You'll never know love
not until you learned
 how much you're willing
 to sacrifice for it.
 Real love is
 not possessiveness,
it's letting your love
 fly on its own.  

/27/ Amor Vincit Omnia (Love Conquers All)

[...]

WE were conditioned by society that the one who apologizes first is a sore loser. It's commonly accepted today that a person's pride should be protected at all costs.

Because of human pride, people glorify earthly things to exalt themselves. It's a generation full of lovers of self, and people are constantly competing to be the greatest, the highest, the richest, and so on. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, not until they went extreme, greedy, and immoral.

But from a cosmic point of view, as a matter of fact, these earthly humans didn't know that they are tinier than dust, for it is indeed that someday all humans are going to return to it. This reality will shatter the pride they're protecting to death, and those who profess the truth are surely ridiculed, persecuted, and abandoned.

Humility was seen as weakness and shame for some because for them you cannot reach the top of the world if you are meek. That's another kind of pride.

Lahat naman ng mga tao ay may tinataglay nito, mataas na ego kung tawagin nang iba. Ilan lamang 'yan sa mga tumatakbo sa isip ni Lou noong mga sandaling 'yon. She too was full of pride before, for without it, how could she achieve the fame she used to have?

Eventually, her soul longed for grace. She sought salvation in the wrong places, and that's the reason the little gods went for her, still trying to corrupt her heart.

Makalipas ang ilang oras na paghihintay, natanaw na rin niya ang taong kanina pa niya hinihintay. Kakalabas lamang nito mula sa isang lumang gusali na napuntahan na niya noon.

Hindi na nagpatumpik-tumpik pa si Lou at mabilis niyang naharangan ito. Noong una'y hindi siya kaagad nakilala ni Raven, hanggang sa tinanggal niya ang suot na facemask at cap sa ulo. Bakas sa mukha nito ang pagkagulat sa bigla niyang pagsulpot, kaagad din naman 'yong napawi at sumeryoso ang itsura nito.

Kanina pa hinanda ni Louela ang mga sasabihin niya subalit hindi niya mapigilang tumitig sa kaharap. Her body wanted to move in order to give her a hug but she knew she'd be uncomfortable because in this lifetime they just met again after many years.

"Excuse me?" basag ni Raven sa katahimikan, naiinip at naiilang na sa pagtitig niya. Saka lang siya natauhan.

"It's been a while, Raven," sabi niya, nagpipigil pa rin ng emosyon.

"What do you need, Lou?"

"I want to catch up with an old friend."

Nang mga sandaling 'yon ay hindi na maipinta ang mukha ng kaharap.

"What for?"

"May gusto lang akong sabihin."

"We're talking."

"Can we go somewhere?"

Saglit napatitig si Raven sa kanya saka napabuntong-hininga.

"No, tell it now, I need to go somewhere—"

"Too busy with the insurgents?" Raven's eyes widened when she said that. Her mouth was slightly open and too stunned to answer her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Still, she managed to utter a lie.

"Raven, alam kong ayaw mo nang paligoy-ligoy pa," sabi niya. "You went there to talk to Professor Silang, who's the leader—" biglang lumapit si Raven para takpan ang bibig niya, pagkatapos ay walang salitang hinila siya nito palayo roon.

Sa huli'y natagpuan nila ang kanilang mga sarili sa loob ng kotse ni Lou. Of course, Raven infuriately questioned her, but Lou remained calm.

"It doesn't matter, Raven," tanging sagot niya na mas lalong kinabahala nito. "If you're worried that I'll report you, that won't happen."

"For fuck's sake, Louella, ano ba talagang kailangan mo sa'kin?"

Muling humugot nang hininga si Lou. She knew this won't be easy but she needs to try.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry... for everything." Ilang segundong hindi nakapagsalita si Raven, bakas pa rin sa itsura nito na winawari kung anong nangyayari.

"Lou, answer me, saan at paano mo nalaman—"

"You recruited a junior student from your university." Wala nang nagawa si Lou kundi ungkatin ang bagay na 'yon. "You made her join the armed group of your organization to fight soldiers and her name is Arianne—"

"Stop! Stop it! You're making me crazy!" Sa pagkakataong 'yon ay nagpapanic na si Raven.

