my forehead when I squeezed my eyes shut.

No, it was happening again.

I breathed heavily.

It was happening again...my past, it was replaying again.

I had tried my utmost to run away from my past, to forget it, to chain it into the deepest depths of my brain and now...it was surfacing again.

No, God, please I can't stand this again, please...

My mind spun exceedingly fast and I felt like I would faint on the spot, so I made my way upstairs, taking the support of the railings. I ran up with fury, pushed past numerous people and locked myself in a bedroom.

The lights were off and the darkness of the room pressed down on me, pushed me to my feet, until I feebly slumped on the ground, resting my back on the closed door.

I was panting, more like gasping for air.

'Son, stop!'

A voice rang in my mind, a voice that I knew very, very well. But it wasn't here, it wasn't in this room...it was in my mind, somewhere deep inside.

I wanted to reach but I couldn't.

'Shut up, Logan!'

I clutched my hair tightly between my fingers and screamed in agony, my voice echoed into the darkness. I wanted the pain to vanish...it was coming again.

'You're a monster!'

I brought my knees closer to my face as I gripped my hair and a whimper left my mouth "No, please"

She's gone.

And he's gone too.

Everyone I've ever truly loved...is gone.

I cried.

For the first time in months...I cried.

I jumped to my feet and punched the door hard, so hard that a throbbing pain shot up into my knuckles but I didn't care. The pain wasn't more that what was lingering in my heart.

I want her. I need her. I can't let this happen again. I can't lose her. No, I can't, I'll be destroyed.

Furiously, I grasped the door knob and pulled the door open. My angry steps dragged me downstairs and I found myself walking into the kitchen.

Picking up one of the beer cans on the table, I flipped the cap open. I drank...all of it. Again, I picked a can and gulped down every drop of it.

I can't let go like this.

I have to stop her before she gets far, far away from me.

This was my chance, my chance to tell her the truth otherwise it'll be too late.

Another can, I drank entirely, then I picked a few other bottles of beer and dashed towards the exit.

When I was almost out, someone stopped me.

"Writer boy! I looked for you everywhere–"

"Get off my fucking face, Natalie!" I screamed, letting out all I had been holding in for days "I don't like you! You're fake bitch! Stay away from me!"

I tried to hold the three beer bottles with one hand while I exited the house with another.

My shoes glided against the rock-strewn sidewalk as I made my way towards my car.

I had to stop her.

The moment I reached my car, I heard footsteps from behind me "Natalie I told you–" but it wasn't her, it was Breanna.

My jaw stretched tautly and I backed away from her "Stay away from me, please, stay away or I'm going to hurt you really, really bad and I won't be able to stop myself"

"Logan, I'm so sorry"

I ignored her and took a sip of my beer then opened my car door.

"Where are you going?" she screeched and tried to walk towards me.

I gestured her to stop and she stopped "That shouldn't concern you"

"Why not?" she asked, a little louder this time "Logan, you are drunk! You can't drive!"

"If you really cared about me..." my voice trailed off when I found myself trying to hit her with a fist. I immediately stopped myself "Please...go away"

Without another word, I got into the driver seat and shut the door on her face.

"Logan, please don't drive" she urged "I'll drive for you if you want"

Ragingly, I winded my car window up to tune her voice out. I was going to do this, no matter what.

I was going to be okay.

I took another sip of my beer.

Everything is going to be okay.

I can do this.

Another sip went down my throat as I started the engine.

I'm going to do this and no one will be able to stop me now...not my mind...not my past...I was going to listen only to my heart now.

I'm going to go up to Claire and I'll her the truth.

I'll tell her that I'm in love with her.

I'll tell her that I've always been in love with her, since the first time I saw her, she took my breath away. I was going to win her over and I won't back away until she's mine again.

Everything is going to be okay.

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*Wipes imaginary sweat*

Damn guys, I'm so tired, this chapter was really hard to write!

Please, please vote and comment! I've put a hell lot of efforts into this (T_T) and I highly appreciate all your love and support even though I'm unable to express it!

Thank you so much, loves :,)

Love, K

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