Hate colors the soul.

It spreads throughout the entire system, shutting down all other feelings, and becoming central to the life one owns. If not controlled it can easily blacken one's heart and mind.

"Um... My name is Simon Ivan Hawthorn and uh...I got emotional and anger management problems...I think."

My brain is a violent whirl of stupidity, trying to organize the chaos in my life. It seeks to discover a way to control everything I see and want.

So I got problems.

What's better than venting out all your feelings towards a stranger?

Even if I have to repeat the same part of the story every damned time.

"I'm twenty eight years old and married to an annoying wife and father of six boys and a bonus boy from not my wife and an extra boy that came out of nowhere. I really don't care of them. Heck I barely even know of their names. Of my kids that is. I am a very very very selfish man. I left them four weeks ago promising my wife I would return in six months. I'm lying though. I'm not intending to go back to them at all. All I wish to go back to is to my mansion and to my people. This time I will burn down everyone who disobeys me. I tried to change, trust me I did, but I don't have it in my genes apparently for a good change."

The therapist glance at me and before she said anything, I kept on ranting.

"I mean the only fucking person who can change me into a better person, barely stands my presence. She hates me even when I told her many times it wasn't my fault but when she looks at me with her sweet innocent brown eyes...all I see... Is hope in myself. Maybe there is a chance I can keep her. Just got to keep her away from the truth."

"And what is that truth Mr. Hawthorn?" The therapist finally managed to say her first words.

"That...we're all monsters trying to be more humans..." I stared up at the white ceiling.

Truth is whenever I see into Angie's eyes, it's far from hope. I see myself as the monster in her eyes. For some reason that's all I see and I have no clue why.

That's all what she sees.

The real truth I don't want her to know is my life. My personal life.

"Now as monsters...what do you mean by that? Do you mean mental thoughts affecting you in a way?" She thoughtfully fixated her eyes upon me.

"Um you could say that. Listen I am married but even that doesn't make me stop being who I am."

"And you are...?"

"Alpha. And I get whatever I want." I sat up from the black leather chaise lounge.

"You have a very vivid mind sir," she quietly laughed.

Humans...

"Now back to reality... What you are telling me is you are unfaithful husband to your wife because your mind wanders off to another woman? Does this sound correct?"

Did she not listen to my whole story???

"Yeah whatever."

"I'm sorry Mr. Hawthorn I'm really trying to understand you the best way I can," She sighed. "It's just your way of words sound more role playing to me."

"Excuse me?" I frowned.

"It's been a week now Mr. Hawthorn and all I've gotten," she paused and glanced quickly in her notepad. "Is you speaking in terms of fiction fantasy. Why is it you mention so much of being Alpha? Vampires, cats, and crazy fathers after you?"

"You have one job." I shot her a glare. "Your only job is to listen to my problems."

"That's not how my job works." She slightly frowned. "I listen and find solutions to those problems as well as giving advices. If you need someone to listen I would recommend you finding a friend or a relative."

I quickly stood up forgetting my strength, making the therapy couch flip over. I stood right in front of her desk and stared deep into her eyes.

I take no order from a human.

"The first day I came here you told me all of our conversations will be confidential. Is that true?" I leaned over her desk.

"Y-yes." Her eyes went round.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"This is no girly sleepover where you go telling each others secrets and swear to die with it." She stared back at me regaining her professional composure. "I need you to make sense Mr. Hawthorn."

"The only thing you need to understand is that I always get my way. I always get what I want." I stared into the clear window of her soul through her eyes.

"Until now," She crossed her legs. "Where you come from you're like an alpha to your friends and families. Recently you moving to the city has only brought opposite results. You're afraid of loosing control."

"...."

I blinked twice and sat down in one of her tufted arm chairs she had in front of her desk.

This is what I get for talking to a human.

"So what is your real reason to moving to the city when you have everything back where you are from?" She looked at me with an serious expression but deep down I know she was mocking me and was finding amusement in all of this.

"I lost a few friends and I'm trying to look for loyal ones." I tried to put it in a way so she could understand me better.

"That's not hard at all."

"Maybe to you." I mumbled under my breath. Luckily she didn't hear it.

"Get social media, go outside, randomly say hi to people, it is that easy Mr. Hawthorn."

"I said loyal." I gave her a deadpan look.

"You can find every type of friends. All you have to do is choose them wisely."

Sometimes I ask myself why bother coming here...

Maybe because I needed someone to listen to me or maybe the fact that I actually feel lonely staying at the apartment all the day. Either way the therapist was not helping me at all but still I find the time to always come here. She just smiled at me having no clue what I was.

The naive human beings.

"Can I tell you something?" She put her notepad to the side and simply just smiled at me. "Go to your wife and kids. It will do good for everyone."

Before I could add some remark to the kind, her phone rang.

"Miss Tara your next client is here. And she is desperate to talk to you."

"Thankies! Let her in a minute." And she hung up her phone. "Well Simon until next time."

"...sure..." I stood up and walked out the doors.

*****

Snake eyes told me to find the extra money before the week ended so I could get my pack.

