(062a - Take A Step Part 1)

There is something I like and something I hate about this new Wattpad update. I like the fact that I don't have to reply all the comments, cos there is now a "like" icon (replying comments is enjoyable, but extremely exhausting 😭). But I hate the fact that if it's not an new comment, it doesn't take me to the inline comment directly, but only to the position where the comment was made😑🙄.

Sha... E go be. We go manage am like that.

So, I've started working outside home and ọmọ, I don't have time for myself again. My schedule is f*cking tight, so updates will be at random and scarce, once or twice in a month actually, so please bear with me.

My only free days are weekends and it's even for resting. I'll try to write whenever I get the chance but I don't want to deliver half-assed chapters (I'm scared this one sef is tacky), so be patient with me. Please don't put pressure on me. Thank you ❤️.

Let's go ✨🔥.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐘
(Hilary Idara Eghosa)

"For the twenty-fifth-time mum," I started, laughter in my voice. "You don't have to cancel your trip because of me. I'll be fine alone," I tried to assure her, but the woman, like the last twenty-five times, was hearing me wasn't listening to me

Rolling my eyes, I turned to Dad.

"Daddy, tell your wife I'll be fine," I pleaded with him, unable to hide the laughter that kept sipping in between my words... because honestly, mum was being extremely theatrical at this point and it was funny to me.

Dad sighed, turning to look at mum.

"Babe, we'll miss our flight if we don't leave in the next twenty minutes," He tried to persuade her, but of course, he didn't do a very good job at that because Evelyn Itoro Eghosa still had her behind glued to the leather material of our couch.

She wasn't budging.

"Then you should go without me," She answered dad, her hands folded across her chest stubbornly. "I'm not leaving my daughter alone in this house while we travel for a friend's birthday party," She added, adding a dismissive tone to her voice and an equally dismissive wave when she said friend's birthday party.

I exhaled, exchanging a look with Dad. He looked just as defeated because he obviously didn't know how else to convince her to go on their trip with him just as they had initially planned to.

School was finally on vacation - not like I went for the remaining days given the circumstances - and it was a week and a half to Christmas, two weeks to new year. Things have improved drastically between my parents and me since I started my therapy again... since I fixed things with Simi.

I felt better, a whole lot better, and my parents were happy that I was finally doing well.

They were meant to travel together to Portharcourt for a friend's birthday, only for the weekend, then come back home in time for us to spend Christmas together as a family; our first Christmas without Henry.

This wasn't the first time I'd be staying all alone in this big house. Sometimes, I liked the peace and quiet, so I told them it was okay to leave me on my own. I didn't even know the friend they were going to celebrate so it didn't make sense for me to go.

I thought they were fine with it. But I guess only Das was 'cause apparently, Mum wasn't on board with me staying on my own from the get-go and only agreed initially because Dad talked her into it

And now that it was time for them to go, she was back on her stance on my leaving me.

It was two hours to their flight and we have been trying to change her mind all afternoon, but she's so hellbent on her decision to not leave me all by myself. And if we go on like this, plus Lagos traffic, they'll finally miss their flight.

While I fully understand why she's so skeptical about leaving me all by myself, given the events of the past months, how else do I get to prove to her that I'm getting better if she doesn't allow me to show her that I can stay all on my own without any problems?

I guess no parent would want to gamble their kid's life on a maybe.

But I needed her to trust me.

"Babe, we have to go," Dad tried again, trying to sound as persuasive as possible. This time, mum passed him an incredulous look, staring at him in the eye with an expression akin to disbelief.

"How are you so unbothered by the fact that Hilary wants to stay on her own while we are away? Why doesn't it bother you at all, Mike?" She fired at him, looking genuinely upset.

"Because we have to trust her if she says she will be fine," He answered her, his gentle voice a perfect contrast to her sharp tone, trying to get her to understand.

