Song of the chapter; " something in the water." By Carrie Underwood.

"Where's Peeta?" I ask, my voice laced with too many emotions for anyone including myself to read. "And who are you?"

"Well I'm Peeta's fiancée." She smiles whilst pushing her huge engagement ring in my face. "He's just the best." She gushes her blonde hair bouncing with each word she speaks.

"Your...His Fiancée?" I ask placing a hand on my chest. My eyes waver to the engagement ring Peeta have me a few months ago. It's blande, a simple band with a few fake diamond stones. "He's your fiancée?" I say again.

"Well yes." She smiles. "We've been engaged for about a year and a half, almost two amazing years."

"Can I see him?" I ask irritated.

"Who Peeta?"

"Yes Peeta I-"

"Mommy? Who's here? Is it uncle Haymitch?" I hear a soft voice from the house say.

"Its no one Cameron, go on and play." She peeks her head around the woman's legs and peers up at me. 

And then it clicks. This is Willow.

I drop to my knees tears starting to fall faster then I anticipated.  "Oh Willow." I cry reaching a hand out to her.

"Mommy." She whimpers.

"Go back inside Cameron." She says sternly pushing my daughter away from my view and glaring at me.

"You can't hide my daughter from me!" I shriek trying to push past her. "And her name's Willow!" 

"Hey stop! I'm her mother, you have no idea what your talking about! Peeta!" She shouts shoving me to the ground.

"Everything okay baby?" I freeze on the ground hearing that crystal clear voice coming closer. Baby. He called her baby, a name that was once reserved for Willow and I.

"Just this crazy woman." She huffs and steps to the side.  Gaining us both full access to see each other.

"Katniss!"

He's rough looking. So thin, his cheeks are hallow and his cheek bones high. His eyes are dark, not blue.  "What are you doing here?" He sounds angry.

"They sent me home." I say standing and brushing the dirt from my pants. "I wanted to see my daughter."

"She's sleeping." He lies. I glare at him with a squint.

"I just saw her Peeta, and she's my daughter, you can't keep her from me." I say crossing my arms over my chest.

"Katniss, can we talk some other time? It's really not a good time right now." He wears a signature white shirt, with different colored paints splattered all up and down his shirt.

"No. I want to talk now!" I shriek.

"No Katniss, some other time." He says softly.

"Fine! If not now then never. Don't ever talk to me again." I spit at him my words vile and full of meaning. He's dead to me. I sigh and shake my head as I turn around. I know that's not true, I'll always love him no matter what. He could snap my neck in a flashback and I'd still be happy knowing his hands were on my when I died.

I rush into Haymitch's house, and to my delight I find he's passed out drunk. I make my choice of alcohol and make off towards the woods where I sit down on a grassy patch. The bottles settle around me as I drink them down, the liquid burning as it goes down.

I drink for only god knows how long, just sitting and watching the sunlight. Things start to remind me of my Peeta. The time we sat on the roof together before our second games when we were promised death. I wish I would have died in that arena; or better yet the first one. I have absolutely nothing to live for anymore.

My sisters dead, my child has been taken away from me. My only soulmate hates my guts. I have no idea where my mother or Gale are at this time. I sigh thinking about Gale, how on my way back home I wanted him dead. But now all I crave is his abrasive warmth and rough lips. I just want someone to love me. I've lost myself, I have no one else to compare myself to. No one is as terrible a person as I.

Who is Katniss?

She's selfish. A nasty teenager whom never loved her fiancée, and the father of her child. She was reckless, didn't care about anyone but herself. Just wanted to save her own skin. She's was the seam slut. She's a parasite of a woman.

All those things ever said to my face, or I've heard behind my back. But it doesn't matter how I hear them, the impact of the bullet still hits the same. Still hurts like hell.

After the second bottle, I open a third and laugh to myself when I find it's the hard, hot stuff. I grin and take a long drink. I look around after my swig. It'll get dark soon, and there's wild dogs out here.

I stand with struggle and wrap my arm around a thin tree momentarily. Once I catch my balance, I begin to hobble towards the inner district. My feet drag on the ground leaving long stray marks in the ashy dirt.

My legs give out from under me and I fall, the warm alcohol splashing on my worn clothes. My vision begins to fade, as I lay on the ground watching the dark sky. It doesn't change, the color, the sound, the way it moves. But something around me feels different, like a presence. My vision fades even more, as I stand and try to walk back home. My steps stagger and I crash into the ground a few more times before landing in the middle of the victor's village.

I hear a door click open and shut. Then just as I'm beginning to fall out of consciousness I feel myself being lifted off the ground.

***

My head pounds, I never remember hangovers being this terrible. I hold my head as I sit up and look around the room. How did I get here?

