Zeta's POV

Why am I asking him this? What was I expecting him to say? Yes? There's no way that a guy like him would like a girl like me. I was just setting myself up for rejection, disappointment, and worst of all; embarrassment.

He put his hand behind his head all sexy like again. He looked around and I hoped it wasn't for trying to find someone to get him out of the situation. It had been another awkward silence long enough, so I decided to just leave, "Never mind, I'm just stupid. Dumb question... I-I, yeah..." I held back the tears that fought so hard to escape, but at this point I'd had a lot of experience keeping my tears inside.

"Wait Zeta," he called.
I whirled around, "It's fine, Jax. Sorry I made this all awkward... again." I continued on.
"No its not that. I just... I might like you, but I'm with Jessie and I can't just cheat on her. It's not you at all. It was a fair question just..."
I sigh, "I get it. I'll see you at school tomorrow."
"But, Zeta I-"
"Goodbye Jax."

~•♥•~

School was a drag and it seemed as if it would never end, but I guess that's just how Mondays are. This whole pretending top be perfect and normal and happy for Jax was very difficult but I think it's paying off because he seems to start having feelings for me.

At lunch, I sat at the friend group's normal table, but this time, they actually tried to talk to me.
"Hey, Zeta? Want to come to my sleepover on Friday? It's Aria and my birthday."
"Wow, Emerson. Thanks and a happy birthday. I'll ask my aunt."
She smiled, "Everyone here's coming, but Ryan and Jack are leaving when the sleepover begins. Aria and I invited Jax, but I doubt he'll come."
I shrug, "Well, it'd be his loss. And... I promise I won't make it ends up like my party." I attempted to make a joke, but I ended up blushing with embarrassment.
They all laughed and Emerson put her hand on my shoulder, "That wasn't your fault. You were only trying to fit in and-"
"You don't have to justify my stupid actions, but thanks." I cut her off.
"No problem..."

When school finally ended, I boarded the bus, but unfortunately Jessie and Jax were on the same one as me that day so I had to put up with their sitting next to each other and the annoying giggles and crap. I wanted to be with him and sit next to him and giggle annoyingly with him.

Jax sat by the window and Jessie sat near the aisle. I decided to sit a few seats behind them so I could glare at her and sulk at the same time. I walked past them, but only to feel a foot trip me. I fall to the ground and the entire bus shakes with laughter. Jessie tripped me! She fucking tripped me!

I stood up with my face red with anger and hatred, that and it just smashed on the floor. "Why did you do that?!" I asked, trying hard not to yell.
She looked at me all innocent like, "Me? I was just talking to my boyfriend, I didn't mean to."
I clenched my fists, "I feel bad for you."
Her expression changed a bit and she chuckled, "You feel bad for me?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I feel bad that you're so jealous of me being friends with Jax that you had to stoop so low as to trip me. What's next? Are you going to cut my hair in class? Are we fucking second graders?"
Jax stood up, "Zeta what's gotten into you? She said she didn't mean to."
I look over at him, "And I feel bad that you are too blind to see what kind of person she really is. But you know, this is coming from the screwed up girl, so no need to listen." I smiled, flipped them off, and left.

I sit in a different seat then where I had planned to sit originally. The bus driver finally took off, I couldn't help bit wonder if she was listening to the whole thing.

At home, Emerson texted me while I was doing my homework. She asked if I thought Jax would come and I replied telling her that at this point I didn't really give two shits. And when she tried asking me what happened, I didn't reply.

When my aunt got home from work, I asked if I could go to the sleepover and she said if I eat. I guess that means she caught on top my slipping meals. I agreed.

I felt like a bitch for what I did on the bus earlier, but Jessie was a bigger bitch then I will ever be so sucks to suck! I just don't understand what Jax sees in her! Maybe the thing I see in her is the way he sees me.

Jax wanted me to meet him at the gate again, but I just wasn't feeling it. I just don't understand guys.

~•♥•~

Friday could not roll around any slower. After school, I picked up my things and then went straight to Aria and Emerson's house. Not surprisingly, I was the first to arrive. Nora and Lucy came nearly ten minutes after I did, then Jack and Ryan came. There were some other people I didn't know who came as well. Then Jax who was the last to arrive and I wasn't too happy about that.

While the others played games, I just sat staring at the snack table. It was full of so many delicious treats and I was starving! Plus, I did promise my aunt I would eat something. So I dove into the snacks. There were cookies and cupcakes and sodas. Food never tasted so good! My stomach felt normal again, not sounding like a rock band had a baby with the boogeyman.

After I ate almost everything, I felt so guilty. Not only because I ate almost everything, but because I ate! I needed to lose weight not gain it! Ugh! What's wrong with me!?

"Are you gonna play a game, Zeta?" Aria asked me, coming over to the snack table. I nod, "Yeah, just let me go to the bathroom first." She gave me the directions and I walked in, locking the door behind me. I sigh and crouch down in front of it. I pull back my hair and shove two fingers down my throat. That wasn't enough so I used three. It'd been a long time since I had last made myself throw up so it wasn't so smooth.

I flushed the toilet and washed my hand. I threw up everything, but I didn't break my promise either. And the taste of food was enough to last a while.

I was about to head back when I noticed a rusty nail poking out of the wall. I look around before taking it out and point it in my left shoulder. It hurt like hell, but it was punishment for eating so damn much.

I went back to the party without telling anyone anything. Obviously.

~•♥•~