-Avery-

Monday morning, I had duffel bags packed and ready to go for Devin and I. Logan was coming over to drive us to the hospital so Devin could check in for his chemotherapy. I was nervous and kept rechecking Devin's bag, worried that I had forgotten something important. Devin had enough to deal with, so I wanted to make his hospital stay as comfortable as I could. He was going to be there for an entire month.

When Logan showed up, he took Devin's bag and I picked mine up, ready to follow them down to the car. But Devin turned toward me, his eyes looking at a distant spot on the ground instead of at me.

"Um, I appreciate you wanting to be there for me, but I only planned on having my dad there. It'll be better anyway so you don't have to miss work or sit around at the hospital feeling bored."

I blinked, looking from Devin to Logan. I knew Devin wanted his dad there, but I thought I'd be included. Had I overstepped? I wasn't family, but I thought Devin would want me there too.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fine," I stammered. "I can come by after work to see how you're doing."

Devin stepped forward and hugged me tightly, and I kissed him before we pulled apart. "I love you."

"Love you too," he said, his eyes flashing to mine for a second before he turned and walked out the door.

I set my bag on the ground and sat on the couch. I didn't understand what had just happened. Devin had watched me pack a bag for myself last night and this morning. If he didn't want me to come with, why didn't he say anything then? Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong?

I knew this wasn't about me and I should only be thinking about Devin, but I was confused and upset. I'd finally told Devin I loved him, but now it seemed like I wasn't an important part of his life. Tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks and I quickly brushed them away. If I started crying, I felt like I wouldn't stop. I took a deep breath, and then went into the bedroom to wash my face and change into clothes for work.

-

It was impossible to keep my mind on work. All I could think about was Devin. I wondered if he was already starting his chemo or if that wouldn't be until later in the day. I wondered if he was scared or nervous or angry about what was happening. Were he and Logan going to be okay after they'd already gone through this with Devin's mom?

"Hey, Avery!" a cheerful voice said, interrupting my thoughts.

I looked up to see Jess setting a giant latte down on her desk. Her blonde hair was lit up by the sun as she smiled at me. "How was your weekend?"

"Uh, it was, we...um, I guess we didn't do too much," I fumbled. I hadn't talked with Devin and Logan about this, about what to say regarding their absence at work or what we had learned about Devin's health. "How was yours?" I asked, hoping she'd ignore my awkward answer.

"It was fun. Kaylee and I worked on a pottery project at the studio and James and I had a date night." She tilted her head to the side, studying me. "Are you okay?"

I quickly nodded. "Yeah. We might need to push back next week's culvert replacement. Devin is going to be out for a while, and maybe Logan too. I'm not sure."

"Is something going on? Are they okay?"

I fidgeted with a pen on my desk. "I can't say. It's a family thing. It's up to them if they want to tell anyone."

Jess was sharp, and I could see her reading between the lines. "If it involves Devin, I know that's going to have an impact on you. Let me know if you need my help or need me to cover for you."

"Thank you," I said, looking up at her and trying to smile. "I appreciate that."

-Devin-

My heart was racing as they started the IV infusion of my chemotherapy. Being back in a hospital and being around cancer patients made me feel unsettled, and I felt even worse for being the reason my dad had to deal with it all again. I didn't want him to have to be here and see this and think of my mom.

It didn't surprise me that my dad was paying for the best private room the hospital had, or that he had arranged to stay overnight in the room with me. This was one of the times I was grateful we were wealthy and my dad could take as much time away from work as he wanted.

My dad was sitting by my bedside, watching me anxiously. "If you start feeling bad, let me know. There are anti-nausea medications they can give you."

"Did mom get nauseous?"

He nodded. "That was the worst part for her."

I tried to smile at him. "Thank you for being here. I know this isn't easy for you."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else. I love you, and you're the most important person in the world to me. I'd do anything for you."

"I know. I love you too, dad."

We sat quietly for a while, and then I noticed my dad texting on his phone. It was the only time he'd been distracted by anything since we got here.

"Who's that?"

"Avery. He was asking for an update." My dad finished the text and looked up. "If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you want him to be here?"

I looked down and rubbed the edge of the bedsheet between my fingers. "I don't want him to see me like this - all sick and weak."

"Do you think Avery would care about that?"

