We cannot erase
the fact that life
 is indeed a series
 of problems.
But cheer up,
because life is
 also about
overcoming it.
You're not only meant
to struggle,
but to be
alive
and free.

/23/ Out of Reach Peace

[...]

WHY are you so scared to live? That was the question in Louella's head every time she remembers how fearful and anxious, she was before.

Indeed, the saying 'this too shall pass' is true. Lumipas na ang makulimlim na ulap sa kanyang buhay at napalitan muli ng pagsikat ng araw, hindi ba't gano'n naman ang buhay? A one big cycle of circumstances, minsan mahirap, minsan masaya, minsan nakakaiyak, minsan nakakatawa.

When they left, they chose what to bring along with them and what to throw behind. Louella threw away the life of vanity and fame, her fake friends, and the materialistic society that she hates. She just decided one day that she's done chasing the wrong things.

Lou totally forgotten about the mystical bird called Alpas, in her mind, she believed that it was just all a fairytale. Kahit na ilang beses niyang na-witness sa Mt. Itum ang himalang nangyari ay natabunan lahat ng 'yon ng mga nangyari.

After all, she already found what it meant to break free from the past, and she learned how to rise above all her obstacles.

Even though Lou overcame it all, it didn't mean that she stopped working hard. The struggles of life didn't stop and will never be. She knew that fact, and that's why she kept moving forward.

May mga pagkakataon na naninibago siya dahil malaking adjustment ang tumira sa isang bansang hindi mo naman kinalakihan at makisalamuha sa mga banyagang ibang-iba ang kultura. Sinikap ni Lou na makibagay dahil siya ang bagong salta.

Bukod do'n, dahil sa wala na siya sa Pilipinas at tinalikuran na niya ang buhay ng kasikatan, kinailangan niyang maghanap ng part-time job para makatulong sa panggastos niya sa pag-aaral dahil hindi biro ang laki ng tuition fee niya.

She's working at a small café near the university where's she's studying. Fortunately, her boss and co-workers were far from the racist ones she encountered, they're all kind ang gentle to her. Kaya nakatagal si Lou sa kanila ng six months kahit na pinipilit na siya ng mommy niya na mag-resign.

"You don't need to work, anak," sabi sa kanya noon ng kanyang ina. "We can provide for you here. Concern mo ba 'yung bills sa hospital? Don't worry kasi nagwo-work do'n ang ate mo at mailalakad niya na makakuha ng discount."

"'My, ayoko naman po na umasa lang palagi sa mga ate at kuya ko pati po sa inyo, gusto ko pong makatulong kahit hindi gano'n kalaki 'yung sweldo ko sa café," sagot naman niya.

Besides, she had already grown fond of her workmates. Though it sounds strange, but she felt connection to those strangers, kahit na magkaiba pa ang mga lahi nila'y noon lang siya nakatagpo ng gano'n. She never found her job mundane, for she learned that in mundane things she found contentment.

"Don't forget to invite Lee sa family dinner natin, ha, your siblings want to meet him," her mother reminded her before she went out.

Hindi naman na siya nahirapang ipagtapat din sa mommy niya na may relasyon sila ni Lee, at sa kabutihang palad naman ay napalagay ang loob nito kay Lee kahit na hindi gano'n kaganda ang reputasyon ng pamilya Vireo.

Speaking of Vireo family, Lee's parents continued to check on them. Noong nakaraan lang ay dumalaw ang ate ni Lee para kamustahin sila. Binalita rin nito 'yung progress sa paghahanap kay Ellon. They also heard that Raven was shot in an encounter but she too was still missing.

"Hello, Lee? Pinapaalala pala ni mommy 'yung dinner mamaya," she said on phone when Lee answered her call.

"Na-miss kaagad naman ako ng tita mo. I guess I should also call her mom," biro nito sa kabilang linya.

"Ako ba hindi mo na-miss?"

"Nasa iisang university lang tayo nag-aaral."

She pouted, "Wow, parang hindi magkalayo ang campus natin." They've been busy with their studies but they continued to talk with each other thru phone calls or video calls.

Lysander slightly chuckled, "Of course, I'm always missing you."

Nag-usap sila hanggang sa makarating siya ng campus nila saka muling nagpaalam sa isa't isa.

Lou knew that she already found peace in her life, and yet, deep inside there was a voice telling her that she was not supposed to be happy. May lihim na bumabagabag sa kanya na hindi pa siya pwedeng makampante.

Maaaring iniwan na nga nila lahat ni Lysander sa Pilipinas ang mga hindi na nila kailangan sa buhay nila pero kailanman ay hindi niya iniwanan sina Ellon at Raven. Sa tuwing nadadala siya na kaligayahan ay bigla niyang maalala ang dalawa at hindi niya maiwasang mabagabag.

Though she's moving forward and healing, the trauma never left her mind. She needed Lysander to remind her that it was not her fault, he was always there to comfort her weeping soul for their friends.

She wanted to see them again, to tell them how sorry she was for dragging them into the mess she started. And there's Lysander always saying that things happened because it meant to happen like it was also meant for them to be together.

Kaya naman walang ibang nagawa si Lou kundi magtiwala at manalangin. Prayers, that's what she could only do for them. Hoping that one day, Lee's words will come true, that everything will be okay.

