11

I was kicked out from my place. When I tried opening the door with my key it never budge but someone opened it from the other side. An exhausted looking woman of her 40's and bunch of noisy kids behind her. She was sorry we had to meet that way and that she didn't know anything about my things. Everything was just empty when she came. So I knocked on the landlady's room and got an earful. She sold everything I had to the nearest thrift store to make up for my debt.

I was lonely and lost standing outside the dorm with nowhere to go.

Just like before, he came.

He offered me a ride. I accepted it. I was surprised to see my things at the backseat. My clothes, my books, the black box.

I was lost for words. We parked in a secluded area overlooking the vast expanse of the waters. At first I thought he was playing with me. Daffodils dipped low in a scenic orange sunset after glow.

We walked in the small trail of gravels and stones. I wanted to ask him about his car. No one's around other than us, but it doesn't mean his car is safe.

I held my breath.

I saw it.

His house mimicking the cove. It was as if the house itself was part of it. A natural picturesque.

The house was a heavenly abode, but the seas entranced me more. I walked the remaining steps below leading to the sea.

I breathed in the salty whiffs of afternoon air.

I stayed there till I saw Mr. Moon plastering himself in his place.

The lapping of waves, the moonlit crevice amid darkness, the tranquil trance of serene sea made the distant tremors of the past long forgotten.

Darkness loomed and stars twinkled.

A fleeting moment of peace.

"Will you live for me?"

I need not to turn around to know who's talking. We were the only ones here anyway.

Silence came like an old friend.

"I saw the letters. Poems. Notes. Attempts."

He sat beside me. His left arm brushing against mine. I tried to quell the erratic beating of my heart.

"It fascinates me, the duality of our existence. Life and death, nothing in between. Some craved for it, some loathed it." I spoke softly. I don't want to break the moment.  

"You're not falling for me, are you?" I know it's impossible but I just wanted to make sure.

"What if I am? " His voice was soothing like that of a dream.

"It's the play of the mind. The impulse of men. You thought I needed saving when it's nothing but the other way around. You were lost. You saw yourself in me that your first instinct was to be there for me. Always and always you were there, because deep down you wanted someone to be there for you too. "

I took his silence as cue to continue.

" It wasn't me who needed saving. It was you. I wanted To be free from the shackles of secrecy, the bitter past. You, you were lost. You were oozing with confidence to fill the gaping hole of insecurities and doubts. When will you ever stop the pretentious charade? You cannot fool everyone. "

"I hit home. " I whispered.

"You see it's better to be this way. I never lied to myself. What I truly aspire is to be free. Others said they feared oblivion, I craved for it. "

I playfully dusted the sand away from my ankles.

"How selfish. What a coward. "

"I have been too strong for too long. " I looked at him. He looked at me too. 

"Then don't stop." He caressed the errant locks of my hair that's covering my face and brushed them  behind my ear.

"I'm tired. "

My eyes wandered to his lips. Then I noticed his unshed tears. His voice cracked and a sob escaped from his glorious mouth. It was then I knew I was hurting him.

"You're the first woman who made me cry. "

"You'll get over me." I traced his lips with my index finger, his jawline, the his neck, the sensitive part of his ear. All the while feeling sparks flying all over.

"You're the first person that made me cry. " He caught my hand which made my heart jumped.

"I'm honored. " I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Then Stay!" He brought his arms around me. I felt him shake, hiccuped, wailed.

"It's not about you, it's about me. "

"Don't hit me with that overly used classic stupid shit. " My head found comforts on his shoulder. He was angry but he never pushed me away.

" I'm thankful for you. The last days that we had, they were the best days of my life. "

I'll admit I'll miss him. We don't usually talked, but his presence is more than enough.

"Then live for me. Please. Just Breathe for me. Is that too much to ask? "

"You'll find someone. Someone not broken. Someone that doesn't need fixing. Someone, worthy of you. "

"I couldn't picture anyone other than you. "

"You've fallen deeply in love with me."

"I'm not denying it. "

"We don't even know each other's name. " I can't help but laugh.

"But our hearts knew.  My heart knows that I'm made for you. " 

I bit my lower lip and looked down to stop laughing.

But I am already sure.

What I want.

What I truly deserve.

" I'll leave at dawn. "

"Why would you do that? Am I not enough? Can't I be enough? Do you think I'll get over it? Do you think... I hate goodbyes. I always do. I thought you are my forever hello. That's why I stayed. Your words sting. They cut deep, seared through my borrowed bravado. Every flaws I hid to the world you openly criticize. Never have I ever said anything. Never have I ever retorted that hurt you. I kept it all in. Why can't you do the same? I don't care if you don't want me. I never wished for you to reciprocate the love I freely gave. All I want. All I ever need. Is for you to live for me. Just that. "

"That's not for you to dec---"

"For the first time, I'll be selfish and make it about me! That's what you wanted to believe for you to free yourself from the burden of guilt. You don't want to take in the blame, because you can't handle the truth. For once, don't be a prisoner of the past. Everyone has their own yesterdays, but everyone has their own futures too. And I couldn't see my future without you. That's the lamest excuse I've heard."

"Why are you so good to me? "

"I know how it is to be on the lifeline. You were right I was lost, still am but you are the flimsy thread of hope I'd happily cling into. So be my Herald of Hope. Don't do it for yourself, do it for me. "

I cried.

"What's wrong? " He cupped my face. Concern painted all over his handsome visage.

"Me. "

=====

Faime - lost🎶

Wish we could've done
Just half of what we said
Saw that picture of you
And it's fuckin' with my head
When it started feelin' right.
Where did we go wrong?
Maybe,

I'm better off without you
I've been tellin' me
Everything we thought we had was never what it seemed
Better off without you
You've been tellin' me
Don't know why we always end up lost
We always end up lost