TW:
-underage drug-abuse (weed)
-Lots of self-hate (in the way Dazai describes his younger self for example)
-Dazai feeling used and disguested with himself for sleeping with strangers for information
-Dazai downplaying his feelings about the whole sex thing (sorta shaming his younger self for being sad)
-Teenage Chuuya's mind is in the gutter just like Dazai's (they think about sexual stuff. But it's only thinking, nothing really happens)
-Talking about sex (sort of, they do talk more about aftercare I guess)

Pls tell me if I forgot to mention something. 

Also starting with this chapter I have a new beta-reader and she's on Wattpad so I can link her Nee_chan_ffs

_____

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me."

"Dazai, why are you— No, stop! Don't put that in there!"

"Ow, you didn't have to push me away, you meanie."

"You're ruining everything, of course I have to push you away!"

"I think you're doing great Dazai," a third amused sounding voice said and got a feisty "Don't encourage him!" from government guy and a "Thank you, Odasaku!" from Dazai as his answer. Real Chuuya was currently standing in the kitchen of the bureaucrat, amused by the fact that Dazai turned the once tidy kitchen into a battlefield whilst trying to bake a cake. Chuuya said 'trying' because the younger teen just wanted to put crab in the batter if it weren't for the government guy.

"But crab tastes so good! It would be a perfect cake," Dazai whined as the bureaucrat took the canned food out of the his hands.

"You asked me to help you make a redwine cake because that's what Chuuya'd like, so stop trying to ruin it!" Government guy scolded the brunet.

"But with crab it would taste—"

"No, it wouldn't taste better!"

"How would you know if you never tried it?"

"Because it's common sense, something you obviously lack!"

"Okay, calm down you two," Oda intertwined, "let's just make the cake we planed to bake." And they did. Well, government guy did. Dazai was constantly trying to mess with the batter in order to make it 'taste better' but was shut down every time and scolded by the bureaucrat. Chuuya smirked. He knew full well that Dazai was being a nuisance so he wouldn't need to bake the cake himself. He remembered asking about the cake at his birthday party and Dazai avoided the question. Well, he was probably going to hear the brunet's thoughts about it. Maybe Oda suspected it too, because he was just watching the chaos unfold with a soft smile on his face.

_____

Real Dazai was standing in a bar next to Chibi's booth. It was his birthday and a few of his subordinates invited him to a nights out and they ended up in a bar. Chuuya was half-heartily conversing with them as he sipped on his wine. Every time his phone vibrated he immediately unlocked it to see who wrote him and a sigh left his mouth every single time. He always typed a quick reply before putting his phone away. The evening went on like this and Chuuya clearly was expecting a certain person to message him, because he always looked so hopeful when he got a notification, just to be disappointed. At some point, he thanked his subordinates and left the bar, looking at his phone every other minute, even though he knew no-one texted him because his phone didn't vibrate. He was waiting for the cab he called a few moments ago and unlocked his phone again, but this time, he scrolled through his chats until he landed on Mackerel. He tipped on the little bar and his keyboard appeared on the screen. His thumbs hovered over it, but then he closed the chat again and put his phone in his pocket to pull out his cigarettes and lit one of them. He seemed to be in a bad mood as he smoked and waited for his cab. Dazai just smirked. The mood of the grumpy older teen was going to skyrocket as soon as he stepped into his apartment that his younger self broke into to decorate.

The sound of a key turning in the lock alerted the young Dazai and real Chuuya as they both turned towards the sound. Dazai jumped from his place on the couch and grabbed the present from the table, he also switched off the little lamp to make the little fairy lights that were placed in the room stand out more. The cake he baked (tried to sabotage) was standing on the table also surrounded by the little lights. The door opened and his younger self stepped in and slickly switched on the lights before he closed the door behind him just to freeze as his eyes fell on Dazai.

"Happy birthday!" The younger teen beamed and held out the gift to Chuuya. "I know you don't really like to celebrate but the flags wouldn't have stopped that and I am just returning the favor from my sixteenth birthday," he explained with a grin.

"You broke into my apartment," the redhead stated and Dazai was getting a bit nervous at that reaction, lowering the present a bit. He didn't have to be because his younger self was happy. Not about the breaking in part of course, that really annoyed him. He was simply overjoyed that Dazai didn't forget his birthday and prepared all this for him, but if he'd openly show his happiness right away, Dazai would just assume it's fine to break into his apartment. It was an attempt at showing the other boundaries. It was going to fail and his younger self wasn't disappointed it would, he just pretended he was.

"Eh, well, I thought that celebrating your birthday in my container would be rather sad and I knew you would go out with your subordinates so I had enough time to prepare everything, so yeah, perfect solution?" a nervous smile was on his face and he sounded rather hesitant about his genius plan, now, he completely lowered the present. This was the start of Dazai breaking into his apartment. The younger teen would wait a while until he broke in again, but at some point in their teen years, the brunet would already wait for Chuuya in his apartment, sitting on the couch, controller risen in Chuuya's direction as he stepped through the door, in silent question and his younger self stopped to complain about the trespassing. He was happy to have Dazai around and it also made it easier to persuade Dazai into staying overnight. The older teen just didn't like the idea of Dazai living in that stupid container, so any moment he was at his apartment instead of living in the dumb he called a home, was a good moment.

"You could've texted me."

"No, that would've ruined the surprise!" Dazai sulked, which caused real Chuuya to roll his eyes.

"Wait," his younger self narrowed his eyes at the other teen, "is that why you ignored my text?"

"Of course," the brunet grinned clearly proud of himself, "That way, it's even more of a surprise, just like the party you threw for me was!" His younger self realized that Dazai just copied him because he never planed a party before and the three parties he had to this day were probably his only ones. Now he couldn't hide the smile anymore.

"Okay, I'll overlook you breaking in," he let Dazai know just to immediately clarify: "but just this time! Don't make a habit out of this!"

"I'd never," the future detective said, like a liar. And real Chuuya couldn't help but grin a bit.

"So, what did you get me?" He couldn't hold his curiosity anymore as he looked at the rectangular wrapped present that Dazai was holding.

"Open it and find out, but I'm sure you're gonna love it." He moved a few steps towards the older teen, to hand it over and Chuuya inspected it.

"Mhm, your wrapping skills have gotten better," he commented and real Chuuya laughed because he actually saw how Dazai tried to wrap it right as Ane-san was stepping into his office. The older woman did teach him a bit, it definitely was enough to wrap a rectangular shape decently. He used a bit too much paper so the ends were uneven and a bit to thick, but it wasn't that bad. Chuuya carefully opened the present and was stunned. It's Horizon Forbidden West. A few seconds passed and then he beamed with happiness. "Thank you!" With a big smile on his face he looked at Dazai, who just seems to melt a bit, because he thought that Chuuya is so adorable. "Wanna play it right now?"

"Yes!"

"This sucks," Chibi complained and he was right. Dazai couldn't put in words how much he hated that every game has to download before you're able to play it. They thought it would be alright, because Chuuya's internet is rather good, but nope: the loading bar mockingly told them that it's going to be three hours.

"Yeah, I didn't think it would load this long," his younger self stated while he was hanging upside down on the couch, his knees laying on top of the backrest, while the blood flows in his head. "What do you want to do while we wait, birthday boy?"

"We can try the cake and watch something on my laptop," the tiny slug suggested and his younger self shrugged with his shoulders, which looked ridiculous in this position. "So, what do you wanna watch?" The older teen asked, leaving Dazai alone to go fetch his laptop from his bedroom.

"Whatever you want to watch," the brunet replied and Chuuya placed the laptop on the couchtable, the Netflix emblem already glowing on the small screen. Dazai's younger self changed his position so he was sitting on the couch instead of hanging upside-down and watched Chuuya select a movie.

"Are you sure about that one?"

"I heard it's badass."

"It is, it is, but do you know what happens at the beginning?"

"Don't spoiler me!"

"I won't, but seriously, you're not going to like-"

"Just get the cake, Dazai," the younger teen raised his hands to show that he forfeights the discussion, but he did have a shit eating grin on his face, because he knew that the smaller teen would go through the five stages of grief in the span of the first minutes of the film.

_____

"It's a puppy!" his younger self angrily mumbled through the cake that Dazai just wordlessly handed to him on a little plate. Chuuya just stuffed it into his mouth to cope with his grief the most healthy way: through food. "Like why?" The future detective tried to surpressed it a bit, but he was amused by his misery. Classic case of Schadenfreude, because he actually tried to warn him for once and his younger self just didn't listen. "That was cruel and so unnecessary. I would've murdered everyone involved already," he raged, causing a few cake crumbles to fall out of his mouth and all real Chuuya could hear is that Chibi is so adorable. The redhead wasn't so sure about that as he watched his younger self sulk.

"Well, if you would un-pause the movie, we might actually get to see what happens next," the younger teen teased and amusement was such a great look on his face.

"My favorite character is already dead!" His younger self whined.

"I told you, you'd hate the beginning~"

"Yeah, yeah, you did," he grumbled, reluctantly reaching for his laptop to unpause the movie just to stop right before his hand could touch the mousepad. He turned his face towards Dazai. "Say, did you bake the cake yourself? It actually tastes good."

"Eh, I had help from Ango and Odasaku," the younger teen admit, rather confused by the sudden change of topic.

"Did they only help you or did you've been a nuisance until they just gave up and baked the cake themselves?" His younger self asked and secretly hoped that Dazai baked him a cake on his own. The little Ah, fuck thought real Chuuya heard was answer enough. He was right to be suspicious of the younger teen's baking skill. How did he figure it out this fast? Well, that was rather simple. Dazai was the nightmare of any kitchen with the way he was capable to burn water. That was also the reason why the older teen hoped the younger one did it himself. It was about the effort Dazai would have to put into baking a cake that made it important for Chuuya. Because it would mean that Dazai would focus on the task and try his best to not burn anything and that would just prove that he was important to Dazai. His younger self wanted to be someone to Dazai. This whole ability-thingy showed Chuuya how that was already the case. He was someone so special to Dazai that his heart couldn't take it.

"They helped me," the brunet answered with a shrug and the eyes of his younger self studied his facial expression through narrowed eyes for a few seconds, only to sigh.

"Tell them it tastes really great, will you?" And damn, did he sound disappointed. Dazai seemed to realize that as well then, he was actually already planing to bake the next cake entirely by himself. Real Chuuya smiled. He would bake the cake and it was going to look horrendous. Real Chuuya remembered Dazai standing in the middle of his apartment on his 18th birthday with fairy lights around him, holding the worst looking cake ever baked and stumbling over his words because he was self-conscious about the sad looking cake, but he didn't have to be because that was the exact moment Chuuya's heart was set aflame. In that moment, he realized that he was in love with the demon prodigy, so helplessly in love. He couldn't wait to see that moment once more through Dazai's eyes.

_____

"What are you doing?" Chibi asked, casting a shadow over the desk were his younger self was supposedly doing paperwork. Of course he wasn't working, no, he was mindlessly drawing on the page so focused on his self-proclaimed task against boredom that he didn't realize that Chuuya got close enough to look at his page so his younger self immediately coverd the paper. He had to keep his drawing save from Chuuya's stare.

"Nothing!," he exclaimd and it was way too loud. The tiny slug looked at him for a second.

"That's the fucking problem, you're supposed to work!" Chuuya snapped back and forcefully pried away Dazai's arm and took the paper to examine it. He paused. Over the boring printed paper there was a face that was half covered by an arrangement of different flowers and their greenery. "I didn't know you like to draw," the smaller teen mumbled as he stared at the paper.

"I don't!" His younger self suddenly ripped the paper out of Chuuya's grip, crumbled it into a ball and threw it into the trashcan. He was just so scared what Chuuya would say if he knew that Dazai would like to draw professional if he weren't too ruined for a normal life. "Now choo so I can work, doggy."

"It looked good." It was weird that the redhead ignored the dog comment. Dazai wished to be able to hear his thoughts so bad right now, but he wasn't granted that luxury. "And it was only done with an old ballpoint pen...why don't you get better utensils?" Dazai remembered how his younger self was so surprised by Chuuya's genuine interest. He didn't make fun of him and he didn't even make a fuss about the work he should be doing. It was almost as if the redhead was being supportive of his secret passion. That was a first. No one ever said something nice about it before. Mori called it a waste of time, something only kids do while pointing at Elise drawing something to prove his point. The words hit deeper then Dazai'd like to admit, so Chuuya being interested and complimenting this 'waste of time' was too good to be true. His younger self tried to hide his passion, because he was too afraid that the older teen was just messing with him. But that wasn't the case. Chuuya gifted him an aquarell set and other utensils and he showed genuine interest. The older teen always asked if he could see his art in a gentle manner, not getting angry when Dazai dismissed his request, just accepting it before changing the topic. He called what Dazai did art and he meant it and Dazai could't describe how happy that made him. He started to test to waters with gifting Chuuya his works of a small reddish dog in order to see if Chuuya would lash out at him in anger, but he didn't. He just complimented the art, pretended that he wasn't aware that Dazai made fun of him and seemed happy to receive the gift. Honestly, he would've shown Chuuya more of his art, but his best works were drawings of the older teen himself and there was no way he would ever show that to Chuuya.

Fuck. Will the ability show Chuuya the paintings?

One look at them and the other would perfectly know that he was living rent-free in Dazai's head, even after leaving the mafia and even now: Chuuya was taking up a lot of space in his mind. He could never face the other again. He never wanted to let Chuuya know all of his pathetic thoughts, but now he was going to learn about all the times Dazai wished the other would just kiss him stupid. This was the worst thing that could've ever happen to him. He should've been over his stupid crush by now, it's been fucking four years. But he couldn't. He would never be able to do that. He couldn't even get rid of one stupid drawing he made of Chuuya. He still had them, carefully locked away with his precious aquarell set that Chuuya gifted him all those years ago so he wouldn't draw him anymore. He was living on the side that saved people now. He should stop being so hung up on Chuuya.

"Don't be ridiculous," his younger self ripped him out of his thoughts. The faked indifference sounded hollow to Dazai's ears, no wonder that Chuuya figured out he actually liked to draw. "I would just waste utensils. Those are for people with talent."

"Mhm, people with talent," Chuuya mumbled, probably planing in that exact moment what he was going to gift Dazai to his seventeenth birthday.

_____

Real Chuuya was following their younger versions through the memory of a mission. It was a rather boring one to be honest. Simple information gathering always bored him and everyone knew that. The only reason why Chuuya had to attend the mission in the first place was to play bodyguard for Dazai.

"You wouldn't get to taste them all anyway," Dazai whispered to his sulking younger self, who mournfully watched the wine tasting being held at the other end of the room. They were seated at a table from which they had a perfect view of the whole place. Chuuya had no clue how the hell the brunet got them into this private party. Their mission -or rather: Dazai's mission- was to observe the relationship between the guests. There were a lot of wealthy and powerful people, who were well know to the public. Many politicians, actors, models, designers and other famous personalities of Yokohama's high society were gathered at this party. It was fucking stiff in here, most of the guest seemed to have a stick up their ass and it was stuffed so deep, it replaced their spine, which would explain why they were pathetic cowards. Chuuya remembered how out of place he felt back then. He had to leave his hat at home and change his wardrobe. The suit he wore remembered him of the time when he was in charge of the gem trade...and of the flags. He felt rather gloomy because of that and Dazai realized it right away. The brunet made it his secret mission to distract Chuuya from the sorrow that plagued his mind. There was only one way -if you ask Dazai- to achieve that goal: start banter. It was effective, but it was only during the drive. They had to blend in as soon as they arrived there so they couldn't keep insulting each other. It was so fucking boring. They had to suffer through the dry-ass welcome speech and had to sit through a five course meal. The food was actually the only good thing about all of this, especially because the whole situation forced Dazai to eat too. But now they had to wait until the wine tasting was over to finally reach the point of the party were they could move freely around in the room so Dazai could do his thing and they could leave this hell on earth. Dazai was supposed to (sweet-)talk his way into the inner circle to figure out who of them had the audacity (and stupidity) to try to blackmail the mafia. The easiest way to reach that goal was to flirt with the daughter of the host.

