I’ve been called many things over the years, but “one hot bitch” is not one of them. So I wasn’t sure how to react.

“You’re not one of those feminists who are going to beat me for saying that are you?” He asked putting his hands up in front of his face in mock fear.

“I might” I quipped, deciding to go along with the joking tone of the whole thing, for fear of total and utter awkwardness.

“Well, if your going to punch me, please don’t do it in the face, I’ve been told it's one of my best features.”

I smiled at him- I would have to agree.

“That’s me fishing for a compliment by the way,” He said looking at me earnestly.

“Oh… was that what it was.” I laughed, “Well in that case, you’re very handsome.”

“Not hot?”

“Mmmm…Maybe at the right angle.”

“Ouch.” He grabbed his chest as if he’d been wounded. 

 “Okay fine…” I couldn’t hide the bashful tone in my voice, “You’re pretty hot.” I hadn’t expected the reaction, but without warning I blushed. A proper bright red, warm flush. Without thinking I touched my cheeks, which only drew attention to them.  

“I make you hot under the collar I see?” Of course he would take this opportunity for another witty retort. And then his demeanor changed as his eyes met mine tentatively.

“I’m being serious too. I think you’re pretty hot.”

That moment when you hear a pin drop.

Where you shuffle uncomfortably in your seat.

When you can hear your heart beating.

We sat in silence- unsure how to proceed. It was clear we enjoyed spending time together and by now it was clear that we were attracted to each other. But I was afraid that from my side my feelings for him were going slightly deeper than that. And this was the guy that didn’t do love. Chris was the kind of guy you didn’t want to develop feelings for.

“So, the movie!” I said, trying to steer the conversation into another direction.

Chris picked up the remote and started flicking through the channels, but it soon became obvious that all the movies were in French with English subtitles.

“Gives us a chance to brush up on our French,” Chris said settling into the couch. (Shoulders officially touching now!)

The movie started, and I didn’t understand any of it. There seemed to be a lot of angst and tension between the two main characters. Much intense staring and smoking of Gaulois cigarettes, and then the unthinkable happened.

Before I knew it, she (effortlessly chic French woman with petit features and a pixie cut) was naked. He, (smoldering French men with intense eyes) was aggressively pinning her to the wall. His pants came off, revealing a perfect bum, and he spread her legs and …

They went for it.

It was frantic and sticky and hot and wild and went from the wall to the bed to the floor and back to the bed. It was one of the most hectic sex scenes I'd ever seen in a movie. (Bar Oceans 11 Inches of course) You actually saw penis!

I sat dead still, unable to move, I didn’t want to look in Chris’ direction. I could feel his muscles tensing and body stiffening. Mine did too, I was no longer relaxed, instead I sat bold upright in the chair. 

And they didn’t seem to stop either. It was also the longest one I'd ever seen (not the penis, the sex scene). And the more it went on, the more tuned on I was getting. I tried to fight it, but the combination of sitting next to Chris and watching two gorgeous people engaged in passionate sex, was a deadly combination. Just when I thought I was going to die of total embarrassment, they stopped, whipped out cigarettes and smoked.

The relief was instant.  I felt Chris’ shoulders relax and heard a loud sigh of relief. I think my sigh was audible too.

I wondered if Chris was feeling as turned on as I was. But you would have to be non-human for that scene not to have affected you. And he was only a man after all.

The scene was over but the buzz of sex surrounded us like a thick warm blanket. You could feel it in the air, moving between us. Weaving it’s way in and out and around. The air had been ignited with the promise of sex. I thought I could even hear his heart beating. I could feel mine. It thumped in my chest. It hurt.

There seemed to be only one way out of this situation, and it involved our clothes on the floor.

Lets review my options;

1.  I could do it! Shag him. Have sex with Chris. Through caution and inhibition and insecurity and other words beginning with ‘in’ to the wind. Just rip my clothes off and throw myself in front of him like a piece of medium-rare steak, ready to be eaten (okay, maybe not like that, but you get the idea)

2.  I could not do it. Not shag him. Not have sex with Chris. Not throw words with ‘in’ to the wind. No steak. No eating!

My mind had never whirled around so fast. It felt like someone had removed all my thoughts and thrown them into a blender, or a tumble dryer. I was dizzy from trying to sift through them. There wasn’t a single coherent thought I could grab onto either, just fragments….

“Yes, he’s hot”

“No…don’t sleep with strangers, or pretend fiancés’

‘ But so sexy….”

“Yes…. No, but I like him. No, but scared of sex, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no YES, no, YES, no, YES, no YES, no, YES, no, YES, no”

SHIT!

It felt like we’d been sitting still there for twenty minutes before my thoughts finally settled to a mild simmer.

Sex. Sex. Sex.

But I couldn’t do this; I knew absolutely nothing about him. He was basically a stranger. And I was still plagued with fear and insecurity about my sexual performance. This moment needed to end and I needed to be the one to do it.

