A sort of disclaimer for intolerant and butt hurt lads.

I recognize the time and effort of the writer and their dedication towards their work. I don't intend to insult or mock their work in anyway. I just intend to give an honest review of how I feel and see the book. My review wouldn't be applicable after they've edited their book, so don't be the dumbass that wages a war about my review being stupid. Definitely contains spoilers.

TITLE: My Alien Love

Author:@MYLaDeyWorld

Title and Cover – {7.5/10}

The title of the story catches my attention and it gives readers room to imagine. It is quirky and interests one. The cover, on the other hand, can be improved and made better. It doesn't catch my attention nor makes me interested in reading the story. If, I judge this book by its cover, it would seem too generic and wouldn't stand out. I would suggest making changes in the cover to make it more suitable to the title or the plot.

Blurb/Summary – {7/10}

The blurb has been written in a quirky humourous manner which gives an insight into what sort of story the book will tell. It makes me expect the story to be written in a similar light-hearted manner. It perfectly sums up the plot and the mood of the story and tells you what the story will be about. It isn't that unique but it does what a blurb should do and it delivers. I feel certain parts of the blurb need improvement . They just seem to be messing with the flow and pacing of the blurb. I would also add there are few grammatical errors and typos present in the blurb, even in the first line and I would suggest making changes.

Grammar and Vocabulary – {4.5/10}

The book unfortunately is filled with grammatical errors. Tenses, articles, punctuations, sentence structure and adjectives all need either correction or improvement. The author needs to proof read the book thoroughly as errors are too many to ignore.

The vocabulary needs improvement too. It is quite apparent that the lack of command over vocabulary is affecting the description of the story. It impairs the writer and pales the reader's experience. In conclusion, I suggest there is scope for improvement of both.

Flow and Pace of the Story – {6/10}

The flow of the story was fine, but it can be improved. Some dialogues need to be rearranged, while the dialogues themselves need to be written in a manner which improves the flow of conversation and the flow of events.

Similarly, the pace needs to be faster. The story has slowed down in the first and second chapter, while the information received by the readers could have been covered in a single chapter. It leads to the reader getting distracted or losing interest.

Detail/Description – {5/10}

There has been an attempt at making description and adding detail but it has failed to achieve its purpose because of inapt vocabulary. Standard level of vocabulary has been used and it really doesn't draw the readers' attention.

I suggest reading few novels related to similar concepts to expand vocabulary. Also, more details can be added throughout the story.

Overall Story – {5.5/10}

The plot of the story is basically adding a twist to the cliché high school romance novels. But when u read the blurb, I really wanted for it to not be clichéd. While I can't say the book has delivered entirely on that, it has disappointed me that much. The book does need a lot of editing and improvement in a lot of areas.

Personally, I would have loved to read more, but the first few chapters lead to loss of interest for the book. There is some obvious foreshadowing in the book on several occasions.

Cliffhangers – {6.5/10}

There isn't a real cliffhanger at the end of a chapter or throughout the story. Everyone is aware who the alien is. But the cliffhanger is regarding the back story of the alien which might keep a person going in the story. Also, the mother serves as a mysterious character.

Originality – {7/10}

The book is original in the sense that there is alien on earth and the alien's entire back story, but its originality is affected by the constant clichés associated with various characters or the fact that it is the first day of school. So, the book is mix of clichés and new things.

Character Development – {5.5/10}

The characters are a bit clichéd. The protagonist seems a bit cuckoo at times. I am half serious when I say that I think she has schizophrenia because no one talks to oneself in such a weird manner. Kath is her best friend. The chapter doesn't develop her character in the first three chapters. The girl, Evalyn is made to be a total bitch for asking a guy's number. So that's that. All I know about the alien is that he is a hue, he doesn't know how to speak properly as of yet, he has a weird fascination with his mother and he is a bit sexist. The characters should be a little less stereotypical and add more specifics about them in a subtle manner.

Overall Score: 54.5/90

General Feedback

I suggest proof reading the book couple of times and expanding your vocabulary. Correcting all grammatical errors and adding more detail to the book. I have given my suggestions in a more explanatory manner below.

SPECIFIC THINGS

Prologue

· The first few things I noticed are that there were grammatical errors relating to tenses and that the sentences weren't formed properly.

For instance, the first line wasn't written in a proper manner.

It shouldn't be 'seemed' but 'seem' and still the sentence doesn't sound right.

