"What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my voice firm. But my mind thinks about Mary, and Alfie, and Tyler. I automatically think of the worst.

"We've lost contact with one of our Kofali allies." Cole explains. "The problem with that is we think he's been captured by outsiders. The main ship knows about it and is planning on sending out reinforcements."

"Wait, so this guy was basically doing what you and Kira do?" Rebecca asks.

"Yes, to me he was an ally, but to the other Kofali he was just a soldier reporting on rebel activity."

"Any idea on what outsiders took him?" Patrick speaks up.

"No," Kira answers.

"Then how do you know he's really in trouble?" He continues. "We can't exactly risk sending a bunch of our people out there on speculation alone."

"Our tablets are how we communicate with one another. We check in with our daily reports sometime before midnight. He hasn't checked in for 3 days." Cole says.

"Maybe the battery died," Leah makes her statement sound like a question.

"They're solar powered." Cole's voice begins to sound agitated at our hesitation. "And we're still able to digitally locate its location. It hasn't moved in 3 days either, which leads me to believe he needs help."

"So you want us to go help you find this idiot?" Damien bites back.

"Yes, because if he's not found in the next 4 days they'll send out troops. Troops that won't hesitate to capture or kill everyone in this camp if they find this place."

"But we don't have any idea where he is! And if somebody has him, we don't know what they're capable of. Are you two planning on coming with us?" Damien asks.

"I can point out where the tablet it...he can't be too far from there. And we still have things to do on the main ship. We need to be there." Kira answers.

"So it's a death mission," He gives a dry laugh. "Are any of you aliens capable of not seeing humans as fodder? Or pawns in your little game or whatever?"

"I'm tired of that, too," Leah glares at Kira. "But it's either find their guy or risk an alien army coming down on us and there's no way we could stop them from wiping us all out."

"She's right," Patrick agrees. "It's mercy that we're still living out here, that's what it is. We've been able to live here because they allow it."

"So I'm definitely going," Leah declares.

"I'll go, too." I say immediately, still eager for any excuse to leave this place.

"Me too," Brianna agrees. Damien quickly shakes his head.

"No, you can't. You're too valuable." He tells her.

"I'd have to agree with the boy," Katherine says. "You're the Kofali's biggest target."

"So wouldn't it be better if I was on the move, away from this camp?" Instantly, I know Brianna wants out of this place too.

"No, too many people are looking to you." Cole's voice has finality to it. "If you die, my people will be eager to broadcast it everywhere and a lot of people in the Reserves will want to give up."

"Alright," she sighs. "But what about Rachel? People were looking to her too."

"Not in the same intensity as they were. You've established yourself as the leader for the fight to take Earth back." Kira says with raw sincerity. I'm not sure what to feel about that. Relief, maybe? There will definitely be a smaller target on my back.

"You guys better get a move on, then. Four days isn't much time." Brianna says.

"We'll leave at dawn." Damien announces, and surprisingly no one protests. People immediately start getting belongings together, and I find myself walking toward Cole.

"Mary?" That's all I ask. He frowns, knowing that we've been through this a hundred times before and nothing has changed.

"Nothing yet," he grumbles.

"Really?" I feel my agitation starting to build. "It's been ages and you can't even tell me what ship she's on?"

"Your sister doesn't have the most unique name on this planet, and I apologize if finding her is not my top priority like it is for you." His voice is tired but it doesn't take much to sense his anger. With that, he walks away before I can get another word out.

A lightbulb goes off in my brain. If the worst happens, and Kofali troops get sent out, they may capture me instead of killing me. And if I can get on the prison ship, I have a chance at finding Mary and rescuing the other rebels. I could go off on my own and get the job done without Cole or Kira having to worry. But I need one thing.

When I spot his sister, I try again, call out to her. If I could use the alien guns like Elliot, I have a better chance at accomplishing a rescue on the ship. Once I reach her, I lower my voice.

"I want access to the Kofali guns. Can you do that for me?"

"No, I can't," She whispers. "I'm sorry. But to put you in the system would get immediate attention and my people would wonder how you gained access."

"Alright," I can feel my jaw clench despite trying to keep my voice neutral. Would a system so full of human and Kofali users really notice one new user? I may be on their radar, but I can't possibly be that high profile. By now, I'm just some annoying girl that got in the way. So much time has passed that surely I'm close to forgotten by both the Kofali and the people in the Reserve.

"Why do you want access to them?" Kira interrupts my thoughts.

"We're not exactly rolling in bullets. And your guns are much stronger."

"Rolling?" She raises a brow in confusion at my word choice.

"We don't have an excess amount of bullets." I clarify.

"I'm sorry I can't help you," She says again, frowning. "But I promise I will help your friends."

"Thank you," I say, but my voice is hollow.

I don't talk to anyone else while I pack my bag until I see Elliot. It doesn't matter that I beg him to come with me, he hasn't healed enough and therefore doesn't want to leave his place of comfort. That leaves me with trying to convince one of my parents to come. My father hesitates, but ultimately decides to stay and help guard, and be there for Annie. I can tell they're trying to convince themselves that I really can handle myself like I've been saying, and this is my chance to prove it.

