-Devin-

My first week in the hospital went by quickly because of all the new experiences, medical tests, and getting used to the side effects of my chemo. By the weekend, I was tired of being poked and prodded and constantly woken up by a nurse or doctor. I wanted to be done with this shit and go home, but I still had three more weeks. Complaining about it kept my mind off the reason I was here, and the possibility that I might not get better. I didn't like to think about that.

I wouldn't have made it through this without Avery and my dad. They had settled into a routine - my dad would stay with me during the day while Avery was at work, and then Avery would stay with me in the evening and overnight. I felt the worst in the evening, and poor Avery was the one comforting me when I was curled into a ball, groaning from the nausea, or helping me when I was vomiting. I was thankful he was here when I needed him most, although I felt guilty for putting him through it. But he never complained.

Today was Saturday, so Avery would be with me all day. We had taken a walk down to the family room for a change of scenery, and Avery was preparing my breakfast in the kitchenette. After one day of hospital food, my dad had hired a private chef to cook meals that were safe for me to eat, and every morning he showed up to the hospital with all three of my meals for the day.

Avery set my food down on the table with a smile, but I wasn't excited about breakfast. I was on a medication that decreased my nausea most of the time, but that didn't mean I wanted to eat. I didn't have much of an appetite and certain food smells and textures made me feel sick.

"You should eat it," I told Avery. "I'm not hungry, so I'll wait until lunch to eat."

"I'm not eating your food. You need the calories so you can keep your strength up and get better."

I knew that no matter how long I resisted, I was going to lose. Avery had the patience of a saint, and we'd already been through this battle many times.

"I really don't want to eat."

Avery stared at me, a soft, neutral expression on his face.

"Fine," I said, rolling my eyes. I picked up my spoon and took one bite before setting it back down. "See? I ate."

Avery leaned back in his chair. "Nurse Evelyn said I can help you in the shower today. She's going to show me what to do so I can help you going forward."

I grinned. "That just made my day a whole lot better."

"I told her I'd be happy to help, as long as you eat at least half of your breakfast. If you eat less than half, your dad is helping you instead."

My mouth dropped open. "You wouldn't do that to me."

Avery just smiled sweetly in response.

"You are not as nice as everyone thinks you are," I said, pointing at him and scowling.

Avery laughed as I reluctantly ate another bite of my breakfast. It was going to take me a while to get the food down, but I'd do it for Avery.

-

Later, I closed my eyes as Avery gently massaged his fingers into my scalp. If I didn't look at my surroundings, I could pretend we were at home in the shower and everything was fine. I could pretend I wasn't sick and too tired to take a shower on my own. I could pretend Nurse Evelyn wasn't hovering in the doorway to the bathroom in my hospital room, instructing Avery on what to do as he stood just outside the shower, fully clothed and reaching in to help me.

None of this was how I wanted to spend the first year of my relationship with Avery.

"You can put your head back under the water," Avery said, his voice bringing me back to reality. He helped me rinse the shampoo out of my hair, and I smiled at him as soon as I wiped the water off my face.

Avery wasn't smiling back. He was looking down at the floor of the shower with wide eyes.

"What?"

"I think...you're losing some of your hair," Avery said slowly.

I looked down. There was a lot of my hair on the floor of the shower, slowly drifting towards the drain. I reached up to my head and tugged on some strands and they came out in a clump. I stared at the hair in my hand. I had known this was probably going to happen, but I wasn't ready for it.

Avery was looking at me with concerned, anxious eyes, as if he were afraid of my reaction. Nurse Evelyn waited patiently in the doorway.

"Well," I finally said. "Guess it's time to shave it off."

"Are you sure?" Avery asked.

"Yeah. I don't want to keep what I still have if it's just going to look like shit."

"Avery, you help him dry off and I'll get an electric razor. It's not the first time I've done this," Nurse Evelyn said.

When she was gone, Avery wrapped a towel around me and hugged me. "If you want, I can shave mine off too," he offered, his voice quiet. "I'm happy to support you in any way you need."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I appreciate it, but I like your hair and I want to be able to look at it and run my hands through it. And one of us still needs to be hot."

"Dev, don't say that. I'm always going to think you're hot, and I bet you'll look great with a shaved head. Nothing will change this face," he told me, brushing the back of his hand against my cheek.

I knew I needed to lighten the moment. "You probably wouldn't say that if I had a mullet."

Avery hesitated, but I saw him start to smile. "Okay, I probably wouldn't think you're as hot anymore if you had a mullet."