"And no, I'm not unbothered, Eve," He added. "I believe that she'll be okay," He clarified. She scoffed, shook her head, and remained where she was, still not budging.

"You are only going to be gone for three days, mum," I chipped in, reminding her while holding up three of my fingers to indicate. "You are not even going to notice when the days will fly by and you'll be back home before you can even blink. You will still meet me here," I assured her, a smile of reassurance playing on my lips.

But she clearly didn't see it that way. She remained adamant, shaking her head and readjusting her folded hands across her chest.

I exhaled, feeling a little hint of frustration rouse in my chest. Dad massaged his temple, then looked at me.

"I'm going to get our bags, just in case," He told me. "Try convincing her, please. We have wasted too much time at home and we can't afford to waste anymore. If she doesn't want to go, then I can't go without her,"

With that, he walked away from the living room and made his way up the stairs that led to their room.

I looked at mum

"What exactly are you scared of, Mum?" I had to ask because, at this point, I wasn't exactly sure what all this was about anymore.

But she didn't answer me.

All she did was maintain her posture, sitting on the couch and staring ahead with a stubborn look on her face, a look that told me that there was nothing I could do that will change her mind.

I held back a scoff.

"If you really think I am capable of hurting myself while you are away, then you have absolutely nothing to worry because I am not suicidal," I told her matter-of-factly if that was going to put her warring mind at ease.

But of course, it did the exact opposite for my mum because that was all the reason she needed to stand on her decision to stay.

"And this is exactly why I don't want to leave you all by yourself," She fired right at me, her expression giving off that she was very displeased by what I just said. "You are talking about suicide so casually. How do you expect me to let you stay in this house like that?"

God...

"It was a joke, mum," I tried to pacify her.

"You shouldn't be joking about something as sensitive as suicide like that!" She snapped at me, causing me to exhale. "Now, my fears are justified." She exhaled in exhaustion... maybe in frustration too because to her, it probably felt like we were back to the zero point.

But it wasn't like that at all.

She was the only one looking at it that way and the problem now was convincing her that this isn't whatever she thinks it is.

"And it's not just about that." She continued, worries itched at every corner of her face. "The truth is that this is not even the time to be leaving you all by yourself, alone in this house when it's so close by-"

She stopped talking to take a breather, but she didn't need to complete her statement before I knew what she was talking about.

December 25th. Christmas day.

But also what would have been Henry's 20th birthday.

So this wasn't just about spending our first Christmas without him. This was about celebrating his birthday postmortem, and neither of us was sure how to feel about the whole thing.

As the day got closer, it only got clearer and clearer that it was going to be just the three of us from now on. So it only made sense that my mum would think it was really affecting me.

It was affecting me... but not as bad as it would have if this was weeks ago.

I'm still healing but I'm also learning to live with the truth that Henry wasn't coming back, and no amount of self-loathing or guilt will change that. From the encounter I had at the cemetery, right there kneeling by his grave, feeling his presence around me... I knew immediately that he wouldn't want me to live my life hating myself.

And I needed mum to know that I was gradually growing past that stage. I needed her to know that I was growing past not blaming myself for Henry's demise.

"I visited Henry," I said, my statement catching mum unawares.

Of course, it did. I didn't tell her that I went there after my therapy session last Saturday. Since his burial in August, I haven't visited his grave once, not even when she and Dad visited together once every month. So me visiting his grave, all by myself...

Yeah, it was a big deal to her.

Taking a breath, I moved to sit beside her on the couch, her eyes following my every movement with an inquisitive gaze. I settled beside her, looking up to meet her gaze that silently urged me to continue speaking.

And I did.

"I went there last Saturday after my therapy with Dr. Chidera," I started, rubbing my frozen palms together for some warmth. "She told me it was one of the things I needed to do to get on my path to healing, so I compelled myself to go even though it was so hard,-" I paused for a bit, an automatic smile appearing on my lips as I recounted the moments.