As I rummage through my room to find things to take with me, I come across a little black notebook. Tyler's. I never read it. I didn't think I could handle what it said after having him taken away from me. The only reason I have it is because he knew what fate awaited him. Somehow, it was just a reminder that I'd lost him. I didn't want anything to do with it.

You shouldn't read it...I don't say very nice things about you, he told me once. Now that I'm officially erased from his brain, I might as well see what he used to think of me. I flip through the pages, skimming for my name. Someday, I'll go back and read this word for word. But maybe someday we'll get him back, and I won't have to.

Picked up another Reserve kid. Rachel, supposed daughter of David. Funny how that works out. She's very young. Well, she claims to be 18, but I doubt that. I don't know how she thought she would survive out here. I don't know how most of them think they'll survive. At least David knew how to use a gun.

I do understand where she's coming from, though. She just wants to find her family. I'm still trying to find mine. At the same time, I can't see her being a rebel. I can tell she wants to, but I don't think it's for her. But she seems a bit stubborn, so maybe she'll end up sticking with it. Regardless, she's got a long way to go. I should try not to judge, but she seems like more of a lost cause than Elliot.

Naturally, they put her in my room, since I've got the only extra bed. I'm going to miss the solitude. If gets bad, I'll just spend all my time training or in the woods. Although....if she snores, I'll have an excuse to kill her. Then I'll have the room all to myself again before the next straggler comes in.

There's a knock at the door, and I expect it to be my parents, but when I open it I see Cole.

"I apologize for being harsh with you earlier," His violet eyes stay trained on the floor, deep in thought.

"It's alright. I've been nagging you. I know you have a lot going on."

"I'll find her." He promises me.

"And I'll find your friend." I nod at him.

"I never thought I would say this," He flashes a sheepish grin. "But I think you're one of my favorite humans. You've got that fighting spirit that I like about people on this planet, even if it makes you do stupid things."

"Thanks," That earns a breathy chuckle out of me, but I'm hit with a wave of sadness. Tyler said something very similar. That it was the reason people looked to me. He won't remember that anymore. I shake my head to clear it. "Who is your favorite, then?" I try to keep the mood light.

"Oh, I can't tell you that, Miss Collins," He backs away from the door, a playful look in his eyes. "It's a secret."

"Aw, come on!" I protest. "Can't you give me a hint?" He seems to ponder this for a moment before giving me an amused expression.

"It's the only rebel still at this camp that I think is more capable of leading than you are." He says. I pause, stumped. My mind runs through everyone still here. Damien. Grace. Elliot. Rebecca.

"Is it Brianna?" I practically shout.

"Goodbye, Rachel," He calls as he exits the cabin, leaving me to take that as a yes.

Before I can go after him and unload a wave of teasing, I feel my heart start to hammer in my chest. For whatever reason, the room starts to feel hot and my body slips into numbness. Breathing slowly gets more difficult, as if the air around me is thick as mud and swallowing me whole. I squeeze my hands into fists, but it doesn't help this time. Fainting or vomiting seems inevitable. What's happening to me? Am I dying?

Dying. The word alone unleashes a flood of memories. Jacob. Abe. Garret. Angie. Bodies. All the bodies. The men in the Reserve. The outsiders I killed. Over and over. I grip the wooden headrest, and somehow I feel myself coming back to reality. Those are memories, from the past and not the present. Right now, I am in a cabin at the outsider camp. My grip tightens as I take in my surroundings.

I have to get out. Staggering forward, I throw open the door and tear through the camp. I ignore questioning stares from people I've never spoken to as my eyes continue to search. When I spot the familiar cabin, I don't bother knocking.

"Kieran," My voice is shaking as he nearly launches a knife into my chest. Cursing under his breath, he drops the knife. One look at my expression and his anger morphs to concern.

"What is it?" He asks, pushing his open backpack and supplies aside.

"Can we go hunting?" I try to keep my voice stable.

"Now? It's nearly dark." He gives me a confused look, glancing at the window.

"A walk, then," Desperation creeps in. My body starts to get antsy, my fingers tapping on the door.

"Of course," He nods, grabbing his knife and his bow as he walks me out.

"Can Leah-" I take one glance out the window and see her by a fire, animatedly telling a story to Olivia and Elliot. And Elliot actually starts to laugh. "Never mind."

The walk itself is pointless. We go nowhere, hunt nothing, and don't speak. But I get the time to try to put my broken mind back together. I don't know what's wrong with me. Even a few weeks ago, I thought I was becoming so strong. A real rebel. Yet even as my body strengthens, my mind weakens. Does this happen to all of us?

"You said you would be here for me if I needed help," I state.

"I will." He confirms.

"Well, I need help," There I go, stammering again as I try to settle my emotions. "How do you deal with it all? When your nightmares become your reality....when everything becomes hell and shows no sign of letting up." I realize I probably sound overdramatic, but a part of me hopes if anyone understand what I'm going through, it would be an outsider.