My very damaged tortured pack...

Jezebel and Nicky have been helping me finding the money for me and so far we almost had all what we needed.

I opened the door to the apartment and was greeted by little Erwin who grinned at me and started to clap.

I just frowned.

"Hey dad!" Albert ran out from Nicky's room and stood behind Erwin.

"What is it now?" I rolled my eyes.

"So we were like hoping you would take us out." Albert flashed all of his little white teeth and looked up at me with his blue eyes.

"We? Or as in you?" I frowned. "Because last time I checked this pup is mute." I tossed a look towards Erwin.

His eyes went round before drooping his head.

"Not cool dad." Albert glowered. "I can understand him." He pulled out a folded paper from his back pocket and handed it to me.

I opened it and it was a crayon drawing of a swing and a slide with a few trees and a blue sky.

"Pleaseeeee we're bored being locked up in here. Is this what jail feels like?" He pouted.

"Where's Nicky right now? Tell him not me."

"He left with Jezebel like two seconds ago. They saw you come in and left."

"What?" I slowly blinked.

Freaking vampires always leaving me the annoying little things.

"So can you?" Both of them tugged on my shirt.

Kill me now...

"I got other things to do." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Their eyes started to water and before they could bawl their eyes out I thought of someone who could help me with this.

"Ugh okay fine geez follow me." We headed out.

Why is it always that I find myself conflicted, I have to think of Angie?

I know it angers her always seeing my face but I can't help it.

I need to see hers...

I stood in front of her apartment door with Albert and Erwin right behind me, still tugging on my shirt.

The only person keeping me sane is Angie herself.

"What are you waiting forrr?" Albert whined. "Knock on the pretty lady's door."

I shot him a glare and before I could knock on the door, the door opened right before me.

I flashed one of my perfect smiles but then suddenly it faltered and a dark cloud loomed over me as I stared at the person at the door.

It wasn't Angie.

A guy stared back at me.

"Who the hell are you?" I fisted my hands ready to punch the mother fucker's face.

The guy smirked and opened the door wider.

"Ah if it isn't the wanted Alpha Simon. I've waited for years to finally meet you." Its dark green eyes locked in with my hazel ones.

"Fan or something? Sorry I can't sign autographs at the moment. I need to talk to Angie." I tried to take a step in but the guy blocked me with his foot.

"Woah woah woahhhh what are you doing?" He started to laugh. "You can't just barge in a lady's apartment."

"Oh so you can?" I growled.

"As a matter of fact...yes." He grinned and stretched out his hand. "Name's Zack and I'm her mate."

I'm her mate...

Her mate...

Mate....

"Zack?" Angie's voice spoke from behind.

He looked back to see Angie already walking towards the door.

"S-Simon?" Her eyes went round and her face pale.

My body froze and for the first time I was lost for words. Why was this hurting me so much?

"Now that she is here...come on in." Zack stepped aside and a smirk played on his lips.

I slowly took a step inside and simply just looked at Angie. She was wearing a white T-shirt that stuck nicely on her simple body and a pair of shorts. My eyes went up to look into her brown eyes hoping for an explanation.

A few days ago she warned me about her mate wanting her to turn me in to him. Seeing him in her apartment like that made me feel queasy inside.

Could she have been capable of doing this to me?

Even after everything?!

No no Angie wouldn't. I trust her like no other.

The boys slowly walked in close to me and had little confused looks on their faces.

"Dang Simon you've been busy." He laughed as he looked down at Albert and Erwin. "How many are out there?"

"W-what?! No they aren't mine!" I started to panic.

Albert and Erwin both looked at me but said nothing.

"You sure? That one looks kinda like you." He stared directly at Erwin.

"Baby cousin and nephew." I lied.

"There are more of you???" Zack took a step back.

"What do you mean more?" I frowned.

"You're the last living for the Hawthorn am I right?"

My father died the day I was being born and my mother was out there somewhere. Her absence pretty much made me who I am today. I had no cousins, no siblings, no relatives...heck now that I realize I'm the one and only of the originals of the Hawthorn's family tree.

What is it that these cats want from me?

"Not to be rude but I came to talk to Angie not you." I glared at Zack.

He gritted his teeth and before he could say something else, Angie finally butted in.

"I believe anyways that you were just leaving am I right?" She narrowed her eyes at Zack.

"I'll be in the front." He grumbled and finally walked out from the apartment.

"Ugh thank God I thought he was never going to leave." I groaned as he shut the front door.

"What is it Simon?" She dryly asked.

"A little more enthusiasm to see me would be nice."

"I'm serious Simon." She crossed her arms. "What you need this time?"

"She the pretty lady that bought me ice cream." Albert came out from behind me and nudged Erwin.

"Shut it you two. Obviously you Albert." I was this close to stepping on his foot again.

"Aw hello there." Angie squatted down and beamed a smile to the two boys.

If only she would smile to me like that...

"Let me guess you need me to care for them as well." She stood up.

"Well sort of you see... I got other things to do and I got no time for them-"

"Of course you don't."