Her name was Kohana Kadowaki. She was stunning, with her deep brown, almost black eyes and her wavy black hair. Her skin was rather dark compared to the other guests. Her make-up was perfect and yet subtle, just the right mix between natural and styled. She was the center of attention. She moved elegantly through the room in her pastel blue dress that reached the floor even with the heels she wore. As he observed her, his younger self remembered everything he read about her in the folder of this mission. The host of the party, Rokuro Kadowaki wasn't her biological father. Kohana's parents were close friends of Rokuro and as they died in an accident, he immediately stepped in to raise the 5 year old girl. He never had a wife, so he didn't have any family of his own, so the girl became his everything. He made sure that she got the best education and the best chances to persuade what she wanted to do in her life. And that she did, the girl studied medicine at the Keio University in Tokyo. She volunteered at an animal shelter and she rescued a lot of stray dogs. Her kindness, intelligence and compassion in addition to her looks are what made people swarm around her like the dogs at the shelter did. So in short: the girl was amazing, someone you want to have as a friend or as your girlfriend.

His younger self abhorred her with every fiber of his being.

He couldn't really tell why he hated her back then and that made him hate her even more. Her life wasn't perfect, she lost her parents and yet he had not an ounce of empathy left for the girl. At first, he thought it was because she managed to get a loving stepfather and all the money she could spent but that didn't seem to be the reason as to why he despised every word that left her stupid pretty mouth. That deep hatred confused him so much. Anger wasn't new to him, hell no, most of the time it was all he felt thanks to Arahabaki, but usually, he could tell what aroused his wrath. He thought he was going crazy back then. It was ridiculous that his younger self couldn't explain the feeling, yet real Chuuya could. It was so fucking obvious why he hated the girl without ever haven spoken a word to her as he watched the memory. He was standing next to Kohana and the real reason why his younger self was so angry: Dazai, to be precise, a smoothly flirting Dazai, who convinced the twenty year old girl that he was eighteen with the evidence of a fake ID card. Chuuya's eyes focused back on his younger self that stood next to a wall and whose gaze was switching between Dazai and the girl. And every time the girl got a serious laugh, the one where Dazai uses his hand to hide his laugh, out of the brunet, his gaze darkened.

His younger self was so fucking jealous. He just wanted the stupid mission to end, without realizing what ruined his mood in the first place. It was hilarious and also kinda sad. He couldn't even pinpoint that he was jealous back then, that was just pathetic. Dazai didn't even realize Chuuya's mood shift at all. The mind of the younger teen was strangely empty as he flirted with the girl. Real Chuuya didn't like that one bit, he couldn't explain why he felt like it was some sort of bad omen that he couldn't hear any thoughts right now, it was just a gut feeling. If Chuuya knew one thing for sure then it was that he could trust his instincts. He would talk about this with Dazai as soon as they get out of this stupid ability.

_____

"Ugh, that took so looooooong," his younger self whined as he climbed into the car. Real Dazai just witnessed one of their old missions again. One where he had to flirt his way to gather information, which always sucked. He hated nothing more than those stupid mission, the only good thing about them was that he convinced Mori that it was better to have Chibi accompany him so he had powerful back-up if something unexpected happened. Chuuya made every boring situation bearable just with his mere presence. And knowing that he had Chuuya's undivided attention since he played the role of his bodyguard got his dopamine levels to new heights. It also allowed them to hang out after the mission and his younger self was keen on doing exactly that. There was no better way then to end a shitty mission by beating Chuuya in games and having the older teen close to him. "Wanna play a round of Mario Kart?"

"No," the tiny slug answered, head turned to face the window instead of the brunet. His younger self found that very strange.

"Oh, is Chuuya afraid he'd lose~" the future detective singsonged, leaning a bit closer to the smaller teen. The car drove off and Chuuya still hadn't turned around, his gaze glued to the landscape rushing by the window.

"No."

Real Dazai remembered how confused and shocked his younger self was back then. Chuuya not reacting to teasing... that was like the harbinger of the end of the world. The redhead never spoke this monosyllabic and it freaked him out. His mind went into hyper-mode, trying to analyze why the other teen didn't start to banter with him. Dazai noticed the stiff body language, the way Chuuya crossed his arms in front of his chest: classic picture of defensiveness. He concluded back then that the redhead had to be pissed at him. His mind was trying to come up with whatever he did to make the other ignore him like that but he couldn't figure out why. Even by reliving the memory out of Chuuya's perspective he had not a single clue. His dog had just fulfilled his task to keep an eye on his younger self and keeping him safe like the guard dog Chuuya truly was. Did he hate being his bodyguard that much? Of course he did. How stupid was Dazai to assume that Chuuya had a good time just because he felt better with the smaller teen's presence? While lost in thoughts, both, real and young Dazai, didn't realize that the car stopped, until Chuuya opened the door.

"Bye," Chuuya muttered and slammed the door shut.

"Where to now?" The driver asked, perfectly ignoring the pathetic sight his younger self created by having lifted his hand to stop Chuuya. Dazai let out a sigh as his younger self muttered an address to the driver.

_____

Right now, real Chuuya was watching the unusual trio of friends at their usual bar. Dazai was venting to his friends about how his younger self hated him for no reason and Chuuya found it absolutely adorable. He thought it was funny that the demon prodigy couldn't figure out that his younger self was only so moody because of simple jealousy. Dazai's friends seemed to know why Chuuya was behaving so cold towards their younger friend, because as the brunet explained the mission and everything to them, they shared a knowing glance.

"I don't think you should worry about it," Oda reassured immediately, the hint of a smile on his face.

"He's right. Maybe Chuuya just didn't like the mission," the bureaucrat hinted at the reason but it flew past Dazai. "I'm sure everything is going to be alright tomorrow."

"Really?" Dazai sounded so hopeful as he looked at his friends and Chuuya could just die from the cuteness. Oda and the bureaucrat just nodded and they were completely right. His younger self would push his unexplainable wrath (also know as jealousy, if you weren't dense as fuck) aside by blaming the kind of mission for his mood swing and be his normal self that starts to banter with Dazai as soon as the other teases him. Real Chuuya sighed, ugh, Dazai was going to find out that he was jealous as fuck. The detective was going to make a stupid dog joke about it, something like 'Aw, my dog is so loyal, biting all the people that dare to get close to me'. Chuuya could already hear it.

_____

He was standing in Chuuya's apartment which was once more decorated with fairy lights and many fluffy pillows. It was the third time that the apartment was decorated that way and Dazai loved how they made a tradition out of their birthdays, always celebrating them the same way: with fairy lights and cake and movies or games. It was perfect. And Dazai ruined it. He left Chuuya and the tradition behind. Could it be even called that? They only celebrated their birthdays this way five times in total. Did five times make a tradition? Whatever it could be called, Dazai missed it so fucking much. He missed Chuuya. He missed their late movie nights and their banter. He missed how the smaller teen always fell asleep on him while watching movies. He missed it all. Especially the closure. They used to cuddle at one point, sure, it was because Chibi thought he was touch-starved but damn, he could not get enough of it. They had their own little world and he was happy, but he still shattered whatever they had built up in the end because he was a coward. And now, Chuuya was going to see how pathetic the so-called demon prodigy was. This stupid ability would be Dazai's doom.

"Noooooo," the dramatic whine of his younger self underpinned Dazai's current emotional life perfectly. "It's not available for us!" His younger self was holding the remote and stared at the TV screen which mercilessly told him that there were no results for 'Sissi'.

"We can watch some other movie," Chibi suggested, sitting right next to Dazai on the couch.

"But I wanted to watch those movies!"

"Movies? There's more than one movie about some princess of Bavaria?"

"Elisabeth was a Duchess of Bavaria and became Empress of Austria by marrying Emperor Franz Joseph I and later on, she also was Queen of Hungary," his younger self corrected him, "and the movies I want to watch are a trilogy by Ernst Marischka. Not that we can see any, stupid Netflix."

"Okay, why do you know all of this?" The tiny redhead questioned as he turned his head to look at his younger self. Chuuya mustered him as if he were searching for an injury that could be the cause of a concussion.

"Of course, a dog like you wouldn't be interested in history and culture like I am," his younger self responded, sounding aloof, and grinned as he let Chuuya smack him lightly against the shoulder.

"Mhm, that's only half the truth. Spit it out already."

"Oh, Chuuya's hat didn't eat all of his brain cells, a true miracle," the taller teen joked, but before Chuuya couldn't say anything, he started to explain the real reason why he wanted to see the movies. "The Empress had a beautiful painless death. She was stabbed with a sharpened nail file and lost consciousness and after that, her escort opened her dress and corset. The Empress woke up again and to the question if she was in pain, she said 'No. What happened?' and then dived right back into unconsciousness. She died without realizing it, isn't that beautiful?"

"You're the only maniac who'd call a death 'beautiful'," Chuuya sighes, but then stole the remote control from Dazai's younger self. "But if you want to see a dead princess, I know the right movie."

"You do?" The brunet asked intrigued, impatiently watching Chuuya change the streaming service just to raise a mocking eyebrow at the emblem that shows up on the screen. "Disney?"

"Yup, how else do you get dead princesses?" Chibi countered the teasing rather unfazed as he clicked through the myriad of movies the service provided. It didn't take him long to find the one he was looking for, so he started it.

_____

The credits were rolling but neither of the teens paid them any attention as they were currently arguing. Dazai was trying to convince Chuuya's younger self that Snow White bit the apple because she knew it was poisoned and wanted to die, whereas his younger self argued that she's just a little bit too naive and gullible. Real Chuuya watched their argument with amusement.

"Even the animals tried to warn her. There's just no way she didn't know it."

"Would you listen to animals?!"

"I would be wary at least!"

"Ah yes, I see it right in front of me", his younger self starts to mock Dazai by pretending to be a moderator of a news show as he takes on a serious tone: "Osamu Dazai, feared demon prodigy, has left the crime scene. According to the survivors' testimonies, he was last seen talking to a rabbit. The police concluded he lost his mind and is a danger to society."

"Nakahara Chuuya, loyal dog of Osamu Dazai", that earned him a punch against the shoulder but the younger teen continued unperturbed, "died in a fire. An eyewitness reported that the young teen refused to run away because he didn't want to follow all the animals that fled the forest."

"Okay, I see your point", his younger self admitted reluctantly, "but you can't compare the two situations!"

"Because I would win our debate that way?"

"No, you ass, it's because the animals in Snow White tried to pull the girl away or try to attack the witch so it's-" his younger self stops, realizing that he basically supported Dazai's argument with the words that want to leave his mouth. He was about to say that the way the animals tried to warn her was obvious but then he would have agreed with Dazai.

"It's what?" The future detective asks with a complacent smile.

"Nothing."

"Really?" The younger teen tilts his head with feigned innocence but the amused glint in his eyes gives him away. "For me, it sounded like you wanted to say that it's obvious how the animals try to warn her but -oh my!-" He lifts a hand over his mouth in an act of pretend shock. Dramatic bastard. "That would mean you're agreeing with me, no?" Now he stopped his act with a shit eating grin and it was a good look on him. Annoying, if it was directed at himself, but he still could appreciate the way it made the younger one look so alive (and stupidly handsome).

"Ugh, don't twist my words!"

"I'm not twisting anything. You also think it's suspicious that she didn't get the hint, right?"

"She's just stupid and naive, not a suicide maniac like you are," his younger self defended, but then his face turned serious. "Speaking of, if you ever willingly get poisoned, I'll fucking punch you in your stupid face!" The brunet stared at him and then laughed and it was the one he always tried to hide, the real one that's so beautiful and real Chuuya just melted.

"I'll keep that in mind", Dazai said, still laughing a bit. Real Chuuya rolled his eyes as he remembered what the stupid blockhead said to him, after he punched him awake from his death slumber in the middle of the mess that was the Dead Apple incident. He also remembered the soft hand that rested on his cheek, carefully gracing it as they fell to the ground surrounded by the stupid fog. "Let's keep watching princess movies, yeah?"

_____

They watched many movies, both of them adoring Mulan and Merida. Dazai also loved Aurora and the idea of sleeping for eternity. Somewhere in between all the movies his younger self fell asleep, head leaning against Dazai's shoulder. The younger teen switched Disney princesses for Netflix documentaries and grabbed his sketchbook that Chuuya's younger self gifted him. He started drawing and the rough watercolor paper was decorated with strokes of various thicknesses forming a girl holding an apple in her dainty hand. God, Chuuya loved his drawing style, it looked so playful, and yet, it had something dark. It depended on what he drew. For example, the girl holding the apple looked pretty, curved lines creating her face, making it appear friendly and a bit naive, whereas the apple itself was drawn rather harsh; a hard contrast to the soft lines. It was so impressive how the brunet played with the lines and contrasts. Chuuya kinda hoped he'd get to see more of Dazai's drawings. Chuuya is so fucking glad that he got Dazai the Aquarell set. God, the younger teen was so touched by the genuine interest he showed and that was so adorable. It didn't matter what Dazai showed him, he loved the drawings. The younger teen was so talented. And the way Dazai's eyes seemed to sparkle when his work was complimented? The happy look was priceless. Chuuya would swallow his pride every time just to see it, pretending to be unaware of the fact that Dazai was making fun of him with the perfectly drawn dogs with red fur. The younger teen usually refused to show anyone his stunning paintings, so Chuuya was glad to be able to see them. Even if the younger would only gift him drawings of a dog that was small and with reddish fur. He just adored all of the brunet's drawings. And after a while, Dazai started to gift him paintings of a swirling night sky or a majestic looking deer in a forest. Chuuya kept every single one of them. He has a whole binder filled with every piece of art Dazai gifted him over the years. Chuuya even saved the beautiful doodle of a face with different flowers out of a certain someone's trash can. That drawing was the first piece in his collection.

_____

They just finished a mission. It was a sunny day and they were walking alongside fields and meadows. The mission had taken them to rural areas. It was silent, except for the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves swaying in the wind. A peaceful atmosphere, so they decided against calling someone to pick them up. Real Dazai watched as his younger self jumped on a small wall that was right next to the path to make sure no one could fall down the little slope. The stones of the wall were already overgrown with moss and had large cracks. Some stones had also already loosened and lay on the ground. But Dazai never cared about safety anyway, so he walked on there without a care in the world. It also wasn't dangerous to fall down, but he sure would have trouble getting back up to the road again if he fell down there. His younger self was in a rather good mood and showed it by starting to whistle a melody. Chuuya seemed to be in a good mood as well, otherwise, he would've told the younger teen to be quiet. They continued walking towards the next bigger village where they could probably call a cab back to the city.

The peaceful walk got interrupted as his younger self kicked a Dandelion that grew on the wall so the little seeds flew in every direction. Chuuya witnessed it and immediately jumped on the wall in front of Dazai, preventing him from kicking the last two dandelions.

"Why'd you kick it?" He asks as if it's some big deal and oh- Dazai remembered this and he desperately hoped that Chuuya wouldn't see it or more importantly: He hoped he couldn't hear his thoughts for this one.

"Eh?" His younger self tilted his head to the side, looking down at Chibi.

"You wasted a perfect dandelion," he explained, leaving his younger self even more perplexed.

"But it's just a weed?" Chuuya musters him for a second and some kind of sadness saddles on his face. But it was gone as fast as it came.

