GABBY

Christmas, nine months later.

I'll both miss the snow and be glad to never see it again. Snow on Christmas is magic. The white that gathers on the windows outside, the flecks that fall among the twinkling lights, the fire place crackling inside while the tree glistens and the gifts sit wrapped beneath it. The entire experience is nostalgic and I can't imagine not having snow during the Christmas.

I lean over to Nathan on the sofa and whisper, "we have to come back for Christmas. I need a white Christmas."

He smiles, kissing me on the nose. "Whatever you want, baby."

Lydia and mom are in her kitchen decorating ginger bread men. Things with her and I have been good, though we did have a bit of a bad spell when I told her that Nathan, Lydia and I are moving to California in June.

She was devastated to hear that I was going to another state and taking her granddaughter with me. It wasn't the easiest decision to make. I'd miss mom and the friends I'd made here but this was something I wanted to do. Whether it was just for a little while or for a long time, I wasn't sure. But the need to broaden my horizons wasn't letting up.

Nathan is going into a new teaching job at a high school in Hermosa. We're going to be staying with Dallas and Drayton for a little while, just until we get on our feet. It's a huge change. Especially for Nathan who never saw himself leaving Castle Rock. I've asked him over and over again whether he's sure he wants to do this but he hasn't shown a hint of hesitation.

In fact, he seems excited about a new adventure. He can't stop talking about our future and what it has in store for us. He's not thrilled about living under the same roof as Dallas and Drayton but that'll just encourage us to get our own place faster. We both know that those two can't keep their hands off each other and it'll make for interesting living conditions.

I guess I know how that feels now. All I want to do is be alone with Nathan all the damn time. I can't get enough of him. Even now as he sits on the sofa, thighs spread, arm across the back of it, I just want to climb into his lap and ride him into next week.

I hit him in the thigh. "Sit differently."

"What?"

"Like, sit with your legs closed or something. Hunch over," I stare at the television and focus on the Christmas movie rather than the stud sitting beside me. "Be uglier."

In my peripheral vision I see him slowly sitting up straighter and bringing his legs in together. When I peep over at him, he's watching me with a perplexed look.

"Better?"

I sigh. "No. You're still hot as hell and I want to get out of here."

He laughs a deep rumbling laugh and scoops his arm around my lower back, dragging me onto his lap. I peer over at the kitchen entrance, I can't see mom or Lydia but I can hear them talking, accompanied by light laughter. Nathan's nose grazes the ridges of my neck, sliding up to the space behind my ear. He feathers my skin with kisses and his hand squeezes my thigh.

It's hard to believe that this time last year I was sitting in my small town house, waiting for Josh to come home, to tell me he'd made a mistake and wanted to be with his family on Christmas.

I watched my daughter open her gifts with tears blurring my vision. I pretended as though her questions about her father didn't tear my heart in half. Happiness was so far out of reach that I couldn't imagine ever experiencing it again.

This morning, I got to wake up beside someone who looks at me as though I'm his entire world. He sat with Lydia while she opened her presents and he took interest in all of it. Her joy was his and the best part, he'd helped me choose her gifts. He'd come with me to shop for them, he'd paid for several of them himself.

Josh used to find out what we got for Lydia on the morning she opened her presents. He was never interested in being involved.

I'd never known a partnership like Nathan offered me and it brought me to tears.

"Momma. Nathan?" Lydia calls from the kitchen, interrupting a heated kiss. Nathan doesn't object when I slide off his lap and take his hand, giving it a small tug so that he stands up.

It's better we go and see her before she comes and looks for us, because that's just what she'll do.

In the kitchen, the table is covered in parchment paper and ginger bread men. There are bowls of frosting and small candy to create buttons and faces. Lydia stands beside the table, licking pink frosting off the side of her hand.

"Look what we did," she points at a row of cookies with mutated faces and an uneven ratio of frosting to candies. Of course, there's only one way to respond to a child's hard work.

"Those look so good," I sidle up beside her, dropping Nathan's hand. "You've made such beautiful cookies."

"Incredible, kid. You're an artist." Nathan gives her knuckles and as usual, the sight of their closeness melts me into a puddle. This is what she deserves. She deserves a father who loves her and puts her before himself.

Mom smiles, holding a piping bag in one hand, her other is covered in sugar. It's nice to see that things didn't reach a breaking point between all of us. It could have. Mom isn't perfect. She still gives me side on stares when she doesn't approve of what I'm doing. But she bites her tongue, which is something. 

We're better at communicating our feelings if we've sound boarded them with someone first. Just to be sure our points are valid before the conversation reaches' its head. It saves us both the embarrassment of arguing if we end up being in the wrong.

Lydia looks at mom. "Can we eat one now?"

Mom flinches at her loud volume, a volume that comes so naturally to my excited little girl. "We have to wait for them to set sweetie. What else can we do while we wait? Should we do some coloring with one of your new books?"

"No, I want to build a snowman."

