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15| Guilt and Grief

          

Dedicated to:BEAUT1FULdreamer

Thanks a lot for the never ending support and love! And also for this cute banner!! XD (attached in the media box)

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"It hurts the most when the person who made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today"

~Pinterest





Logan's POV

I was told before, that if you keep on replaying something over and over in your head, it'll eventually stop hurting that much. But why is it that everytime I think about her, the pain feels like jagged thorns violently brushing against the skin of my heart – and the thorns seem to get sharper each time?

I spent the entire Sunday trying to get back to her, trying to explain why I was distancing myself, trying to tell her that I was extremely sorry, trying to win her back.

She wouldn't answer my calls.

She wouldn't reply to my texts.

After all my efforts were in vain, I was ready to face her the next Monday to ask her why the hell she was so mad at me.

My nervous eyes searched for her amidst the hustle and bustle of the students rushing to their classes, as I leaned my back at the lockers. I horribly craved her presence beside me.

A voice greeted me, a voice that I despised to my heart's core. My head involuntarily turned to look at the redhead. Venetia was walking upto to me. As always, she was dressed elegantly, her auburn hair swished gleefully behind her but her facade caused me to flinch. I hated her.

"Good morning lover boy" she smirked. I spotted the ulterior motive behind her cheerful expression but I couldn't quite point it out.

"You're not with your usual attention whores" I spat, recognizing that she was here to ruin me alone this time, without any of her 'friends' behind her.

She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips "That's because I wanted to talk to you alone"

I scoffed "Fuck off" and started to walk away from her before she created trouble for me.

"Whoa-ho-ho!" she chanted and jogged in front of me to block my way "I don't know from where you got the balls to speak like that to me but hear me out Luke, this is important"

First off, my name's Logan, second of all...well, I just wanted to slap her but that would help me gain suspension from school so I just controlled myself.

"Well then, hurry up, cause I've got other important things to deal with"


She leaned closer to me, her eyes directed towards something amid the crowd and then, she whispered "I think you should break up with Claire"


For a few seconds, I narrowed my eyes and plainly stared at her, trying to calculate who the fudge she thought she was to tell me what to do.

"Excuse me?" I finally asked, crossing my arms.

"Look Lucas, I know you guys aren't dating for real, you can't fool me" she crossed her arms, copying my actions "But, I think you should best-friend-break-up with her because it's high time she gets a best friend who's a girl"

I didn't quite understand what she meant by that but I definitely didn't want to hear any more of it. I attempted to walk away from there but she caught my arm.

This time, her countenance was fraught with sincerity as she slightly raised her voice "Try to understand Logan. Look at her. She doesn't dress like a girl, she doesn't do make up, and she doesn't act girly. No guy likes that, that's why she doesn't have a boyfriend – it's because she's tomboy"

It was shocking that she called me by the correct name, but more shocking was the fact that her words dissolved into my mind and I started to understand what she was trying to say. My heart did a squeeze, shooting pain throughout my chest.

She continued with genuine stern look "And you know why she is the way she is? It's because she has a best friend who's a guy"


My eyes shifted to look straight at her. Realization started flooding into my mind, filling the vacant gaps of doubts that I've had for years. Everything made sense.


Claire is the way she is...because of...me.


Her self-worth and happiness, her dreams and the life she craved to live, everything abandoned here three years ago – and it was because of no one else but me. My mind started whirling furiously.

I aimlessly stared at the ground, not knowing what to think, not knowing what to do.

Venetia gently placed her hand on my shoulder "It's okay Landon, I know it's hard for you. but you know what? You can fix this. Look how happy she is with a girl" she gripped my jaw and turned my face towards the crowd.


And then I spotted her.


Claire was chatting and laughing with Adriel. From this distance, I could see the divine smile plastered on her lips as she twirled around flaunting her bright lemon-yellow dress to Adriel. Adriel appreciated it and reached forward to set Claire's hair in place and next, she adjusted a bracelet that Claire wore on her wrist.

I wouldn't have been able to comment on that dress, nor would I have been able to adjust her hair and obviously, what did I know about the kind of bracelets girls liked?

But then, I thought of something peculiar about Venetia's actions. I faced her, gave her a dubious stare and asked "But why are you telling me this? You hate Claire, why would you want to make her happy?"

