-Devin-

I sighed as I stared at myself in the mirror. I'd found myself doing this more and more lately. When my hair started falling out and Nurse Evelyn had shaved the rest of it off, I'd taken it in stride. I knew losing hair happened with cancer and I accepted that there was nothing I could do about it, but now I was growing impatient. I wanted my hair back.

"Devin!" Avery called from the living room.

Feeling defeated, I put my hat back on and left the bathroom. When I came around the corner, I saw Avery had cleaned up everything from breakfast already, and now he was standing in the living room with a huge smile on his face.

"Guess what day it is?" he asked.

"Uh, Tuesday? What are you so excited about?"

"I get to kiss you today! You've been home for four days now."

I briefly counted the days backwards in my head and realized he was right. Then, I immediately felt bad for not remembering this myself. It wasn't like I hadn't been looking forward to kissing him again, but I had a lot of other things on my mind.

Avery stepped closer. "Do you know what makes this even better? After a month of not being able to kiss you, it'll be kind of like experiencing a first kiss all over again."

"Huh. I never thought of it that way." I smiled at him and reached for his hand, gently tugging him towards me. His body bumped into mine and for a moment, we just looked at each other.

I stared into his pretty blue eyes and felt my heart start to beat faster in anticipation. Avery put one hand on the side of my face, his thumb gently stroking my cheek as his other fingers rested near the back of my neck. We both leaned in, and the moment I felt his soft lips on mine, everything in the past month seemed worth it. I'd go through all of that suffering again if it meant I'd get to keep kissing Avery.

We kissed slowly at first, taking time to relearn each other. Sometimes Avery touched me like he was afraid I was going to break, and I sensed he felt that way now. I opened one eye and started guiding us back towards the couch. Avery broke the kiss before we lay down.

"I don't want to do too much," he murmured. "I mean, I want to, but I don't want to wear you out or hurt you."

"You won't," I promised. I pulled him down and settled onto the couch so we were facing each other. "I just want to keep kissing you. I thought I knew how much I missed it, but I was wrong. I have no idea how I'm going to give this up again during my next chemo cycle."

Avery nuzzled my nose with his own. "We'll get through it." He pressed his lips to mine again, and I shifted closer to him and curled my fingers into the hair on the back of his head.

I don't know how much time passed, but it seemed like we laid on the couch for hours. Avery and I kissed slowly, our tongues sliding over one another and hands wandering up each other's backs. I was content with the slow, sensual pace. I was still tired most of the time and knew I wouldn't be able to handle too much activity. It wasn't a surprise when I drifted off to sleep while still kissing Avery.

-

My happiness only lasted until the following afternoon. Avery went back to work in the morning, fretting for several minutes before he finally made it out the door after making me promise to text him throughout the day and to call if I needed him to come back home. For the first few hours I laid around and scrolled on my phone, but I quickly got bored. I didn't know what to do with my time now. I was too weak to work out or do anything productive, and during my time in the hospital I'd seen enough TV and movies to last me a lifetime.

I opened the browser on my phone and looked up how long it took for hair to grow back after chemotherapy. That led me down a rabbit hole of reading about long term side effects from chemo and I ended up on an article about relationships and cancer. According to a research study, men were much more likely to leave a partner with cancer than women. And not only in the case of cancer, but in the case of any serious illness.

Avery and I were both men, but I wasn't sure if that mattered. I knew I shouldn't be reading all of this stuff and focusing on the negatives, but I couldn't stop. All of my fears about Avery leaving me came rushing back. He had been so supportive, but we were only a month into this. How would he feel after a few months of me doing chemo at home and having to drive me to the hospital for check-up visits? Or having to work while taking care of everything around the condo and cooking for me? As amazing as Avery was, he would get tired of this eventually. He had signed up to be a boyfriend, not a caretaker.

Maybe if I could reduce some of the burden on him, it would change the outcome. This is what I had thought when I was first diagnosed, but I had given in and started relying on him. I needed to stop being weak. The least I could do was hire a food service to make my meals for me and then have food delivered every night so he wouldn't have to cook for himself.

I spent the next hour reading through the chemo information packet the hospital had given me. It was a slog to get through, but by the time I was done, I knew everything I needed to do for my chemo cycles at home. Avery wouldn't need to supervise me or know any of the details himself, which would be one less thing for him to worry about. Even if things weren't going to go back to normal for me for a long time, I could make sure they went back to normal for Avery.

-Avery-

I was worried about Devin. I thought he would be happier to be home, but he'd been moody and withdrawn lately. Whenever I asked how he was doing or if anything was wrong, he insisted he was fine.

Instead of letting me cook for him, he'd arranged to have meals catered and delivered to the condo, along with delivery from a restaurant for me. He claimed he wanted to try eating some of his favorite foods again but didn't want to waste any food, so that was why he was ordering restaurant delivery for me and eating one or two bites from my plate. However, I had a suspicion that he was trying to keep me from having to do any work to take care of him.

I wished he would let me take care of him. I wished he would allow himself to rely on me without guilt. Most of all, I wished he would talk to me about what he was feeling and why. I knew I couldn't force him though, so I tried my best to act like everything was normal.

When I got home from work that evening, Devin was sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket. He looked warm and comfortable, and for a brief moment I regretted having a job I cared about. I would rather spend my days snuggled under a blanket with him, keeping him company and making him laugh while he recovered. 

"Hey," I said, sitting down next to him. The first thing I did was give him a hug, followed by nuzzling his nose to ask for a kiss. "How was your day?"

"Same as usual," he replied. "Is everything going okay with the next culvert installment?"

"Yep. Right on schedule for next week." I pushed my hand under the blanket so I could hold his hand. "Also, my parents called. They want me to come up to their house to have dinner with them this weekend, and they also want to meet you."

"This soon? I'm not at my best right now."

"They won't care. I told them what's going on, so they understand."

"How much have you told them about me?"

I smiled. "You want to know if I told them about how terrible you were at camp?"

Devin sighed. "I'm already going to be meeting them looking like I'm at death's door, and now I also have to overcome them knowing I was an asshole to you. Great."

"It'll be fine," I reassured him. "Yes, I'm close with my family and talk to them a lot. They know what happened, but I kept the details vague. But more importantly, they also know you got me a job at your dad's firm and that you and your dad have been kind to me and helped me out with more than just a job. And they trust my judgment."

"What do your parents do again?"

"My dad works in residential construction and my mom is a middle school teacher."

"And you have a brother and sister?"

"Yep. They'll be there for dinner also."

With a sigh, Devin let his head drop back against the couch. "I do want to meet them, but I wish it wasn't until I'm better. I know it's important to you though, so I'll do it."

I squeezed his hand. "Thank you. And they're going to love you. I promise."