I stand slowly and take two aspirin for my head, and then slip into the shower. I change clothes and walk downstairs, the hunger growing in my stomach with every step. I stand at my sink, and look out of the window as I cut up a potato. I see my Willow, sitting in the bay window playing with toys. A single tear falls down my cheek, I wish I could see her.

I feel a sudden pinch in my finger and see that I've cut it bad. It'll need stitches, and I can't do them. I wrap it in paper towels and pull on a jacket before leaving my house. I rush through the victors village and find he's walking the same direction as me. "Katniss!"

I continue walking. "I mean what I said Peeta." I say with tears in my eyes. "I don't ever want to see you again." I spit.

"Just wait up." He groans running to catch me. When he does he spins me around and gawks at my hand. "What happened?"

"I cut myself, and if you'd let me go, I'm on the way to Sae to get it fixed."

He nods. "Well I'll walk with you." He places a hand on my back and we start to walk. I finally can't take it anymore.

"So Melody." I say angrily. I squeeze my left hand trying to clot the bleeding.

"Katniss I'm so sorry." He starts.

"Yeah, well sorry only mean so much coming from you." I spit. 

"Katniss! You left me, and then I was lonely with our poor daughter. I got suck and went into the hospital and Melody was my nurse there. I was heartbroken." He says finally jerking my to a stop. "So don't go blame this all on me."

"Peeta I love you! What don't you understand about that?" I yell halting to a stop throwing my arms around.

"I get that you left me." He says holding my body in his arms. "Why did you though?" He asks his eyes showing hurt.

"I didn't want to." I say. "It's called the war Peeta. Coin made me leave. Do you think I wanted to leave my child after only a day?"

He looks at me. "Leave her." I plead. "Come be a family with me." 

"I can't." He shakes his head. "We're engaged, an-"

"So are we!" I shout pushing the ring into his face. "Or did you forget?"

"Katniss, you lied. I've always loved you, your the liar." He growls.

"Peeta! I wouldn't have had sex with you if I didn't love you! You know how I am and that I didn't even want kids!" My mind flashes back to that night.

Flashback.

We lay there, on the Capitol bed. Our feet tangled, the door locked. It's the night before the first day of training for the quarter quell. Gently, his nimble fingers rub circles on my lower back relaxing me. I look up at him with hope. "Peeta, I think I love you" I whisper to him.

"You think?" He barely whispers.

"I know." I nod surely. He kisses my lips, moving his hands to my stomach and shirt slowly. I take off my shirt and he looks into my eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

That night, we didn't sleep a wink.

*Flashback Over*

My vision fades.   "Come on, let's get you to Sae." He says.

His strong arms scoop me and we start towards the hob. "I can walk." I mumble into his chest.

"Oh just shush." He says with a tone of laughter in his voice. He carries me towards the hob, and we enter the doors and I instantly hear the busy surroundings. "Sae!" He calls. He quickens his pace and reaches her as she peers at me on her tiptoes.

"My my, what's wrong?" She asks.

"She cut her hand, I don't know what she was doing. Can you fix it?" He asks.

She nods walking back into her stall, we follow her behind a curtain. "Set her there." I feel him sit me down on a wooden chair, my body instantly sways not able to hold itself up. He stands me up and then sits down placing me in his lap. She takes my hand and examines it.

I can't help what comes out next. "I like sitting like this." I whisper into his chest as she peels the towels stuck to my wound now.

"This isn't anything." He tells me. "You can't sit up, I'm just holding you."

I frown, she touches my cut and I wince balling his shirt in my fist. I don't know if it was reflexes or intentionally but he wraps a protective arm around me tighter. "Do you not love me at all?" I ask softly.

"Just be quiet so Sae can work." He hushes me, I feel a tear fall. It soaks into Peeta's shirt instantly. He sees it. "Hey, I don't mean to make you cry all the time. But you just got home, this is honestly a shock. I never thought I'd see you again." He whispers right beside my ear.

"Can we talk later?" I ask quietly. He nods slowly. "I'm starving, I was trying to make breakfast when I cut myself."

"Do you want me to get you somethiny?" He asks me kindly. I nod. "I'll find you something." He says. He stands and leave Sae and I alone. She works quietly.

"How's the kid?" She asks me.

"Wouldn't know, he won't let me see her." I say harshly. She dumps alcohol over my cut and I jump.

"What?"

I go into the ranting, and tell her every single detail. She gasps, frowns, and squeezes my hand at the right parts of the story. When Peeta comes back she's cutting the string to my stitches. "Can I have something for the pain?" I ask.

"Should take about three minuets." She says looking at Peeta. I know she means the sleeping affect, but I nod too.

My vision blurs and then I drift into a dark, sleep filled with nothing but nightmares.

***

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