"Oh Leo" she shook her head "You innocent piece of shit. I never said Claudia would be happy. If you break up with her and leave her, she's going to be devastated! And how I love seeing her devastated"

It wasn't shocking to find Venetia speaking like that about Claire, she always spoke like that and my numerous effort to get the truth out, as to why she hated her so much, were a fail.

She continued in a cheerful voice "But you know what? Her sadness will only be temporary. She's going to get over you soon and once she forgets about you, I'll do something else that'll make her miserable again. But think of the bigger picture Liam. I said what had to be said, now it's upto you whether you continue being her best friend for your own benefit, or you leave her for her benefit"

She then flicked her hair flamboyantly and strolled away from me.

I have felt guilty a lot of times in my life, but the pain never felt this hefty. I have always wanted to make to make Claire happy but I failed to understand that in the process, I was destroying her too.

I hated to admit this, but Venetia was right. If Claire had a girl best friend all this while, her life would've been brighter, merrier, and fun-filled.

My mind and my heart never usually made the same decisions; both were always against each other.


But this time, they made the same decision.





Claire's POV

Yeah, okay, I admit that I made a big fuss out of a stupid biology test, kind of exaggerated my feelings and I sort of over reacted by not answering his calls or replying to Logan's texts.

But I never anticipated that he would completely stop interacting with me.

I thought he'd come upto me and apologise and try to win me back or something of the same sort, but instead, he didn't talk to me all Monday. Forget about not talking, next Tuesday when I tried to approach him, he walked away from me.

Maybe I overreacted too much. I shouldn't have. I began to feel horrible about my actions and felt the need to go talk to him on Wednesday. But when I tried to go upto him, he shrugged the topic off and walked away!

I asked for Adriel's help and she suggested there might be some issue with his friends or family. We considered maybe we should leave him alone for sometime and when he becomes normal again – we'll ask him what was wrong.

"I miss him, Addy" I uttered, fidgeting with the pendant that I wore around my neck. I never wore pendants but since the day I saw Adriel wearing one, I became obsessed with them.

She was seated beside me on the dining, in our school's cafeteria, on Thursday. Logan hated it, he always said the worst things happened to him Thursdays.

"Calm down Bunny" she gripped my hand "You know our Logan is a bit moody, he'll be alright"

It had been five days since I last talked to him and I was extremely worried. He always seemed quiet, and seemed to wonder off into his own world. I've usually spotted him staring away into emptiness as if in deep thought. I was desperate to talk to him, desperate to know what's eating him away.

But only if he'd let me get close to him.

Out of the blue, I felt a presence behind me. Both Adriel and I turned around.

"Mind if sit with you ladies?" asked Logan. It felt like years after I finally heard his voice. I wanted to jump and hug him on the spot but I ceased my temptations.

"Sure" I muttered, trying my utmost not to sound excited.

Logan sat opposite to me. His arms rested on the table, his palms clasped together as he nervously fidgeted with his fingers. I deciphered that something was wrong by the dejected look that covered his face.

"What's wrong Logan?" I asked worriedly.


He squeezed his eyes shut and fluttered them open, glaring into my eyes, deep into my soul "I think...I think we should pretend to break up now"


My face twisted into annoyance "What? It's been only two weeks Logan"

"Yes, I know" he exclaimed, his eyebrows furrowing together "But I have made new friends now and I think we have already changed how people perceive us. So, I think it's time"

I could almost feel my face get horribly pale and the colour drain out in astonishment.

"Logan!" Adriel protested "Are you-"

I cut her off by gesturing her to stop speaking as I stared into my best friend's eyes, not being able to believe the kind of person he'd turned into.

I had had enough. Enough of heartbreak, enough of pain. I had suffered a lot and now, it was all coming out at once.

Angrily, I got off the table and grabbed the cup of water that sat on it. I walked around to table to where Logan was sitting. Then, I did the most shockingly horrible thing I could think of.


I poured the water on his head and yelled "I break up with you!"





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Who wants brownies? Nobody? Okay...

Anyways, if you guys have any questions about the story so far, leave em in the comments and I shall answer it in the next chapter.

And 4K?? Wth!! Thank you so much for supporting me!! ^_^

Love, K

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