"Why am I even surprised," the smaller teen sighed and squad down to pick the dandelion. He held it in front of his mouth, blew, and aimed it so that all the seeds flew into his younger version's face, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut. "That's how any other person does it. You seriously never done that wishing-on-Dandelion-thingy?" Chuuya threw the stem of the flower over his shoulder.

"You wish upon them?"

"Well, yeah. It's said that if you're able to blow all the seeds away in one breath, your wish will come true or the person you love will love you back or something like that," and that piqued his younger self's attention. Not that he believed in any of that crap, but trying it couldn't hurt, right? They did live in a rather strange world after all. "But it's just fun, honestly. The sheep told me about it and well..." Chuuya picked up the last dandelion but this time, he just touched the fluffy part of it and used his ability on the pappus so that the seeds swirled around Dazai. "It's especially fun with my ability."

_____

Dazai looked so adorable as he gazed at the dandelion seeds that swirled around him. His features softened and the corners of his slightly open mouth tilted upwards as he stared in childlike wonder. Seeing the younger teen be in awe by such a simple thing was just the cutest. Now the younger teen reached out to touch a few of the parachute-like seeds (papu? Pappun? Dazai told him what the fuzzy part is called but Chuuya was preoccupied at the time), causing them to lose their momentum but unlike other things affected by Chuuya's ability Dazai touched, the seeds didn't lose their lightness. They still flew around effortlessly and Dazai carefully caught them with his hands until every last one of them was resting on his palms that formed a slight bowl. He grinned, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he directed his hands towards his younger self, and before the older teen could protest, Dazai blew the seeds in his face. Does it count? Can I make a wish now? God, Dazai was so precious. Chuuya couldn't help but smile at the hopeful thought of the younger teen.

"Does that count?"

"I don't think so," his younger self responded as they both watched the seeds slowly glide through the air. A small breeze came up and blew the seeds towards the meadow that was at the bottom of the small slope. He remembered how his younger self was pleased by that. The seeds would actually grow into flowers if they kept their direction. His eyes could make out yellow flowers and fluffy white ones. Oh, the meadow down the slope was like an ocean of dandelions. He glanced towards Dazai, who was also glancing at him and it was funny because even without this ability they're stuck in, Chuuya could tell what the other was thinking. So he was just able to stop the younger one as he was getting ready to jump. Chuuya pulled Dazai back by the shoulder and turned him to face him.

"No," his voice was stern as he looked into brown eyes and real Chuuya just smiled because he already knew how this was going to end.

"Boo, Chuuya is a killjoy!"

"We don't have time for this," his younger self remarked. "Do you remember what happened last time you decided to slide down a slope?"

"We had fun?" The younger questioned, then added teasingly: "That's why I called you a killjoy~"

"No," corrected his younger self, ignoring the other's last comment, "we were covered in mutt and it took ages to get clean again."

"But it's not muddy."

"But it's grass."

"And?"

"..."

"What, are you afraid of grass stains?" Chuuya was silent and Dazai blinked at him before he broke into uncontrollable laughter, one hand over his mouth to selfishly hide the beautiful sight and the other hand was on his belly as he bend down a bit to ease his laughing fit. It was semi-successful. His younger self crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's not funny."

Dazai just laughed more, trying to speak but failing, all that came out were wheezes and weird syllables. But real Chuuya could hear his thoughts and those were running wild. He just thought it was hilarious that the scary, scary gravity-manipulator of the portmafia was afraid of grass stains, so Dazai thought up ridiculous scenarios, like this one for example: Chuuya's younger self in a gloomy looking cell, already bloody from the torture, all badboy attire and then losing it because the captors bring in grass to stain his pretty clothes. Chuuya couldn't help but laugh at it too. His younger self got more annoyed with every passing second, but Dazai and real Chuuya didn't care while they both lost their shit over the imagined scenarios the brunet came up with. The younger teen actually had to sit down, now half lying on the stone wall, while his younger self was standing next to him. Chuuya remembered how he thought about kicking Dazai down the wall at that moment. Well, to be honest: It wasn't about the grass stains at all. His younger self saw it as an opportunity to hide the true reason. It took a long time for Dazai to calm down. Once he did, he jumped back to his feet. The stones made a quiet cracking sound underneath his shoes.

"Okay so," he started and his voice sounded a bit rougher than usual, still quite amused over the other's 'fear', "if the stains are a problem, then I will just pay for new clothes like a good dog owner does."

"I'm not your dog, you can keep your stupid money!"

"Perfect, then there won't be a problem if you pay for new clothes yourself." The younger teen was trying to step down the wall to get to the meadow at the end of the slope. Chuuya's younger version stopped him again.

"It's not really about stains," he mumbled carefully, avoiding eye contact as his gaze turned towards the ground. "I saw a warning sign with a snake." To his surprise, back then, Dazai didn't laugh at him. The younger teen actually looked rather serious, lost in thoughts for a while. Oh, the brunet thought, it's about the lab... and he was right in his assumption. Fuck, I laughed like an idiot! Yeah, well Chuuya himself laughed too, so that's alright. The scenarios Dazai came up with were way too funny.

"It's alright, we don't have to go," and it was so unusual for Dazai to just give in without trying to convince him. None of his 'my predictions are always true'-bullshit. Before his younger self could say anything, they heard a loud cracking sound. Being in the mafia came with heightened reflexes, so they both realized within milliseconds that the sound came from the stone wall, to be exact, the stone right under Dazai. Everything after that realization happened really fast: Dazai jumped, but he was moving in the direction of the slope and then Chuuya's brain short-circuited because the slope meant snakes and snakes meant poison and poison meant horrible experiments in a lab and scary nightmare-esc trips. He simply couldn't let Dazai fall down there, so he grabbed him and violently pulled him back. He put way too much force into that, causing Dazai to collide with him and normally, he easily could've kept his balance, but due to all the fast and heavy movements, the stone underneath Chuuya crumbled. Losing his footing, he fell, his back colliding with the dirty road, which hurt a lot especially since Dazai landed on top of him. The younger teen tried to soften his fall, which meant that his hands reflexively pressed into Chuuya's chest, causing the air to be pushed out of his lungs. Their position was so uncomfortable, little stones dug themselves into Chuuya's back stinging all the wrong places like a drunk acupuncture apprentice.

His younger self looked up and saw Dazai's face, a few centimeters away, eyes wide, lips parted as his body was still in shock. They're both mafiosi and used to the hectic world where one move could be your doom, so they worked a bit faster and had sharper reflexes than most people. And the situation they were in didn't last longer than a few seconds, but being so close was still a shock to both of them. And Dazai? Well, Chuuya rather enjoyed the thoughts that rushed to the younger's mind in hyper-speed.

We're so close. His eyes are so pretty and his lips- I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad. We're so close. I could totally kiss him. But then he would kick me and hate me and never ever would talk to me again and I can't have that and ah this moment is taking too long already! Chuuya's stupid rom-com-filled brain totally knows what's running through my head right now!

Chuuya didn't. Not a clue whatsoever about what was running through the other's head.

His younger self was just glad that Dazai didn't jump down the slope. It's ridiculous really because the possibility of a snake being in the meadow down the slope was just as high as a snake being on the little road they landed on. A tiny stone wall wouldn't stop a snake. Hell, most of the snakes probably were chilling under loose stones of the wall anyway. Also, snakes were rather shy animals. Who could blame them? A snake was basically a big noodle with a head and for a noodle with a head, the world was a very, very scary place. That was at least what Dazai's favorite reptile channel on YouTube said. And yes, Dazai had a favorite reptile channel, implying that he followed more than one. He did bug Chuuya to watch a few videos with him, in an attempt to lessen the fear. It didn't work as well as the younger teen hoped. But Chuuya still agreed every time the younger wanted to show him a new video. How could he not? Dazai was only this extremely invested in snakes to cure Chuuya from his fear and that was so fucking adorable that Chuuya didn't stand a chance against Dazai's snake facts. And it all started with this. With the memory, he was currently watching and it was going to be reinforced by their little weed-session.

I have to throw him off! I need to say something! Ahhhhh, I can't think of anything! Why is this happening, did I hit my head? Am I brain-dead? Why can't I come up with something? I have to say something!

And with the additional knowledge Chuuya gained through this ability, the words that left Dazai's mouth back then were way better, way sweeter in their randomness, as Dazai's lips opened to blurt out the first thing that came to his mind:

"Tiger Keelbacks are venomous and poisonous snakes!"

"What?"

"What?!" Dazai echoed, sounding equally confused (and embarrassed) at the words that left his mouth in a rush. Chuuya's younger self was slowly straighten up, leaving Dazai enough room to do the same. Now Chuuya was sitting on the ground with Dazai still awkwardly on top of him because the younger teen was too overwhelmed by the entire situation to think straight. Emphasis on the straight part, because Dazai's mind was still focused on their closure and Chuuya's lips and kissing and all that.

"Why- Did you hit your head?" His younger self questioned, unable to comprehend the sheer randomness of the words. The only conclusion must've been that the brunet hit his head and had a concussion. So, the older teen carefully moved his hands towards the brown hair, inspecting the head for wounds, which resulted in Dazai being pressed against Chuuya more. The younger teen was internally screaming right now, cursing himself for his stupidity. He was so embarrassed and his ears were all pink, but it didn't catch the attention of Chuuya's younger self, which was a shame, cause real Chuuya surely appreciated seeing Dazai like this: all cute and embarrassed because of something he said in bi panic.

"I didn't hit my head!" Dazai protested while he slapped Chuuya's hands away. His brain was finally catching up to the moment, processing anything, and came up with (in Dazai's opinion) the best solution: Fleeing the situation. He stood up and started to take large steps, moving further and further away from Chuuya. His younger self jumped up.

"Wait for me!" He demanded as he sprinted to catch up to the brunet.

"No, Chuuya is stupid!" Dazai accelerated his steps and soon, he was running.

"Hah?! What did I do?!" His younger self screamed as he sped up too, running after Dazai. It was a fun little race, at least for Chuuya. Dazai was probably having a very bad time. Running was useless anyway, Chuuya was fast after all, and had more endurance, even without his ability. And when he would reach the brunet and they slowed down, walking beside each other once more, Chuuya questioned the random fact again. But the running had bought Dazai enough time to think up a 'believable' explanation. He claimed that he only thought of that fact because Chuuya told him about the warning sign. Tiger Keelbacks lived in their region, so it was perfectly normal for him to try to educate Chuuya. It was so shitty. Chuuya couldn't believe his younger self let the other get away with that sorry excuse. But it didn't really matter anymore.

Real Chuuya chuckled while he watched the silhouettes of their younger self get smaller and smaller in the distance, screaming insults at each other while running faster and faster. His gaze wandered off to the left to look at the stone wall or rather, the big hole in the stone wall. Their little stunt caused many more stones to crumble and fall down. Leave it to Double Black to destroy a probably hundred-year-old stone wall in the blink of an eye. Chuuya smiled. He loved the chaos they created wherever they went.

He still did.

_____

He was sitting next to Dazai. A lot of memories flew past him and he was sure that it must've been a few months after their dandelion talk. The younger teen was at his typical bar again, chatting with Oda about theories and topics of all sorts. The bureaucrat wasn't there, probably ditching his friends to do government shit and so Dazai was babbling on and on about his current obsession: Ranking Snakes in their deadliness. In front of Chuuya, the younger teen was just talking about facts, never really rating them in their ability to kill. At first, his younger self was so fucking pissed that the other even talked to him about snakes in the first place thinking the younger teen wanted to make fun of him, but then he learned why Dazai did it and then he couldn't be mad anymore.

"So, having said all that," Dazai concluded his little fascinated rant about different venomous snakes, "I think the black mamba is the deadliest snake, don't you agree?" Oda looked at the excited teen, took a sip of his whiskey, and let all the facts run through his head again. After a while, he turned towards Dazai with a serious expression on his face.

"I think the deadliest snake is the one right in front of you," the older male explained in his calm manner. Oda was one of the few people who let Dazai just talk and ramble on about anything that went through his mind. The first person who just listened to the teen was probably Albatross and somewhere in between the years his younger self also learned to enjoy the sight Dazai made while he explained things that interested him with adorable excitement.

"What if the snake in front of me is a corn snake?" The younger teen argues. "A corn snake can't kill me."

"But you would be able to recognize it, right?" The question was followed by a small nod from Dazai. "A person who couldn't would just be horrified by the possibility that it might be venomous. Also, it doesn't really matter if you are standing in front of a king cobra, a gaboon viper, a rattlesnake, or even a black mamba, what matters is where you are and how fast you can get help. What matters is your health, maybe you could be allergic to snake venom, so you could probably die through a bite from a hognose snake. So it's irrelevant what snake has the deadliest venom because your problem is the one right in front of you. But from what you told me snakes don't want to waste their venom on us. It's precious to them and they need it to survive. I read about a theory once that was about how snakes don't even know that they're venomous. It claimed that they only know that it's their best way to defend themselves and to get their food." Oda was such a good friend. Not only did he listen while Dazai was info-dumping him, no, he could even provide his own input. Chuuya wondered if he had similar conversations with Dazai.

"Mhm, I never thought about it that way," Dazai mumbled and before he could add anything, his phone vibrated shortly. "Oh, it's Chuuya!" He exclaimed all excited as he pulled out the phone.

"How do you know?"

"Because I changed the vibration notification so it would fit him better," he explained and Chuuya wanted to kick him. Leave it to Dazai to find a way to insult his height in any conversation. He unlocked his phone, clicked on the chat, and stopped. There was only one message and it was not even a word, it was just an emoji: two leaves that swirled around in the wind. Oh, so the time had come. Ugh, of course, did the younger teen drink beforehand even though Chuuya actually told him not to! Their weed-session was about to begin and mixing alcohol and weed was not a good idea. Hell, that was probably the reason why the younger teen couldn't remember much of it. At least Dazai claimed that he couldn't, Chuuya was about to find out if it was true. Dazai was slowly slithering down the bar stool until his feet touched the ground. "I have to go now."

"A mission?"

"No, just meeting Chuuya. I promised him to-" Dazai hesitated for a second, clearly hating the fact that he was going to lie to Oda because the older male was against smoking weed, "-hang out today."

"What are you two doing?"

"Eh- Just playing Horizon, nothing out of the ordinary."

And Oda smiled, making Dazai feel even worse for lying to him as he heard the: "Have fun!" the older man screamed after him. 

_____

Dazai was watching Chuuya, who pulled the baking sheet out of the oven, letting the brownies cool off, while he cleaned up his kitchen. He started by putting the utensils he used into the dishwasher, then he cleaned off his red KitchenAid with a paper towel before he used his gravity manipulation to let it float to its usual spot on top of one of the shelves. It's ridiculous that Chibi's kitchen was so big. He even had one of those fancy kitchen island thingies. Chuuya's whole flat was so extra, to be honest. There were only three rooms, but his kitchen, dining room, and living room were an open space design. So when you stepped through the door, you saw the dining table in front of you, to your right was Chuuya's fancy kitchen, and to your left was the living room. The back of the couch was used as an artificial extension of a wall to separate the living room from the rest. His bedroom was ridiculously large and the door for it was behind the dining table. In the bedroom were a desk and one of those boxy IKEA shelves that were filled with books, folders, and plants. The bed was also stupidly large for Chuuya. Chibi could sleep in a children's bed, after all, there wasn't any need for this king-sized bed. His bathroom was also way too big, just like the bathtub in it. Ridiculous. And did Dazai mention the balcony? No? Well, it was also pretty large and connected the living room with the bedroom. Dazai's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Chuuya also stopped what he was doing to open up the door.

"I told you not to break in," Chibi greeted his younger self as cheerful as ever.

"You told me to not break into your apartment, which I didn't," the younger teen countered with a smug smile.

"Ugh, I hate you so much."