· I like that you have made attempts at making descriptions and created the atmosphere of the silent terrifying night, however, I believe better adjectives and sentence structure could have been adopted.

· The part where you say 'small device', it would have been better to name it, this would add some detail to it and interests the reader more.

· The verbs and tenses have been used in their wrong forms at wrong times. I feel increasing the level of vocabulary and changing some words here and there to other synonyms will really help in creating an eerie vibe.

· When you said that 'I was searching for something', that is what you want the reader to think because you don't want them to know what is going on. I understand you are building up the scene but you need to write something more specific or if you want to deflect the reader, then use other ways. You can describe the character's actions, which implies he is looking for something.

· The last line should be written as 'and I smiled in return', unless this person is the alien and still adjusting to getting the gist of speaking English. If that is the case, that is a cool thing to add.

· The ending is perfect as it leaves the reader puzzled and wanting to make sense of the recent discovery.

Chapter 1

· There are few grammatical errors in the first paragraph. The exclamation marks are placed inappropriately and too many times, it feels like the girl talks in constant exclamations. 'On 'has been used multiple times in place of 'In'.

· Also, writing in first person doesn't mean literally putting down all the thoughts the character has or can think of.

· 'Some z's 'isn't really how 'some sleep' should be written, the brother's dialogue should be shifted upwards before, the line about books comes in, it would improve the flow of events.

· I think, at some places, the book has been written in a completely casual manner which makes it less authentic and sometimes, distracts me from the plot. Like writing in brackets or starting and ending sentences randomly at some places affects the book.

· It is 'voila' and not 'wala '.

· The sentence' it is not that pretty late' is redundant and doesn't make much sense.

Chapter 2

· I feel the story has been written in a very informal way, it hasn't tried to follow the simple rules of when to use capital letters or when, which punctuations are to be used.

· Also, I feel the protagonist's conversations with herself are a bit cringe worthy and I'd rather prefer the character breaking the fourth wall from time to time than conversing with oneself like a lunatic.

· In the first paragraph after the lines the author omitted the word' better' which makes the sentence incomplete. This can be made better by proof reading the work a couple of times.

· 'Kinda' is not an actual word in the dictionary, it is used in casual conversations or in manner of speaking.

· I can point out a lot grammatical errors in almost every other sentence, so instead of pointing out all of them, I will ask the author to read the chapter again and correct them.

· In the second paragraph, the wording can be changed to 'I said feigning enthusiasm' and it would make the sentence more crisp and short.

· The introduction isn't placed correctly. I have also found this approach to be clichéd and less interesting. Though, it adds ease for the writers, it is basically bombarding your readers with information, too much information out of nowhere.

· It is always better to offer information in bits and pieces throughout the course of two or three chapters. Instead of going on and on about all you could know about the character and its relationship with the protagonist.

· I feel the sentences have been framed in a manner which takes away the humour from the dialogues and they become plain and boring. The conversation can be smoother flowing.

· Tenses have been misplaced at multiple places. For instance, it should be, "have tapped', as it is present perfect tense you are trying to write in.

· 'Leaned on locker' isn't the right way to describe a scene as it doesn't help me grasp which locker and where. You could have written a locker or my locker to specify.

· I think I should stop with grammar errors because they are too many to point out. If you need help once you proof read, I will surely tell you the ones you missed.

· Now, let's focus on the plot so far, I wished the book could quicken up the pace as the story is not providing enough points of interest to keep me interested. I understand the need to introduce characters and use banter to help the readers understand the relationship between them. But, my problem is the introduction could have been done faster and the banter could have been more fun or interesting because I honestly felt like skipping ahead, which obviously doesn't work well for the book.

Chapter 3

· Instead of 'okay', I would suggest you to up the level of vocabulary; you can maybe use the word 'mundane'.

· A lot of the description needs improvement. Maybe enhance the vocabulary, add little details and use the right verbs.

· 'In' needs to be replaced with 'at' and you is repeating information as one already understands that the person has joined recently. It is redundant and useless. Also, it should be the office is where they told me to go.

· 'Just like the other girls', the alien is sexist too. The entire universe is doomed, I tell you.

· So, I have read the rest of the chapter without focusing too much or ignoring all the grammatical errors, it was ridden with. There were a lot of them and I hope you will tackle them.

· Let's talk about the plot. So far, I think the plot is okay, though, I wish, it could have been more interesting, as the concept was interesting. I feel the author should completely move away from stereotypes about teenagers and clichés about high schools. You don't need them to make a novel great as they only make it worse.