-Devin-

It turns out I didn't need to worry about being back at the camp. Everyone was nice to me and didn't bring up anything from the summer. They were a lot more excited to see Avery, of course, but I was relieved that they didn't seem to hate me. I wasn't stupid though, and I knew that being Avery's boyfriend made a big difference. They were probably being kind because it'd upset Avery if they weren't, and no one ever wanted to upset Avery.

I was grateful for dinner after we'd been working all day, but now all I wanted to do was go to Avery's cabin with him. Instead, we were bringing out chairs to put around a fire pit so we could make s'mores. I knew Avery wanted to spend time with everyone, but I selfishly wished it were just the two of us. I scooted two chairs close together for Avery and I. If I had to share him, I at least wanted to be right next to him.

Amanda started asking Avery all about the new job, and he spent the next half hour filling everyone in. He was so busy talking with them that I ended up making all his s'mores for him. After he'd gotten distracted and let a third marshmallow fall into the fire, I took his stick from him. He barely noticed when I handed him a completed s'more, or when he shivered and I wrapped my jacket around his shoulders.

It was a beautiful night and I knew I should be enjoying the sight of all the twinkling stars overhead, but I wanted to sulk and walk away because of the lack of attention from Avery. I felt like he was ignoring me and wouldn't even notice if I left. As tempting as that was, I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. It wasn't what Avery would do. So instead, I continued to be a quietly supportive boyfriend.

Amanda smiled over at us. "We miss having you two here."

"You miss me?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Everyone laughed.

"You did make things a lot more interesting," Peter said. "There was never a dull moment."

"How is it going living together?" Marc asked. "Is Avery having to keep you in line at home too?"

I smiled and placed my hand over Avery's. "Sometimes."

"He's been better," Avery said. "And he's been really good to me."

"I'm glad to hear it," Marc replied. "What's it like to live and work in a city after being here?"

"Different. Really different. There are great restaurants and lots of things to do and everything is convenient, but it feels so loud and busy sometimes," Avery murmured. "I miss how quiet it is out here, and how I hear frogs and crickets instead of car horns and sirens. The air is fresher here, and I love being out in nature. It's so beautiful." Avery smiled at everyone, his big blue eyes seeming to get even larger in the light of the fire. "I miss all of you. I miss being here, being outside all day and then cooking dinner together."

Don't get me wrong, I was happy that Avery was happy, but at the same time, my heart sank in my chest. This was something I'd been afraid of. I'd worried that Avery wouldn't like his city life with me. And now, after a few weeks of me telling him I loved him and him not returning the sentiment, I worried that he'd never love me.

It sounded like he'd rather be here, back at his old job and surrounded by his former coworkers. It didn't matter that I could buy him things and provide a nice home with a beautiful view, that I could get him a job directly helping fish, or that I practically worshipped the ground he walked on. The luxury of the life I could give him could never compare to his simple, rustic life here. My love wasn't enough.

-

Later, I tried to make everything as amazing as possible for Avery. When everyone finally said their goodbyes and headed in for the night, I took his hand and led him to his cabin. As soon as the door was closed, I gently pushed him against the wall and kissed him, pressing my body against his.

"Remember all the nights we spent in here?" I asked, my nose brushing his.

"I do." His breath ghosted over my jaw as he moved to kiss my neck.

I let his hands roam over me, gliding over muscles that tensed beneath his touch. He slowly stripped me and I let him take the lead until we were in bed. But then he was mine.

I spent what felt like an hour kissing him, my lips lingering across his abs, his chest, up his calf and behind his knee. I knew I shouldn't tell him I loved him again after I had already said it in the car on the way here, so I tried to say it without words.

Avery rode me slowly, and I placed my hands on his waist and stared up at him. He was so beautiful in the low light of the cabin. "You're perfect," I murmured.

He leaned down and kissed me, and I moaned into his mouth. It was almost too much. I flipped him over, covering his body with my own. I wanted to breathe him in. Absorb him into my soul. I never wanted this to end.

