The wind blew my hair out of my face as Mum pushed my wheelchair to Zoe's tombstone.

We approached her grave, and I read the words carved on the smooth marble stone.

"Here lies Zoe Cara Grace, the best daughter, sister and friend anyone could ever ask for. May she Rest In Peace."

Mum rubbed her hand against mine.

"I'll give you girls some time alone. I'll be at the cafe down the street if you need me," Mum said, a hint of sorrow in her voice. She hadn't been close to Zoe, and I knew she regretted it.

"Mum?" I asked uncertainly. She came to a halt.

"Yes?"

"Zoe loves you, you know? I'm not saying it to comfort you, it's been nine years, but I hope you know she loves you very much. Don't feel bad that you weren't always there for her. Don't feel guilty. Zoe's strong, we both know that. She could've handled things on her own and she wouldn't want to drag anyone else into her problems. Zoe admired you a lot. She said that you were caring, independent and possibly the best mum in the whole world. She wasn't wrong."

Tears burned in my eyes as I remember Zoe's words.

Mum stood behind me, shaking with emotion.

"I know, love. I- I'm fine. Go talk to Zoe, I'm sure she's waiting." Mum kissed my forehead goodbye, wiping away her tears.

As she walked down the hill, I turned to face Zoe's tombstone.

"Hey Zoe.. Life's not going good for me right now. Well, not because of Beth and Ray, I shouldn't have trusted them so easily. I guess I was just so happy with them for those few moments, I was oblivious to my surroundings. But that isn't my point. Its just.. I miss you. I know it's stupid, you've been gone for nine years yet here I am, crying my eyes out. I just feel like.. I've got no one now. I don't know what to do.. I'm lost."

Tears were slipping down my cheeks.

I took out a small box and placed it next to Zoe's tombstone.

"That night, we were going to bake cupcakes. So.. I made a vanilla bean cupcake for you," I sniffed.

"I really need your help, Zoe, with the things going on in school. I'm not even sure if I can go back there. I'm humiliated," I rambled.

As I continued the speak, it almost felt normal.

Just a young, scared girl seeking help from her big sister.

It almost felt like old times.

But that was when I realised, Zoe was dead, there was nothing I could do.

So as the sun began to set and tears were still trickling down my face, truth dawned upon me.

I would never get Zoe back. I would never be truly happy.