"Glad the feeling is mutual," he lied while stepping past Chuuya, acting as if that comment didn't sting. He was so pathetic. "It's rather cold in here, but I guess you have your dog fur to keep you warm."

"Asshole," Chuuya replied and closed the door. "I had to let air in because I didn't want to have my apartment reek of stinky weed."

"Oh, the lengths you go for being high with me~" his younger self mocked and started to close all the windows to keep the cold air out where it belonged.

"Whatever," Chuuya grumbled while he put the brownies on a plate and placed them on the couch table. Then he let himself fall onto the couch and the additional pillows he threw on there. "Just move your ass over here already so we can do this." And Dazai's younger self did, now awkwardly sitting on the couch as well, staring at the plate on the couch table.

"How do we do this?"

"What do you mean?" Chibi laughed and reached for the plate to push it in Dazai's direction. "We just eat and watch something till it kicks in." His younger self hesitated before reaching for a brownie.

"And when does it kick in?" He questioned while eying the baked good in his hand, slightly regretting that he agreed to this because he was afraid he could spill some stupid shit while high. Mortifying things like 'I love you so much Chuuya. Can we please kiss?' would just be his end. And to real Dazai's misery, he couldn't remember most of this experience, just the beginning...and that was bad enough already, to be honest.

"Mhm, it depends on different factors like how often you consume weed and how your metabolism is," Chuuya eyed the brunet, "I guess it's gonna be roughly an hour for you to start to feel the effects and then like three more hours to feel the full effect."

"Oh," his younger self was still staring at the brownie in his hands. Ha, holding it back then felt like holding Pandora's Box. It just didn't hold sorrow and diseases and all that stuff, no, the little brownie was filled with the possibility of Dazai humiliating himself completely in front of Chuuya. Dazai was aware that his behavior couldn't have been more ignominious than the first high minutes he remembered because otherwise, Chuuya would've made sure that he never forgot it. Sure Chuuya kinda blackmailed him into never getting high with anyone but Chuuya, but the older teen admitted that he was only bluffing. So, yeah, couldn't be that bad, otherwise, Chibi would've taken advantage of the situation by taking pictures and videos. But since he didn't it couldn't be so bad. "And you?"

"Ah, I'm a bit more used to it, so it will kick in a bit later than yours," Chuuya is so calm about this. It's weird. But well, Chuuya didn't have a huge secret crush so he didn't need to fear anything at all and the redhead did dumb shit already because he drank too much, so this wasn't any different for him. "Didn't have brownies in a long time though. I'm more used to smoking it." Chibi confessed, taking a brownie from the plate as well before he placed it on the table again. "So what do you wanna watch?" He asked and handed Dazai the remote. It made Dazai's younger self feel weird for making it such a big deal internally, so he took a bite too. And like everything Chuuya made, it tasted heavenly.

They just sat there, silently watching the scenes that flicker over the TV, waiting for something to kick in. They were halfway through the fourth episode of some sitcom when his younger self started to feel strange. Real Dazai remembered how his body felt weird. He felt dizzy but, like, with a delay? He leaned his body forward and it still felt like he was sitting normally, but as he started to lean against the backrest again, it felt as if he tilted forward. It was a funny feeling, so he played with it, moving around on the couch, causing Chuuya to catch on to what was happening.

"How do you feel?" Chibi asked with a knowing smirk.

"I feel funny," and his younger self fucking giggled. "My brain is delayed, it's nice. Like I do this," the younger teen leaned his body to the right, "and then I do this," and he leaned his body to the left, "but it still feels like I'm on the right!" God, his younger self was way too excited about this and now he was swaying from left to right and right to left, getting faster and faster because it felt even funnier like that and then he lost his balance. His back collided with the pillows on the couch and his head fell onto Chuuya's lap. They're both shocked by this, but his younger self recovered first, laughing, but his coordination sucked because the hand he used to cover up his mouth was hovering over his chin instead. Chuuya stared at him. Great. Now Chuuya witnessed his ugly laugh. Dazai hated his high self. The older teen suddenly pulled out his phone, a stunned expression on his face as he unlocked the device with shaking fingers and- wait. Was Chuuya taking a picture of him?! Wow, Chuuya really had blackmail material and wasn't bluffing back then, that's just...truly awesome. But...why did he never use that photo against Dazai? Why did he say he was lying about having any material? "This feels nice too," he admitted, happiness clear in his voice and Chuuya looked so amused by it all while he packed away his phone.

"Does it now?"

"Mhm, and like this you can actually feel tall for once because I have to look up to see your face!" Unsurprisingly, that comment earned him a harsh flick to his forehead. "Chuuya is so mean to me without any reason!"

"I have a lot of reasons." The older teen let the brunet know. Real Dazai hated that he couldn't hear any thoughts from the redhead. Like why did Chuuya let him rest on his lap? He could've easily pushed his younger self away but he didn't.

"That can't be, 'cause I'm an absolute delight~" his attempt at sounding overconfident got interrupted by his own giggles, and real Dazai saw how Chuuya fought to keep the corner of his lips down, successfully suppressing a smile. But his eyes shine so brightly with amusement, the gaze that focused on his younger self was so soft that Dazai didn't trust his eyes for a second.

"Whatever you say." Hearing the smile Chuuya tried to fight off in his voice was just too much for young (and real) Dazai. It was so unfair and the worst thing about it is that Chuuya would know how much he had the brunet wrapped around his finger. It was downright pathetic how horrified Dazai was to have to face Chuuya after this whole ability-induced walk down memory lane.

_____

Dazai lied to him. Well, that wasn't really a shocking discovery, but still! He told Chuuya he couldn't remember anything about their little weed session but here Chuuya was, standing in the perfect replica of a moment long gone.

"Be a good doggy and fetch me more brownies!" Dazai demanded, still resting his head in the lap of Chuuya's younger self. His younger self couldn't help but chuckle, because the other teen was the one acting like a dog here, and to emphasize it, he started to pet Dazai's hair carefully. Dazai seemed surprised at first but then he melted into the touch, closing his eyes with a barely noticeable smile on his face.

"I think you had enough," Chuuya said after a while and then added in a mischievous voice: "Also you're more like a dog right now." The eyes of the younger teen immediately flew open at that, eyes narrowed, lips moving downwards to form a frown and it looked way too adorable.

"I'm not a dog!" He complained but didn't move from Chuuya's lap to prove his point.

"Oh, what are you instead?" Chuuya's younger self humored him still moving his hand gently through brown hair. The eyebrows of the brunet pulled together in concentration, his mouth slightly open as he tried to think of a reply. He thought for quite a while.

"Meow."

The idiot mimicked a cat noise. All this concentration and that was what his genius mind came up with. Chuuya's younger self stopped to pet his hair, looking down at the other teen in utter disbelief. And real Chuuya just lets out a sigh.

"Did you just-" Dazai tried to get Chuuya to pet him once more, by using both of his hands to press the other's hand against his hair. "What the fuck, Dazai." The older teen stated, still trying to wrap his head around what the other just did, and mindlessly continued to move his hand through brown locks. "Don't ever do that again, you weirdo."

"No promises~" Dazai sing-songed and even though it was so cute, all young Chuuya did was shake his head in disbelief. "Our dear city is full of rats, after all, someone has to play cat to chase them out. It's my duty as a future mafia executive."

"You're babbling nonsense, demon prodigy," Chuuya teased, and the younger teen grinned up at him and reached out to play with a strain of red hair. The older teen couldn't pinpoint if Dazai was making the cat-like gesture because he wanted to tease Chuuya or if he was just reaching out for the sake of touching him. "God, you're so high." Dazai chuckled. It was at that moment that Chuuya's younger self realized that Dazai's other hand reached for the plate on the couch table to get the brownie himself. Distracting the older teen with cat-like behavior almost worked in Dazai's favor. "Oh, no you don't," he caught Dazai's hand before it could reach the brownies.

"But I have to!" Dazai sulked, weakly trying to free his hand only to giggle when his attempt failed. "I can't allow Chuuya to get any higher," he pouted and Chuuya was confused for a few seconds until he caught on.

"You mean taller, right?"

"Yes!" The younger teen exclaimed, suddenly sitting back up again, almost knocking their heads together but before Chuuya could call him stupid for it, the younger teen turned around and was looming over Chuuya. It was a fast and uncoordinated movement. Dazai was clearly feeling dizzy as he moved so that his legs were folded and he was seated on the other's lap, legs caging Chuuya's hip in place. Their heads even bumped together but that doesn't seem to bother the brunet on top of Chuuya's younger self. Dazai was leaning down now, bringing them face to face and then his right hand to his forehead just to carefully move it towards Chuuya as a form of measurement. But since he was high and sitting on top of the other it wasn't working. The invisible line the other's hand was forming was anything but straight. But for the strangely concentrated teen who stuck out his tongue a bit as he tried to do his measurements right, it seemed to reach the results he wanted to see. "See!" He exclaimed way too loud for being so close and Chuuya didn't even know what he was supposed to see. "I'm higher- eh taller, wait...no- eh- I'm...I need to eat more brownies so I can make sure you never get higher than I am!"

"You are high enough already. Seriously, are you even aware of where you're sitting right now?" His younger self sure was pretty aware of the situation. Chuuya remembered how weird he felt back then with Dazai sitting on his lap. It was all his mind could focus on. And since his younger self was a stupid idiot, he didn't understand why it felt that weirdly good to have the younger one sit on top of him.

"You are so mean!" The brunet sulked, ignoring Chuuya's last sentence. Real Chuuya started to suspect that the younger teen probably didn't even register the meaning behind it. Dazai didn't seem to have a clue where he was sitting at the moment. "Why did you even make so many brownies when you only allowed me to eat one?! That's sooo cruel of you!"

"I used to make them with Albatross for the others, so it's a rather big load and I just-" Urgh, that was a side-effect Chuuya hated about weed, he always was so fucking emotional over stupid things. His younger self was stopping mid-sentence to swallow down the lump in his throat. "I guess I just did it out of habit." Dazai looked at his younger self with sadness written all over his face.

"I should've just smoked, then you wouldn't have to go through this," he mumbled, lowering his gaze downwards, focusing on nervously kneading his hands. "I'm sorry that you had to bake for me." The way his voice got quiet, almost fragile, made young (and real) Chuuya's heart sink. It was such a painful sound that hit so deep.

"For all the times you should have apologized, this is not one of them," Chuuya's younger self stated. He just couldn't handle Dazai getting all quiet and small sounding. It was such a huge contrast to his teasing (and annoyingly adorable) behavior. So his younger self just had to reassure the other teen. But it was very weird to hear his own voice this soft. And what was even weirder were Dazai's thoughts right now. They were louder and all over the place. He's just saying that to prevent me from crying all annoyingly, he doesn't really mean it. That was the thought that reached Chuuya, but at the same time, he also heard Why am I sitting on his lap?! and I made Chuuya sad, I'm horrible! and I feel dizzy and Chuuya's eyes are sooooo pretty and it was a lot. Was Dazai's mind always this loud? It was so chaotic, so contradicting. Did he just constantly suppress all other thoughts and the weed loosened the control he had over his overactive mind? Sure, there were times since Chuuya was stuck in this stupid ability when Dazai's brain went into hyper-mode spitting thoughts in double time. And there were times when all his thoughts came in at once making it impossible to understand anything at all. But...It was never this chaotic before with Chuuya still getting to hear all the thoughts. All the different thoughts seemingly arrived at the same time in such a short amount of time. God, that must've been so headache-creating for the younger teen, and trying to keep his own mind in focus all the time must be so fucking tiring. "I was the one who suggested baking, remember?"

"But I-" he got interrupted by Chuuya's younger self.

"And it helps somewhat," at that, the brunet started to look into Chuuya's eyes again. It was still somewhat timid because he only tilted his head a bit upwards to be able to look into the other's eyes. That was something the older teen couldn't have. Dazai was not supposed to be like this. He was supposed to tease him or ramble on about stuff he liked, all excited. And so, Chuuya had to keep reassuring the other teen: "I guess it's more bearable now that the last time I backed edibles was for you, you know?"

"So you're not upset?" Dazai carefully asked, looking right into the eyes of Chuuya's younger self now and the older teen smiled at him. What did I do to deserve that pretty smile? God, Dazai was so in love, what did Chuuya ever do to deserve this love?

"Not really, no." How could he be upset when Dazai was sitting in his lap and looking all hopeful at him with his stupid pretty eyes? "Don't get me wrong: it will always suck that I won't ever get to hang out with them like we used to-" his voice got weird again, so his younger self decided to change the topic. He didn't want to get sentimental right now. "But I think they would've had a blast with you being high."

"You think so?" Both Chuuyas gazed at the feared demon prodigy of the port mafia who was sitting all happily and content on top of Chuuya, deep brown eyes looking with awe at the red-haired teen as if he was the starry night sky. His younger self fought against the grin that wanted to stretch across his lips.

"I know so," he said, trying not to sound too amused by it. The Flags would've loved seeing Dazai like this. God, Albatross would've loved this immensely, he would've pulled so much matchmaking shit on them like the insanely good wingman he used to be. Dazai beamed at Chuuya's younger self and it was such a pretty sight that even his younger self was slightly in awe by it.

"What did you guys do while high?" The brunet asked all curious and it was way too cute. High Dazai was just so unaware of everything he did. He was sitting on top of Chuuya like it was nothing, whereas he normally would freak out about them being too close and blurt out some random fact in bi panic.

"Uh, we just chilled. Watched shows or talked about random shit, nothing special." Mhm, the flags wouldn't sit on his lap all happy. And if they dared to, Chuuya would've pushed them off immediately. His younger self was honestly a bit confused as to why he enjoyed Dazai being so close to him this much.

"I can talk!" He blurted out. If baking helped him to not to be as sad, then talking will help too, right? and that was so adorable of Dazai. The thoughts swirling around in the younger's head were all over the place though. He was still confused about sitting in Chuuya's lap, but he liked it too much to worry more about it and he felt sad about the flags and Albatross. His mind was so chaotic right now, that it seriously caused Chuuya a headache. Was Dazai's mind always this active?

"Oh yeah? 'Bout what?" His younger self asked with a grin, glad that the other teen was not this weirdly quiet anymore.

"About a lot of stuff! For example: Did you know the fuzzy white stuff from a dandelion is called pappus? That's such a funny word. I just looked that up because I was annoyed that I called it fuzzy stuff in my head and then I thought that it must have a name and it did!" Dazai giggled at that before he continued to ramble on, but Chuuya's younger self was not really listening to him. Since he accomplished lifting the mood of the brunet, the thoughts of his younger self wandered off to analyze his weird happy feeling. Dazai so close to him was doing something to him. And his younger self would blame the weed on all of it when he was sober, like a complete idiot. Seriously, why was his younger self so fucking dense? Right now, the older teen was looking at Dazai's hips, thinking that his hands would look good there. Yeah, his younger self thought they would look incredibly good there and so he just put them there, causing Dazai to stop his enthusiastic rambling.

"Chuuya?" He questioned, his voice quivered nervously as he looked at the older teen. The thoughts of the future detective were running fucking wild. Ahhhhhhhh, what is happening?! and Nooooo he's going to shove me off his lap and his hands are so warm and lots of other thoughts were racing through his head.

"You were just moving too much, can't have you fall down because I would never hear the end of it," his younger self shamelessly lied.