"No, not really, but I care."

My dad dropped the issue, but I suspected this wasn't the end of it. I hadn't thought much further ahead than today. Of course I wanted Avery here, but I didn't want to give him any reasons to end the relationship even faster. Maybe if he focused on work and went on some hiking trips during the month I was in the hospital, we could pretend this wasn't happening. Maybe I'd respond well to the treatment and it wouldn't disrupt my life as much once I got out of the hospital. Maybe this didn't have to affect Avery at all, and maybe I'd get to keep him.

-Avery-

As soon as I was done with work for the day, I drove straight to the hospital. I'd put my duffel bag in the back of the SUV in case Devin changed his mind and wanted me to stay, but I left it in the car for now. All I wanted was to see Devin and make sure he was okay.

It took a while to make my way through the hospital to the right area, but when I finally reached the nurses station, I gave them Devin's name and asked if he could see visitors now. I waited for the nurse to check, scanning my surroundings and taking everything in. I hated that this was happening to Devin. I didn't want him to be here. I wanted him home with me, happy and healthy.

One of the nurses directed me to a family room where I could wait. There were couches, chairs, and a few low tables, and I noticed a kitchenette with a refrigerator. A few people were already hanging out there, including a patient who was visiting with family outside their room.

I noticed Logan enter the room, and at the look on his face, I stood up quickly. "Is he okay?" I asked, hearing the panic in my own voice.

"He's fine. It's been a bit of a rough day because he's feeling pretty nauseous, but there haven't been any major problems." He sat in a chair and gestured for me to sit back down on the couch across from him.

"Is he allowed to have visitors right now? Does it matter if I'm not family?"

"He's allowed visitors." Logan sighed, and I sensed there was more as he continued. "I don't agree with this, but I have to respect Devin's wishes. He doesn't want you to see him."

My heart dropped. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh no, Avery, you haven't done anything wrong," he assured me, his voice softening. "You've been wonderful and Devin and I are so lucky to have you in his life. But I think Devin is feeling scared and insecure, and he doesn't want you to see him this way."

"I don't care what he looks like or if he's sad and thinks he's not fun to be around. None of that matters."

"I know. I'm hoping Devin changes his mind and realizes this is the time when he needs people around him who care about him. I'm sorry he's trying to do this without you."

I nodded. I was disappointed, but I didn't want my presence to make Devin feel worse. "I understand. Um, is there anything I shouldn't say about this at work? I told Jess that you and Devin would be out for a while but said it was a family matter."

Logan leaned back in his chair and sighed again. "Yes, I'm going to have to let people know what's going on. I'll send out an email. I know they're going to come to you with questions, but you can refer them to me. And if you don't want to discuss this at work, it's your right to ask to change the subject. I know how difficult this can be."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

Logan got up and joined me on the small couch, sitting so he was facing me. "I want to talk to you about something else. When we were meeting with the doctors this morning, they told us that Devin's odds are better because they caught this early. Devin told me that he wouldn't have gone to the doctor and wasn't concerned about his symptoms, but you insisted and wouldn't back down and even bribed him to do it." He chuckled a little as he said the last part, but I saw his eyes begin to shine with tears.

He put his hands on my shoulders. "Avery, you probably saved his life. Thank you for caring about my son." A tear slid down his cheek. "I feel like 'thank you' doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm grateful to have you in Devin's life and in my life. I owe you so much."

I blinked back tears and tried to keep my composure, but it was tough when Logan hugged me, squeezing me tightly and patting me on the back.

I cleared my throat. "I'm glad to have you both in my life, and I'm going to continue to do whatever I can to support Devin."

Logan smiled. "I know you will. I should get back to him, but I'll tell him you said hello."

"I want to stick around, if that's okay? I want to be here in case he changes his mind."

"That's fine with me. You do whatever you need to in order to take care of yourself, whether that's going home or staying here."

I watched as he left the room, and then I went back out to the parking garage and got my duffel bag from the SUV. Even if Devin didn't want to see me, I wasn't going anywhere. I claimed a couch in the family room and tried to focus on getting some work done, until I got tired enough to lay down. I folded up a sweatshirt to use as a pillow and spread my jacket out on top of me. It wasn't comfortable, but it was as close to Devin as I could get.