22

"I'm home. "

I closed the door.

I spotted Andrey  on the couch. I carefully got the remote control off of his hands and turned the TV off. His head was dangerously dangling at the edge of the couch and it seems like he could fall off anytime soon. I got a pillow and adjusted his head to avoid waking up with stiff neck tomorrow.

I know I should wake him up but I just can't stop staring at him. He sounded so peaceful. He looked so calm.

The past 5 months was short but scary.

I never knew him and he never knew me. There's always that baggage of the past that'll keep coming back if not laid out and being talked about.

Pent up emotions are scary.

You think you're doing good in hiding your pain through smiles of deceit. However, it only takes time for the facade to crumble.

"I'm home. "

I whispered in silence.

I have never felt something this strong for someone. I have never felt so secured.

" I wish I'd known you sooner. " I played with his hair. Tears welled up and I just couldn't hold back anymore.

"The things I had been through, I'd relive everything just so I could spend another lifetime with you. " I'm glad he's sleeping soundly, free from worry.

" I'm not sure, but I think I'm falling for you Drey. " I wiped my tears away and stood up.

It's good thing he doesn't know it.

I went to my room and got a spare blanket for him. I walked back to the living room but he wasn't there anymore. He's nowhere to be seen.

" Is it true? "

He rested his head on his hand and leaned on the counter.

"Must've been hearing things. Sleep well. " I left the blanket on the couch and headed in my room.

Next thing you're crying.

I was lost that day.

I had nothing but the withered Will had he not shown up banging the door with his fists.

Five months ago at the balcony at dawn I should've been dead.

The decrepit dorm wasn't keen on the stragglers and strays. The stairs wobbled from every step, the doors aren't secured, the windows are broken but I had to endure and live with that. I had no money. I had no choice.

It was that day that I never knew two men followed me from work. I took the night shift which at first I was very against with but it's work and I needed so much money.

One grabbed me from the dark lit hallway and one punched me in the gut. I was not the same girl that cries anymore but I was the same girl that fights with adamant strikes fueled by strong desires of contempt.

They scampered shitless. I was safe.

There's a little to none of the physical bruises that I got that night or dawn----twilight crept in.

But the emotional torture raptured the mask I hid my indifferences for too long. It's when you're alone that everything just came flooding in.

You couldn't breathe.

You're suffocating.

The cold cooed me into going out to the fire exit. Everything was at peace. Like nothing happened contrary to the emotional breakdown I was caged in

I decided it was over.

I had never sought any help at all.

The therapist could do so much but not everyone has the luxury to see one.

I took matters on my own.

So that dawn I decided to end it all.

"Hey, you're still up? " Andrey came with hot steaming coffee. The past was once again forgotten, hidden, thanks to him.

"Caffeine will only---"

"Tea. " He placed the mug on my hand.

We were sitting on the edge of the bed. Eyes on the window overlooking the city below.

Silence was comforting right now.

It was not deafening silence but a silence of tranquil.

"Tell me your thoughts. " He draped on arm on my shoulder.

"Happy. For once. "

I was lost in the whole sense of the world, but it was only then that I found myself.

All I know is that I wanted to be alone.

Free from social constraints, I can't do this. I'm suffocated and confined in a world that I know nothing of.

It's never healthy. To take matters on your own. You'd make yourself believe that you can do it, that you have to do it even though deep down you need that lone shoulder to lean on, that dry handkerchief to cry on. No matter how strong you think you are. You need that constant pat on the back from someone. A reassurance that hey, you're doing fine, everything is going to be fine.

You need a home.

Finally, I had found mine.