"Oh, okay," the other replied, moving a bit closer to Chuuya to minimize the chance of falling off before continuing as if nothing happened. His younger self was so shocked by the fact that Dazai didn't point out that he hadn't been moving at all. Yeah, in that moment, Chuuya's younger version swore to protect the unusually gullible teen with everything he had. Not a single person in the world would ever get to see this side of the teen. Not a chance. They would just take advantage of his state of mind. Hell, he wouldn't even let the flags witness Dazai's weed-induced behavior. No, only he could see it. It was only fair, he did have to put up with all of Dazai's teasing and this was his reward. Real Chuuya just couldn't believe how dumb his younger self was and how right Albatross was about that whole monopolizing thing. His younger self started to move his hands a bit, just slowly moving up and down a few inches along Dazai's sides and drinking in the flustered reaction of the other teen, who continued to go on and on about random facts. Chuuya's younger self was listening again, amused that the younger teen was starting to get red ears. His eyes seemed to dart away from Chuuya and his mind was on overload. There were so many chaotic thoughts, but he continued to talk. "...speaking of, you know what else is a cool animal?" He's not giving Chuuya any time to answer, "Snakes are! They are so-"

"Urgh, why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?!" His younger self spit out, and the grip around Dazai's hips started to border on pain as he looked angry at the other teen. "You know I don't like snakes, so why do you always have to bring them up? I hate it!" And at that, Dazai's mood was destroyed again. He let his head fall down and seemed so small all of a sudden. Of course, he hates it! Now I ruined everything, he's going to ignore me again and be so fucking angry at me and I deserve it. Why do I always screw it up? It was only a matter of time before I anger him once more because I suck so much. Albatross wouldn't be like this...what would he do now?

"I just thought it could help you," he started and his voice was quivering so much that it fucking hurt. Dazai's body language got also more tense in response. "You're afraid of them and fear is usually caused by not knowing things. So I thought that if I tell you all the cool facts there are, you would get a better understanding of them and that would minimize your fear. I should've known it was stupid. I mean you're only afraid because of their venom, right? It makes you think of the lab, and the stab wound you got with 15, so it's not helping at all and...," he mumbled and Chuuya's heart just broke. His younger self realized at that moment that Dazai had watched hours of snake videos and learned all the facts about them because he wanted to help him. He wasn't making fun of him, he wasn't being an asshole, he just wanted to help him in his own special way. Chuuya remembered how happy that made him, even though it was so stupid. Dazai caring about him just always warmed his heart, no matter what. So he could stomach some snake facts if it was Dazai who told them.

His younger self was so in fucking love with the brunet.

God, Chuuya couldn't believe that it would take so painfully long for him to understand his feelings. That was embarrassing, honestly. His younger self didn't say anything to Dazai's little speech, but the harsh grip he had grew softer once more and his hands slid to the back of the younger teen, gently pulling him closer. Chuuya's arms sling around Dazai's torso in the process so that he hugged him. They were pressed against each other and Chuuya let his head rest against Dazai's chest. Dazai stayed tense for a bit longer, confused as to why Chuuya didn't say anything at all. Bandaged arms wrapped themselves very carefully around the older teen's neck, then Dazai held his breath (so adorable) and waited for the reaction. Chuuya's younger self just tightened his grip shortly as a form of reassurement and Dazai let out a huff of air he had been holding, starting to relax into the hug. Real Chuuya started to smile but it was rather sad because he already thought about the memory that was about to play out very soon. He couldn't bear seeing Dazai cry. It made him feel like he failed and he felt so fucking helpless. But right as the memory should've reached that point, the surroundings blurred and then he just saw black.

Huh?

What was happening? Was he finally getting out of the ability? About goddamn time, he wanted to talk to Dazai so bad! They were going to talk shit through and then make everything work out somehow. Suddenly, Dazai's thoughts rang in his ears, causing Chuuya to lose hope of getting out of there anytime soon. He could see their younger selves sitting on the couch, still hugging each other for a few seconds until the black was surrounding him once more. Dazai's thoughts reached him and they were chaotic, but so happy that Chuuya couldn't help but smile. It was weird to stand in this black abyss with Dazai's thoughts reaching him. Sometimes, colors flashed in front of Chuuya's eyes or the laughter of his younger self reached his ears and it was trippy. Wait. That's what this was, right? It seemed like Dazai didn't lie completely when he said he couldn't remember anything. He was black-out-drunk but like high...black-out-high...is that a thing? Chuuya had never heard of it before, but there was, no other explanation for what was happening right now. He let out a sigh. Great, now all he could do is listen to Dazai's chaotic thoughts like they were a fucking podcast.

Mhm, but that also meant that Dazai was witnessing his own weed-induced behavior for the very first time in Chuuya's memories. A grin spread across Chuuya's face, despite everything. Oh, he wished to be able to see Dazai's reaction to all the adorable stupid shit he said and did. He bet Dazai's ears were going to burn in a bright red color. Damn, what Chuuya wouldn't give to be able to see the blushing mess Dazai was going to turn into.

_____

Dazai wanted to die so badly. He truly believed that he had been moving around too much when Chuuya placed his hands on his hips back then. Turned out, Chibi was a fucking liar and his younger self was fucking stupid because he believed that lie in the blink of an eye without even second-guessing it for a moment! And if the memories Dazai could remember were that horrible already, how would the next memories ahead of him turn out to be? Right now, their younger selves were sitting on the couch hugging each other like their stupid life depended on it. The worst thing about it was that Dazai clearly remembered how amazing it felt to be so close to Chuuya. The weed numbed his brain perfectly and he didn't freak out like he usually did when they were this close. This was terrible news because that meant he also didn't have a filter, all his inhibitions were simply gone.

"This is nice," his younger self sighed contently and the smile on his lips slipped into his voice. Stupid lying Chibi chuckled.

"Yeah?" Instead of verbally answering the question, Dazai's younger self nodded against the top of Chuuya's head.

"Mhmmm, been a while since I had closure," he mumbled into red hair, seemingly melting into the embrace. Ugh, why did he say that?!

"Ew, don't mix me up with your hook-ups just because it's been a while, you player," Chuuya suddenly mocked and Dazai watched how his younger self was getting tense. It was such a hard contrast to the posture he had not even a second ago. His shoulders tried to suppress a shake and failed so badly at it that- wait...oh no! No, no, no! This was not happening. He was not about to cry because of Chuuya's comment. No. Just no! A sob fills the air and Chibi froze. "Dazai...are you...crying?"

A loud sob was his answer and now Dazai's younger self started to full out shake as he tried to get air in his lungs despite the heavy sobs that left his mouth with increasing frequency. This was pathetic. His younger self was so fucking pathetic. Chuuya's hook-up comment made him think of all the times he felt so used by gaining information through sex. His thoughts were almost drowning him back then, he felt so disgusting but it wasn't a reason to cry. This was so stupid.

"Holy shit, you are," and the smaller teen seemed to sober up a bit, because he tried to pull away, but Dazai's younger self kept his arms locked around Chuuya, preventing him from seeing his ugly teary face. "Hey, let go," the words were soft but his younger self tightened his grip in response, clinging to the other boy. "Dazai, let go," he tried again. This time, Dazai shook his head in response, biting his lips but failing to prevent the next sob that ripped through. "Let go...I don't want to force you away," at that, his younger self sucked in a breath and slowly let go of Chuuya. Just before Chuuya could look at his face, Dazai stood up and wanted to leave. But Chuuya stopped him with a firm grip on his arm and pulled him right back into his lap.

"What's wrong?" His younger self convulsively kept his eyes closed and vehemently shook his head while trying to hide his face in his shoulder. Chuuya gently placed his hand on his cheek and even the soft gesture caused his younger self to flinch until the other started to wipe tears away. It was a useless endeavor since new tears constantly left puffy brown eyes and as Chuuya used the tender touch to move the other's face in his direction, Dazai's younger self let it happen.

"Come on, open your eyes." The taller teen shook his head. "No? Hmm, okay. I guess I just have to tell you with your eyes closed?" That did pique the interest of his younger self and honestly, Dazai was also pretty curious about this. He basically witnessed this for the first time after all, remembering it as the memory played out in front of him.

"TE-E-ll wh-AA-Aht?" His younger self choked out between his heavy sobs. Urgh, so noisy. How did Chuuya put up with him?

"Tell you about the time I cried my eyes out when I first tried weed with the flags." And the puffy and ugly teary eyes of his younger self immediately snapped open and looked right into pretty blue ones. "Oh, did that surprise you?" Chibi chuckled and honestly? Dazai was melting a bit. The other one was so calm and soft even though his younger self did nothing to deserve this.

"Wh-AI dId yOU-" his sobs got in the way of finishing his sentence and he had to gasp for air. He hated this. Hated everything about this, except Chuuya, of course.

"Why did I cry?" Chuuya repeated the question and his hand was moving away from Dazai's cheek, to gently move across his back in soothing circles. "It was really stupid. I cried about the sheep. Ridiculous, right?" His younger self immediately shook his head.

"No-OH-t ri-he-di-cUH-" and that was too many syllables for the current state his younger self was in so he sucked in a breath and gave up to voice whatever he wanted to say back then.

"Just listen, hm? Calm down before you talk again, alright?" Chuuya suggested and started to pull Dazai's younger self in a hug once more. The tears that still left the eyes of his younger self surely must've created wet spots on Chibi's shirt. "Okay so, it was after one of their parties when I was still rather a new member of the port mafia. And they all were a bit suspicious about me because I was an enemy of the mafia not even a month ago. So they were a bit distant towards me. Except Albatross," Chuuya's voice sounded so warm when it pronounced the name of their long-lost friend. "The first thing he ever said to me was if I could show him my 'gravity tricks'. I did and then he asked me for help loading up some cars for transport. After that, he invited me to hang out with him and the others at the 'Old World'. He didn't mention the weed though."

"Wh-AT-"

"Shhh, no talking, remember? You can ask me stuff when you calmed down, okay?" Dazai watched how his younger self tried to bury his face more into Chuuya as a response. The older teen chuckled and continued to gently draw circles on his back. "So, like I said: he didn't mention the weed and I tried it and it was great at first, but then one of them said something -I can't even remember who and what it was, to be honest- but suddenly I was crying about the sheep all pathetic. Like how they threw me away and how they literally stabbed me in the back and I tried to stop but I just couldn't. I felt so miserable because I was crying around people who didn't really like me which made it so much worse and I was just spiraling down further and further. It was terrifying." Dazai's younger self was still sobbing, just letting Chuuya talk, and tried to listen as best as he could at the moment. It was funny, the moment the memory unfolded in front of real Dazai, he could remember it vaguely and the thoughts that were running through his mind at the time came back to him. He was basically crying because Chuuya reminded him of his hookups and because the older teen implied that they'd make him happier as Chuuya's closure, which was very insulting to his high younger self. Nothing could compare to Chuuya. He also felt sad for the older teen, thinking that the sheep were stupid anyway for betraying him. Like, did they have eyes? Apparently not, otherwise they would have seen what Chuuya did for them and how much he cared.

"It was like my brain just stopped? Everything was just too much and I bet you're feeling the same right now as I did back then," Chibi tightened the hug for a moment. "So, let me tell you what Albatross told me. He was the first one to react out of the flags and he just sat right next to me on the floor. And then he just slowly placed his arm on my back and drew invisible patterns on my shirt. While he did that he told me that weed just has this effect on some people, making them more emotional, and that I shouldn't feel ashamed about it 'cause they all have been there before. He just talked me down, telling me what shit he did while he was high and it helped me a lot." Dazai's younger self hummed in response, his arms found their way around Chuuya's neck as he snuggled more into the hug. He was still sobbing all pathetically, but it was getting better. Chuuya just smiled and continued to talk.

"And the whole situation got me closer to the flags," real Dazai could hear the smile in his voice and it made him feel all warm. "They weren't distant anymore, they started to include me more and more. They also never made fun of me for crying. I was so embarrassed but they didn't make me feel bad about it. They said that it's nothing to feel ashamed about. So what I'm getting at is that you also don't have to feel ashamed."

But real Dazai felt ashamed. What if Chuuya heard his stupid high thoughts? Chuuya would never look in his direction ever again, too disgusted by what Dazai did just to gain information.

_____

Chuuya was furious.

No, he was outraged. If he weren't stuck in Dazai's memories right now, Arahabaki would roar and Chuuya would fucking let it.

He was still standing in the darkness, but Dazai's thoughts did reach him. Who the fuck tells a kid that they should use sex as a transaction?! Mori did. Chuuya always knew the man was ruthless, and not a great person, but he still respected him as a good leader. Chuuya couldn't comprehend this. Sure, they were in the Mafia and yes, he was aware of the girls Ane-san took care of, but they were older. Not by much, but for fucks sake, they weren't 15, and- wait no, Dazai was fourteen when Mori found him, wasn't he? Chuuya couldn't remember. He couldn't remember!

And oh god: all the times Chuuya teased Dazai about his hook-ups, how quiet the teen got- fuck. Chuuya was such an asshole! Dazai was suffering. And he mocked him, called him a player and everything. The Mafia was scarring Dazai so deep and Chuuya never noticed how much. And now that he thought back about it... Dazai never once bragged about his hook-ups. That was such a red flag for the younger teen, why the fuck didn't Chuuya realize this sooner?! And fuck! The times he had to play bodyguard for Dazai when the younger teen had to seduce (basically whore himself out to) someone- Chuuya was too jealous to spend time with Dazai afterwards. He shut him down completely, every. single. time. Dazai needed him and Chuuya just left him to rot.

He felt nauseous.

He wanted to throw up, but he was just a fucking astral body projection or something equally stupid and couldn't. He wanted to talk to young Dazai. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to explain why his stupid younger self was acting so cold after those missions. But he couldn't. He would never be able to make young Dazai feel safe again. He fucked it up but he won't repeat his mistakes.

He was going to talk to Dazai about this as soon as he was out of this shitty ability.

_____

"But it's really stupid," Dazai's younger self argued, his voice was so rough and it fucking broke, but at least he could speak again, even though he had to take in a huge breath afterwards.

"It's not. Please tell me what made you so upset." Ugh, Chuuya's voice was so disgustingly gentle that Dazai just couldn't handle it. And his younger self turned to fucking pudding in the other's hands. But he couldn't tell Chuuya what ran through his mind. The older teen would be as disgusted as Dazai felt when he thought about his hook-ups.

"It's just that the hook-ups-" No, no, no! Dazai's younger self couldn't explain this to Chuuya! Real Dazai prayed that his younger self didn't spill the truth back then! "I don't cuddle with them, so my comment wasn't about- It's just been a while since someone held me so close without..." This was bad. Dazai hated this. His younger self already spilled too much but at least he held in the last part of the sentence. Otherwise, Chuuya would be so disgusted by him. Sleeping with people just to gain information, being used like some sort of whore. Dazai was sure that his younger version wanted to say that it's been a long since someone held him where he didn't feel disgusted or used. The people he slept with didn't care about his comfort, they just wanted sex and all Dazai wanted was information and a long hot shower afterwards.

"Without what?"

"Without sex." Dazai was so glad that his younger self didn't say the things swirling around in his mind. He just knew how loud the mind of his younger self was at that moment, how much self-hate had built up.

"Wait. You never-" Chuuya sounded shocked at that and loosened the embrace a bit so he could look into the eyes of his younger self. Ugh, his eyes were so red and puffy, making his face look so ugly, especially with the red dots on his skin from all the stupid crying. "When was the last time someone just hugged you?"

"Eh? I think when you hugged me when we had that cut scene in Horizon."

"What? That was so long ago!" It was weird to see the older teen this upset about something as trivial as this. "Am I the only one who is close to you?"

"Well, Odasaku ruffles my hair and puts like an arm around my shoulder and Ango does so too sometimes."

"And when you sleep with someone...there is no cuddling? No form of aftercare at all?"

"Aftercare?"