Later that evening, Lysander went to their home for the dinner with Lou's family. Nagulat si Lee dahil inaakala niya ay pamilya lang ni Lou ang makikilala niya pero imbitado rin ang extended relatives nila na nasa Canada rin.

"You didn't tell me that it's a family reunion," bulong ni Lee kay Lou matapos magmano sa lahat ng tita at tio niya.

"Na-surprise din ako, hindi ako na-inform ni mommy," sagot naman niya. "It turns out na annual gathering pala 'to ng mga kamag-anak namin kahit wala namang espesyal na okasyon."

As expected, as Louella's boyfriend, Lysander was scrutinized by her relatives because of curiosity. Kung paanong kumalat ang tsismis sa mga kamag-anak ni Lou, hindi niya alam, na si Lee ay galing sa infamous Vireo family.

Mabuti na lang ay hindi ka-bulgar ang mga kamag-anak niya dahil hindi naman sila nagtanong ng kahit anong nakaka-offend kay Lysander. Hindi pa nga nila inaasahan na natutuwa sila na makilala si Lee dahil may mga umiidolo pala sa pamilya nila sa kabila ng alegasyon.

"We believe in you," that's what one of Lou's uncles told Lysander. And for some reason, it made him happy. Afterall, hindi naman pala lahat ng tao ay galit sa kanila.

Lee remembered a particular quote, that not everybody will love you but at the same time not everybody will hate you. We just need to find the better ones for our life and focus on what matters for our well-being.

"Sana hindi ka na-shock na dinumog ka nila," tanong ni Lou kay Lee nang makapagsolo silang dalawa sa balcony sa second floor habang nagkakainan at nagkakasiyahan ang lahat sa ibaba.

Lee just smiled and leaned toward the railing. "It feels better to be surrounded by good people, isn't it?"

"It is." They both watched the children, Lou's cousins, playing and running in the garden.

"Mabuti na lang nakapagpigil akong sabihin sa kanila kanina 'yung plano ko." Napatingin si Lou sa katabi at bahagyang napakunot.

Tumitig lang sa kanya si Lee imbis na sumagot. Hanggang sa mapatingin siya sa kamay nito at nakita na ang isang maliit na kahon na hawak nito. Sa loob ng kahon ay may isang maliit na bagay na kumikinang. Halos mapanganga si Lou nang makita 'yon.

"I'm not really the romantic type, Lou, I honestly don't know how to do this but after obsessing about it, I figured out that it's best when it's not planned," muli siyang napatingin sa mukha nito, "Alam kong parang masyado pang maaga pero..."

"I'm sorry, Lee." Napalunok ang kaharap niya nang kaagad niyang isagot 'yon. "I-I'd love to accept this but... It felt wrong."

Napabuntong-hininga si Lynsader, sinara rin ang kahon at tinago ang engagement ring. There's no disappointment in his face, as if he's already expecting to be rejected.

He hugged her. "Ako dapat ang mag-sorry," sabi nito. "I'm being impatient. I'm sorry kung ang selfish ko masyado."

"E-everything's going well for us, Lee," sabi niya habang nakakulong pa rin sa yakap ni Lee. "P-pero may nakaraan pa tayo na hindi dapat takasan. I-I just want to see them again." For she was hoping to find Raven, and to give justice for Ellon.

Be careful what you wish for... That Lou didn't know that at the time.

*****

AKALA ni Lou ay katulad lang ng ibang ordinaryong araw ang isang hapon na 'yon. Pagkatapos ng shift niya sa café ay papasok naman siya sa university para pumasok sa night classes niya.

May lalaking sumusunod sa kanya pero matagal naman na siyang sanay sa presensiya nito, isang bodyguard na ini-hire ng tatay ni Lysander para sa kanya. Maging si Lysander ay may bodyguard na nagbabantay. Noong una'y ayaw sana nila tanggapin ang protection offer pero malinaw na nasa panganib pa rin ang buhay nila.

Pero natigilan bigla si Lou at nang lumingon siya' wala na 'yung bodyguard na nakasunod sa kanya. Hindi niya alam kung nagtatago lang ba ito o umalis lang saglit. Tila ba sinadya ng pagkakataon at hindi rin agad napansin ni Lou na wala ring ibang tao sa paligid niya.

Maglalakad na sana siya ulit nang bigla siyang matigilan nang may matangkad na pigurang humarang sa kanya. Pag-angat niya ng kanyang tingin ay tumambad sa kanya ang isang hindi pamilyar na lalaki.

Hindi alam ni Lou kung bakit nakipagtitigan siya sa kaharap, wala itong sinabi bagkus ay nakangiti lamang sa kanya.

Kasimbilis ng kisapmata, nawalan ng malay si Louella.

Kaagad siyang sinalo ng estranghero. Subalit ang estranghero ay hindi estranghero.

Matapos nitong pagmatyagan ng ilang araw si Lou ay kaagad nitong napagtanto na hindi niya makukuha ang puso ni Lou kahit ano pang kayamanan ang mayroon siya.

Kaya napagpasyahan ni Ellon na gamitin ang kapangyarihan na binigay ng mga diyos-diyosan upang makuha ang kanyang inaasam.