Epilogue - All Too Well

We drove pass by the carnival. My gaze zoomed at the Ferris wheel where we used to hide and ride and it testified some cute things happened – the bygone days of our auld lang syne.

Sometimes it feels like life is riding a Ferris wheel – at first when you're not wielded to balance the unstable cart you'll feel frightened, and if you only look at the bright side – the top view, the scenery, and the open sky, I bet you wish that it won't stop. But life has a middle, a start, and an end, and not forever we'll stay on that ecstasy – we have to get down and continue to walk our usual way of life.

“Do you want anything to eat? We'll reach a drive-thru soon,” she asked, Mom was driving, I glanced at her and nodded.

“Not hungry, but some drink will do.” changing her course, taking left and started fall in line – it took us only a few minutes and reached the window.

“What's your order ma'am?” the crew asked after she greeted us with her rehearsed speech.

“Two regular burgers, fries, and medium cola – no ice,” Mom ordered as we smiled back at the girl over the window, then she drives slowly to the next counter to get our order and pay. Another girl welcomed us with the same greeting and mom paid in exchange for our food.

“Hey! What's that radio station are you listening to?” she shifted her eyes on me with a smile, I beamed widely.

“Do you love the song too?” the crew asked raising a brow and mom manages to chuckle.

“It's 94.13 kid – ” she chirped, then mom stepped the gas as she entertained the next car in line. My hand cursory sets the frequency, adjusting the volume and I am entranced by the song.

∆ Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it ∆

I passed the burger to my mom, unwrapping it then she mouthed ‘thanks’ – I gulped from my drink while my elbow bent from the window and resting my head on my hand and pretending I'm in a shooting of a music video as the sun perfectly hits my skin plus the sad, beautiful song on the background.

∆ I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it ∆

And my attention shifted when my phone started ringing, I groped it from my pocket and Daniel's calling – well, if he'll going to remind me why I'm not at school today, I'm ready for finals. I swiped the green button and pressed the cell to my ear.

∆ After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own — ∆

“Hey! I've had already talked to our professor, about the finals, uhmm... Just wanted to ask you if you're available to join me on like study later?” he popped up cheerfully letting me not to acquaint first.

“Where are you by the way? I haven't seen you this whole morning.” he continued, I could hear the noise of trays and utensils on the other side, probably he was falling in line at the canteen.

“I'm fine, mom's with me and we're off to somewhere,” I answered to reduce the worry from his tone, and I looked mom while the song still playing on the car.

“Somewhere?” he asked.

“Somewhere I wanted to be alone for the meantime.” I told engagingly as he let some soft chuckle – his voice interested and curious and said, “You know that you can tell me anything, I'm a friend that is willing to listen.”

He didn't insist while the smile was drawn on my face, I could visualize how his ever innocent face reacting.

“See you later Kris.” he proceeded.

“See you!”

Mom parked the car on the sidewalk and I sipped one last time on my medium-sized plastic cup before unbuckling the belt and met mom gazing at me.

“Do you want me to come?” I curled my lips and raised a brow – how could I let all these luggage of emotions out, that I'm holding inside of me if she'll come, I'm not emotionally confident in front of my family – so better do this alone.

“No mom, I told you I wanted some time to de-stress and I won't be too long – wait for me here.” I smiled seamlessly and opened the car, the air was cold and I linked the same old scarf on my neck.

Walking on the grassy field while the blue unclouded sky witnessing my trails – all alone. Inhaling and exhaling, feeling the refreshing atmosphere when my phone rings once again.

A name I wasn't expecting, poking on my screen – Astro Lucio. Swiping it, accepting his invitation. His face appeared, almost occupying the limited screen of my phone. I chuckled.

“I hope I'm not bothering you.” he approached skittishly and finger scratching his right brow. I could see from his background there are other people walking busily.

“This is just a quick call – I just want to bid goodbye, It's my flight, I'm going back to the academy and I won't be using gadget again soon.” he cackled, I nodded my head, keeping my strides.

“You'll be grand, of course – keep your dreams and goal burning, I'll be so happy for you achieving those soon,” I commented and he smiled widely, then he paused for a second due to my poor internet connection.

“Where are you going?” he asked, and sit up straight, exhaling, calming himself.

“Just walking around – breathing some fresh air and taking some vitamins from sunlight, it's good for the health, they say.” and bit my lip.

“But not at noon.” I contradict my own sentence and we both snickered. The shining orb up to the ocean blue horizon wasn't that hot today and would be a perfect day staying outdoor.

“That place looks familiar.” he initiated, I flipped the camera, capturing the view for a moment, Astro giggles and turned the device back to my face.

“Do you remember how I described you in my bedroom?” my brows formed one line – confusion drawing.