"-And I didn't regret it, mum," I looked her at, shaking my head. "Apparently, it was all I needed to start moving on,"

A soft sigh escaped her lips at that. I felt her visibly relax, her countenance changing completely from fear and worry to relief.

Utter relief.

"I'm sorry for making a joke about suicide," I apologized. "But it's the truth," I maintained, and this time she listened to me. "I'm not hurting to the extent of hurting myself. Heaven knows, if with everything that has been going on for the past months, I haven't harmed myself, then this is not the time to.-"

The tears welling up in her were enough to tell me that my words were getting to her, and I wasn't even done yet.

"Visiting Henry made me realize that I have so much to live for; for him, for you and dad, for my friends... for myself," I continued, and she nodded slowly, taking in every word. "And I'm not going to allow anything weigh me down from now on because I don't want to hurt anymore, mum.-

-That's a promise I made to Henry and that's a promise I'm making to you right now."

I stretched out and took both her hands in mine. She let me, giving me a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to be okay, Mum," I looked her in the eye as I said that just so that she'll know how much I meant every word.

"I promise," I added for more effect...

... and finally, she nodded.

"Call me every hour of every day that we are going to be away," She whispered, sniffing back the tears. An involuntarily chuckle escaped my lips at that, and I nodded.

"I will," I told her, promised her. She smiled, then lifted our joined hands to lips and kissed the back of my palm. I smiled

"I'm proud of you," She whispered again, and my smile widened.

At that moment, Dad showed up at the top of the stairs with two suitcases beside him. He peered down at mum and me but mostly at me, silently asking me if I have been able to convince her to change her mind and go on the trip.

I was about to give him an answer, but mum beat me to it.

"Let me go and get dressed," She announced loud enough for dad to hear, and at the sound of that, dad's eyes widened slightly in shock.

"We don't want to miss our flight," She added with the smile on her lips flashed at dad, getting up from the couch. I got up with her, watching her make her way up the stairs to their bedroom.

When she got to where dad still stood transfixed, she hoisted herself a little higher on her tippy toes to match his height and pressed a kiss to his cheek, whispering something that sounded like "I'll be right back" to him before disappearing into the corner.

I giggled at the expression on Dad's face, knowing that a display of affection at this point was out of the blue and that definitely surprised him, especially with the way he left us. He obviously didn't think I'd be able to convince her so easily.

But I did.

"What did you say to your mum?" He asked when we were finally outside, and I was helping him unload their boxes into the trunk of the car. I looked at him, my face contorted in a mock confused expression.

"What do you mean?" I asked, feigning ignorance. And of course, Dad could tell before of the comic eye roll that came after that and a chuckle that escaped his lips.

"Stop trying to act oblivious," He nudged me playfully and I snickered. "There must have been something rather distinct that you said to her that was able to convince her in the space of the few minutes I left," He stated shrewdly.

"I honestly thought it would take another hour and I'll have to reschedule our flight or cancel it completely," He added teasingly and I laughed lightly.

"So..." He drawled. "What did you say to her?" He asked again. I shrugged again, allowing a small smile to tug at the corners of my lips.

"I didn't say anything out of the ordinary, Dad," I told him, taking a glance at mum that was already seated in the car. "All I had to do was help her understand that I'm not going anywhere... that I'm not leaving you guys anytime soon so she has nothing to worry about,"

The teasing expression on Dad's face was already gone, replaced with something more serious... more contemplative because of how denotative my words were. It was as if he was trying to figure out for himself if I actually meant everything I just said.

And I was right.

"Did you only say that to get her to come on the trip," He started, his tone inquisitive but careful still, picking his words cautiously. "Or did you really mean it?" His voice dropped to a whisper when he asked that, his eyes searching mine as if he could find the answers within them.

His question was fair, and it was only fair of me to make him the same promise I made mum because he needed it too. He needed all the assurance he could get that I'm going to be fine just as much as Mum did.

