Song of the chapter; "Dark Side." By Kelly Clarkson.

Knock Knock Knock.

"You've got to eat! Come on!" Sae's voice rifts through my oak front door. "I know you don't want to but your killing yourself! It's been a week."

"No Sae!" My voice is thick and raspy.

"Don't make me get Peeta."  She threatens.

"Go away!" I groan. My voice cracks as I lay on the living room floor. This has been all week, me sleeping and waking only to cry myself back to sleep.

Sae got wind of my depressed state about a week ago, that's when she started trying to come. I haven't let her in yet, and to make it better I tell her I've also run out of good. And I cut myself, it drives her insane. I know sooner or later they'll find someone big enough to bust down my door. Then they'll march me straight to the hospital where they'll treat me for depression and malnourishment. Then I'll get lectured by everyone I come in contact with for the next week. I can't let that happen. But it will. My inner voice rings trough my head. "Please, let me in."

"No Sae!" I repeat.

"That's it! I can't stand it, I'm going to get Peeta." I burrow myself deeper into my fort of blankets and pillows I've collected around the house. I try to burrow deeper than the floor, In hopes that Peeta won't be able to tell me and the blankets apart.

Knock Knock Knock.

"Katniss?" He soft voice says.

"Go. Away." I scream angrily.

"Let me in." He says calmly. "I can help you calm down." He tells me. "Please."

I dig through my hidden bag under the couch and hold the razor blade securely in my hand. As he calls for me I cut my arms, this pain is the first thing I've felt in a while. My loud cries seem to concern him, and he busts through the door. It doesn't come off the hinges, but opens. He screams my name.

"Katniss! What the hell are you doing!" He slaps the razor my hand.

"Goodbye Peeta." I whisper as I loss consciousness.

***

I wake attached to Peeta by the hand. He sleeps quietly, but his fingers are twitching and his body is restless. He's having some sort of nightmare, but I don't know how to wake him. He suddenly jerks his head and smacks is against the metal railing of my hospital bed. My gown is paper, a very uncomfortable material that doesn't move very well. The whole thing moves as one. I notice my skin has a yellow tint, probably from not eating. "Katniss!" My name being called breaks my from my thoughts. He rubs his head where he hit it then shakes it violently. His sobs become violent, and fill the empty hospital room.

"Can it over there!" A harsh voice yells, I jerk towards the noise find there's a divider between my bed and someone else's. There must be someone else in my room, I must share it with someone else.

I hold his hand, as he tries to stifle his noise and the crying. "It's alright Peeta." I whisper, kissing his palm.

"No Katniss, it's not" He cries. "You tried to kill yourself with me standing outside of the door!" He says leaning into the side of my mattress.

"I'm sorry." I choke out, surprised tears haven't fallen yet.

"Why?" He asks faintly. "Why haven't you been eating? Why did you lock yourself out of the real life? Why did you get to kill yourself? Do you know what that would have done to me?" He asks frantically.

"I didn't mean to Peeta." I admit. "But the Gale situation, and you and Melody. And the midnight meetings, and never being able to be with you. It just all caught up with me and I couldn't take it." I shutter.

"Why don't you come stay in my guest room? I bet Melody wouldn't care much."

I let out a loud laugh. "Yeah, because I'm sure the woman who once true to kill me, and loves her fiancée. She'll love that idea."

He shakes his head. "Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, but I could come stay with you."

"Again, your fiancée won't allow it." I whisper, I place my hand on his cheek and he leans into it.

"Something's gotta give Katniss." He sobs. "I can't live like this, no one can."

I shake my head. "What do you want from me Peeta?" I ask. "You won't leave her, I can't get over you. It's a vicious never ending cycle."

"I'm gonna figure this out." He nods surely squeezing my hand. "Until then, I'll be back everyday to help you get better. I promise."

"I'm not going home with you?" I ask the pitch of my voice rising quickly.

"No, you have something they call clinical depression. But they'll explain is to you more when a nurse sees you."

I start to shake, kick, and scream. "Don't leave me here to rot!" I scream. His fingers reach for the call button, nurses fly in around me and restrain me. They tie me down until I can no longer see Peeta, but I feel him squeeze my hand.

"I'll be back, I promise." He says then he's gone.

"COME BACK PEETA. DONT LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE." I scream.

They inject something directly into my tense neck, it hurts more because of the pressure in my body. Everything starts to slow, as people rush and bustle beside me they blur together. And soon, I'm out. I remember Finnick's words that night in the bunker; when Peeta was captured and I didn't know if I'd ever see him again. I save myself from nightmares only to find there's no relief in waking. And It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to break you. I shutter thinking about my dead friend.

My nightmare filled slumber ends when I wake with a jolt. Her hand is on my shoulder, her dirty blonde hair in two braids. "Prim?"

