Ever wonder what happened to Ariel's mom?

I do.

Or did....

All the time.

I have finally taken hold of this tale, the tale that has been twisted through the years, because the weenie parents thought it wasn't suited for children. But now, I have the luxury of telling you this-this...epic.

You must be warned, this story was written in the future, then sent back in time by a time traveler, then people in the past changed it because it made no sense to them at the time.

Our story begins UNDAH DAH SEA. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
You must understand the accounts of the main characters, for, you would not understand it if I followed it the way the movie did or the way the story Hans Christian Anderson made it. It's always movies that skip very important parts, have you noticed that?

I read a short version of Hans Christian Anderson's story, and, to be honest, it isn't the farthest away you can get. I mean, it was a little more depressing than the movie, so there you are.

At any rate, I will begin with the story.

Ariel, who's actual name was Mary, due to having been born in the sea (Mare is Latin for sea), was the youngest (oh joy, another story with the main character being the youngest) of thirteen children...all girls. Yeah, I know, that's a lot of kids, but it's because their parents were catholic).

Anyway, her father, named, Aqua Man (I'm kidding, there was no record of his name) liked to collect fingernails...whole fingernails. All of the Merfolk collected one thing or another, by the fact that they have pretty much nothing to do UNDAH DAH SEA. However, it is quite difficult to get whole fingernails anywhere and his collection pretty much sucked.

"Hey Lionel, do you like my fingernail collection?"

Even if it was a bigger collection, it's still a really weird thing to collect.

"Wow, dude...that's...far out..."

Like I said at the beginning of this chapter, this is in the near future...probably about 2030 when we resort back to stupid gestures and saying things like "that's gnarly brooo."

Yeah, so that was a downer for the king of the sea.

The mother was not told well in this story, maybe because she died right away and you know nothing about her at that point when she just...ya know...died. No one knows how, they just thought her fingernails fell off and then she had a heart attack because no one looks good without nails, man!

The sisters are (...will be? Were? Darn time travel) kinda annoying so no need to dwell on them...

The story begins with Mary trying to sing underwater and then failing...because of the fact that she's underwater, so she instead gurgles a song about how she wants something more in life and how oooh liffeee you know?

Who likes music anyway? STOP RAISING YOUR HAND!

And she then tried to dance, and realizes that that isn't possible because woah, she has a fin and she's underwater!

Am I ruining the movie for you? HA!

She then got so depressed that she wanted to tell her father that she was going to travel the ocean in search of something more exciting. But when she entered her father's room, she beheld...GASP....AQUA MAN HIDING A BODY DUN DUN DUNNN!!
She screamed, which didn't really work, because...SHE IS UNDAH DAH FREAKING SEA.
Let's try this again: she gurgled and then swam like her life depended on it. She didn't stop until she entered a dark looming cave (can caves loom?) where low, and behold! There was a weird looking fat lady with weird octopus legs.

"Glub glup ler mmrrn." Underwater, remember?
Which meant, "Yo random lady, my father is a murderer just because he wants a bigger fingernail collection. So please save me!"

Though you can't exactly speak underwater, that didn't mean the Merfolk couldn't understand each other. I mean, you're living underwater for your whole life with some other people. I mean, wouldn't you want to get some sort of water language so you could talk? Yes. You would.

So, it seems that the octopus leg lady did in fact understand her.
That weird lady was named Crura. I know, it's a weird name, but I really wanted to use the Latin words I knew for this story because that's the only time they'll be useful!
Crura in Latin is legs. Because she had eight of them.

"Hihl blave glue!"

Crura was in fact, a good person in this story. And what she had said was, "I'll save you!" Or perhaps, "Hi, Dave Hughes." (I looked it up, he is an actual person) Which I'm pretty sure is not what she said.

So Crura grabbed her 'wonderful staff of magicalness', which is what she likes to call it, and bopped Mary on the head.

You may be thinking, "That doesn't sound very helpful! I don't think Crura is good at all!"

But nay, in order for Crura's magic to work, she must have Mary unconscious. Or maybe because she likes bopping people on the head. It's one or the other, man.

And that is where I leave the first part of the story. Sorry, bad cut off point, but it's getting to be a long chapter.