"I'll be fine, Dad," I told him, my voice holding the depth of my words so that he'll know just much I mean them. "And I'm not just saying this to get the both of you off my back. I'm saying this because I mean it. I'm not going anywhere, I promise.-"

I took my hand to his forearm and gave him a gentle caress.

"-You guys are stuck with me," I whispered, giving him a small reassuring smile that stamped my promise.

He held my gaze for a moment before nodding slowly, a smile mirroring mine stretching at the corners of his lips, but on his end, it was a smile of relief.

"I believe you," He whispered back and my smile widened.

"Come here,"

He stretched his hands out for a hug. I fell into his embrace, wrapping my hands around his middle while he wrapped his around my back, cradling my face into his chest.

"I'm proud of you," He whispered and I hummed softly, pressing my face further into his chest. This was the second time I'd be hearing that today from both my parents. Coming from them at a time meant a lot to me.

Soon, they left and I was finally alone in the house with the freedom to do whatever I wanted to.

Freedom! I exhaled in relief, my lips stretched in a satisfied smile as I skipped back in the house.

Feeling a little hungry, I made my way to the kitchen to prepare noodles. It was light enough for me to eat so that I won't be too filled up to have dinner later.

So I got everything needed for me to cook, pouring water into the smallest pot I could find and putting it on the lit gas cook, then getting two of the smallest size of noodles from the Indomie brand and started squeezing together, breaking the noodles into smaller crunches.

My phone made a beeping sound as I did that, before vibrating against my skin, an indication that I was getting new WhatsApp messages. Dropping the indomie, I retrieved my phone from the back pocket of my jeans and put it on to check the notification bar on my lock screen, to see who the messages were from.

I had three notifications.

A few messages from the Prefects group chat that I decided not to archive because I trusted Gigi Esho enough to control what happened there.

A few messages from "Three Musketeers and Thor", the stupid, stupid new name Kizito decided to name our group chat. It was his week to change the name to whatever he pleased so no one had the power to change it back until it was their turn.

I tapped on the notification and it took me straight to the group. I began to skim through what they were talking about.

It was basically just Dawn and Kizito talking about nonsense and ingredients, with Semeeha chipping in occasionally. Thankfully, she wasn't being ignored... not even by Dawn, even though her responses were pretty monotonous.

I guess, they finally buried the hatchet. I thought to myself with a shrug, thankful that things weren't so strained anymore.

I clicked the exit icon and it took me back to the lineup of my chats, and I checked who the last message was from.

Simi💕.

A smile automatically appeared on my lips as soon as I saw that it was him.

I opened his chat.

Simi💕
This harmattan is catching up with me 😭.
I haven't left my bed all day because I'm so cold🥶.
Could really use a cuddle tho 🌚.
2:45 pm.

A soft laugh escaped my lips.

Me.
Smooth, Simi🤣. Real smooth🌚.
2:48 pm.

My message showed the blue double ticks as soon as I sent the message and an indication that Simi was typing. The simple thought that he has been watching his phone, waiting for my reply tugged at my heartstrings.

His message came in a blink

Simi💕.
Come on. You know you want to😏.
2:48 pm.

I chuckled again, my mind noting how easily Simi made me laugh just by saying that littlest thing. He didn't even have to be funny.

I took pictures of the boiling water and indomie and sent them to him.

Me.
📷
Cooking noodles. Care to join in?
2:49 pm.

His reply came not a second later than I expected.

Simi💕.
I can cook something better than noodles for you if you come over🌚. You shouldn't even be alone since your parents are not in town, you need company.
2:49 pm.

I guffawed.

Me.
You really want to get me to come over, don't you? The way you are insisting like this, should I be concerned?🤔.
2:50 pm.

Simi💕.
Is there something so bad in wanting to see your face😪? I haven't seen you since last week. Help a brother out na, don't do this to me😭! I am on my knees🙇🏾‍♂️🤲🏾.
2:50 pm

I laughed again at how overly dramatic he was being but decided to put him out of his mystery.