Mom doesn't share her enthusiasm for going out into the freezing cold, which is where Nathan steps in. He offers to take her outside while mom and I clean up the kitchen. I don't consider it an unfair trade off when we get to stay inside with the fire going.

As I fill up the sink with warm water and suds, I watch Nathan and Lydia through the kitchen window. Their smiles contagious. I love how Nathan knows Lydia has a take charge attitude and is more than willing to let her be the boss. She points at their snowman, instructing him on how to shape the body and looks like he couldn't be happier.

Lydia knows we're moving to California, she knows we'll be further away from Josh but she asks about him less.

When she had her birthday a few weeks ago and realized he wouldn't be joining us, she looked at me and said 'I don't think he's my dad now.'

It wasn't acceptance, but it wasn't pain. It was more a factual statement. One no six year old girl should have to make. I hadn't changed my phone number or made it impossible to contact me, just on the small chance that he'd remember it's her birthday and reach out with a phone call. But nothing. Not even a text or a card in the mail.

I know as time goes on, she'll start to forget his face and his voice. As it is, he was hardly a presence in her life when he was around. That doesn't make it better, I just have to hope, it makes it easier.

She's excited to move to California, she can't wait to be on the beach with her aunt and uncle. I share those sentiments, I love the sound of the ocean hitting the shore.

Especially as Nathan moves inside of me, his rhythm matching the roll of the waves, the serenity outside of our window while he pins me down and whispers dirty things in my ear.

My teeth sink into my lip as I think about the delectable sex we've had in that house on the beach.

"Gabrielle!" Momma shouts, snapping me out of a throwback. She rushes at me just as I notice the sink starting to flood, water dripping down the cupboard fronts. I gasp and we both reach for the faucet to flick it off.

We both inspect the puddle of water at our feet and then we look at each other. Her stare is accusatory but I'm feigning oblivion.

"I have no idea how that happened."

She looks at me like I'm full of shit and props a hand on her hip. "You're too busy staring at your man."

Stupidly, I let my gaze slide back to the window and there he is, still being a hot beef cake with broad shoulders and thick thighs. It makes me think about how much I love being encased by him.

Momma slaps me in the arm. "Clean this up."

"You're just jealous," I mumble, snatching the dish towel off the oven handle and dropping it on the floor.

"Excuse me?! Jealous. I have had sex three times this week."

My head snaps up and I stare at mom, disbelief causing my jaw to drop. There are words I'm expecting to follow from my parted lips, but nothing comes out. I'm blank. I'm disturbed. I'm intrigued.

Basically, I'm going through it.

"You what?"

Momma's back goes rigid straight, as if she realizes what she's said. "I'll go and get a bigger towel."

"Are you seeing someone?!" I call out after her retreating figure.

This wasn't the sort of thing mom and I talked about. Her love life was one of those entities that I believed could potentially exist, but without evidence, I put it out of my mind and treated it like knowing the truth would be more effort than it was worth.

I still felt a bit like that, like it wasn't mine to know. It did make me wonder if this sex was casual or she was getting serious. I hoped whatever it was made her happy.

Selfishly, I hoped it distracted her enough not to miss me too much when we left.

NATHAN

Moving states was not easy. We'd spent the last six months shipping our belongings over to California, donating furniture that we couldn't take with us, selling the house, enrolling Lydia in a new school over zoom calls and emails.

We'd been in California for two weeks now and I was so fucking close to setting up a tent on the beach so I didn't have to spend one more night in the same house as my sister and her fucking soon to be husband.

I'm sure I now have PTSD from the sound of hands hitting ass cheeks. Drayton can not leave that woman alone. I get what it's like to be orbiting around the woman you love. Gabrielle owns my entire heart, mind and soul. I'd set the world at her feet if I could. But still, I knew how not to grab her tits in front of people.

I couldn't even match his energy and attempt to make him uncomfortable because it's impossible. He's unbothered and unfazed at most things that go on around him.

You would think after six years, the two of them would be a little less animalistic around each other. How fucking long is this shit going to go on for?

I'm sitting at the kitchen island, going through some documents before school starts. It would be a lie to say I'm not nervous about starting a new job with new students and a new team. For now, I'm stepping in as an assistant coach and I'll be teaching health and nutrition. It would be strange going from head coach to assistant, but that was the position available for now and I couldn't turn it down. 

Especially if I wanted to get out of this house as soon as possible. 

Dallas and Drayton were over in the living area and there was not enough space separating us as they went about their conversation as though no one else could hear them.

"It wasn't even that hard?"

Drayton scoffs. "You would think that. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if there's a bruise."

"You want me to look?"

There's some shuffling and adjusting and then Dallas winces. "It does look a little bit purple."

"I fucking knew it. You have to watch that angle when you're riding baby. You're gonna snap my dick in half."

"It's your fault."

I see Drayton sit up straighter in my peripheral. "How?!"

"I don't know."

"Look, I know your pussy can take a beating but I'm a little more delicate."