"I know what kind of wig I'm getting," I teased, smirking.

Avery was openly laughing by the time Nurse Evelyn got back, and I think she was relieved to see that things were okay and I wasn't completely melting down over my hair.

-Avery-

I studied Devin as he sat propped up in his bed. He did look different without any hair, but he was still the hottest man I'd ever seen. He was still the man I couldn't believe I was dating.

"How does it feel?" I asked.

"Cold," he replied, running his hand over his scalp. "My head is cold."

I laughed. "We'll have to get you some hats."

"Or a mullet wig," he teased.

"I doubt you could pull that off," someone said from the doorway.

We both turned, and Carter smirked at us from where he was leaning against the doorframe. "Hey, Dev."

"Hey, cousin! So, you heard?" Devin asked.

"Yeah, your dad came over last night and told us what was going on." For a moment, Carter's smile dropped and he seemed unsure of himself. "I'm sorry you're going through this. I couldn't believe it when your dad told me, especially after you lost your mom this way."

"Thanks," Devin said. "He won't say anything about it, but I think this has been pretty hard on my dad. How's your mom? I hope this isn't bringing back bad memories for her too. Although, she doesn't like me much, so..." he trailed off.

"She's upset. I think some of it is reminding her of what her sister went through, and in a weird way, she's worried about you. Like it's finally clicking for her that you're her sister's son and that maybe she shouldn't have tried to cut you off when you came out."

Devin shrugged. "Maybe this will be what makes her come around."

I cleared my throat. "Is your family homophobic? Devin told me a little bit about what happened."

Carter glanced over at me. "Yes, they are," he admitted readily. "And honestly, I kind of was too, growing up. Until Devin came out. I'm still learning, but I'm not like my parents."

I nodded. "Well, I'll give you two some time to hang out. I'm going to head to the family room to read."

-

After over an hour of reading a book on my phone, I sensed someone standing in front of me. It was Carter, with his hands in his pockets.

"Avery, let's take a walk," he said, gesturing towards the door with his head.

I got up and followed him down the hall, and we ended up walking slowly down one of the quieter hallways.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Between work and spending time here with Devin, I stay busy. It helps keep my mind off what's happening, and I try to focus on one thing at a time. I'm really grateful Devin and his dad can afford to get him the best care possible. It makes things easier."

"I'm sure it does, although cancer is never easy." Carter lowered his voice, and it took on a softer tone. "You know, no one would blame you if you and Devin broke up. It's a brand new relationship, and cancer is a big deal."

I stopped walking and stared at Carter, shocked at what he was suggesting. "I'm not going to abandon Devin. I love him, and I'm going to be here to support him all the way through this. I want to be here, and I want to help take care of him."

"You know his treatment is going to take years, right? Even if he goes into remission, he'll still have to do maintenance chemo for like two or three years."

"I'm aware. All that matters is he's healthy. I don't care how long it takes."

"And what if he's never healthy again? What if he can't hike or travel with you? What if he can't work? What if he never looks the same again?"

"Then we adjust. We'll find things we can do together that are safe for him. And he's more than his body or his hair. He's a good person and an amazing boyfriend to me, and his personality is what I love about him, even when he's being difficult."

Carter tilted his head to the side and studied me carefully. Then, he smiled. "You're one of the good ones, Avery. I totally believe what you're saying. I can tell you mean it."

"Was that some sort of test?" I asked, starting to feel upset.

"Yes and no. Yeah, I wanted to know your intentions. If you're not going to care about him and you're with him for superficial reasons, I'd rather you two break up. But nothing Devin and Uncle Logan have said about you and how you've been here almost every moment of every day has given me the indication that you'd leave him."

I was quiet for a few moments. It bothered me that Carter even entertained the idea that I'd leave Devin, but I couldn't blame him. "He's lucky to have you looking out for him," I admitted.

"I'm always going to look out for him. He needs it, after his mom died and my family tried to cut him and Uncle Logan off, and also because he's kind of a selfish, idiotic asshole who makes a lot of bad decisions," he said, chuckling. "Except for you. If you're as good as I hear, and as genuine as I think you are, then you're probably going to be the best decision he's ever made."

I found myself getting strangely choked up at Carter's words, and he squeezed my shoulder. "Hang in there. If you need anything, don't hesitate to reach out." Then he smiled at me. "Come on, let's get back to Devin. I'm sure he's wondering where you are."