After putting off the cooker to stop the water from boiling, I moved to the mirror that was on the wall of the small corridor between the living room and the kitchen, I took a few shots of a mirror selfie.

And with my heart beating faster than it should, I sent the best shot to him... just as a tease.

Tease, hmmn? My subconscious taunted me, and I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling too hard.

Me.

Does this help, Brother Simi🌚?
2:52 pm

The messages ticked double blue in a matter of seconds, indicating that Simi had seen the messages. Then it showed that he was typing until it didn't.

No response from him.

I waited.

One second...

Two seconds...

Three seconds...

I frowned slightly.

Simi doesn't take this long to reply after he has seen my messages. And the fact he was typing seconds ago was enough to tell me that he was with his phone.

Was it too much? Too inciting? I asked myself, biting my lips in anticipation.

Maybe I should drop the phone-

The buzzing of my phone interrupted my thoughts, and I quickly looked at it, hoping it was Simi.

It was.

Simi💕.
Fuck, Hilary 😳.
2:53 pm

The worry that had marred across my fave earlier immediately wiped off at his message, my lips stretching in a big smile, a smile so wide that my cheeks began to hurt so bad but I couldn't care less.

Two words. Two words from him were enough to set my entire body ablaze.

With my hunger completely forgotten and my heart thumping rapidly in my chest, I started typing back.

Me.
You like😏?
2.53 pm

His reply was instantaneous.

Simi💕.
Are you trying to kill me?
Damn, you are so gorgeous😭🔥!
You finally have me. Fuck... you have all of me.
My heart is yours, take it!
2:53 pm

God! This boy!

My heart was beating a lot faster than it was before, my teeth nibbling gently at the corners of my bottom lip. His words made me feel giddy all over, causing goosebumps to sprout on every part of my exposed skin.

Ever since our moment in his car last Saturday, things between us - our... relationship, have gone a whole different level. We were aware of our feelings for each other and that made everything we said to... and did with each other a lot deeper... more intense.

And shockingly, I wasn't scared of exploring whatever this was with him.

I wanted it.

I really wanted to know what it was like to be that way with him.

Suddenly, it didn't feel like such a bad idea to go over to his place.

I need the company. His company.

Another message came in, interrupting my train of thought.

Simi💕.
SEND MORE😫!
2:54 pm

Now, that made me laugh out loud.

I could literally hear his voice screaming that, the desperation in his plea as he begged me to send more pictures. But it pleased my heart, knowing and feeling how fixated he was on everything that had to do with me... just like I was fixated on everything that had to do with him.

I started typing back, smiles playing on my lips as I sort to tease him.

Me.
You are obsessed with me😌.
2:55 pm.

His reply came not a second later

Simi💕.
How could I not be?
You have taken over all my fucking senses, Hilary.
Saying I'm obsessed is putting it mildly.
I'm fucking addicted 😭🔥❤️.
2:55 pm.

Damn! My heart skipped a beat, fluttering in my chest.

It's how he knows what exactly to say to get me to react like this. If this was my reaction to just chats, I can't even begin to imagine how my reaction would be if he was saying this to my face.

Ọmọ, I'll just melt.

I sent the remaining shots I took to him. I took them for him so there was no reason to hoard them for myself.

They were his. All his.

As I did that, my phone started ringing and the notification of a video call appeared at the top part of my screen.

It was from Dawn.

I fired a quick text to Simi, informing him of the call before I left his DM, clicking on the "answer call" icon before it stop ringing. In a matter of seconds, Dawn's pretty face appeared on my screen.

"Biish!" She screamed immediately she came on my screen, flipping the middle fingers of both hands at me. I laughed, shaking my head.

"What's all this, biko?" I asked, placing my phone on the counter and resting it on a bowl so that she could still see my face. "Do you realize that you just interrupted a very important conversation I was having?" I queried her playfully.