"Her family is looking for her desperately, you need to return Arianne to her parents." Hindi pa rin siya natinag. "If you don't, she'll die, Raven. She'll die for nothing."

"You're just messing with me, Lou. I swear if this is a prank—"

"Mukha ba akong nampa-prank?" nanatiling kalmado si Louella. Muli niyang inalala kung bakit niya hinarap si Raven ngayon.

"You know what, wala na akong pakialam sa kahit anong sasabihin mo, kung tutuuisin mas delikado para sa'yo na may nalalaman ka tungkol sa amin." Akmang lalabas si Raven ng sasakyan nang mabilis niyang napigilan ito.

"You will be killed too, Raven, if you don't stop this." Lou is getting frustrated too, she kind of expected that she'll be hard to deal with.

"Bitawan mo 'ko!" Wala nang nagawa pa si Lou nang pilit nitong kumawala sa hawak niya't lumabas ng kotse.

Lou thought that she's hopeless, but she never thought of giving up. She tried to understand where Raven is coming from. Saka niya napagtantong sa dami at naipong sakit na naipon sa puso nito'y hindi basta-basta makukuhang mawala 'yon sa pag-uusap lang.

Some people can be saved when they're still willing to listen and willing to change. But there are some who already closed their ears, and have a hardened heart, and the only way for them to have redemption is to let them do their own thing and watch them fall.

And so, by having the power of time, Louella didn't have to wait longer. She just stood and watched the time pass in a blink of an eye. Napunta ang sunod na eksena sa mga sandaling nasa gitna ng engkwentro si Raven.

In this timeline, however, they never interacted again because Lou never initiated to find Alpas, that's why she never met with Ellon and Lysander again. She focused for Raven this time, who continued to do what she's been doing with the rebel group.

Like in the previous life, Raven met the same fate—death.

But unlike last time, si Raven lamang ang tanging napuruhan ng mga sundalong kanilang nakasagupaan sa kabundukan. Subalit sa pagkakataong 'yon ay iniwanan lamang ang katawan nito sa liblib na kagubatan.

There, Raven lies, bathed in her own blood, alone, and helpless. There's a pang of betrayal in her heart, as she struggles to breathe and waits for her last moments.

Surely, one of the real tragedies in life is not only dying alone but dying without anyone else knowing. No one will probably mourn for her, Raven thought. And a tear fell on her cheeks as she stared at the starry dark sky.

But then, Louella appeared out of nowhere. Umupo siya sa tabi ni Raven, inalo ito't hinawakan ang kamay.

"I'm here." When she said those two simple words, the tears from Raven's eyes continued to pour.

Puno man ng maraming katanungan ang isip ni Raven na kung paano lumitaw doon si Louella ay mas namayani sa kanyang puso ang pinaghalong galak, lungkot, at pagsisisi. Gusto rin sanang isipin ni Raven na patay na siya subalit naramdaman pa rin niya ang init ng palad ni Louella.

"I'm here, Raven."

"W-why?"

Umiling si Louella. Marahil ay gustong itanong sa kanya ni Raven kung bakit siya nandoon.

"Because you are my friend, Raven. And I love you."

"I... I..." Hindi matagpuan ni Raven ang mga salitang gustong bitawan.

Totoo ang sinasabi ng karamihan na kung kailan nasa bingit ka na ng kamatayan ay saka lamang tila matatanggal ang itim na belong nagtatakip sa mga mata at makikita rin sawakas ang mga pagkakamaling ginawa sa buhay.

Raven's entire life flashed in her eyes as she neared her end. She finally saw it all, and Lou knew that was the only time that all the ice in her friend's heart finally broke and melted.

"W-was it all w-worthless?" Raven asked her, and she thought she also asked the same question before.

Umiling si Lou. Umiling ulit siya nang sunod-sunod. Even though she knew that in some parts Raven made a lot of mistakes, she believes that all of it happened because it had to. As they said before, we only see the parts but God is the only one who can see the whole, and that's the reason why we are not allowed to judge.

