"Why should I apologize for the monster i've become? No one has apologized for making me this way?"

I sucked in a breath before I opened up the door that led to the Gilbert house. I made my way up the stairs, ignoring the stench that laid in the house. As I walked pass Jeremy's room, I paused, seeing a body on the bed.

I looked into the room, my eyes widening at the sight of Jermey's non-moving body, his skin sickly pale, and no heartbeat.

"Spencer?"

I looked away from his body to Elena, my eyes narrowing at the sight of her. "What happened?" I clenched my jaw. "What did you do now?"

"He's fine. He's just... he will come back. He's fine. He  the Gilbert ring." She kept muttering that he was fine, shaking her head.

"What the hell happened?" I looked back to Jeremy, gulping. He was my little cousin, someone that was ruined of any innocence he had in him. I loved him but I hate him, too. He hurt me. He killed someone really important to me. He has betrayed me.

"He's fine."

"Stop saying he's fine!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "He has no fucking pulse! He isn't moving or breathing! He's dead!" I slumped, realization dawning on me. "He's dead..."

"Spencer..."

"You deserved this, Elena," I said, my eyes landing on hers. "You betrayed me at every chance given, and yet, I kept forgiving you, but killing Kol was a big no-no. You didn't just ruin my life, you ruined Jeremy's, as well. You dragged him to that island and you are the one who killed him. It seems that karma has finally gotten to you," I smirked at her, my eye twitching.

I scoffed before making my way to my room. I slammed my bedroom door shut and made my way to my radio. I turned the volume all the way up and that is when everything hit me all at once.

Jeremy was dead.

He was dead, never coming back. My little cousin was dead. Jeremy Gilbert was dead.

My hands flew up to my mouth to stop the incoming sobs that wanted to escape me, but it was too late. A loud sob escaped me and I fell to the floor. I looked up at my ceiling and let out a loud cry of pain, my heart aching as I pictures Jeremy's lifeless body.

I bent over, laying my forehead on my hardwood floor, and I dug my nails into the floor, dragging my nails down it as I tried to contain the wolf inside me, but to no avail.

I gasped, my head abruptly looking up as my eyes turned blue. Canines extracted from my guns, and my nails turned into claws, and I let out a loud howl.

Breathing heavily, I looked to my window and ran towards it, crashing through it. I flung myself out the window. I landed on my feet and dashed towards the woods.

________

I walked back into the Gilbert residence, fully calmed down now. It has been hours since I had a breakdown and ran into the woods. I killed a few animals that passed by me in the woods, so my urge to kill Elena was slightly dimmed.

As soon as I saw Damon, Caroline, and Stefan surrounding a hysteria Elena, I paused my movements to my room and sighed, knowing that something dramatic was about to happen.

"We need a cover story, right? You think I didn't hear you guys talking earlier? Well, what are we gonna say... Animal attack, tumble down the stairs? No. We burn the house down with him inside of it."

"Elena, stop it," Stefan demanded.

Elena stared back at him. "Why, because you want me to not be in denial? You want me to face the truth? This is the truth, Stefan. I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want these sketches." She flung the sketches that Jeremy drew onto the floor. "I don't want this Xbox. Not gonna need this bourbon anymore." She flung the bourbon onto the floor. "Alaric is not here to drink it, I mean, unless you guys are willing to bring back every supernatural creature on the other side to get him back. Would you? I know you want your drinking buddy back," she stated, looking to Damon. "Would you, Damon? Because I wouldn't. I don't know. I mean, does that make me a bad person? I have no idea." She removed Jeremy's ring. "He's not gonna need that anymore."

"Elena, stop it. You're scaring me," Caroline said which made me roll my eyes.

"What else are we supposed to do with the body, Caroline? I mean, there's no room in the Gilbert family plot. Jenna and John took the last spots." Elena threw up up her hands to gesture to me. "Spencer hates me, she's moving in with Klaus which is the only reason she's here, she doesn't care about Jeremy."

"Oh, why you--" I went to lung at Elena but Stefan grabbed my wrist, stopping me. I growled and snapped my teeth at him, making him release me.

Elena shook her head. "There's nothing here for me anymore, Stefan. Every inch of this house is filled with memories of the people that I love that have died... My mom, my dad, Jeremy, and Jenna and Alaric, John, even John. I mean, they're all dead. Everyone is dead. So what am I supposed to... I mean, how am I gonna... I can't even... There's nothing left for me. Aah!" She angrily yelled out in rage as she couldn't get her words out right.