 “Chris” His name came out so loud and fast it was jarring.

“Annie.’ Shit, he was saying my name in a soft, sultry tone.

“Chris!” I said it again, in hopes that he would pick up on the big red line that I was drawing in the sand vocally.

“Annie.” His tone was slightly more normal now.

I took a deep breath and started, “I just…” But the words were not coming. “I… I, it’s just that-“

“I get it.” He said firmly.

“You do?”

“Totally.”

He said it all with such authority that I wanted to believe him, but without actual verbal confirmation, we could be speaking about different things.

“What are you talking about?” I asked him.

He looked at me oddly, “Why? What are you talking about?”

We looked at each other blankly.

“Well?” I asked again, “What are you talking about?”

“Same thing you’re talking about Annie.”

“But I haven’t said anything, how do you know what I was going to talk about?”

He shot me an odd look again, “The thing that you were going to say, but then I said not to worry, because I know.”

This conversation was going nowhere. We were skating around the subject like absolute idiots. I would have expected Chris to be more straightforward and to the point. He said everything else he thought, just not this. If he wasn’t going to say it, then I was going to have to be the one to do it.

My mouth opened-

“Sex!”

Chris swallowed hard and his pupils dilated.

“What about sex?” His tone was slightly hushed again. Screw that hushed tone!

“We’re not having it.” I was firm.

“Who said we were having it?” His words stung and a bolt of panic shot through me as I wondered if I’d been wrong?  Maybe I’d misinterpreted this entire situation.

“I didn’t say we were having it.” I said trying to hide the distinctly defensive tone in my voice.

“No, definitely not,” he said again. By now my heart was sinking and the humiliation was rising fast. “We don’t have any cigarettes.”

“What?”

“Cigarettes. You can't have sex without cigarettes to smoke afterwards.”

He was clearly referring to the sex scene we’d just watched. He was also throwing me a gift. A chance to turn this whole conversation into a joke. To toss it away with humor- which in my opinion- was the best thing we could do right now.

“I agree. And certainly not without subtitles either.” 

“Although...” Hang on, what was happening here. His voice was doing that strange lilting thing again. The soft inflections. The husk, “I did see a vending machine that sells them in the reception?”

 “I’ve heard that smoking is bad for you?” I quipped.

Chris leaned dangerously close to me, “Sometimes Annie, the best things in life are.” We were face to face. Our eyes locked. I bit my bottom lip and Chris’ pupils dilated.

“Like chocolate.” I offered.

“Or Coconut Run Cocktails.”

We smiled at each other. His eyes were brighter than I’d even seen. His boyish charm was shining through, and a part of me wished that he would just take the reigns and steer us in the direction that the not-so-subtle-subtext was taking us.

“Annie, can I kiss you?”

Fuck. He’d taken it there.

“Only for rehearsal purposes of course. Don’t you think if we’re going to be playing fiancé/ fiancé, we should have at least kissed? So it won’t be awkward if were forced to?”

“Only for rehearsal purposes?” I asked, the words getting stuck in my throat.

“Only for rehearsal purposes.” He made a cross-my-heart gesture.  “I mean, it’s not like I find you attractive or anything like that. And this certainly isn’t just a ploy to manipulate you into kissing me.”

“Of course not.” I said, my eyes moving down to his lips and noting that they were slightly parted. “Maybe just a peck on the lips?”

Chris nodded, “Of course, I wasn’t suggesting we go full tongue.”

“Okay, close your eyes.”

Chris closed them. I leaned in and planted a small, soft kiss on his lips. They felt warm and tasted of Salt and Vinegar chips.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. “And scene!”

We both laughed, “It’s getting late,” I said, finally managing to pry my eyes from him.

“I suppose it is.”

“I should go to bed.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep downstairs?”

I shook my head, “No. Like I said. I like the view.”

I got up and started walking away, but before I left the room I felt compelled to look back at him. And when I did, I was glad to see he was still looking in my direction.

“Thanks for a nice night Annie.”

“Pleasure.” I walked up the stairs and left Chris in the room. A part of me regretted it, but another part of me- perhaps the bigger part- felt relieved. It would be messy with Chris. I liked him. He lived in LA. And after this holiday, I would never see him again. It would be a terrible idea to sleep with him.

Shit, it was probably a bad idea to kiss him.

But just as I was opening the door to my room I heard that familiar rustle of the palms. I’d almost forgotten about our unpleasant neighbors.

I turned. It was Trev, and he was looking at me suspiciously.

“Have a disagreement did you?”

What?”

“Sleeping upstairs are you?”

I needed to think quickly before our cover was blown. “No. No. Um… we’ve run out of dry towels downstairs. We were bathing, and I remember there were some here.” I smiled at him hoping he was buying this story. 

I ran into the room quickly. God I hoped there were towels there!