"With Simi, I presume?" Her brows quirked and her lips turned into a knowing smug smile. I rolled my eyes but said nothing to counter her. "Look at you! You aren't even denying it," She teased me. I laughed again.

"What's there to deny?" I shrugged, smiles tugged at the corners of my lips. "Yes, I was talking to him before you called. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Sharing noodles bah?" She winked at me suggestively, and I laughed. She didn't actually mean indomie noodles. It was this inside joke we had, calling nudes noodles.

Such an irony that I was about to even prepare indomie noodles.

"Abeg abeg!" I dismissed her, laughter in my voice. "Why would I be sharing my-"

I stopped talking abruptly when I saw someone walking behind Dawn, busying himself with something I couldn't see because Dawn was sort of blocking him. But he was clear enough for me to notice that he wasn't wearing any shirt.

"Is that Sochima behind you?" I asked Dawn, my eyes widened slightly and my mouth dropped. My question alerted him before Dawn could answer, and he peered from where he stood to see who was talking.

His face lit up when he realized it was me.

"Hilary, Hey!"

Sochima with his toned and naked upper body appeared fully on the screen, standing beside his girlfriend, that radiant smile that Dawn was so in love with playing on his lips. I smiled back at him.

"Hey!" I greeted him back, waving to him. "Your girlfriend didn't tell me you were around," I stated, before passing Dawn a look. She avoided my gaze intentionally, causing me to chuckle.

He looked at Dawn.

"Maybe because she has been trying to get rid of me all day," He nudged her playfully. She pouted.

"Haba, babe now," She whined, and he laughed, whispering to her that he was just teasing. I just watched them, enjoying the way they were so into each other unapologetically.

"Well, let me leave you girls to talk about girl stuff," Sochima said to me, then looked at Dawn and whispered, "I'll be downstairs," before pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"Okay," she whispered back, smiling bashfully at him. Sochima waved at me before he picked up a shirt from Dawn's bed, threw it on, and left the room.

"Don't start," Dawn warned as soon as the door closed behind Sochima. I could stop the laugh from escaping my lips.

"You were teasing me about Simi just moments ago, but you don't want me to tease you about your shirtless boyfriend parading your room,-" I paused to look at what she was wearing, "-while you are in a sports bra and heaven knows what as your bottoms."

"Shorts," She mumbled like a kid caught with her hand in a cookie jar. My eyes widened.

"Shorts!" I exclaimed. "Dawn Oluwadamipe Dayo!"

"We just finished cardio!" She defended.

"Cardio!" I screamed again, and her eyes widened at the implication of her words.

"Not that kind of cardio, fool!" She yelled at me, her cheeks inflamed and bright pink from blushing. Loud chortles escaped my lips boisterously, my hands clapping together on their own accord.

"Stop now!" She whined. I could imagine her stomping her little feet on the floor and that made me laugh even harder.

"S-Sorry. I'm sorry," I apologized with laughter when I saw the scowl on her face.

"Yen yen yen yen!" She rolled her eyes at me comically. "That's not even why I called you. I called to tell you something really important," She said, leaning forward.

"Yeah?" I asked. "What about?"

Dawn didn't say anything for a moment, she just stared at me in a way with a serious expression taking over her features, serious enough to tell me that it was indeed important.

Every hint of tease or joke disappeared from my face.

"Dawn?" I urged her on.

"Okay, don't be pissy," She began, clasping her hand together in a pleading manner. "But I had to make a decision for your own good. After reading it, I knew you had to read it too because you will really want to hear what he has to say,"

My forehead creased in a confused frown because I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I don't understand," I told her. She held my gaze for a moment before she spoke again.

"Jidenna's last letter to you, Hilary," She revealed carefully, but that didn't stop my breath from seizing in my chest.

"You asked me to throw it away, but I didn't," She continued, picking her words delicately. "I read it and I think you should read it too. You need to read it.-

-It's been in your school bag since last Monday."