"Oh my god," and now the older teen was shocked. "You don't even know the term?!" His younger self shook his head a bit, embarrassed that Chuuya seemed disappointed- no that wasn't the right word for the reaction of the teen. The redhead was a mix of sad, confused, and -if Dazai wasn't imagining things- angry. But not at Dazai. It seemed like he was pissed that no one of Dazai's hook-ups held him close or told him what aftercare was. "Okay," his voice was calmer, yet the rage was still noticeable. "Aftercare is important and there are many ways to comfort your partner after sex. Like helping them clean their body or like running them a bath or just cuddling with them or watching a movie. Basically, it can be whatever you need to feel safe and calm after sexual intercourse."

"But...it's just hook-ups? Why would they or I comfort the other?" Dazai felt fucking disgusting after fucking with his hook-ups, he didn't want to let them touch him for a second longer. So, no. Dazai's form of aftercare was to leave as soon as possible to shower his body with water so hot that it burned on his skin, imagining that it would burn off the touches and wash it all down the drain. "It's just a meaningless one-night stand with a stranger."

"I mean, yeah, it might be weird at first because it's strangers but otherwise, I feel bad. I don't know, maybe it's only something I do? I deem it important for me and my partners." Chuuya deeming his partners important and taking care of them, real Dazai couldn't help but think about...Chuuya taking care of him after sex. He couldn't handle that thought without his ears burning up and his younger self wasn't doing better. Chuuya would be amazing. Dazai always dreamed about the ways Chuuya would touch- Okay. He should stop that thought. He was stuck in the other's memories and he shouldn't think about how Chuuya would probably lower his voice to gently tease him and he also shouldn't think about all the things he would allow the other to do to him. The other could be rough with him and Dazai would love it, but the fantasy he desired the most was Chuuya treating him with so much care and love that it would erase all the disgusting touches from other people on his skin, so all that he could remember was Chuuya and- Fuck. He should really stop thinking about it.

"Sleep with me."

...

WHAT?!

Why? Just why?! What was his younger self thinking? Nothing apparently! The ears of Dazai were burning. His face too. His brain was fucking destroyed! How could his younger self be so fucking dumb?! Wait. Maybe Chuuya misheard it and his younger self didn't say that? Yeah. That was way more plausible than this bullshit.

"What?" Chuuya was staring at the brunet, clearly not believing his own ears, and now Dazai's younger self was going to repeat what he actually said, calling Chibi stupid and then laugh about it. Dazai watched in horror as his younger self leaned more into Chuuya's personal space, their faces were way too close and Dazai tightened his arms around the other's neck.

"You so wouldn't regret it, I swear! I would be so good for you and then you give me aftercare, right? I want aftercare." Dazai died. His younger self actually said that. Just bury him now. His younger self was sitting on Chuuya's lap, looking at the older teen with so much adoration in his eyes that there was no way Chuuya didn't know how badly Dazai wanted every part of him. Seriously. He could never ever face Chuuya again. This. Was. The. Worst. Why was his younger self so fucking- Ugh, he didn't even know how to describe the mess his younger self created. Chuuya just stared at him, tightening his grip around the brunet a bit, and Dazai was glad that he didn't hear his thoughts. The other teen was probably so weirded out right now as he should be. Dazai didn't deserve the other one bit, especially not with this blunt approach. Chuuya was way too good for him and so out of his reach that Dazai's crush was nothing but sad.

"Wait, is this...about aftercare?" Chuuya questioned but his voice was...Dazai never heard Chuuya sound that way before. He was kinda breathless but no, that wasn't quite fitting. His voice- Dazai couldn't describe it but he sure liked it. His younger self nodded. Probably thought that if Chuuya was opposed to having sex, he would just pretend it was about the aftercare. "Dazai," oh-oh, the other was sounding serious. This was it. This was how Chuuya rejected him. This was how all his dreams were shattered without him even remembering the heartbreak and- "Promise me to never get high with anyone but me." Huh?

"I promise! Why though?"

"Can't let other people see you like this...You have an image to uphold after all." Oh. Yeah. That made sense. Chuuya would be embarrassed if other people got wind of how stupid the feared demon prodigy got after a bit of weed, he would be an embarrassment to the Mafia and Chuuya.

"Alright, I promise!" Chuuya grinned at that and the laugh he suppressed sounded so beautiful in his voice. So warm and amused. Oh, did Chuuya only blackmail him the next day because Dazai forgot the promise? And why the fuck did the older teen lie? Why didn't he blackmail him for real with the shit his younger self said? Why did he pretend that nothing happened after Dazai made the promise?

"You already did promise me, remember?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh, can't believe that you're like this."

"Like what?"

"That you're this- you're so-" Chuuya interrupted himself, "just don't question it!"

"Okay."

"So, what do you wanna do, hm?"

"Whatever you want~" Damn. His younger self sure was desperate to please the other.

"You wanted to have sex just to receive some aftercare, so this really isn't about what I want."

His younger self was quiet for a few seconds. "Just hold me?" This was so fucking pathetic. Dazai always hoped that he could trust Chuuya when the older teen claimed that nothing out of the ordinary happened.

Chuuya lied.

"I'm already doing that," the older teen replied, tightening the grip he had on the brunet to draw him even closer. "You wanna cuddle and watch a movie, hm?" His younger self nodded against Chuuya's neck as he melted into the other's touch turning into liquid. "God, you're so-" he's so what? What was on Chuuya's mind? That was what Dazai would like to know. But the older teen didn't continue his sentence. He stretched himself to reach the remote without disturbing the turned-into puddy brunet. And although Chuuya was careful not to move him too much, Dazai expressed his displeasure with a slightly annoyed 'mhmmm' and all Chuuya did in response was to snicker slightly.

_____

Chuuya calmed down a bit after hearing Dazai's adorable thoughts regarding his little "Sleep with me"-request. He was still pissed at Mori (and himself for not realizing the obvious). There were so many signs! But he couldn't do anything right now, so he focused on the memory he was hearing more than seeing. Sometimes, he saw them both sitting on the couch but most of the time, he was just surrounded by darkness.

Chuuya really couldn't believe how much hope Dazai pinned on him. How much the younger teen wanted him, despite his terrible sexual encounters with targets he had to seduce. And Chuuya just never noticed it. Just like he never noticed how adorable Dazai could be before he turned eighteen. His younger self was intrigued at the thought of sleeping with Dazai, yes, but he blamed that reaction on the weed-induced increase of Libido. You know, like an idiot. His younger self was so on board with it until the last part echoed in his head, causing him to conclude that the brunet only wanted aftercare. And when he thought about Dazai being this gullible and vulnerable in front of other people? No. His younger self couldn't stand the thought of Dazai being exploited. He had to protect him with everything he had.

It wasn't enough though. He should've known that the other was forced to sleep with strangers to gain information.

Chuuya failed him.

_____

"That's the third time you fell asleep in the last five minutes," Chuuya whispered and Dazai's younger self was just mumbling something, tightening his grip around the older teen. "We should sleep."

"Don't wanna," his younger self growled and snuggled closer in protest. They were half lying on the couch now, his younger self still somewhat on top of Chuuya but tilted sideways to watch the Netflix series the other selected.

"Come on, let's go to sleep."

"No."

"You're tired."

"Noooo."

"Yes, you are."

"Nooooooo." A long sigh left Chuuya's mouth and he stayed quiet for a few seconds.

"We could continue to cuddle in my bed?" the older teen suggested, hoping that it would get Dazai's attention.

"Okay," Dazai's younger self didn't move an inch.

"You have to stand up."

"Don't wanna."

"What, you want me to carry you?" And Chuuya was just mocking him, although his younger self perked up at that, tilting Chuuya's head with a hand on his cheek.

"Please?" And Chuuya looked at Dazai's face and then grumbled a breathless fuck.

"Only because I was dumb enough to suggest it in the first place!" the older teen clarified and then he stood up. The younger teen was already stretching his arms in Chuuya's direction, who sighed one last time before he gave Dazai's younger self a piggy ride.

"You're so waaaarm," his younger self said with a smile on his lips as he slung his arms around Chuuya's neck to snuggle into the hold. Seriously, could his younger self stop clinging to Chuuya for like five minutes? This was so embarrassing.

"And you're rather cold," Chuuya answered and his younger self immediately pulled his arms away. "Move your arms back, idiot. Didn't say I hate it." It was so unfair how soft Chuuya could sound when Dazai couldn't even remember it and...was there a light blush on the teen's face or was it just the light flashing from the TV?

It was a short piggy ride to Chuuya's bedroom, so it wasn't long until the older teen carefully put his already half-asleep younger self on the soft mattress. And while his younger self dozed off, Chuuya moved through the room and disappeared through the door. Real Dazai followed him into the kitchen. Chibi took a water bottle out of the fridge and then walked into the bathroom to open the little cabinet to pull out a pill for a headache, he also turned the TV off. He then came back to the bedroom and placed the bottle and the pill on the little nightstand closest to Dazai's sleeping self. Chuuya let out a sigh and then walked to his wardrobe to switch out his shirt for a sleeping shirt. Dazai turned his head away. His younger self slept through seeing Chuuya shirtless and real Dazai would feel so creepy if he were watching the teen right now. If twenty-two-year-old Chuuya were switching shirts in front of him, it would be a completely different story. In that case, Dazai would probably stare shamelessly at the redhead. But not like this. Not when he was stuck in the other's memories with a younger Chuuya. So he just stared off to the side until the rustling sounds of clothes stopped and Chuuya stepped away from the closet. Chibi was wearing a shirt that used to be black a long time ago but now it's a washed-out grayish color. It was long enough to hide the red boxers he was wearing. The fabric was only visible when the shirt rode up a bit when he moved like he did now. The older teen was stepping towards the bed where Dazai's younger self was sleeping.

"You should at least get under the blanket, you know?" Quiet shallow breathing was Chuuya's answer. The teen moved on the bed but even the dipping of the mattress didn't wake his younger self. Normally, he wasn't such a heavy sleeper. Chuuya was now hovering over him, looking at him and then he sighed. "At least lose the jacket, idiot." No reaction. So Chuuya took it into his own hands and moved to remove the black fabric. And Dazai couldn't help but think of all the times he dreamed of Chuuya being this close, leaning over him, and he couldn't help that his thoughts wander a bit. Right as Chuuya touched his shoulder, his younger self steered awake.

"Are we havin' sex, yet?"

...

Okay, maybe awake wasn't the right word for whatever state his younger self was in. He lazily blinked up at Chuuya, eyes more closed than open as he tried to grasp what was happening (and failed miserably). A slight chuckle reached Dazai's ear and it was a beautiful sound.

"Trust me: You wouldn't fall asleep while having sex with me," is what Chuuya said teasingly, his voice was so low and Dazai couldn't help the scenarios flickering in front of his eyes of Chuuya and how he would- he shook his head to get his mind out of the gutter. Those words were addressed to his younger self, not to him. Said younger self didn't seem to register what Chuuya said and started to doze off again. "Hey, stay awake."

"Mhmmmm, whyyy? You said we should sleep, so why aren't you sleepin'?"

"Because you're on top of the blankets and still in your uncomfortable work clothes. Don't you want to change?" Chuuya didn't await an answer, he just walked to his closet and pulled out a dark grey baggy sweatpants. Dazai remembered that one. It was the one Chuuya usually lent him. The fabric was so soft, it was a dream come true.

"Your clothes are too small for-" His younger self got interrupted by Chuuya throwing the pants and the t-shirt on his face. "That was so rude." His voice was muffled by the fabric of the cloth.

"Look who's talking. Also, you're like five centimeters taller than me, so don't be so smug about it, bastard!"

"I just think it's funny that-"

"I don't want to hear it! Just change your clothes and shut up already!" Dazai's younger self giggled and sat up, pulling the clothes Chuuya threw at him off his face. He was inspecting them and his joyful mood faded as he stared at the t-shirt.

"Don't you have something...longer?" And his younger self didn't have to say anything else. He didn't have to explain why he was asking for something longer. Chuuya was already searching through his closet and this time, he didn't throw the clothing piece at his younger self. He moved towards him and gently handed him a brown hoodie and real Dazai recognized it immediately. It was the hoodie Chuuya usually lent him when he was staying over. It was a bit short on him, showing off a bit of his bandaged stomach when he moved too much, but it did manage to fully cover his arms, thankfully. If Dazai remembered correctly, Albatross once handed the hoodie to Chuuya, saying it would fit him perfectly, just for Chuuya to throw a tantrum about the words that were printed on it, proving Albatross right by doing so. In bold white letters, the hoodie suggested that Maybe swearing will help and it was a perfect match for Chuuya and his bad mouth. It was also a very comfortable piece of clothing.

Satisfied with the long-sleeved hoodie, his younger self stood up and started to change. In front of Chuuya. Great. The younger teen loosened his tie before getting rid of the jacket, letting it fall to the ground carelessly. He yawned a bit and stretched himself, causing his white shirt to rid up. Ugh. He's looking like a mess and Chuuya just stared at him for a few seconds and- oh, he turned around. Real Dazai's heart beat faster. It was stupid. Chibi was just being a decent person. It was nothing real Dazai should be moved by, and yet he was. That probably said a lot about his shitty experiences with other people, doesn't it? Chuuya respecting Dazai's privacy when he's too stupid and high to do so himself was more meaningful to him than it should be.

"It's a bit small~" His younger self teased and Chuuya immediately swirled around, a defensive slur already on his tongue, but then he just didn't say anything. He looked at the younger teen, weirdly quiet about it.

"Whatever," was the weak reply that tumbled out of Chuuya's mouth, "let's sleep." Dazai moved under the blankets and Chuuya switched off the light, carefully walking towards the bed. As soon as the older teen was under the blanket, he reached out and pulled Dazai's younger self gently closer. Dazai just cuddled into Chuuya's hold. They both fell asleep within seconds.

_____

Chuuya was glad that he finally got to see what was happening again, instead of just hearing the younger teen's thoughts. He stood in his old bedroom, gazing at their younger selves who were cuddling under the fluffy blanket. Dazai was lying on his back and Chuuya's younger self was lying on his side, head resting on top of brown hair. An arm slung over Dazai's torso and his hand held his shoulder to pull him closer if needed. His legs probably tangled up with Dazai's or were simply placed on top of him. The younger teen was slowly waking up, eyes blinking against the light that made it through the curtains. As soon as his sleepy mind realized someone was holding him, he froze, his muscles turning tense. Did I stay after a one-night stand? was the first thought that came to his tiered mind and the possibility terrified Dazai. He was wide awake now, trying to remember what the fuck happened only for his mind to be blank. And then his mind got loud. Unbearingly so. Chuuya tried to cover his ears but it was useless. The panicked thoughts still reached him just as loud. The younger teen started breathing heavier now, tears in his eyes but then he remembered one thing: He had edibles with Chuuya. Dazai calmed down a bit, getting his breathing under control again. He was still confused and so afraid of how they ended up here and why Chuuya was hugging him.

Dazai thought it was best to get away from Chuuya at the time, hoping his memory would boot up later, so he started to wiggle his way out of the hug. But Chuuya's sleeping younger self tightened his grip and mumbled something, causing Dazai to hold his breath. Did I wake him? Dazai held his breath and was waiting for some reaction. But nothing happened. He continued to slither out of Chuuya's grip, slower and more carefully now. And he did manage to get out of the hold without waking the older teen. He crawled out of the bed, movements slow, and then he tiptoed his way to the door. Something was lying on the floor, making the teen trip a bit. Dazai looked down but saw nothing in the rather dark room. So he just continued to maneuver his way through the dark apartment carefully closing the apartment door behind him. A sigh left his lips as he stood in the hallway. He moved away from the door, towards the exit of the apartment complex, the motion detector lights jumping to life with a 'click'. Dazai reached into the pocket of his jeans and stopped in his tracks. He looked down at himself. Those aren't my clothes was the very observant thought running through the other's head. And then he remembered tripping on something, his mind picturing the moment again, the thing he tripped on were his own clothes. And in his clothes was his stupid smartphone. He thought about breaking into the apartment but that would wake Chuuya up and then Dazai would have to explain why he was breaking in in the first place. That would mean admitting that he didn't remember anything about the previous night. Dazai didn't want to admit anything. His memory was the only thing he could count on. It was the only thing he liked about himself and hearing those thoughts made real Chuuya fucking sad.

