Chapter 32 - All Too Well

Daniel drove me back to my apartment. Mom leaves me a message telling me, I should move home – to our house. They were worried about me, of course. But I wanted to sleep alone in our apartment tonight as it became my most comforting place – where we started our own little kingdom – and next is my bedroom at home.

“Thanks, Daniel,” I said softly and lifeless. He assisted me up to the inside of the building to our actual apartment room.

“I can stay if you want me to,” he told, I smiled. His face wasn't that bright but his real cute and innocent tone still present.

“You've had done so much today and I am so glad you are my friend.” I hugged him.

I opened the door and I didn't wait for him to say another word as I locked it before him. I started to cry again pressing my face to Romeo's pillow inhaling all his scent and the natural odor that left – but my eyes went dry as no tears cracking. I was crying out and the pillow repressing all my anger and my hands punching our bed.

I rolled over, looking up at the ceiling – What if I told Romeo about my condition perhaps he shouldn't leave for work and avoided the disastrous incident today.

I take a few strides and opened the closet, I grabbed the envelope where my results were hidden and I tossed it in the bed. My whole being is mad as I started disarranging our clothes and throwing everywhere – screaming.

I picked Romeo suit from our last date on the laundry basket, sniffing his scent and I started laughing while crying like I'm a crazy person. I can't even think straight, I don't know what to do, my world starts falling apart and I can't see a light to continue – why the universe let this happened? What's the point? What's the reason? Everything slipped too soon.

I stood up and went to the bathroom, staring at my reflection and take my clothes off and only my boxer shorts covering my skin. My sight's attention caught the glistening tip of the razor blade – loosening it and clasped in my palm. I walked to the table huffing and swiping off the things on top of it. I groaned, my hand starts to bleed and the blade flipped under the bed.

Our whole apartment was mixed up. I stepped on our messed things and standing before the vanity mirror – looking at my whole body and wishing it was me who died because I'll eventually die soon and not my Romeo and if only I could do it – I'll trade my life for his.

I crouched, my hand groping under the bed, checking for that sharp blade and I'm ready to slit my wrists, but my hand can not find it. I bent more and my eyes searching for that thing, but my visions altered to a medium-sized box underneath and it wasn't mine, it belongs to Romeo — pulling it and coated with few specks of dust, possibly he brought this stuff when we've had decided that we'll stay together.

I blew it and let out some soft cough – what's inside of this? My eyes bulged when I saw a blue piggy bank with a labeled ‘For Kris’ Japan Tour’. I carried it and it was filled heavily with coins and paper bills as my teary orbs seeping at the narrow opening at the top. My hand pressed my lips and I started to be emotional – all these times he was working and saving money not only for his studies but also for my dream destination.

I sit on the floor – bending my knees to my chest while my back rested on the bed and hugging the weight of the blue thing with my chest. My hand poking inside the carton and I felt silky linen, I pulled it out while my sights looking outside thinking about him.

Where is he now? Where did all our plans go?

To my surprise it was the scarf I gave, wrapping my old glittery journal back from high school with the handkerchief I handed him one time on the gushing rain – is everything commencing to be an old box full of souvenirs and Romeo and I will be exactly a memory. That's the reality I'm living for from now on.

My hand turned red from the blood on my wound – turning each page, reading every single thought, reflection, and simple victories we've had won and conquered in the past years – him and me.

My tears start to chop down, wetting the old sheet of paper. Sniffing as my colorful bucket list embarked on my ragged face.

Plans and dreams, now all dusted – but not for one thing written differently. Using my middle finger with blood, I sealed the weeny box on the right side before the name of ‘Romeo Halliday’ – he was the best thing ever happened to me and I didn't write it myself but I prayed for it.

I inhaled the old scarf that he had kept and smelled a familiar cologne that relates to me, it was very distant but the memory was clear and fresh. I remember that night in December – the fiery kiss under the starry dark sky, his confectionary lips, and chiseled body enthralling my Christmas eve – and that won't happen anymore.

I stand up and trailed to the bathroom, turning the hot shower on, letting the water try to rinse the undying misery emerging within me – helping to lessen the pain, at least. After that bathe, I tried to fix my wounded palm by applying some band-aids, standing in front of the glass window looking my reflection while wearing my clothes.

“Romeo, if you were still here, please give me a sign,” I muttered, letting my hand runs through my neck down to my chest – expecting I could feel the same warmth from his tingling touch, I sighed. I wore Romeo's cottony jacket that smells like him and snatched the envelope on the bed.

“Romeo, what happened to ‘together forever’ that we've had promised?”

Hanging the silky scarf on my neck and hung my bag on my shoulder. I checked my phone and my mom insisted I should get home – I looked back, studying our disheveled apartment and my lips shaking before I opened the door.

“You never left?” I was surprised, seeing Daniel sitting beside my door. He stands, holding my hand while I'm clasping the envelope.

“I don't know where to start – but please accept my sincerest apology of what happened to us last night, I didn't mean to take Romeo's place and most he doesn't deserve to — ”

“It's fine, I don't have any hard feelings for you,” I interjected and smiled slightly – the sadness I'm feeling is so hard to hide.

“I'm sorry about our project and what all that had transpired today, it's extremely saddening and you don't deserve any of it – no one is entitled to felt too much suffering in just one day!”

“I don't want to leave you tonight Kris – at least, trust me this time. I can be your crying shoulder, a friend that is willing to stay during your lonesome day!” his voice so tender and pleasing but Daniel tone starting to break – I hugged him and dug my head on his neck as tears retreat from my eyes.

“Thank you!” I whispered and I could feel my warm breath bouncing back from his neck, loosening our bodies and asked, “Could you drive me home?”

Daniel nodded interestedly and smiled, locking the door behind.

The drive was somewhat silent until he parked his car in front of our gate. It's his first time here in our house and the fact that I don't have many friends. I opened the gate from the lock under and run directly inside our house and Daniel following me.

“Mom!” I cried as she was standing after the entrance swung accessibly, dad hurries from the kitchen and was surprised by the new face standing behind me. Mom's hushing while caressing my back then dad joined and we're having a family hug.

“Mom, I have something to tell.” I continued, Carly appeared from her room and walking cautiously downstairs.

“Mom, I have an early stage of pancreatic cancer, and am I go dying?” I let out the heaviest bag I'm lifting inside of me – and I am so scared.

For a moment I thought I'm ready to die that I'm about to cut my wrists and took my own life earlier – but seeing these people made me weak, and despite the hardships Romeo had been dealing, he had lived his life – full of dreams and blooms and tried to fulfill my own dreams too. There's no room for giving up, so life must go on – and that's the sign I've been looking for.