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

... If you can still get some of the letters, per adventure you didn't burn all of them, you can read those ones too. They might just be the reasons you need to give Jidenna a benefit of the doubt...

I have been staring at the piece of paper between my fidgety fingers for good five minutes, Chidera's words to me from our therapy session last Saturday echoed continuously in my head as I kept contemplating whether to open it and read or just forget about it.

But every single time I had the mind to just tear it up like I did the rest before now, the fact that Dawn corroborated what Chidera said a week ago made me pause and rethink that there must be something that the universe... that God wants me to see in the letter.

Something that might push me to take an important step on my path to recovery. And right now, my desperation to heal was so much stronger than my animosity towards Jidenna.

I wanted to heal, and if there was something in this letter that would help me, despite it being from Jidenna, I need to read it.

I'm ready...

So with shaky fingers, and my heart beating as if I just ran laps, I slowly unfolded the sheet of paper, box by box till they became a whole. The familiar cursive handwriting, handwriting that I knew very well to be Jidenna's, stared back at me, begging me to read.

With a deep intake of breath, I began to read.

𝓗𝓲 𝓗𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓻𝔂,

𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓸𝓫𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓵𝔂 𝓪𝓵𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼, 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓷 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵, 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾... 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓽𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓾𝓹 𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓸𝔀 𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝔀𝓪𝔂, 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷'𝓽 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂. 𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓶𝓮 𝓸𝓾𝓽. 𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮, 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓶𝓮...

I paused reading, taking in a deep shaky breath before I continued reading.

...𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓪 𝓬𝓸𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓭. 𝓐 "𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓭𝓮 𝓐", 𝓯𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓭 𝓾𝓹, 𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓽, 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓷𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘'𝓶 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓵𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝔂 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓫𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓸𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓘 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝓼𝓸 𝓢𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂. 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓼, 𝓷𝓸 𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓪𝓹𝓸𝓵𝓸𝓰𝔂 𝓘 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓲𝔁 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓻𝓮𝓽 𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓵, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓯 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓹𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓮, 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵... 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓵𝔂, 𝔀𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓮𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓭𝓵𝔂 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷...

A wet drop met the paper and I knew immediately that I was crying. Sniffing, I used the back of my palm to clean my face, telling myself that this wasn't the time. Its words reminded me how much he hurt me but I needed to look past the hurt and focus on what I was meant to find... the reason this letter came for me.

So I continued.

...𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓷𝓸 𝓮𝔁𝓬𝓾𝓼𝓮𝓼. 𝓩𝓮𝓻𝓸 𝓮𝔁𝓬𝓾𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓘 𝓭𝓲𝓭, 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓘 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓣𝓮𝓴𝓮𝓷𝓪 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾. 𝓘 𝓪𝓬𝓬𝓮𝓹𝓽 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓶𝓮, 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓽𝓮, 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓻𝓾𝓮𝓵𝓽𝔂 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓘 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮... 𝓼𝓸 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝔁 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂 𝔀𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓰. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓼 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓲𝔁 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓼𝔀𝓲𝓶 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮, 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮...

My attention perked at the mention of my inability to swim because of the trauma from the accident.

After the day I nearly drowned at Simi's house while we were trying to help me get back into the water, I haven't tried again after that. And this letter, right here right now just reminded me of a part of myself that was so dormant, I almost forgot it existed.

Is that it? Is that what I needed to see?

The compulsion to continue reading was greater now.

...𝓘 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼 𝓫𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓪 𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓷𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓪𝓵 𝓼𝔀𝓲𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓻, 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓘'𝓿𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓮𝓮𝓷...

As much as I hated to admit it, his words touched me, causing me to tear up again.

...𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝓱𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓶𝔂𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓯 𝓼𝓸 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓫𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓱𝓸𝓵𝓭...

"You should." I whispered to myself.

...𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵, 𝓗𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓻𝔂. 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓼𝔀𝓲𝓶 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷. 𝓘 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓶𝓪𝔃𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓫𝓮𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓯𝓾𝓵 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭. 𝓘'𝓶 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓘 𝓰𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓬𝓪𝓹𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱...

