This chapter is dedicated to @BardofStories for inspiring this chapter and a new ending. This one is similar to the last one but from Cecelia's PoV. It has much more, so I'd recommend you guys read it. It explains how Cecelia felt and dealt with her situation and how things turned around. Thank you so much for your support❤

-:Cecelia's PoV:-

It was hard. To adjust to a life without your wolf is not easy. 

Everyone has at least one person who can help you survive the loss of a close loved one. But nobody can tell you how to live with yourself when a piece of you dies irrevocably. And I was not talking figuratively.

I couldn't feel anything anymore other than forlornness and my thoughts turned negative and self-deprecating.

For a long time, I loathed myself. That feeling of being incomplete made me think I wasn't enough. Not for my family, not for my pack, not for . . . not for Ashton. I pushed them all away and I withdrew into a world of my own.

Being different is difficult. When you grow up being dissimilar to the others around you, you learn that the hard way.

The world is scared of 'different'.

'Comfort in familiarity,' is taken too literally.

I was bullied and isolated a lot. I had gotten over it, but I could never forget or recover from the emotional duress that had put me under.

I was still emotionally scarred.

So when losing my wolf made me the potential 'freak' of the pack again, I was terrified. I thought they'd send me away as they had done before. I thought they'd stop loving me, caring for me, and would want to get rid of me.

I was terrified of being cut off again.

So, I began cutting them off before they could do it to me.

I was surprised when none of them left me alone in the beginning. All my family would visit me from time to time. They'd bring me chocolates, comfort foods, and other gifts that I never bothered opening. They'd sit and talk to me about their day while I spaced out every time. I never had to ask. I was never asked. I thought it didn't bother them. I thought they just came there to empty their hearts out to a person who wouldn't blab.

I was so wrong because the visits became less and less frequent and one day they stopped completely.

The first four months were the worst. That was when I struggled the most with what I had become. 

A mere human. 

It was something I never thought I'd be. Something I'd always viewed as weak. I hated what I was. I hated what had become of me. I was insecure. 

Julian was my friend because he liked my spirit. I remembered him telling me that when we first met during training. Would he still want to be my friend after my spirit was broken? Ashton loved how I was independent and fierce. Now that I was neither, would he still want me or would he drop me as the rest of my family and Callie did?

It was a spiral. 

Multitudes and multitudes of negative thoughts crashed my head periodically. Each was darker than its predecessor. The nights were the most arduous. Despite Ashton staying with me, I could still not decompress completely. The nightmares wouldn't leave me. My insecurities were too dominant. Ashton's company was preferred over everyone else's, but I was too lost in my own head for it to help.

I had no idea what I did to deserve Ashton. Maybe I didn't deserve him and our bond was just a mistake. A beautiful mistake I would thank Selene for the rest of my life. 

If he had not been there, I would've lost myself permanently. Everyone gave up on me but he didn't. He had faith. He believed in me. He still loved me. When I pushed him away, he somehow came closer. He read me to sleep like a child. He sat down with me in his spare time and didn't force me to talk. He would enjoy the silence with me as if that was his favorite thing to do. He gave me surprise hugs and kisses out of nowhere. He would take me on long drives to give me a change. He would cook dinner at night while I sat and watched him mindlessly. He would cuddle up with me on the couch afterward and watch animated cartoons and even Barbie movies with me.

He was an angel.

Julian had called last month. Both Diana and Liana had finally given birth. It was refreshing talking to them. Speaking to them I didn't feel damaged or incomplete. They were the people who had known me at my worst and still loved me. Even now they did. They didn't mention that they were sorry. They didn't look at me with pity. In their eyes, I was the same Cecelia who was standing at their doorstep at the age of eleven, wanting to prove her worth.

I had forgotten what it felt like. It awakened parts of me that I thought I had lost forever: my confidence and hope. I saw the light for the first time in months. I saw myself as Cecelia and not some girl who lost her wolf.

Julian and Liana named me the Godmother of their children- Nathan Alan Donovan-Curtis and Marcus James Donovan-Curtis. I almost cried. I felt so touched. 

I saw those children crying on the screen and I felt my heart tug. I was their Godmother. For the first time in a long time, I felt for someone other than myself. Something other than my love for Ashton and my self-pity and desolation. I felt a need to be strong. For those kids, I wanted to be a person who they could confide in. I wanted to be the family I never had. A friend I found in Julian and an Aunt I wished I had.

That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was wasting my life. I was moping around because of what I had lost. Something I couldn't reverse. Serafine wouldn't have wanted that. That bitch had a fire in her that couldn't be doused with a hose. I was being selfish and thinking of nothing but myself.

It was my fears. My insecurities. My loss. My needs.