Dazai left the building and moved through the streets, arms hugging himself. The outfit change did horrify him and he felt not safe walking around without his usual attire. He walked for a bit and then saw a telephone booth. He stopped in his tracks and walked towards the pay phone. Inside the booth, he checked the change slot for money and he did find a few coins in there some poor soul had forgotten. He took the phone, pushed the coins through the slot, and dialed a number. It took a bit until a voice greeted Dazai with a wary 'hello?'

"Hey, Odasaku it's me. Got no time to explain -I'm on a payphone- but meet me at eight in front of Lupin. Oh, and bring Ango, it's an emergency!" He hung up after saying that, leaving no room for objections.

_____

It was dark apart from the streak of light shining through the curtains. It was around eight, maybe? Hard to tell, but it had to be since Dazai's younger self already left, leaving his stupid clothes on the floor like an idiot. Real Dazai still couldn't comprehend everything that happened during their weed session. Luckily Chuuya steered awake, stopping Dazai's thoughts to loop back to all the shit his younger self spit.

"Dazai?" Chuuya asked into the dark, voice sounding sleepy. After not receiving an answer, he padded the mattress around him in the hope of finding Dazai but he just realized the bed was empty and cold already. That had Chuuya sitting up. "Dazai?" He repeated, but louder this time. No reply. How could there be? His younger self left. Now the older teen was leaving his bed, walking outside of the room. He switched the lights of his apartment on but still couldn't find the younger teen. There was only one option left and Chuuya looked somewhat scared(?) as he approached the last room he hadn't checked.

"Dazai? Are you in there?" His voice was as hesitant as his knocks against the door were. He waited a few seconds. "I'm coming in." He opened the door slowly and then took a deep breath before he switched on the light. It was empty. Obviously. Chuuya let out a breath of relief. He shook his head while mumbling curses to himself for being worried about 'that bastard's suicidal tendencies'. Oh. That explained the scared expression. Chuuya did remember everything about their weed session and right now he thought that Dazai's younger self did too. And Chuuya knew him very well, knew that he was terrible at coping with stuff he deemed embarrassing. Dazai jumped into a river for far less before. But, he would never end his life in the other's bathroom, though Dazai had to admit it was a reasonable fear on Chuuya's side.

The older teen was now moving back into his bedroom, switched on the lights, and froze. His eyes were focused on the black lump of clothes that Dazai's younger self left behind.

"What the fuck," Chuuya sounded so confused. "Why would he leave his-" He stopped, eyes going wide and real Dazai blinked, and suddenly the older teen was on the bed, stretching himself to reach his smartphone on the nightstand. He unlocked it and called someone, jumping to his feet again.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," Chuuya was walking up and down, his words sounding like a plea, with every second he got more nervous but then a voice sounded through the room.

"Hello? I wish I was a little bit taller..." and then it was just an upbeat melody. Right. Dazai personalized Chuuya's ringtone. He spent hours editing that song so all that's left are the lines that were connected to height or a car because Chuuya's obsessed with both. It was the perfect ringtone until Chuuya caught wind of it. Chibi made him change it. Which is ridiculous since the other's ringtone for Dazai went like this: Now shut your dirty mouth//If I could burn this town//I wouldn't hesitate//To smile while you suffocate and die//And that would be just fine//And what a lovely time//That it would surely be//So bite your tongue//And choke yourself to sleep And when Dazai criticized the refrain Chuuya chose as notification the older teen said that he shouldn't be whining about it. So yeah. Chuuya really had no right to change the song in the first place. It was a masterpiece.

While real Dazai was lost in his thoughts for a while, Chuuya realized that the melody came from the pile of clothes. So he sat on the floor and searched the pockets of the black coat and pants. I wish I was like 6-foot-9 sounded out the speakers of the cell phone right as Chuuya pulled it out of the fabric. On the display it read Slug and the picture on the profile icon showed one of the dog paintings Dazai did. Chuuya declined the call and the room fell silent once more. It was eerie and the silence was almost suffocating while the teen stared at the phone, probably a million thoughts running through his head. But all Dazai got was silence. It sucked. Suddenly Chuuya jumped up, he seemed so out of it as he ripped open his closet, pulled a jeans out, and rushed to put it on. His own phone and Dazai's are in his pockets. Then he ran to the apartment door, grabbed his keys, and slammed the door. Real Dazai was simply pulled along by the ability. He didn't have to move much to stay close to Chuuya. It didn't take long till he was standing next to the teen, who ran up the stairs and ended up on the roof of the apartment complex. He tapped his foot on the ground and catapulted himself up in the air, the flow of Tainted surrounding him. Bird view. Was Chuuya looking for him? Whatever the older teen was looking for, he found it, moving too fast for Dazai, the wind hurting his eyes, causing him to close them on instinct.

When Dazai opened them again, he was standing in front of a river. And it wasn't just some river, it was the closest to Chuuya's apartment. Oh. The tiny mafioso was hovering over the water, focused on all the movements the water made, trying to find one that was unnatural. Chuuya was looking for him.

Shit. Now Dazai felt terrible for not leaving a message, but he was terrified back then, okay? But he was really grateful that Odasaku and Ango forced him to text the teen. Right as Chuuya wanted to move to the next river, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, read the message that popped up, and let out a breath. And Dazai hadn't realized how tense the other was until the huff of air left his body and his features slagged in relief. It didn't take long though, for the older to frown, eyebrows pulled together in anger.

"I'll kill that bastard for worrying me like that."

_____

"Eh...nice outfit? " Oda greeted the teen who was pressing himself against the closed door to Lupin, trying to remain unseen. God, Dazai was so uncomfortable wearing those clothes outside. But brown really suited him. There was a reason why Chuuya always had the hoodie ready for Dazai to wear when he was over. It looked so fucking good on him and the teen seemed comfortable in Chuuya's apartment with it. The brown complimented his eyes just right, making them pop and when Dazai moved his arms, the fabric would ride up, showing a bit of bandaged stomach and Chuuya was only a teenager back then, okay? The tiny spots of skin peeking through bandages were so alluring. It was confusing him a bit when he was still seventeen, but at eighteen, he completely understood why his eyes were glued to it. The younger teen looked hot in anything. It should be a crime and Chuuya would volunteer as a law enforcement officer if he then gets to- okay, stop. He should concentrate on the memory and get his mind out of the fucking gutter.

"Please don't tell me I skipped breakfast for a clothing emergency." The bureaucrat added, already sounding exasperated, a hand massaging his temple.

"I messed up," the words were spoken fast, stumbling over each other, it was hard to tell where one word started and the other ended and it was getting worse with every syllable that left Dazai's mouth. "I can't remember what happened and I just woke up like this and I left my phone and I just left and I can't remember anything, what if I did something stupid and-"

"Easy," Oda's voice was calm as he got closer to Dazai, soothingly moving his hand through brown hair, and carefully undoing the knots in it. "How about we go into a café and eat breakfast, hm? And then you can tell us everything in order. Everything is going to be okay." But Dazai shook his head, his mind stuck on café because that meant staying outside in clothes that didn't fit right, and hugged himself awkwardly, causing the fabric to ride up and he pulled it down with one hand, while the other was still over his torso. He looked miserable. But then there was a coat held in front of his face. To Chuuya's surprise, it wasn't Oda who took off his coat to offer it to the teen. It was the bureaucrat.

"Just wear my jacket for now and then we go to my place if you want. I can make us hot chocolate and get all those sugary pastries you like," and wow, Chuuya hated to admit it but he despised the guy a tiny teeny bit less than before. And Dazai immediately put on the coat. The coat was a dark brown and didn't look bad on the teen if Chuuya was being honest. "Are you feeling a bit better with the coat?" Dazai nodded and Glasses Guy smiled.

"Let's get a cab to your place, less walking through the city that way," Oda suggested and the other two agreed.

_____

It was a very short drive, not even ten minutes and they were already walking into the other's apartment. Chuuya snickered a bit as he looked at the tidy kitchen remembering the chaos Dazai created there. Glasses Guy was sending Oda away to get pastries from a bakery close by. Dazai was just taking the coat and his shoes off.

"I can give you a bigger hoodie if you want," the bureaucrat offered, still so gentle with the teen. Dazai shook his head. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It's actually quite comfy and it's Chuuya's, so I like it...I just didn't like being outside in it." The teen admitted sheepishly, while he moved past his older friend to open a cupboard. What. Was Chuuya hallucinating? Was Dazai helping to set the table?

"So the emergency is about Chuuya?"

The teen froze in his movement for a second, before he grabbed the plates to place them onto the dining table. He took his time setting the table, not answering the question while he was fixed on his task. Now the two of them were waiting for Oda, sitting at the table in silence until Dazai decided to break it.

"It's more about what my stupid past self did." And wasn't that sentence just a current mood for real Chuuya?

"What did you do then?"

"I don't know, that's the problem." Glasses Guy looked at Dazai, waiting for him to continue. "I did something Odasaku told me not to do and I don't even remember what happened!"

"Okay, we should talk about this when Oda is back, Dazai."

"But what if he's going to be angry at me?" God, Dazai sounded so meek, it was kinda of scary to Chuuya. The bureaucrat also seemed to be taken aback. He needed a few seconds to come up with a response.

"It's Oda, he's not gonna be angry," he reassured with a smile. Then the two just waited for their friend to get back. It didn't take long until they all were seated around the table, enjoying the pastries. They had decided to eat before they would talk about whatever was on Dazai's mind. Dazai even ate two, which was a lot for the teen. When they all were done with breakfast, Dazai helped to clear the table, but it wasn't out of the kindness in his heart, it was to stall the talk. His older friends let it happen for a while and as the table was clean, they sat down again. Glasses Guy placed a big mug of hot chocolate in front of Dazai and the teen started to retell anything he could remember between sips of the drink his hands constantly held onto, warming his fingers slightly even as the mug was already empty. The teen really told his friends everything he remembered which included his impression of a cat and his ears were burning red when he got to that part. Both adults just listened to him, laughing a bit from time to time when Dazai got melodramatic about the things he said. They gently teased him, especially about the cat part. And it didn't take that long for Dazai to reach the end of his memories of the night, but before he got to the part where he freaked out, he stopped and looked at Oda.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, sounding like a kicked puppy. The older male looked at Dazai for a bit and the brunet took that as a sign to nervously start to ramble. "Look, I know you told me not to and you're right: it was bad, but like how was I supposed to say 'no' to Chuuya? Like that's impossible, he was so excited about it! And before you say anything I tried, okay? I told him 'I'm not interested in smoking' but then he suggested that he'd bake brownies? There's just no way in hell anyone could resist Chuuya's cooking, so it's really not my fault at all to-" He got interrupted by laughter. Dazai looked at the man with a mixture of irritation and utter betrayal.

"Sorry, sorry," Oda coughed out between laughs that shook his body. "I'm not mad," he managed to say, hands holding his stomach in an attempt to stop the laughter. But it didn't stop and now he infected the bureaucrat with it. They both laughed and Dazai was getting more annoyed with every second that passed.

"Are you done yet?" The younger teen spat, and that did help the other two to calm down a bit.

"Sorry, it's just," the laughter was still in Oda's voice. "Why would I be mad at you for that? I advised you to not do that, yes. But it's good for you to make your own mistakes. So you don't need to defend the decision you made that badly, you know? It's alright."

"It is?" Dazai was relieved but also so confused.

"I mean it's not optimal and I did warn you," Oda pointed out with amusement, "but yeah it's alright. You made your own experience and learned from it. Didn't you?" Dazai nodded, looking spooked.

"I will never get high with Chuuya again," he said, and then sheepishly added, "that's not everything though. I left something out."

"Right, you didn't explain your new style yet," Glasses Guy pointed out. "Why are you wearing Chuuya's clothes?"

"Those are Chuuya's clothes?" Oda sounded surprised. Right, he wasn't there when Dazai declined the clothes the bureaucrat offered him.

"Yeah, ehm, I don't know how or when or why he gave me clothes, but, eh, I woke up like this in his ridiculously huge bed with his arms around me and that's strange because like we never-"

"Stop, hold up," Glasses Guy interrupted him, holding his hand up to stop the other from saying anything else. "You woke up in his arms," Dazai nodded, "so why are you here?" That's a good question.

"I couldn't remember why we ended up like that!"

"So you ran away."

"I didn't run away!" Dazai defended himself weakly, trying to make his action seem more logical, "I panicked and just...decided it would be best to... not be there anymore? It was a strategic retreat!"

"Mhm, what did Chuuya say to your 'strategic retreat'?" The bureaucrat made air quotes around Dazai's chosen coping mechanism, clearly not impressed by the younger's explanation. Dazai kept quiet, his gaze not meeting either of his friends. And that was enough of an answer. "No, you didn't." Silence. "Dazai!"

"What was I supposed to do?" The teen questioned, the stress of the morning hitting him again. "Wake him up? Admit that I didn't have any clue how we ended up cuddling on his bed and ask him what happened so I can recreate it whenever I want?!"

"Yeah, kinda," Oda joined the conversation once more. "Maybe not that wording but yeah, if you want to know what happened you have to talk to him. There's no way around that."

"Say, did you leave a note or a text or something?" Glasses Guy suddenly asked, seemingly lost in thoughts, a concentrated expression on his face.

"No? Why should I?"

"Mhm, okay let me paint you a picture: Chuuya will wake up," the bureaucrat glanced at the clock, "maybe he already woke up just to realize that you left. Not a big deal, you probably sneak out all the time to get away from work. But then he sees that you left your clothes in his room. He checks his phone, no message, he tries to call only to hear whatever ringtone you have for him to play inside his own apartment. Do you see the problem?" Dazai shook his head in a slow motion. He really didn't understand where his friend was going with this.

"It's you," Oda supplied, leaving the brunet even more confused. "You and your tendencies to...you know," he provided and Dazai's mouth formed an oh shape. The red-haired man pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it to the teen. "Text him. Let him know you're alright."

"Okay," Dazai said and typed something, thumbs moving over the display just to stop midair. "Do you think hey as a way to start the text is okay?" Both men nodded at the question and waited for a while. "Done: Hey, had to go, nothing happened, everything is fine"

"Everything is fine? Why would you write that?"

"Ango said I might have worried him so I just want to tell him that everything is fine! What's so wrong about that?!"

"It sounds like you're bleeding out in a ditch somewhere!" Glasses Guy accused and he wasn't wrong. Dazai's eyebrows pulled together in annoyance as he deleted what he typed, quietly pouting as he started to write a new one.

"Okay, how about this: Hey, had to go, no need to worry, I'm alive"

"That's...a bit better I suppose?"

"Well, what else should I write, Odasaku?!"

"Just give me the phone before you end up typing a suicide note!" And before Dazai could say anything to that, Government Guy ripped the phone out of his hands.

"Hey!" Dazai tried to get it back but the bureaucrat moved away while typing a message, and Oda just watched the chaos amused, just like Chuuya did. Dazai's friends were right though, everything the younger teen typed so far would've worried him more.

"Here: Hey, I just realized I left my phone at your place. I'm going to pick it up later. Sorry for leaving in such a rush." The bureaucrat read aloud and Oda tilted his head a bit.

"Yeah, now you just have to put that into your own wording, Dazai," Oda suggested and Glasses Guy handed Dazai the phone, who typed away on it. A few moments later he read it out loud:

"Hey, just realized I left my stuff at urs, so I'll come over later," his friends nodded along so Dazai sent it, adding oh I'm with Oda btw, texting from his phone to the first text.