"I don't have the right to judge you and your choices that led you into this fate. Alam ko na sumama ka sa grupong 'yon dahil may malasakit ka sa mga taong nagdudusa," aniya habang mahigpit pa ring nakahawak sa kamay ni Raven.

Surely, regrets do come in the end when it's all too late, but Louella didn't come to remind her that. Instead, she came to give her hope.

"Life is like a dream, when you die that's the only time you will truly wake up," Lou said, never letting go of her poor friend's hand.

"I-if I-I woke up again, c-can I c-choose differently?" When Raven said those, she never thought of it as true. But instead of discouraging her, Louella nods.

"You are allowed to change," sabi niya. "Always."

And for the last time, Raven looked at the dark sky before letting out her last breath. Louella knew that somehow, she managed to change her heart even if what happened to her was a tragedy.

*****

THE little gods are not pleased, they knew what she's been doing and they're relentless to find a way how to break Louella's spirit because of her pact with them.

If Louella succeeded with Ellon and Raven's heart, these wicked spirits knew exactly where to hit her the most, and that's through Lysander Vireo.

Hindi siya basta nakalapit kay Lysander dahil nang kumalat ang balita tungkol sa pagkamatay ni Raven ay higit na mas kinagulat ng lahat ang paglabas sa katotohanan tungkol sa pagsapi niya sa rebeldeng organisasyon mula sa unibersidad na pinapasukan.

Louella knew that it shocked Lysander the most because Raven was his only trusted friend and the fact that she's part of a movement that wants to bring his family down, broke his heart.

So, she waited patiently until the day came where she found him in Raven's funeral. Lysander, even though was hurt of Raven's betrayal, was still grateful for the short period of friendship they shared. Nagawa nitong pumuslit sa burol para sumilip saglit, at kaagad ding umalis upang hindi siya mapansin ng mga bisita at ilang tiga-media na nasa lamay.

Lysander thought that no one saw and noticed his presence but Lou followed him. Naglalakad sila palabas ng subdivision nang tumigil si Lysander nang mapansing sumusunod siya.

Bago pa ito makalingon sa kanya'y damang-dama na niya ang mabilis na pagtibok ng kanyang puso. You can do this, Lou, that's what she repeatedly thought.

"Who are you?" Then, Louella thought that the opposite of the words he used to say to her, 'I love you was 'I hate you, but nothing's more painful than what he asked right there.

She carefully removed the cap, her hair quickly swept gently by the winds. Lysander moved towards her. The lamp post above them helped him to see her face clearly. Louella saw a subtle change in his expression, but it was not what she was longing for. He still doesn't recognize him the way before.

"Louella Starling," he stated in a flat tone. "You're following me?"

"I am Raven's best friend," she said, managing to make a neutral face. "I heard you were her friend too."

Napaisip saglit si Lysander, winawari kung paanong hindi nabanggit ni Raven na kaibigan nito ang katulad niyang sikat na personalidad sa social media.

"I see." Tila hindi na alam nito ang susunod pang sasabihin. "I'm sorry."

Umiling siya. "Actually, hindi ako naging mabuting kaibigan sa kanya noon. Ako dapat ang magsorry sa pagkawala niya, you two..."

"She's like a sister," sabi nito.

"But she's..." Hindi na niya magawang ituloy pa ang sasabihin. "Can I buy you a drink? Coffee?"

Napakunot si Lysander, surprised that a girl like her asked him that. For soime reasons, hindi ito tumanggi at sabay silang naglakad palabas ng subdivision kung saan ay may malapit na coffee shop.

Pagkatapos umorder at dumating ng kanilang mga inumin ay nagsimula siyang magtanong.

"How are you?" muling nanibago ang itsura ni Lysander sa tanong niya. Parang nakakahalata na ito na may kakaiba sa kanya dahil sa kanyang tono. Tumikhim si Louella. "I mean, I was also surprised to learn that she was part of a rebellious group," dahilan niya. "I-it must be hard."

