A sort of disclaimer for intolerant and butt hurt lads.

I recognize the time and effort of the writer and their dedication towards their work. I don't intend to insult or mock their work in anyway. I just intend to give an honest review of how I feel and see the book. My review wouldn't be applicable after they've edited their book, so don't be the dumbass that wages a war about my review being stupid. Definitely contains spoilers.

Note: The author hasn't proof read and all the remarks related to grammar have been discussed in the 'Vocabulary and Grammar' section.

TITLE: Alpha Deimos

Author: riyafarewell

Title and Cover - {5/10}

The title wasn't interesting or wasn't really helpful. It neither interested me in the book nor represented the book. It is just the name of the protagonist and there is nothing else special about it. If I see this name randomly, there is nothing in it that will actually attract me to read the book or demand my attention. A title more reflective of the book can be used.

The cover is okay; I wasn't amazed by it or attracted to it. It wasn't drawing my attention but it wasn't stopping me from reading the book. The cover can be improved and made more suitable. I guess it is still in a manner related to the book.

Blurb/Summary - {3/10}

Let's talk about the blurb in terms of the ideas and the plot first. The blurb sounds fairly typical frankly. I couldn't find anything different or new in it. It all seems rather monotonous, clichéd and seems like repetition of a story that has been written about a million times. Even the werewolf version of this story has been done a million times over. After reading the blurb, it feels like the same old story that honestly, I would skip reading because it is boring and well not that good.

In fact, the characters after a glance of the summary seem like the standard characters of a novel of this genre. The girl is always sacrificing and then, she will stand up for herself somewhere in the story or something. It seems a little uninteresting to me. On the basis of this summary, I would judge the book and wouldn't give it chance.

Now, let's talk about the grammar and vocabulary side of the blurb. The articles are a little misplaced and sometimes, omitted. For instance, it should be 'the' Blue Moon pack. Also, only the first letter would be capitalized as it is a proper noun and instead of repeating alpha, you could have written that he is the head of the pack. Redundancy never helps a story!

The next line isn't grammatically correct again. The line, "he is not in the plan...." is not only filled with grammatical errors but doesn't make any sense. I didn't really understand what you exactly meant by it. I would suggest proof reading the blurb as it is filled with errors in terms of tenses, articles, capitalization, sentence formation and conjunctions.

The vocabulary used was quite basic and there wasn't any focus on making description of the setting of this book, though I hope for it in the book.

In conclusion, the blurb has a negative impact on the readers instead of a positive one.

Grammar and Vocabulary - {3/10}

I feel the grammar definitely requires a lot of work and is a barrier for readers. The sentence structure is not right and the parts of speech haven't been used appropriately. It takes away from the readers' experience. It would require a lot of editing and proof reading for the book to be readable. The punctuation and conjunctions are wrongly placed or missing. Frankly, it is an English teacher's nightmare. The vocabulary used is pretty basic and standard and no efforts has been made by author to use better, more descriptive words or enhance the reading experience in that sense.

Flow and Pace of the Story - {4/10}

The story has been rushed in key moments that needed explaining or more time, while it has been dragged at other places. The car ride could have been shortened, but the first meeting shouldn't have been rushed that quickly. The fact that she was listening to songs on the earphone has been pointed out, while her resistance to practically being taken against her will, that is kidnapping has been allowed to slide away. I feel the author needs to check her priorities right away.

Due to the weird sentence structure and grammatical mistakes, the flow of the story has been disturbed and my attention as a reader divided. Similarly, the plot and scenes also seem to be abrupt and the transitions aren't smooth. Maybe, more planning is required by the author to ascertain how a scene should begin and end. Also, try to understand how to introduce a plot point.

Detail/Description - {4/10}

The description is very limited and you have to imagine a lot of details related to the setting a lot of times. The readers haven't been provided with description of the rooms, the places, the weather and the world the story is based in. The author needs to understand that whatever they imagine in their head is different what I may assume and I should be provided with details. The only description which was highlighted was the apparently mandatory drooling of the male cocky lead. There was an attempt of describing some settings a little and then, it faded away.

I, also, felt the way the emotions have been described doesn't make the characters seem unique, they just feel generic.

Overall Story - {4/10}

The story also has a plot which involves the good girl changing the bad guy, which is not only unrealistic but done over a hundred thousand times and when the author does it again in this story, it doesn't seem to add anything to the plate. It is the same old silly tale which is neither true nor pleasing.

The redemption arc annoys me, personally and I find that the dialogues have been written just to push forward the plot, but they seem to justify it. There are a hundred things a woman would do, instead of being taken away against her choice. The author wants to show that the protagonist is fearless, courageous and daring, but she doesn't come across as that at all. She seems more stupid than anything. The story is definitely not set in a world where consent or equality exists because the characters show otherwise.

Cliffhangers - {3/10}

There are no cliffhangers as such to the story as the plot has been done over a hundred thousand times and is all predictable. Her goofy decisions are neither new nor unique to her. The readers know almost how the story will move forward. The only thing keep me going is how many more disturbing and bad decisions can the author make.

Originality - {4/10}

The story doesn't seem that original to me as, the major plot point is quite done over. The story has used clichéd characters and doesn't bring much to the table for me.

