-Avery-

I was starting to worry about Devin. He hadn't been himself lately. He'd been quiet and withdrawn and had disappeared in the middle of the work day twice this week, including today. I didn't want to make it worse if he was stressed out, but I needed him to talk to me.

My phone buzzed with a text notification from Devin. "I went home early. Got a ride and left you the SUV."

That explained why I hadn't been able to find him at his desk or anywhere else in the office, but it was the last straw for me. He was my boyfriend, and I deserved to know what was going on.

When I got home and stepped into the condo, Devin was sitting on the couch and staring out the window. I sat down next to him and hugged him, wanting him to know I cared before I started asking questions. As I pulled back, I realized something was wrong. Devin had a faint sheen of tears in his eyes, and he looked scared. Fear was never something I'd seen on Devin.

"Hey, what's going on?" I asked.

"They found something in my blood work when I went to the doctor. I had to go back to get a biopsy, and I was there again today so we could talk about the results."

Hearing that made my heart rate speed up. "Wait, is something actually wrong?"

Devin closed his eyes. A tear slowly made its way down his cheek. "I have cancer," he whispered. "Leukemia. The same kind my mom had."

My breath caught in my throat and it felt like the bottom of my world had suddenly dropped out from under me. I had to have misheard Devin. Or maybe I was having a nightmare. This couldn't be real.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, my voice rising and trembling on the last word. I knew it was selfish to think this way, but I had just found Devin. I couldn't lose him now.

"I don't know. I have to go to the hospital to start chemotherapy in two days."

I scooted as close as I could and wrapped my arms around Devin's shoulders. I pulled him to me and he came willingly, slumping against my chest.

"I'm so sorry," I said, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. "I love you. I'm here to support you in any way you need." I did my best to sound calm, but I wanted to scream. I wanted to fall apart, but I knew I needed to be strong for Devin. He was the one facing this diagnosis, this life-changing information, and it was his life that hung in the balance. Not mine.

"I'm scared," he whispered, his voice cracking on the last word. I squeezed him tighter and felt his body jerk as he tried to hold back the tears. I kept holding onto him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead and letting him cry as I tried not to start crying too. I couldn't do that. I needed to be the strong one.

Silence hung in the air, heavy and stifling. I wish I knew what to say to him, what words of comfort I could provide. But I didn't know. What do you say to someone who's been told they could die? 'I love you' and 'I'm here for you' didn't seem to be anywhere close to enough.

"What can I do?" I asked.

Devin pulled away and sat up, wiping his face. "I'm afraid to tell my dad. He already had to watch my mom die from this. I can't do this to him too. He can't lose both his wife and his son."

I reached over and took his hand. "There's no guarantee he'll lose you. But he'll want to know. He'll want to get you the best care possible."

Devin squeezed my hand. "Can you come with me? I don't want to tell my dad alone. I don't know if I can get the words out."

"Of course. Devin, I'm here. I'll do whatever you need me to do. You're not in this alone, okay?"

He nodded and looked at the ground.

"Is the doctor where you were when you disappeared from work?" I asked. "I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about that."

"It's okay, you didn't know. I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want you or my dad to worry."

I stroked my thumb over the back of his hand. I had a ton of questions I wanted to ask him, but that may not be the right thing to do. "Do you want to talk about it? Or we can not talk about it and do something to take your mind off it."

"I should text my dad and tell him we're coming over. But we can do that after dinner. You should eat."

Eating was the last thing I wanted to do after finding out Devin had cancer. My mind was spinning in a thousand directions and it didn't make sense to go ahead and do normal things like nothing was happening.

"You should eat dinner too," I said gently.

"I don't really feel like eating."

"I don't either, if I'm being honest. But I think we should make an effort. I can make anything you want."

Devin was quiet, and then he leaned against me. "I like it when you make French toast."

I kissed his forehead. "Breakfast for dinner sounds like a great idea."

"Can you make an egg on the side?"

"Of course." I got up, leaving him on the couch, and immediately made myself busy in the kitchen. This wasn't how I wanted to handle this, but Devin seemed like he was still in shock and didn't want to say much. I wanted to sit with him for an hour and cry and find out everything about the type of cancer he had and what his treatment would be and what I needed to do to help. We would both have to take time off work and I would have to rearrange the schedule for the culvert project or find someone to cover for me.

Everything was about to change, but I was determined to be there for Devin and support him in any way he needed.