Bahagyang ngumisi si Lysander. "Nobody asked me that, well, wala rin namang ibang nakaalam na magkaibigan kami ni Raven. At uni, everyone avoided me like a plague." Muling sumeryoso ang mukha nito. "I'm fine, and thanks for asking."

Napayuko siya, 'di malaman kung anong susunod na sasabihin nang bigla ulit magsalita si Lysander.

"If Raven befriended me with a hidden agenda, mataas ang posibilidad. But she never harmed me until she died, so I think I can still consider her a good friend to me."

"She cared for you," halos pabulong niyang sabi subalit narinig pa rin ito ng kaharap niya. Bahagyang tumaas ang kilay nito at marahil ay nasa isip kung paano niya nasabi 'yon. "T-that's how always she was, kahit na nagkaaway kami noon, alam ko na secretly nag-aalala pa rin siya sa'kin. I-it's just that, she has her own reasons to join that movement because Raven... she always cares for people." And that she's willing to become evil herself in order to protect the weak.

Ilang segundo ang lumipas bago sumagot si Lysander. "You're right, I should have noticed it before. She's been always freaky about caring for environment, ang akala ko sadyang nerd lang siya." Gumaan-gaan ang itsura nito, may bahagyang silay ng ngiti sa labi. "But I also saw how she cares for orphaned children and abandoned elderly. Siya ang nag-impluwensya sa'kin na mag-volunteer para tumulong sa gano'n."

Hindi niya alam kung anong dapat niyang maramdaman nang mga sandaling 'yon. Bago pa sila magtagpo ni Lysander ay mas nauna nang nagtagpo ito at si Raven. At hindi niya maikakaila na sa kabila ng paglilihim ni Raven ay naging mabuti ito kay Lysander.

"Perhaps, she didn't want to betray your trust because she wanted you to join her cause. She's not just sure that you'll accept the idea that the only way is a bloody revolution," sabi niya at saglit na napatitig sa kanya si Lysander. Napabuntong-hininga ito pagkatapos.

"She'll never have a gut to tell me," sabi nito. "She knew that I'm not that kind of person."

Muling may kung anong tumusok sa puso niya nang marinig 'yon. Even though she knew that they were just friends, hindi pa rin niya maiwasang mainggit sa relasyong mayroon sila. But it's not too late for you and him, a voice told her.

Hindi nila namalayan parehas na tumagal ang katahimikang namayani sa kanilang pagitan.

"I heard you quit your influencer career," biglang tanong ni Lysander. "I've been thinking of talking to you."

"W-why?"

"Because I wanted to seek your help." Interview me, his voice echoed in her head. "I wanted to use your platform in order to be heard."

"W-what for?"

"Don't pretend that you don't know," sabi nito nang hindi kumukurap. "You know my family's reputation and the way they ostracized us—me at university."

Of course, she knew that.

Biglang natauhan si Louella. This was it, iyon na 'yung pagkakataon na hindi niya dapat palagpasin. Nag-uusap na sila, it was a pivotal moment to change Lysander's heart. And right there she saw the answer, she only has two options.

Alam na niya kung saan papunta ang usapan, pero hindi sagot kung tutulungan ba niya si Lysander o hind isa gusto nito. The choice was hers to be with him or not. With the power of time in her hands, at that moment, Louella could see the future in her mind. Only one she's certain and that if she chose to linger with him, she already knew what will happen.

It won't be hard for them to fall in love again for their hearts are bound by destiny. They'll be together again to create wonderful memories. They'll be happy only for a while, for the time in this world is fleeting and short. As stated in fate, he'll lose her again and his heart will be devastated again.

The other option, Louella has no idea for the future, is to let him go.

If she'll have to choose, her selfishness or for his heart's sake, she had to see for herself—what will be his life without her. Kung hindi mararanasan ni Lysander na mawala siya, hindi masisira ang puso nito katulad ng nangyari noon.

And so, Louella made up her mind. 

She lets him go. Because that's how much she loves him, and her love will conquer all. 

https://youtu.be/6FiXFMNHklw