"No! It's me, Posy." She giggles. I blink, the realization sets it that this isn't my dead sister. It's Gale's sister.

"Oh, hi." I place my hand on her.

"Mommy tells me you tried to see Primmy, and our fathers. Is that true?" She asks.

"Yes honey." I nod.

"Why?" She asks, her young pure brain still oblivious to the dangers of the world.

"I just really miss them, that's all." I say. "Is your mom here?"

"Yes." She nods and runs and then comes back with Hazel on her hand.

"Morning darling." She reacts calmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." I lie for her sake.

"I'm glad, I wish I was here on better terms but I need to ask you a question." I nod knowing she's to about me about her son. "What happened with Gale?"

"I went to see Peeta, and he had told me not to, and then he started fighting with me. And pushed me onto the couch pretty hard." I say. "I'm sorry, I know you only want what's best for him. But I'm not it."

"It's okay." She assures me. "Did he tell you he was going anywhere after he left? I usually see him once a day, or at least once a week but it's been two. I think he ran off to another district."

Good. I think. "He told me he wouldn't go back to your house." I answer honestly. "He said he saw too much and worked too hard to relapse back into his old ways."

"Old ways?" She repeats. "Does he mean taking care of his family? Because if he does then he's not the man I raised him to be."

"I think so Hazel, I'm so sorry. But I've been seeing a different side of him too." 

"What do you mean?" She asks. Her voice full of concern, but a threatening concern. As if I say something wrong she could snap my neck. Judd being motherly I guess.

"He was really protective, like a threatening protective. Almost every other sentence out of his mouth was 'stay away from Peeta' the last time he even went as far as to threaten to kill Peeta if he caught us together."

"He did that because he loved you." She says with irritation in her voice. "Why do you doubt his feelings for you? Why do you believe he's not in love with you?" She asks me. "Why did you use the words I love you so eagerly if you took them back so quickly?" I feel my fingers start to shake, that's when I feel fingers wrap around my other hand.

I look over, he stands there. "Everything alright?" He asks us.

"Just discussing some family matters." She smiles as if nothing is wrong. "We were almost done anyways. I'll be going now." She looks away from me and leaves without another word.

"Was she rude?" He asks.

"Yes, but for an obvious reason." I tell him. "I know why she did it."

"Was she asking about Gale?" He asks me.

"Yeah." I nod. "He ran off to another district, no one can find him." I take a deep breath. "I am going to go look for him when I get out of here."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about..." He trails off.  "They have someone coming in to talk to you today. He's kind of like a shrink." He says. "He's just going to professionally diagnose you with depression and then you can come home."

"I'm not depressed." I declare.

"Katniss, something is wrong with you, and I won't stop until we figure it out." He says tears in his eyes. "I'm going to stay with you until he comes and then I'll leave after he does. We'll figure it out, okay?"

I nod. "Okay." I agree.

"Now get some sleep, I'll wake you when he gets here."

A kiss is pressed to my forehead before I fall asleep, him yet again attached to me by the hand.

****

"Hey, wake up. The shrink'a outside, he's waiting for you." I do my best to rub the sleep from my face and Peeta stands to let the shrink in.

The man wears a long, knit sweater and tan pleated pants. He carries a briefcase, he pulls the chair next to the long table against the window. "Hello." He says pushing his glasses further onto the bridge of his nose. "I'm doctor Martin Yancey." He tells me. 

"I'm Katniss." I choke out. "This is-"

"Peeta, I know. We've spoken before." I look between the pair.

"He was my shrink in the capitol after the war." Peeta clarifies. His blue eyes sparkle, his blonde curls bounce on his head as he nods and takes my hand. "He's very helpful, I promise. Just tell him what he wants to know and we'll be out of here in no time." He says with a nod. "I'll be right outside."

"No, stay. Please." I ask.

"Of course."

****

"So what was your first experience when you though you had a serious problem."

"As soon as Gale left, I stopped eating."

"So this has to do with Gale?" He asks looking at me over top of his glasses.

"No, no." I say. "I think that was just the breaking point. It made me finally snap, you know?" I ask. "Like all the pressure from the war, and the baby, and the stabbing, just all of a sudden smashed me into a tiny piece."

He nods. "Continue, this is good."

"Well, I never wanted to kill myself. I just wanted to hide from the world, from all of the pain and the suffering .... And the death I've caused in my life. I just wanted it to be over, you know? I want to die I think, I don't want to have to live with the thought knowing that I've caused so much pain and suffering."

He looks to Peeta. "You haven't caused anyone any kind of pain. Without you kids would still be being reaped to be in the hunger games. Your a good person." He tries to tell me.

"I'm not!" I beg.

"Yes you are." He holds and kisses my hand lovingly. "You saved us all, and I don't know how to explain that to you."

"You never will."

***
Hope you enjoyed,

Word count 2076.