"Perfect, now you need to head over there," Glasses Guy stood up and called a taxi while Dazai was getting nervous again. I still have no clue what happened. How am I supposed to face Chuuya? Not the way the younger teen did face him, that's for sure. Dazai should've just rang the bell and waited for Chuuya to let him in but for whatever reason, he decided it was best to break in. Seriously, for someone so smart, Dazai did the dumbest shit. And apart from that, the message he did send right after that left a bitter taste in Chuuya's younger self. It was like a punch in the guts for him. Dazai slept in his bed and ran to his real friends the second he was awake. God, his younger self felt so fucking dumb that he was worried about the teen. But the worst part was that he would do everything again, he would cuddle with the teen, would let him sleep in his arms just for the other to run away in the morning and that realization made him so fucking angry. And when Dazai decided to be a little shit and break into his apartment, he was ready to throw the teen out, ready to distance himself so he wouldn't cave in when the younger teen would play him like that (and he knew it wouldn't work). And luckily, he didn't even had to pretend that it worked for long because-

"It's gonna be fine, just be honest with the kid," Oda said, sensing the distress the teen emitted and ruffled his hair a bit.

-Dazai told him the truth back then. Explained his inner world a bit and how could Chuuya's younger self not forgive him? He hated it but he was never able to hate the brunet for all the shit he pulled, even though he wished he could. That would've spared him a lot of heartbreak, but it also would've ruined his chance because as soon as this stupid ability thingy was over Chuuya was gonna take the other out on a date, hopefully ending in both of them being able to call the other 'boyfriend'. God, just thinking about it made Chuuya joyfully anxious. They were going to get there.

_____

Real Dazai stood in Chuuya's apartment once more. The teen was preparing his breakfast. The first thing he did was shower and Dazai was so glad that the ability didn't force him to be in the same room. He just saw Chibi gathering his clothes and lazed on the couch till the other returned with damp hair in fresh clothes. His phone and Dazai's old phone were pocketed in his black jeans. Chuuya turned off the stove and put his food on a plate as weird noises reached his ear. He placed the plate on the table, eyebrows drawn together in confusion as he tried to triangulate where the noise came from. He located the source of the noise, eyes narrowed as he slowly moved towards the door, using his ability to hover a bit over the floor and listened. In hindsight, breaking in wasn't that good of a plan in the first place, but Dazai thought that he would feel more at ease if he faced the other teen in his own clothes, so yeah, seemed like a good idea at the time. Chuuya's face morphed into anger. Chibi knew there was only one person who was crazy enough to break into a mafia-owned apartment. So he just waited for Dazai's younger self to pick the lock, which didn't take that long for the door to slightly open, his younger self getting up on his feet again, the sigh of relief audible to Chuuya now.

His younger self fully opened the door and the joyful expression immediately was exchanged for a shocked one. Chuuya was standing in front of him, arms crossed, Tainted dangerously glowing around him and his expression was one of pure wrath.

"Did you manage to break your lock-picking-record?" Chuuya growled, the rage in his voice so audible that his younger self did the only logical thing: retreat.

"Ahaha ha, I'm just gonna leave as quick as I-" he faked a laugh badly and tried to close the door but Chuuya didn't let him, he grabbed his arm and hauled him into his apartment slamming the door shut.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" The smaller teen snapped and his younger self was still stumbling, trying to gain his balance. Chuuya didn't wait for him to do so, he just continued to raise his voice and for such a small body, he could be so fucking loud. Dazai would rather stand near a plane taking off, damaging his ears irreversibly than have Chuuya scream at him. "First you just leave without a fucking word and then you break in? You just wanted to get your shit and leave. Was last night just a sick joke to you? Did you just act like that to see how I would react to make fun of me for it? Because that's a fucking new low, even for you!"

"Let me explain-"

"Oh, you explained enough," he pulled out his phone, showing the last text message his younger self wrote, and held it in Dazai's face. "You'd rather spend your time with Oda than me, abandoning me even after- I just can't believe I was stupid enough to buy your acting."

"I don't remember anything that happened!" His younger self raised his voice as well just to make sure that the other didn't talk over him again. And it worked, the smaller teen looked at him, but then his expression morphed, he looked so tired all of a sudden, so defeated. It didn't suit Chuuya at all.

"Just take your stuff and go, no need to lie. You clearly don't want to spend time with me, message received," and Chuuya saying that hit Dazai's younger self harder than any punch the older teen could ever deliver.

"No, I don't want to go!" His younger self stated but Chuuya just pushed the clothes against his chest since his younger self refused to take them. The older teen had folded them neatly and put them on the table. His younger self was shaking his head, taking a step back from Chuuya, farther away from the apartment door. "I was scared!" And the sound of his voice was rough. It was the first time he ever admitted to being scared in front of Chuuya and that stopped the older teen in his attempt to force Dazai to take his clothes back. He put the clothes back on the table, pulled a chair out, and sat down. He used his head to weakly point at the empty chair, wordlessly telling Dazai to take a seat. His younger self did, feeling so fucking nervous.

"Why were you scared?" It's a simple question. Yet, his younger self was stunned by it. Talking about feelings was scary in itself. Especially with Chuuya: What if he said something that made it obvious he was hopelessly in love with the older teen? So, his younger self opened his mouth just to close it without saying anything, repeating that process until Chuuya couldn't stand it anymore. "Just spit it out!"

"I woke up and I didn't remember where I was and how I got there and someone was holding me and I freaked out because I never wake up with arms around me!" And now Dazai finally knew that he didn't imagine Chuuya's expression getting softer. It really happened. The older teen was drawing lines between the dots of information his younger self gave him, connecting them, and pulling the right conclusion. Chuuya was still pissed though. "But then I remember I was at your place and that made me calm down until I tried to remember what happened just for my mind to fail me and I thought that maybe my memory would return over the day but it didn't." Chuuya hummed in a low tone, showing that he wasn't buying the 'no memory' explanation.

"So, you don't remember anything at all?" He asked, placing his elbow on the table to rest his chin on his hand, fingers curled in front of his mouth. Dazai's younger self nodded. "Mhm, that means you don't remember meowing?" There was a pause, rather long.

"No," his younger self lied and it was the weakest lie he ever pulled.

"You hesitated," Chibi pointed his bluff out.

"It's a rather weird question."

"Mhm," Chuuya narrowed his eyes, trying to look into his fucking soul. They were both silent for a minute or so. Chibi probably planned his little blackmail bluff at that exact moment. The older teen knew that there were only two main reaction paths for Dazai: call the bluff and therefore, admit that he remembered or buy it. It was a win-win situation for the teen. "Isn't that interesting?"

"The question?" Chuuya grinned at his confusion, barely hiding his amusement behind his curled-up fingers.

"No, I mean that I know something you don't."

_____

Chuuya felt so powerful at that moment. Seeing Dazai's facial expression wiped off his face, stunned and surprised by what was happening. Chuuya's younger self was just milking the irritation that Dazai radiated right then. It was his revenge for Dazai's 'strategic retreat', alright? He was allowed to have a bit of fun on Dazai's costs after the stunt he pulled. Also, he was just confirming if Dazai was being honest about the don't remember thing. After hearing why Dazai fled to Oda, his younger self wasn't as angry anymore. How could he? He did just learn how fucking touch-starved the younger teen was and through this ability, he learned that it was far more than that.

"What are you saying?" Dazai regained control over his emotions again, and with it, the brunet across from the older teen was switching to his serious demon prodigy persona and Chuuya's younger self recognized the switch in Dazai's behavior as what it was: a last resort. He really didn't remember, otherwise he would've just laughed it off.

"I'm saying that I'm gonna have lots of fun with this," and then his younger self remembered something very important: If Dazai couldn't remember anything, he also couldn't remember the promise he made, turning it invalid. But the older teen knew that he could make Dazai promise again if he just played his cards right. "Seems like you're my dog now." Dazai's mimic darkened.

"Dream on."

"Oh, you know I don't dream. I don't even have to in this situation." Chuuya was not going to lie: The feeling of finally being able to be one step ahead of Dazai was amazing. "As I see it, you have no other choice if you want to know what happened," he just needed to be careful while sorting his cards, he couldn't make the stakes too high or else Dazai was going to figure out that he had nothing. And Chuuya had nothing. The things Dazai did while being high were nothing he would ever hold against him. Chuuya usually did want to one-up the other, but not like this. He just wanted to make Dazai promise something again and he would downplay what happened, knowing that the other teen would end up in a river somewhere if he didn't.

"Then I just won't. That's a choice I can make," Dazai countered and Chuuya knew that it pissed him off, knew that he wanted to know every little detail. Mhm, he needed to step it up a notch. His hand was good after all, he could afford to bluff a little more, just enough to make Dazai fold his cards.

"Sure, but that won't delete the videos I made," he stated, trying to sound casual about it. It worked. Dazai stared at him, eyes narrowed.

"Show me the videos." Ha, Dazai was doubting him. Fair, he didn't have a video after all.

"So you can delete them off my phone? Yeah, I don't think so," Chuuya remembered how fun it was to debate with Dazai this way. And hearing his thoughts was amazing. The way the brunet analyzed him and tried to look for his tells was so infuriating because he could read him so insanely good but it was also amazing. Just like the plans he came up with. Just like the plans he comes up with. God, especially their last spiel with that Russian guy was so fucking meta and insane. And it fucking worked because it was just intuitive how he and Dazai work together and no one stands a chance against them. Chuuya covered Dazai's weakness and Dazai made the plan. God, was Dazai good at plans. The way he just played a game of chess with his opponents but was always so many turns ahead, almost the entire game, it was so fucking hot and- Real Chuuya hesitated a bit after that thought.

Did he have a thing for smart people? Was that why he always argued with Dazai? No. That couldn't be. That wasn't a real thing. Or was it? Wait no, the other detective was really smart and Chuuya didn't like him and even though he hated to admit it (especially after he just gained the knowledge of what Dazai had to do to gather information) Mori was also smart as hell but Chuuya wasn't in awe by it. So, maybe he just liked it when Dazai was smart? Maybe it was just a form of being proud? Something along the lines of 'Yeah, that's my partner and he just outplayed you stupid idiots!' and that thought made sense. Even though they grew closer over the years they never reached that stage of pure honesty (if they would've reached it they would've talked about their stupid feelings, but they were chicken shits). They didn't say that they were proud of each other or stuff like that. Sure, they did give some emotional support, like comforting the other or simply being there when the other was feeling low but that wasn't the same as actual words of affirmation. The closest they ever came to that were probably the talks about Arahabaki and the one about aftercare.

"You don't have videos. You're bluffing," the younger teen concluded, ripping Real Chuuya out of his thoughts. The brunet was right in his assumption, but that meant Chuuya had to simply raise the states a bit.

"Oh well, if you think so, then you won't have a problem if I send them around in the Port Mafia. They don't even exist after all, right?" It was a dangerous bluff because the stake he created was too high, causing Dazai's mind to kick into hyper-mode (over)thinking everything. But that was exactly what Chuuya wanted to happen. Now, he could lessen the blow himself, so Dazai couldn't resist the offer. "But I can just tell you what happened, you know? You have to promise me something in exchange."

"Interesting," the younger teen replied, a smile on his lips, "if you're so willing to trade videos over a promise, then the videos can't be that bad."

"That might be the case, but are you willing to take that risk?" There was a pause, a few seconds ticked by and Dazai's brain was working out every possible outcome, just to sigh.

"No." Chuuya's younger self was trying his best to keep his poker face up. Dazai could still change his mind, so he had to be careful.

"Great. All you need to promise me is that you never get high with anyone but me." Real Chuuya grinned because there was one main difference between high and sober Dazai: his critical thinking.

"Why?" Was his immediate question and the younger teen tried to hide it but he was confused about it. He was expecting something else like 'stop making height jokes' and stuff like that, not this.

"Why not?"

"Answer my question or I won't promise anything."

"Fine by me, then I will just send the videos around." His younger self smiled and Dazai tried to kill him with his gaze. The brunet hated not knowing the conditions and to be fair, under other circumstances Chuuya wouldn't force him like this. A forced promise meant nothing after all, but it was Dazai and there was no other way to wring that promise out of him again.

"I hate you," the younger teen said, voice cold but his thoughts told a different story. He was sorta impressed by Chuuya, not surprised though that the other created this ultimatum. Chibi is so smart and Chuuya felt warm. The younger adored him so much and was always seeing Chuuya as equal (even though his jokes told a different story).

"Lovely, now promise."

"Alright," Dazai cleared his throat and started to make a little show out of it. His movements were comically bigger than they would have to be as he placed one hand over his heart and lifted the other in the air, closing his eyes, to declare with fervor: "I hereby solemnly swear that I will only get high with Chuuya."

"Perfect." Dazai immediately moved his hands, laid them down on the table, and was quiet for three seconds.

"You don't have any videos."

"Nope." An agonized sigh left Dazai's mouth and Chuuya smiled.

"Well, keep your part and tell me what happened."

"Ah, nothing out of the ordinary," the lie left his mouth a bit too easy but it was probably because he was actually doing Dazai a favor here.

"Go on."

"We just watched movies. The only thing that might be remarkable is that we figured out you're a little touch-starved so we cuddled while watching movies. That's also why we were sleeping like that." His voice was casual and he shrugged his shoulders. Chuuya's younger self hoped that if he was calm about it, maybe Dazai would just be laid-back about it. It didn't work.

"How is that nothing out of the ordinary for you?!" Dazai was shocked by it, eyes wide as he stared at Chuuya. His whole body language was tense and his thoughts were too fast.

"Friends do that," at least the younger sheep did. Albatross' way of showing affection was also through proximity. He hugged them as a greeting and as a way to say goodbye, he used to wrap an arm around his friends' shoulders all the time, showing his connection through physical touch. Dazai's thoughts came to a halt. Big hopeful eyes looked into blue ones.

"You consider me a friend?" And the question was so carefully spoken, more like a whisper so Dazai could just pretend he said something else if Chuuya would say 'no'.

"Yeah? You're annoying as fuck but you're my closest friend," his younger self admitted just to look at the younger teen with a frown. "Don't you consider me a friend? I mean I'm not Oda but-"

"Of course you are!" You're so much more than that. Chuuya smiled. It was adorable that Dazai was so hyped about it. The joyful gleam in his eyes and the big smile on his lips were a beautiful sight. But it made sense: they usually didn't talk about stuff like that. They never said they were friends before even though they clearly checked all the boxes for it (they also checked all the silly boxes for crushing hard on each other). "And Oda is more like an older brother to me? Ango's the same, I mean they're my friends but- I mean you are- I-"

"I know what you're trying to say," Chuuya interrupted the younger teen with a gentle smile. "You want to stay? I just made breakfast."

"I already ate but how about I beat you in Mario Kart when you're done?"

"Ha, dream on!"

_____

Author's notes

Okay, so blacking out through weed is rather rare but Dazai isn't exactly healty and he drank whiskey before meeting with Chuuya so yeah, I think it could be possible for him to just be that out of it.

The song I linked to at the beginning of the chapter is "Nightmares" by easy life. I listend to that song while writing the weed scene ^^

Speaking of songs here are the ringontes Dazai and Chuuya have:

"Choke" by I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THE FOUND ME

"I wish" by Skee-Lo

I just thought Dazai is totally the kind of guy who'd spend hours editing a song just to annoy someone, so yeah he edited 'I wish' because he loves to make fun of Chuuya's height and because I think it's funny af hahaha

Is anyone interesed in how Chuuya's apartment looks like in this ff? Cause I actually designed it with a programm so I think I could link that video to Pinterest if someone wants to see it-

Puh, it took long to put all chapters on Wattpad, but I did it this is the latest chater at the moment :D