-Devin-

I felt nauseous as Avery and I walked into my house. I'd texted my dad telling him we were going to stop by after dinner, but I hadn't given him any warning that I had bad news.

"I'm back here!" he called out.

I held Avery's hand tighter and led us out to the deck overlooking the lake. I knew I had to do this, but I wanted to run away. I wanted to pretend none of this was happening.

My dad smiled at us and nodded. "Avery. How are you?"

"I'm okay," Avery replied, his voice quieter than usual.

We sat down in the patio chairs across from my dad, and he seemed to sense that something wasn't right. It was probably because of the grim expressions on both of our faces. He set his drink down and leaned forward.

I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "Dad, I don't have an easy way to say this. I'm sorry I have to tell you this, I'm so sorry -" I choked, unable to finish the sentence.

I looked at Avery, my eyes pleading with him to say what I couldn't.

Avery squeezed my hand and looked my dad in the eyes. "Devin got some bad news today," he said, his voice strong. "He hasn't been feeling well lately, so I encouraged him to go to the doctor. His blood work was abnormal, and after they followed up with a biopsy, they diagnosed him with leukemia."

My dad's face lost all color.

"He has to go to the hospital to start chemo in two days. The doctors said it's good that they caught it when they did."

My dad leaned back into his chair and closed his eyes. For a long time, he didn't move. Didn't speak. When he opened his eyes, they were flooded with tears. I hadn't seen my dad cry in a long time. The last time had been when my mom died.

I felt like I was suffocating. "I'm sorry," I cried. "I didn't want to put you through this again, I'm so sorry."

He got up and quickly crossed over to my chair. Then his hands were on my elbows, pulling me up, and I sank into his arms. "I'm sorry, Dad," I sobbed.

"It's not your fault," he said, his voice hoarse. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He held onto me for a long time before letting go of me. "Will you stay?" he asked. "I'd like to have you near tonight."

I nodded, my throat too tight to speak.

By my side, Avery had gotten up and was clearing his throat. "I'll head home, but I'll be back to pick you up in the morning whenever you're ready."

"The invitation to stay included you too, Avery," my dad said. "I didn't expect you to go home alone."

"Oh, okay. I didn't want to intrude if you want time with Devin."

"You're not an intrusion. And I'm sure Devin wants support from both of us."

I nodded. I needed to be around both of them now.

-

We sat inside and talked for the next hour, and I answered as many of my dad's and Avery's questions as I could. When I got tired and my eyes started to close, my dad insisted Avery and I get some rest. I led Avery up to my childhood bedroom, reaching behind me on the stairs for his hand.

"We can go right to sleep, unless you think you can stay awake for a shower," Avery said. "I can wash your hair for you."

"Yeah, that sounds good."

I let the warm water run over my body and closed my eyes as Avery rubbed my shoulders and then gently massaged his fingers into my hair. He was such a kind, caring boyfriend. My eyes welled up with tears and I was thankful he was standing behind me and wouldn't be able to see. The only thing scarier than finding out about my diagnosis was thinking about how this was going to impact our relationship. I was going to lose Avery. I just knew it. A new relationship couldn't withstand something of this magnitude. It was supposed to be full of dates and sex and vacations, not hospitals and doctor's offices and stress.

Avery's fingers gently brushed over the side of my lower back where the biopsy site was. "You have a bruise and healing incision here. Is this from the biopsy?"

I cleared my throat and blinked away my tears. "Yes. It was a really big needle."

"Did they give you something for that?"

"A local anesthetic. It still stung because they were taking out bone marrow, but it didn't feel as bad as I was expecting."

Avery turned me around to face him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I wish you would have told me. I would have been right there with you."

"I know. Thank you," I said, hugging him.

As we finished our shower and got ready for bed, Avery hovered near me, as if he were afraid I'd break. Normally I'd be annoyed, but tonight I wanted him close. In bed, I pulled him to me and buried my face in his chest. I just wanted to go to sleep so I could wake up from this nightmare.

-

Author's note: Because this is fiction and because I don't get paid to write, I chose to describe Devin's cancer and treatment in very general terms instead of spending hours and hours researching. I want to focus more on how he and Avery get through this and how it impacts them emotionally, rather than focusing on the medical side and making this sound like a research paper.

Also, I want to remind my readers that this is a romance and not a tragedy, so don't worry about there not being a happy end!