Damon slowly stepped towards her. "Elena, I need you to calm down."

Elena frantically shook her head. "No, no, no. I can't. I can't. I can't. I..." she fell to the floor, sobs escaping her. "I can't. I can't. No. It hurts. It hurts. Just make it stop. Please make it stop. It hurts."

"Damon… help her."

Damon nodded and bent down beside Elena. "I can help you. I want you to let me help you. I can help you."

"How?"

"Turn it off."

"Oh, for fucks sakes," I complained. "I'm leaving," I said, rolling my eyes on irritation. Yes, I was sad about Jeremy's death, he didn't deserve to die because of Elena's mistakes, but he did kill Kol. Jeremy was just another family member that has died because of Elena. Elena was also family because she did things that no family member should do to another, and I couldn't find it in myself anymore to forgive her even though I know that she needs me right now. For once, I need to be selfish and put myself first before I actually end up dead, too, because of Elena.

"Bye," I waved goodbye to them and walked out of the house.

__________

Nik flashed forward and grabbed the vampire who had attacked Hayley. Quickly, I ran towards her and helped her off of the ground. We watched as Nik bit the vampire who then flashed away.

Haley looked at is in disbelief as I went up and stood by Nik. "You came."

Klaus smirked, "well, you did say it was urgent." She frantically looked around. "Oh, don't worry about him, love. He'll never make it through tomorrow night."

"What if there are more?"

"You were foolish enough to make a deal with Katherine," I stated. "She used you to find the cure, and now you're nothing but a loose end. You'll be lucky if she lets you live." I then smiled at her. "I should think you for leading Katherine to the cure because now my cousin has to live as something she doesn't like."

Haley nodded at me, "you're welcome, I guess." She then looked to Nik. "You said you would protect me." She gestured to me. "You both did."

Nik nodded, "and we will, just as soon as you tell us everything you know about Katerina."

_________

I rolled my eyes at the person who stood at the mansion's doorway. "Nik, baby!" I shouted though I didn't need to. Seconds later, Nik was by my side.

He clicked his tongue. "Ah, what an unpleasant surprise."

Damon gave us both a fake smile. "So I just came up with a list called things you both suck at. Number one: Finding Katherine, ever. Number two: Covering up your secret phone conversations to that little backstabber Hayley. Yeah, so where is she, and what does she know about Katherine?"

Klaus tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "I should help you? After you lot killed my brother and imprisoned us in the Gilbert living room?" He wrapped his arm around my wait.

Damon narrowed his eyes, smirking. "You might want to prioritize, Klaus. You have much bigger problems. Katherine has the cure. My guess is she's gonna want to cram it down your throat. You help me find Katherine, I'll get the cure, I'll give it to Elena, everybody wins. Just let me question Hayley about Katherine."

I stepped forward and gave Damon a fake smile. "Can't help you, idiot. Hayley's off limits. Although, we did have a run-in with a vampire who may know where Katerina is. Too bad for you, Nik bit halfway through his neck. He probably won't have much time for chit-chat." I gave him a smirk and closed the door, turning to Nik who was smiling down at me.

"You've changed so much," he pulled me close to him by my waist. "I love it."

"I love it, too." I grinned and stood on my tippy toes, giving him a peck on the lips.

__________

We sat at the kitchen island, watching as Hayley at.  So you're rested, you're fed. Tell us about Katerina," Nik demanded, impatient.

Haley looked up at him, tilting her head. "Most men get their power kick from torture and intimidation. With you, it's drinks and fine dining."

I chuckled, leaning on the counter. "He's only playing nice right now because I like you, but if you don'y cooperate, I can snap my finger and allow him to tear into you." I rose an eyebrow at her. "Now, where's Katherine?"

She frowned and stared at me. "You seriously think I know?"

Nik let out an irritated breath, his hand sliding across the table to grab mine. "You tipped her off as to what we were up to and set her on a course to find the cure. In return, she sent her lackey to snuff you out," he looked Hayley on the eyes. "Tell us, what did Katerina promise you?"

Haley sighed, looking away from Nik to me. "I was in new Orleans trying to find information about my real parents. Katherine found me and told me she could help."