It was never about how it would impact the people I loved and cared about. It was always me. I wondered if I had always been that self-centered. 

I went back in my head and revisited the past few months: my mother trying to get me to get out more, my father trying to get me to talk, Aaron trying to introduce me to his second chance mate. 

They had always been there. I had chosen to overlook it.

Guilt flared in my veins. Hadn't I promised myself that I'd never hurt my family ever again?

Come to think of it, when was the last time I saw dad, mom, or Aaron myself? When was the last time I talked to Ashton about how he was doing? When had I last seen him laugh or relax?

My parents' wolves also lost their pup. How could I not see that before?

I knew I couldn't reverse what I did. I knew it too well, unfortunately. So, I decided to make it better. Five months. I had moped around for almost five months. That was more than enough. It was time to get things back on track. 

I didn't know where exactly I got the strength to rebound. To even think about it. It was so hard. I had been in my shell for so long, it was physically restricting to talk at all. It had been a month since that day and I was still trying.

We had just gotten home from dress shopping for the Prom they thought they had 'roped me' into. Bree and Riley were rather enthusiastic shoppers. My feet were aching from all that standing and walking about. I was no longer used to any physical activity. I was practically a potato couch but didn't look it. I might not have had my wolf, but I did still have my werewolf gene. The girls had dropped me off at mine and Ashton's place and left. I had asked them to come in for dinner but they tactfully declined.

Riley and Bree had been waiting for me to get better along with Noel and Hayden. In school, they'd been my guard. They were there for me at lunch when I didn't feel too good to be in a crowd. They'd told Mathilda to fuck off when Ashton wasn't around and I was too lost to. They were there to help me recover. They were not overbearing and let me have my space but they didn't abandon me either.

Ashton was cooking as per usual. It was over eight o'clock and we usually had our dinner at eight-thirty every night. The house smelled heavenly.

"Hey," he greeted me as I dumped my bags on the floor and made my way to the kitchen. I smiled in response. It was getting easier every day.

"Hi," I said, kissing his cheek. My lips tingled lightly. I had missed that. Which made me realize that it had been a while since I had done that. If Ashton noticed, he didn't react. He just beamed at me.

"Which one did you end up getting?" He asked curiously. 

"The one you voted for," I replied with another smile. "Like you didn't already know that."

"I made your favorite - Chicken Alfredo," he grinned, strategically changing the topic. The dress he chose screamed 'girl' on another level and he knew I would tell him off passive-aggressively. But at the mention of my favorite dish, I felt myself getting excited. He was forgiven.

"Good thing I'm hungry, then," I said. "I'll set the table. Can I help you with anything else?"

"Just eat, Ce," he kissed my temple. I relished that feeling. He'd been doing that a lot. It made me feel protected and loved, so I wasn't complaining.

We had a nice, casual conversation flowing at dinner. The food was amazing as usual. The guy could cook. Better than me, even. I could barely make anything. But I was never going to tell him that. Then, like we did every day, we went out for our walk. As we strolled to the stream from the overly familiar route, I decided to speak up.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. He didn't respond, his face suddenly becoming somber. I observed his posture. I knew him well enough to know that this was a conversation he saw coming but not at that very instant. Even without Serafine, he was my person and an open book to me.

"It wasn't your fault, Cecelia." He finally said.

"But it was," I lamented, kicking a pebble. "I couldn't control the disaster that happened but the way I dealt with it? That's all on me."

"It's okay," he shrugged, giving me a sad smile. "I can't even imagine what it feels like to lose your wolf like that. Xavier hasn't spoken much since your accident. I think he already knew when Serafine . . . you know. He just couldn't say it."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, stopping as we reached the stream. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"I'm just glad to have you back," he kissed the top of my head. I melted into him.

"You never lost me," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around him.

"I almost did," he whispered. I gulped, not knowing how to respond.

"Never again," I promised, pressing my lips to his. He responded without hesitation. It was a sweet kiss. Our first kiss in months. Another thing in the list of things I regretted.

"How are you feeling? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, his hands brushing my hair back. I gently drew away and grabbed his hand. I lead him closer to the stream and sat down at its edge. I rolled my jeans up and he caught on, rolling up his. We sat down there, side by side, our legs dipping in the water. I rested my head on his shoulder and his arms automatically wrapped around my waist.

"I do," I swallowed and finally poured my heart to the man I loved. It was the least I could do. 

He deserved to know.

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A/N:-

Hey. A reader pointed out that the previous ending was a little too dark and I found myself agreeing. Thank you for your positive criticism, by the way. I honestly appreciated it. I hope you like the new ending I've been working on.

Stay tuned for the next part, guys!

Comment your thoughts. Vote. Share.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time, all my love,
xoxo.