But when we came together, gasping and clutching each other tightly, I couldn't keep quiet. "I love you," I breathed. "I love you."

As Avery tried to catch his breath, he put his hands on either side of my face. "You're amazing. And you're all mine. My boyfriend." 

He kissed me slowly, but my heart was elsewhere, sinking down into the depths of an endless ocean of despair. This would have been the perfect time for Avery to tell me he loved me, when we were back in the place he loved, the place where we met. But the moment had come and gone and I hadn't heard the words that would have made it a perfect night.

Avery snuggled against me and I listened to the sound of his breathing as he drifted off to sleep. I knew I should focus on what we'd just done and how incredible it had been, but I was terrified. Avery still didn't love me, and I was going to lose him. I just knew it.

-

The next morning, I followed Sam out of the dining area after we'd finished breakfast. Avery was helping Peter clean up, and I needed to talk to someone while he was occupied.

"Hey, can we talk?" I called out.

Sam turned. "I'm going to walk to the creek. Join me if you want."

I fell in step with her. "I know you don't like me and you're probably not happy I'm with Avery, but I need your advice. And to talk to someone who knows Avery."

She glanced over at me. "Is there a problem? You better be treating him right."

"I am. I promise. He's well cared for. The problem is mine, not his."

"What do you mean?"

"So...I told him I loved him," I confessed, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. "A few times, actually. And I said he doesn't have to say it back until he's ready, but it's been a few weeks and he still hasn't said it. And I guess it's bothering me more than I thought it would."

"What did you expect?" Sam asked, but her voice was gentle. "You and Avery didn't get off to the best start. It takes time to trust someone, especially if they've hurt you. He needs time to trust you."

My shoulders slumped. "You're right. I think I knew that, but I hoped it would have happened by now. He's so kind and he likes everyone, and I thought if anyone could love me, it'd be him. I get why he hasn't said it yet, but it doesn't make it hurt any less."

"I'm sorry, Devin. Normally I'd be telling you that you deserve it after the way you treated him, but I can tell this is upsetting you."

We were silent for a few minutes as we walked. It was probably crazy to confide in her, but if I wanted to earn Avery's trust, I feel like I needed to earn hers too.

"What if he never loves me?" I asked. "What if no matter what I do, it's not good enough?"

"I don't think that'll happen. I can tell he cares about you, and you have improved...some. If you keep being decent and showing him you've changed, he'll come around. I mean, you do realize that a lot of people would have never spoken to you again after what you did, right?"

I nodded. "I know. I'm lucky that Avery is Avery and he forgives easily. And I know I don't deserve him, but I'm trying to be the kind of person who does."

"I think that's the most accurate thing you've ever said."

I half smirked at her, and then looked back down at the path we were walking on.

"I still don't think you deserve him," she said, "but I can tell that you're making an effort. You were really sweet to him last night with the way you were taking care of him and making his s'mores. And you did a good job during the culvert replacement."

"Thanks." It felt good to hear Sam acknowledge those things. "And thanks for listening. I needed someone to talk to about this."

"You were brave to choose me. Or stupid."

I laughed. "I know. And I'm about to do something else that's probably stupid, but could we trade numbers? You know, in case I have Avery questions? Or if I need someone to talk to again?"

Sam turned, appraising me with raised eyebrows. "I'm not gonna be your therapist. And we're not gonna be best friends." She pulled her phone from her pocket. "But for Avery's sake, I'll do it." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, and a little bit for your sake too. I'm guessing you probably don't have many decent friends."

I handed her my phone. "Not really. Everyone except my cousin Carter basically forgot about me while I was here."

"Don't make me feel sorry for you." She handed back my phone and took hers. "I'm trusting you to keep treating Avery right. If you don't -"

"You'll kill me, I know. I have no doubts about that."

She turned back in the direction of the camp. "Come on. Let's go before Avery comes looking for us."

"He's probably worried that you're killing me right now."

Her laugh echoed among the trees, and I felt like we were making progress. Now I needed to focus on getting Avery to trust me, and hopefully, to love me.