Nik chuckled. "An orphan? Well, that does explain your charming bravado. Abandonment issues will do it every time."

Haley shrugged,  Sounds like you would know." 

I squeezed Nik's hand. "We're the only ones that can protect you. We're happy to do so, provided you cooperate."

_________

Nik and I trailed after Hayley who walked into Nik's art room. She looked around at his paintings, her face twistinh into dislike. "Hate that. Too much. I don't get that. Hmm... I don't care." She then looked at one of his deeper meaning paintings. It showed all the pain-filled thoughts that he has. She hummed. "Hmm. This one. It doesn't make me want to puke. Why'd you paint it?" 

Nik stood tall, his arm drapping over my shoulders, his thumb rubbing circles above my left breast. "Painting is a metaphor for control. Every choice is mine... The canvas, the color. As a child, I had neither a sense of the world nor my place in it, but art taught me that one's vision can be achieved with sheer force of will. The same is true of life, provided one refuses to let anything stand in one's way."

She tilted her head. "So this is your thing... Show a girl a few mediocre paintings, whine about your childhood, and I swoon and spill all my dirty secrets?"

Klaus looked to me, grinning. "I felt I had many charms, but, uh, regardless, I'm enjoying myself."

She crossed her arms, glaring at both of us. "And you both do whatever you enjoy, up to and including hunting my friend Tyler for the next century."

I scowled. "Oh, surely not the next century. Only until we both kill him. Together." I smirked as I saw Nik look over at me, a fondness in his blue eyes.

She rolled her eyes. "You talk a good game, but the truth is you let him go. My guess: You know if you kill him, Caroline will hate you forever."

I laughed loudly. "I don't give a fuck what she thinks, what any of them think of me anymore. They all ruined anything I felt for them. I don't need them, anyway. All I need is my father, brother, my pack, and Nik."

Nik smiled and kissed my temple. "If I simply killed Tyler, my revenge would be over in a moment. Sentencing him to a lifetime of paranoia and fear... That's Tyler's true punishment," an amused smirk came to his face as he saw a sad look cross over her face. "You never really thought there was a future for you two, did you?"

She shrugged, glaring at him. "I don't know. He might have left Caroline for me if I'd used the cure to kill you."

I growled and took a threatening step towards her. "I would trudge carefully now, darling." I frowned as Kol's saying slipped past my lips. I gulped but looked into Hayley's eyes. "You know, if Tyler has even half your resolve, he may actually make it through the year."

She tilted her head and stood tall. "It doesn't take resolve. It takes allies, a network of people willing to do anything for you, including chase down loose ends to their death," she looked up at Nik. "That's how Katherine escaped you all this time."

"Perhaps you know the names of Katerina's special little helpers."

She smirked, "Maybe I know one or two. Maybe I'll even tell you both."

__________

Nik and I walked towards Hayley. "Nik's sister informed us that your vampire assailant is dead, so you're safe and free to go. Or stay," I gave her a smile. I could always do with more friends.

She shrugged, giving me a small smile. "I could be persuaded to stay, enjoy some of the good life. And maybe I could drum up a few more of Katherine's secrets and you both could do something for me."

Nik shook his head, "Oh, I'm sorry. You'll never convince me to let Tyler go free."

She shrugged. "Well, then, I guess I'll never get my chance with Tyler. Bye," she waved, giving me a small smile before leaving.

I turned to Nik, wiggling my eyebrows up and down. "Hearing you talking about your desire to paint, it turned me on so much." I walked towards him, running my hand up his chest. "Do you know what I like about when you paint?"

He grinned and pulled me closer to him. "Well, perhaps it's because it allowes you to see into my deep, wounded soul."

"Hmm." I hummed, running my hand down his chest and towards his pants waist. I grabbed onto his belt and pulled him closer to me. I looked up into his lust filled eyes and leaned forward, connecting our lips together.

He picked me up and say me down on a table and pushed my shirt up above my head, disconnecting his lips from mine for only a few seconds.

I moaned lowly, tilting my head back as he began to kiss down my neck and down my chest, leading towards my pants waist. He grinned up at me, his blue eyes sparkling with a light I have never seen before.

I grabbed his hair in my hands and pulled him up to me, connecting our lips again.

The rest of the night was a blur.