I sniffed.

...𝓘'𝓶 𝓰𝓻𝓸𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘'𝓶 𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓸 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻. 𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓘'𝓶 𝓰𝓵𝓪𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓬𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓼 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪 𝓵𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓘 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓱𝓪𝓿𝓮...

I didn't need anyone to tell me that he was talking about Simi.

Did he notice us?

With bated breath, I continued reading the rest.

...𝓘 𝓪𝓭𝓶𝓲𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓲𝓻𝓬𝓾𝓶𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼, 𝓗𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓻𝔂. 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮, 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓶𝓼 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝔂 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓲𝓭, 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓫𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶 𝓯𝓲𝓮𝓻𝓬𝓮𝓵𝔂. 𝓜𝓪𝔂𝓫𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂, 𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮 𝓪𝓼 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓪𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾...

There was something about that part that seemed different. It wasn't about me anymore, it was about him. But not in a self-centered type of way. It was... strange.

I continued reading, hoping to get more clarity on what he meant but it didn't come. Instead, his last paragraph was about what he wished for me...

Good things he wished for me.

...𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓶𝓮, 𝓗𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓻𝔂... 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝓪𝓼 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 - 𝓷𝓸, 𝓝𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓪𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓮𝓷 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻. 𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓻𝓪𝔂𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓮𝓭𝓪𝓵𝓼 𝓫𝓮𝓬𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓽'𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮... 𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓲𝓽. 𝓕𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽, 𝓗𝓲𝓵𝓪𝓻𝔂.

𝓕𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽.

𝓦𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓮𝓼𝓽 ...
𝓙𝓲𝓭𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓪 𝓞𝓴𝓸𝓳𝓲𝓮.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding, the paper soaked with tears I had forgotten I was shedding. It was hard... so difficult to admit but this letter was what Dawn said it would be... what Chidera told me it would give me. It was exactly what I wanted...

...what I needed to take that step.

That Big Step.

Without thinking too much about it, scared that I would start having second thoughts and now out even before I take the leap, I picked up my phone from where it was seated beside me and placed a call to the only person I knew could help on this.

Like he knew I was going to call at that moment, just like always, he picked at the first ring.

"You finally changed your mind and decided to come over?" His teasing voice rang into my ear as soon as he picked up, and despite my tears, he still managed to make me smile.

"If the offer still s-stands," My voice quivered at the end of my statement even though I tried to sound as cheery as possible. I hoped to God that Simi didn't notice, but I should have known that there's nothing about me that gets by him.

He picked it up.

"Hilary," The teasing tone in his voice was gone, transcending into worry. I heard shuffles in the background like he was sitting up. "Hey, are you okay?" the concern in his voice was obvious.

I sniffed, already nodding before I realized that he wasn't seeing me.

"I'm okay," I answered him honestly because that was all I felt right now. Okay. "Can I come over?"

"Of course!" His answer came in a heartbeat. "You know you don't have to ask. You can come. I'm waiting for you," He said to me.

I got up from my bed at that instant.

"I'm on my way," I told him.

"Hilary," He called my name before I hung up.

"Yeah?"

"Talk to me," His voice was soft, cajoling. "What's going on?" He asked.

I sighed, then took in a deep breath before muttering the only explanation I could give him at this moment.

"I want to try again."

𝐀/𝐍

Hilary wants to try again 😭🔥.

What does she want to try again though?🤔 You will find out in the next chapter.

So, Hilary read of Jidenna's letters just as Chidera instructed, and Dawn finally corroborated. Ọmọ, Hilary has good and sensitive people in her corner and it's really doing her a lot of good. Whatever she wants to do now, is a big step.

So Hilary be teasing Simi with noodles and China be walking around shirtless 🌚. These children are on a mission to finish us😭🔥!

No specific date for the next update, so till then, you know the drill. I'll try my best to keep up with once every two weeks, but no promises.

Kisses 💋😘.