I bury my face in my hands and wish I could bleach my brain. I should've stayed in my bedroom, I should never leave it. But I'm protesting on account of, I pay to live here, I should get to sit in the fucking kitchen without being assaulted by a couple of exhibitionists whenever I emerge.

Moving here during Drayton's off season was where we fucked up. If we'd waited, he'd never be here. 

"You know that new scrub in the shower?" Drayton says. "It smells like the inside of a rotten peach. But like in a sterile, chemical sort of way. It's fucking gross."

"It might be Gabby's. I don't know. I can't think of what you're talking about."

"I'm sure she doesn't smell that gross."

I sit up straighter and look over at them, only their upper torsos visible from behind the sofa. "You talking about the stuff in the white bottle?"

Drayton nods, screwing his face up. 

I can't help but smile like the cat that caught the canary, because what a fucking knob. "You don't read the label first? What the fuck are you even doing in our shower?"

"Dallas was cleaning our one after I exercised and she wouldn't do it naked. Figured I'd use the free one. In my house. You know. No big deal."

It wasn't a big deal, we didn't care about that sort of thing but I was still amused as hell. "That's feminine wash, dude. For the vagina."

Drayton looked at me with his mouth hanging open. It was hard to tell if he was repulsed or just bewildered, but I joined in with Dallas, both of us laughing. Drayton snapped his mouth shut and blew out his cheeks, his eyes going wide as he ran a hand through his hair. 

"I hope her puss doesn't smell like that when you eat it."

My laugh cut off, abrupt and fast. "Too far."

He smiled at me, looking proud and unashamed. Mother fucker would never let me have the last laugh. Dallas slapped him in the chest. 

"Don't talk about my best friend like that." 

He folded, because my sister was the only person on earth that could reign him in. Even if she didn't use her power as often as I'd have liked. I peered at the clock on the wall. Almost three. Gabrielle and Lydia would be back soon. The two of them had gone to have a girls date on the boardwalk. Shopping, nails, lunch, hair. 

                         The girls came back just before dinner. Lydia ran straight inside and dropped her bags on the floor beside the sofa. Darting straight past Drayton, she leapt onto the other sofa where I was sitting and wrapped her arms around my neck. She'd initiated more hugging a few months ago. I got hello hugs, goodnight hugs, I hurt myself hugs. 

Drayton pretended to be focused on the hockey game on the television but I knew he was sour over the fact that his favorite little girl said hello to me first. 

"Look at my nails, dad." 

That was another new one. No matter how often I heard it, it hit me straight in the heart each time. There was never an ounce of hesitance in her voice. The word rolled right off her tongue, as if she'd been calling me that her entire life. It wasn't my idea. It wasn't Gabrielle's either. Lydia asked if she could call me dad because I was doing what dad's do and her logic made sense to the rest of us. It wasn't like I was going to turn her down. 

She held out her hand, her nails were a soft blue with little white flowers on them. "Those are beautiful. Good choice, kid."

"Do you want to know how they did them?"

She blinked at me with those big brown eyes and I knew I was in for a long winded recount of events. It was a good thing listening to her was never a chore.

I recoiled, screwing my face up and staring at her as if she were insane for even asking me. "Of course I want to know, tell me."

Gabrielle walked in then, more bags in her arms. She saw the two of us and grinned and then her attention fell to the discarded bags on the floor and she drooped her shoulders and sighed. Lydia was a good kid but she was a kid and she left shit wherever it lost her attention. Sometimes I found half eaten bananas on the staircase. 

I'd watched her once, walking a few steps with a banana in her hand until she realized the steel stair case railing was more interesting and she wanted to glide both of her hands along it as she climbed. Abandoned was the banana, never to be given another thought. 

Lydia was practically breathless as she came to the end of her story about how the nail tech had filed, clipped some bits of nail, painted, stuck the flowers with tweezers. Drayton sat forward on the sofa and rested his elbows on his knees. 

"Come and show me those, monster."

She scooted off the couch and ran over to the other one, showing Drayton her nails. He gave her the same level of love and attention, engrossed in her excitement. Gabrielle came back from putting her bags upstairs and fell into the space beside me. 

"Like my hair?" 

I sat back a little and admired how her curls were a little shorter and she had bangs now. "Gorgeous." 

I kissed her temple, tucked her under my arm and brought her in close. Gabrielle seemed happier here, in California. She loved the beach, the sand, the sunshine. She loved the chance to make new memories, discover new opportunities. I think she also liked the fact that her mom was at a distance. The two of them were getting along better than ever and I think that had to do with some of the pressure coming off when Gabrielle moved. 

I never thought I would leave Castle Rock, but leaving with Gabrielle was a no brainer. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I wanted her to have everything she ever wanted. If that included some adventures, I was more than willing to join her. 

Home was where she was. Happiness was the life we were building together. It was what I'd been waiting for. The right woman to come along and kick start my heart. Loving her was inevitable. Being her partner was the greatest privilege I'd ever know.