"You have to find what keeps you grounded." He tells me. "Maybe you take some deep breaths, maybe you think of happy memories. Or maybe that's not enough. You gotta find what works." With his free hand, he pulls a cord hanging around his neck with a tiny shell strung on it. "I grew up never wanting for anything. I had everything handed to me. But my grandmother kept me humble. She made this for me, and whenever things get bad, I hold onto it and hear her voice."

Absentmindedly, I reach up to my ponytail. The ribbon. That's what can ground me. But my hands grasp at nothing but strands of hair. A chill shoots down my spine as panic sets in. The same weird feelings from earlier return full force.

"No," I sputter. "The ribbon...where is it? Ava gave it to me. No, no, no!" I become a mess of jumbled words and panicked breaths. Kieran grabs my shoulders, attempting to steady me.

"Shh, it's okay," He keeps his voice calm. My hands snatch onto his jacket, forcing myself to focus on the feel of the fabric in my hands. "I'm here. You're here. You're okay."

I can't tell how much time passes before I let go, but when I do I find myself embarrassed and frustrated.

"What's wrong with me?" I can't help but ask, wanting to rip myself apart.

"I heard about..." He trails off, eyeing me. "What happened today. Maybe that just made things worse for you. It's not your fault. You care, and you worry, and you do it because they matter to you. This is just a side effect."

I nod, but I'm not convinced. And Kieran can tell. He leads me back to the camp without another word as my eyes scan the ground for the ribbon. When I make it back to my cabin, I even unpack everything in search for it, but it's gone.

Little Ava's smile flashes in my mind. A child who doesn't deserve any of this, I always say. And yet, she was determined to get through it. To find happiness and reasons to laugh and time to play. No matter how much she endured, she pulled it together like Annie and Jacob and every child seems to. They're proof I can get through it too. But I realize now what I need. I can't embark on this mission alone, and I can't lie to myself and say that I'm fine when I'm clearly not. I need someone to keep me grounded.

Heading out to the weathered and worn cabin next to mine, I knock and my mother opens the door. I see that they've still opted to sleep on the metal bunkbeds with thin, flimsy, ratted mattresses. Rebecca's family shares the next room. How lucky I am to have a whole room to myself with a half-decent bed. One perk of going from injured to crazy.

"I need you to go with me," I tell her. "I know you and dad think I can do this on my own, but I'm telling you I can't."

She responds with a gentle smile, embracing me.

"You don't have to go at all." She reminds me, kissing the top of my head.

"I need to." I need to get active in this fight again to help me get my mind busy and get people to take me seriously. And I need to find a way to get to Mary and my friends. It won't happen if I just stay here.

"I'll go wherever you need me." Her voice is firm and sincere.

When I get back to my room, I try to sleep with no avail. So I go back to packing. I get so focused that I barely hear the knock on the door. A moment later, my father steps in. I say hello, but find myself going back to packing.

"Please be safe," He tells me, looking over what I'm packing with careful speculation.

"I will be," I try to make my voice as convincing as possible to ease his worries.

"You're an adult, you can make your own decisions," He begins. "But don't let your love for your friends and family cloud your judgement. Put your own safety first."

Hardly anyone knows me better than my mother and father. Right away, my dad can tell that I would do anything to get back those I've lost, even if it was stupid or life-threatening. I wouldn't think twice about it, and my stubbornness would keep me from ever backing out regardless of who tried to stop me. But he's right. I need to focus on my own survival too.

"I love you," I tell him as I zip up my bag, trying to fight off the tears welling in my eyes.

"I love you, Rachel. Remember, you can always come back." He embraces me, and we stay like that for a long time. For the first time all day, I start to feel calm and my mind takes me back.

I'm 7, and we're at Disney World. I'm skipping around the Magic Kingdom, singing Let's Go Fly a Kite from Mary Poppins at the top of my lungs. Suddenly, I trip and fall, skinning my knees. The pain is sudden and scary. I burst into tears in an instant. But someone scoops me up and dries my tears, and I find myself looking into the warm brown eyes of my father. His smile calms me, and as he murmurs comforting words and bandages my knees, the pain fades away.

I'm 12, seconds away from performing The Nutcracker. My part is so small. I'm only in the background. Yet somehow, I've never felt so scared. The curtains rise, and I see my father in the front row of the audience. In my moment of terror, I notice the pride in his expression. When he mouths "You look beautiful," the fear fades away.

I'm 16, and all over the news are images of a massive, strange ship hovering in the sky. I don't know what to think of it. Questions build in my brain, and I spill them all out at my father. He answers them the best he can, patient, calm, and attentive. When I run out of words, he tells me: "No matter what happens, you are my priority. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe." I hug him, and the paranoia fades away.

I'm 18, and this time, I'm the one leaving. For a split second, a part of me wants to stay. Staying would mean I remain in the comfort of my family, and I have a chance at deluding my mind that things can go back to the way they were. But I've come to understand that with our family, we do what we do to protect each other, even if it means leaving. When I pull away from my father, I envision all of us being reunited again, and when I see his smile, the doubt fades away.

If you enjoyed this, please be sure to vote and/or comment, I would really appreciate it!

Question for the chapter: What is your biggest source of comfort that helps keep you grounded? Is it a family member? A toy from your childhood?