I looked around frantically; pulling open drawers, throwing blankets off the bed and looking in the shower. But nothing.

Not a towel in sight.

And I just knew that Trev was waiting outside with that little face framed by palm leaves, waiting patiently to catch us out.

I walked out the room and threw my hands in the air. “Well what do you know! No towels” I shrugged, hoping this little act of mine was working.

“Here,” Suddenly Trevs head disappeared for a moment and then his hand popped through the foliage holding two towels. “You can borrow ours.”

The absolute gal of this man.

The unspeakable, unimaginable inappropriateness of him. The lack of all propriety.

“No thanks.” I said as quickly as possible, “I could never. Shame, you might need them.”

Trev shook his head, “I insist Anne. It’s the least we can do.”

And without any invitation, he tossed them.

The towels landed at my feet with a splat and with him glaring at me, I had no choice but to pick them up

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” He flashed me his snow-white smile, which seemed even whiter in the pale moonlight. “What are neighbors for hey?” He winked.

I tried to muster some kind of smile- at this stage a grimace would have sufficed. But internally I felt sick. The towels reminded me of the toothbrushes squashed into the same cup. Sure they hadn’t been used, but it still felt like the most inappropriate sharing imaginable. All I could think about while holding them was their naked bodies rubbing up against the fabric.

“If you need sugar, just let me know” And with that he was gone. The palms smacked together as his face disappeared. I knew I had no choice but to take the offensive towels and sleep downstairs, for fear that Trev might investigate later.

But going back down was the last thing I wanted to do. I inched my way down the stairs, trying to psyche myself up for seeing Chis again after that explosively sexual incident. I was vaguely aware of the sound of running water, but by that stage was so trapped in my thoughts I didn’t quite register---

---I walked in on Chris, stark naked in the shower.

Chris had his back to me washing his hair. And against all my better judgment- I couldn’t help it- I stared. His back was broad and manly and the bum attached to it was, well, perfect. I was overcome by this urge to squeeze it. I could almost feel my nails digging into it, pulling it closer. As he washed his hair and shifted the weight from one leg to another it would flex, accentuating those dimples on the sides. The temperature of my blood rose and it coursed through my veins like a raging rapid. It rushed to my pelvis and I started getting this burning sensation between my legs.

Oh God! I was getting so ridiculously horny!

And then he turned. And because my eyes were so focused on his bum, something else suddenly came into full view.

Penis.

Staring me straight in the face.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away I was so shocked and fascinated at the same time. I had almost forgotten that there was a whole body attached to it. It was all I could see. I’ve never really been a fan of the way they look. Over the years I’d seen a few interesting ones. Some that are a little too triangular in shape. Some that are a bit too mushroom like. But his was… perfect.

The shape, the size...perfect. 

I heard a little gasp, it came from me and it was totally involuntary.

“Annie!”

Abruptly I remembered the head, mouth, eyes and brain that were attached to the appendage up North.

I jumped backwards away from the penis and into the couch. The towels went flying as I lost my balance and I fell backwards. I landed with a thump and felt a sharp pain in my elbow as it connected with the side of the table.

“Ouch!” I screamed loudly. Why is hitting your elbow so damn painful? I grabbed it and rubbed hard, trying to sit up at the same time and knocking a knee on the same table as I went.

“Are you okay Annie?” Suddenly two hands grabbed me under the arms and pulled me to my feet where I came face to face with a wet, soapy Chris.

“Here, let me help you sit,” I felt his hand come around to the small of my back as he guided me onto the couch.

But as I sat, I came face to face with it again.

I slapped my hands over my eyes this time as I saw Chris slap his hands over his…

“There’s a towel on the floor,” My eyes were tightly closed and I was pointing in the general direction that they’d fallen.

I heard Chris shuffle around and then I heard the sound of the fabric as he wrapped the towel around himself.

“It’s safe to open your eyes now.”

 “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to... but Trev saw me going into the other bedroom and..”

And then Chris laughed loudly and collapsed into the other couch, “That was quite a reaction.”

“I guess I got a fright.”

“Wow. I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment, or the biggest insult I’ve ever gotten in my entire life.”

I felt my cheeks go red and hot again, “Good fright.” I managed to whisper coyly.

“Glad you approve,” Chris sounded rather pleased with himself, “Good to know.”

 “ Sorry.” I said again, trying not to look in his direction for fear that my eyes would automatically make a beeline for his crouch.

“It’s okay. But if you don’t mind I need to get back into the shower again, I have shampoo running into my eyes and it stings.”

“Sure, I won’t look this time. Promise” I said.

“Why not? It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”

Chris got up and walked back to the shower. I heard the towel drop to the floor and knew that he was completely naked again.

My blood started doing that hot, rapid rushing thing again. My body seemed to react to Chris in such a primal way. A way that was totally out of my conscious control.

God I wanted him so badly.

I wanted nothing more than to take my clothes off and climb into the shower with him...