"Just take them out for a while will you..." I face palmed.

"Chrissy you can come out now!" Angie called out.

"Who the hel- I mean heck is Chrissy?"

"Wow you really have bad memory. Guess its true what they say about men and their brains."

"Excuse me?"

There she was again, always finding a way to insult me.

The boy whom I rescued a few days ago, came out from one of the rooms and cautiously came towards us. He hid behind Angie and peeked from there.

"Hey there little fella." I managed to smile.

I don't know what is about this human kid but something in me makes me want to smile. I squatted down and held out a hand.

"Remember me?"

It's been a few days that I haven't seen him. Ever since I left him here with Angie, I haven't had the time to come in and check on him. From the looks of it Angie have been taking good care of him.

"It's okay Chrissy he's stupid but won't hurt you." Angie added.

I shot her glare.

Chrissy took my hand and finally smiled, bringing his old self back.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. The way he came out of the room and looked at me made me worried.

"Yes. It's the mean one. He scared me. But I'm good now." He gave a genuine smile with his eyes.

"Mean one?"

"Boys how about you play in Chrissy's room while we talk?" Angie suggested.

"Oh goodie! Let's see his room!" Albert and Erwin followed off with Chrissy to his room.

"What did Zack do to him?" I growled, feeling anger take over. The thought of him doing something to the boy made me want to punch something til blood came out.

"Nothing. Zack was just yelling too much about things. He doesn't know I have him."

"Why not?"

"You stupid?" She frowned. "There is no way I'm exposing Chrissy to Zack. It's enough with us."

"Chrissy? You named him that?" I snorted.

"That's his name you big dunce."

"...oh..."

"Simon...you really have to stop looking for me." She looked down as she fisted her hands. "Now Zack knows where you are. He is going to kill you."

"He can try."

"This is no joke."

"Seriously he's a cat," I chuckled. "What can that thing do to a 180 pound wolf?"

"Never underestimate Zack. Not to mention my specie. You really don't know much huh?"

"I know enough." I rolled my eyes.

"But no in all seriousness though," she grabbed one of my hands and held it in hers. "Watch out will you? His plan was for me to lure you in now things changed. Zack's mind is unpredictable. Who knows what's his next step. If it includes me, I don't know."

I was so focus in her hand on mine that I really don't know what she just said. I simply nodded and gave a weak smile. A simple touch from her sent sparks to fly through out my body.

"I'll be fine. As long as he doesn't do anything to you. It's all hiss and no scratch."

She laughed a little and quickly looked away, taking her hand away from mine.

"The boys will be safe with me."

"I'll pick them up later tonight."

"Okay." She forced a smile and led me out the door.

*****

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if my father never died.

If my mother would have been for me when I most needed her.

If I never got married to Brittany.

If I never became Alpha...

Maybe I would have been better.

Maybe... I don't know.

I got on my knees and arched my back as I transformed myself into my wolf form. The wolf in me begged for freedom.

I miss the outdoors.

Where the forest sky vanishes almost completely, only a few fragments of light seeping through and the air where is rich with the fragrance of leaves and loam, damp too. The occasional bird, startling in a trees or a squirrel dashing up a nearby trunk. I take in all the air my lungs will hold and expel it slowly.

I want to go back.

I started to pace around in circles up the rooftop of the apartments where no one would see me, reminiscing all the good times running free under the trees.

A little familiar voice caught my attention though.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Are you? You know what happens when you lie to me."

I followed the voices around the corner behind a wall and found two cats sitting side by side with their backs facing to me.

"Then why didn't you tell me that the idiot is already fallen for you?" A black cat spoke.

"I told you he doesn't like me." The white and gray cat replied.

Angie and Zack.

What are they talking about?

"Didn't you see how he looked at you? He was practically eye raping you!" Zack hissed.

"So what? That's what you wanted right? To seduce him and bring him to you no?

"Well yes but-"

"Let Simon go."

"No can do love. Someone needs to pay for our kind and that will be him. Once a wolf always a wolf."

"Simon isn't like that!" Angie protested.

I quietly crouched down and listened as much as I could before leaving. I needed to get out of here soon before someone spotted me. The disadvantage of being a wolf, unlike them cats they could roam around freely.

"Are you defending him?!" The fur on Zack's neck bristled.

"Simon is different... He's changing."

Zack swatted a paw at the back of Angie's head.

"Maybe it's not him falling for you but the other way around!"

"N-no!" Angie's brown eyes went round. "I see him just as a friend."

"Making friends with the enemies have you gone insane?! That's it I'm bringing your brother here as well. We are moving in with you."

"B-b-b-but-"

Zack closed in on her ear and whispered something that I couldn't quite hear. Whatever it was...it wasn't good. She drooped her head and stared at her paws.

I needed to talk to Angie again.

And soon.

Not to mention I have to get the kids out of there before it's too late.

I quickly transformed back and changed into my clothes running back down the flight of stairs.

I'll deal with Zack later. For now I need to focus on Snake Eyes and end this mess once and for all.