Character Development - {3/10}

The characters feel like the standard characters of a wattpad novel about wolves with no quality that makes it stand out. It doesn't seem to lift above the stereotypes of poorly written wattpad novels of same genre. I feel the characters don't have a defining quality or if they have an attribute, it makes them seem very single dimensional. The male lead is an asshole. A misogynist who treats her lover as a prisoner and acts as if he holds possession over her makes me hate the guy. But the story seems to be shoving his redemption arc and it doesn't make sense. Just because he is the main lead, he has to have troubled soul that needs saving and is actually good inside. That is pathetic to me. The story is about a woman and is in her point of you, but it is truly a story of the man's struggles and how he rediscovers himself.

The female lead constantly justifies the abuse of her kidnapper and subdues all the torture and taunts. She isn't smart or mature, and readily gets kidnapped. She hopes to change her kidnapper's personality and thoughts and that is her purpose in life. She has no other arc than being a plot point for the male protagonist. She doesn't respect herself enough to hate the man who is the bane of all her problems and entertains him, quite often. She isn't consistent. She is witty one minute and then, as dumb as fool. She is courageous, but then she is subservient to all his commands. She is portrayed as a rebel, but she is all but one. She takes abrupt decision and changes the smooth flow of the story. All in all, her character and the decisions she takes don't make any sense at all.

Overall Score: 33/90

General Feedback

The story shows that the author has made an effort but still has a long way to go. I specified the various aspects to be worked on above and I hope it helps in improving the story.

SPECIFIC THINGS

Prologue

· The first thing I noticed was the lack of commas which does cause some amount of confusion in interpretation of sentences. There are simple spelling mistakes too.

· Also, he literally just left it at 'sweet'; there should be some sort of noun added after that to complete the nickname. It is very absurd to refer to a person as an adjective.

· It should be 'would never get boring'. I really suggest proof reading.

· The sentences are redundant at a lot of the points and the story is a little abrupt. The drunkard's scene didn't have much relevance.

· 'Anyways' isn't an actual word, anyway is the word.

· The lack of punctuation and the amount of grammatical errors is frustrating.

· The story has been written in a horrible manner if we talk about the sentence structure. It is tiring because I am more focused on the errors than how the story is shaping itself.

· The dialogues don't make sense grammatically.

· The stereotypical unnecessary ogling of the male figure's body and a paragraph denoted to it. It is quite hilarious how most of the alphas are ogled at and are tall as a short tree. It just makes your characters extremely common.

· The conversation between the protagonist and the alpha was rushed and the characters weren't built there. It felt as if she was ever ready to leave and was more concerned about not being left.

· Actions speak louder than words. Even though the story repeatedly shows that she wants to stay, her actions in front of the alpha make it seem like she can't wait to get out. I would have like for it to be more justifiable or for her to be more defiant.

· The alpha's character represents inherent ignorance, arrogance and privilege. He represents toxic masculinity and clearly doesn't care about free will. I know the story would tell me how he became so bad and how he will change but that is really clichéd and unreal.

· The story also seems to support the popular narrative of the good girl changing the bad boy, which I find really pathetic as it makes the alpha's story stereotypical and his character, one dimensional.

· She was convinced so easily that I feel she is a really clichéd protagonist, who is ready to just give anything away for the bad boy and has no standing of her own.

Chapter 1

· When you ignore the rules of indicating possession, it should be phone's calendar and please proof read.

· "So, if you three are here" would be the correct way to write that. The humour related to the names was fine; it could be faster paced.

· The number of errors is astounding.

· Everyone just likes her instantaneously. It could have been a little more realistic in terms of interactions.

· The whole prison thing makes him more villainous and if he redeems himself, it is the funeral of the plot of the story. I mean why he can't just be veil with a reason.

· Also, that was a good decision to show that he is definitely fucked up and doesn't know anything about equality or civilized behaviour.

· The experience of the protagonist in the prison could have been explained in a better manner with more detail. She would have more strength to endure, I would imagine as she is royalty.

· No one sleeps 'in' the couch; it should be 'on'.

· Is she blind, because the guy is definitely cruel and an asshole. He is actually very disrespectful and toxic. So, why is she stupid enough to not notice? Or why would the reader believe that? I think he is concerned more in the way of getting heirs than in the way of loving you. I feel the protagonist is deluded and accepting of abusive behaviour.

· I mean, it is incredibly outrageous how she waves off his wrongdoings and looks for love and care from him.

· It is making me feel icky because her behaviour is so subservient and deluded and she keeps changing her character traits throughout the chapter.

Chapter 2

· She constantly shifts character traits. She is courageous in one scene and then a scared rat in another. It makes it confusing for the readers to know what she represents. It just makes the book contradict itself.

· The 'redeeming of Alpha' initiative has been put into motion and I hate it. A person who has done so wrong should get a reality check, suitable punishment and maybe after that, a chance of improving. Justifying his acts is terrible.

· It is just irritating because I feel her character to be very weak mostly. She is deluded and weak. She takes all he shit given to her which makes her a self sabotaging protagonist.

· I feel the story needs more development, proof reading, revision of dialogues and character development.