“Kind, gentle and understandable, are those right?” his lips thinned delicately, nodding his head.

“Those were the traits I wished and wanted for the ideal person I'm praying.”

“Don't you worry possibly that someone was just out someplace and you will meet her eventually.” I was surprised how Astro made me his standards or not just directly like that or something but I'm flattered. That finally he had seen me and appreciates me and it only happened in the view of the fact that I had met Romeo.

“At the right place, at the perfect timing.” I continued, his face beamed full of positivity for some friendly talks.

“Thank you, Kris!”

“See you around!”

“See you around, Pal,” Astro told before the line ended as the system called that his flight's ready onboard. I slid my phone inside my pocket and after a few strides, I arrived at my destination.

Tears blended inside my eyes and I helplessly sit on the grass – after a hard week of my boyfriend's service I hadn't been attended to I've finally and peacefully got my time to visit him for the first time.

I know this is not the epitome of ending I've had expected – I'm thinking of happy marriage, an adorable home we've planned filled with cats and him forever on my side. But he was now under the ground and only a picture and name of him engraved inside an elegant marble, topped on the grassy soil. I wiped my tears by the scarf and inhaling the old smell, thinking about our past that seems to transpire only yesterday.

“Romeo, every time I went back to our apartment – all I see was our old stuff, your things, your clothes, the memories we build, and promises inside that we called our little kingdom.” I let my body thud beside that square sized with lapidary state marble. I positioned the blue umbrella, shading my face, and looking up to the sky.

“But there's no you, all were just memories and I've missed you much!”

“I can't clearly see a reason to continue to live since you were gone, it's so hard for me to dwell in this world without you and you know that!” I cried, placing my left hand on my chest, I'm still wearing his promise ring and I don't have any plan to take it off.

“I'm so sorry if I didn't tell you that I am sick and I wished you were here, comforting me with your warmth and thoughts and I missed your kisses.”

“I'll be celebrating our second anniversary alone – thirteen days from now.” Then, I remembered something – I fished the blue envelope Astro had given me during his funeral, I haven't opened it 'cause I'm always feeling emotionally weak but I guess this is the day to be illuminated of his secret message way back almost two years ago or I prefer, his last will and testament.

I smiled wiping my tears – inside was blue scented stationery, closing my eyes as I smelled it and the fragrance was too far. I'm still laying when I raised the paper in front of my face started reading the content.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

February 13, 2***

Dearest Kris,

I am writing this letter before my new, another amazing adventure will start to take place and – it's with you. I'm going to ask you to be my boyfriend tomorrow night, exactly at our junior's prom. My friends and I have planned some foolish things and silly ideas just like how stupid I am as what you described me, but you'll fall with me and I don't think any objection. You never say ‘no’ and the rest would be part of our history.

I know we are still young about life and eternity or forever but before you knew you've had my heart before long. I love you more than anything this world could offer, I have loved you as my life. You saw me better when I'm messed up, you've certainly loved me with no exceptions, freely and true. You are one in a million Kris and I'm glad to offer you my love, my soul, my flesh in exchange for your faithfulness, and of course the love that you have had inside for me.

And mostly, I am penning this letter if things won't get well, based on my spontaneous want, and if later we'll get separated in time – I only expect you to know that I love you so much, purely and sincerely that once in your life you've had met someone named Romeo Halliday and he was so gaily, exuberantly in love with you, Kris Lucas.

Best of both worlds.

Truly yours,
Romeo Halliday '18

°°°°°°°°°°°°°

My hand dropped vulnerably to my chest and tears cascading from the corner of my eyes – the atmosphere above viewing was bright and yellow but I'm feeling dreary and blue.

“And I anticipated you to believe, wherever you are – that the Kris Lucas you've had loved was formerly crazy and infinitely in love to someone introduced as Halliday and the name's Romeo.”

As I was reading the letter, it was Romeo's voice echoing inside my head – flashbacks making earthquakes briefly, reminiscing it all perfectly.

I slowly started to get the point, if there is still life – there is always hope – and with hope, a new tomorrow and beginning are constantly waiting for us. The future is wide and unknown but everything coming to pass is anyhow part of the phase – it may seem to be hard and vicious but that's the process, that's life. Life isn't always a unicorn and rainbows and we get to discover to prance during our darkest storm and life was like a never-ending battle that we must go on as a ripe victory surely awaiting to those who continued fighting and not giving up.

And most importantly, we should get to learn to forgive and forget – to love and to live before our life is over.

Romeo and I – we loved each other to the very last best. Sooner or later our story will be meaningless to people, but never by our perfectly, loving hearts because it will continue to exists and will remember it — ‘All Too Well’.