"Hi, my name is Rowan and I have depression." I sit back down. This is the weirdest thing I have ever done.
"Hi, the name is Will and I have anxiety."
I look at him. Is he lying or telling the truth.
He was the last person in the circle. There's someone with an eating disorder. A few with depression. Anxiety. Not to mention a few I can't remember.
"So Sam" the leader who is fair skinned and blonde says. "What's the problem at home?"
"Well my parents are never there" she says. "They stay up until six in the morning at the casino or at parties. Drinking and smoking."
"Now how has that affected you?" he asks.
"I feel unloved. I've had to grow up quickly. Besides, none of them could care less about me. So, I've had to find comfort in friends and I did." She looks likes she going to cry and I feel bad for her.
"How about you Rowan?"
I hesitate before I speak. "It started when I to a really popular snob I didn't want to hang out with her. She turned everyone against me. They call me names and beat me up. I feel like I have no one. Especially right now. They also started saying things bad about my mom. Who we recently found out had cancer. I miss her..."
"Wait" the leader says. "She died?"
I nod. "I attempted to step in front of a car but was saved. Later that day I tried to take a drug overdose but was also saved. I was taken to the hospital and now I'm here."
The man nods and looks at Will. "What about you?"
"It started about last year. When I saw my friend Sarah kill herself. I started having heavy breathing and waking up in the middle of the night screaming. After a few more symptoms I was identified to have anxiety. They started increasing near the time that Ro... my friend started being bullied."
I can't believe what I'm hearing from there and now I know why they keep saying Sarah around me.
"So" the leader says. "I understand you're upset because of something Sam and Will did."
"That is none of your business, sir."
"Yes it is Rowan. Here you have to workout your problems."
"Fine" I say. "They made me face reality. They let me realize I'm being bullied and that no one likes me. They also didn't let me kill myself."
"That's a bad thing?" Will asks.
"Yes" I say. "I told you I want to die."
"Okay!" screams the leader. "That's not the answer."
"Then what is?" I exclaim. "What's the answer when you feel that there's no wait out. When everyone is trying to get me to kill myself. When they're telling me I'm worthless and when you feel so alone?"
"Talking it out" he says simply.
For a minute I'm still angry but then relax. I do feel a lot better once I got what I needed to say out.
"See" the leader says. "That's how you'll heal."
"What if the people at school don't stop?" I ask being more open minded to this whole idea.
"You either stand up for yourself. Contact the police or switch schools."
Standing up for myself is not going to happen. Contacting the police is a bit extreme. I guess I should switch schools.
"I'll see you guys tomorrow" I tell everyone. I go home excited to tell everyone about the idea.
"No" my dad says flatly. "I'm sorry but there's nothing we can do. We don't have the money to move again right now and there aren't any schools nearby. Just give me a year and we'll go."
I look to my left hoping mom would help me argue with dad. Except she's not there.
"Okay" I say. "I understand." I go up to my room and plop on the bed. Facebook.
I open my phone and look at the posts. Mostly happy that I almost killed myself but then said when I failed. 3/4 of them are still telling me to attempt a third time.
For some reason I'm numb. I don't care what they say.
For awhile I'm content with myself for not caring. After I cry myself to sleep from the confusion.