The Anthem // Good Charlotte

I'm staring at my phone, at the digits Jeff sent me this afternoon, and trying to figure out what to do. Hannah is an absolute fox, gorgeous in every way. But am I ready to deal with her in-your-face personality? I know I'm lying to myself, thinking that I'm not really interested in a girl who forced me to face reality—that I'm an asshole.

I am. I'm an asshole. I was an asshole little kid and an even bigger one in high school. I used people. I treated girls and even friends like shit. I took people for granted and expected them to roll over to my will. I looked down on the girls I dated. I don't even know how the hell I finally realized that I've been a clone of my dad my entire life, but damn that reality punched me in the face this year.

It sucks to hate yourself so hard. It sucks to finally see yourself for the bastard you've been to everyone in your life. I'm finally trying. I'm stepping back and trying. I don't want to be that asshole anymore. I don't want to end up like my parents, like my dad. Amber changed all that for me, and for that I am grateful. Without her, I don't know if things would be any different than they had been. I'd probably still be hooking up with Courtney and hating myself for it the morning after. I'd more than likely blow off Jeff who's the only friend in my life who sees something better in me than I see in myself.

I look back down at my phone, wanting to open up the possibilities with Hannah but knowing I'm not ready to be the kind of guy she needs.

Damn though, I really want to be.

Me: Thanks for her number, man. I appreciate the confidence, but I don't know if I should go there with her.

Jeff: And that's why I sent you her contact. She's tough. She will put you in your place. And you are ready for that.

Me: maybe

Jeff: definitely

I take a deep breath, not understanding how Jeff can have that much confidence in me. Today has shaken me a little and I'm not in the mindset to work out the emotions. I'm shit with emotions but that's all that I seem to be dealing with lately.

As if he can read my mind, Jeff pings me with another text.

Jeff: How are you handling everything? Now that Amber's with that guy?

Loaded fucking question.

Me: I'm okay. She deserves to be happy. And from what I could see, the guy worships her.

I walked past her in the hallway making out with the guy who tried to beat me up for the way I had been treating her. Garrett, the guy everyone calls Scar. I was the worst offender, but he's a better man than I am so I'm glad he got the girl. The way he looked at her today, too, left me raw. He deserves her and I never did.

Me: It's a wake-up call but I'm happy for her.

Jeff: Well, dude, you've come a long way from the bastard you were at the beginning of the year.

Me: F U thanks a lot

Jeff: Welcome. My pleasure.

Jeff: The way you stood up for her with Courtney today is what sealed my respect.

Me: Courtney has a black soul. I want nothing to do with that shit anymore.

Courtney's big show of bashing Amber's new relationship at the lunch table was the last straw. I'd already brushed her off in a private way that wouldn't make her look bad, but her bitchy side showed up and I couldn't let it lie. I had to say something and telling her that her attitude was ugly as fuck was the first thing that came to mind.

Jeff: Someone needed to say it. I'm really glad it was you.

Jeff: so, stop over thinking it and just text Hannah. Talking is easy. That's all you gotta do. I think her honesty will be good for you.

Me: I hear you. I'll think about it.

I toss my phone on my bed and look around my room. Fucking mess. It's like looking inside my head. Shit everywhere. I've got nothing better to do, so I start gathering dirty clothes and crumpled up paper off of the floor. I have a hamper and a trash can but can't seem to use them, as my mom so gently points out on a weekly basis. She's been tiptoeing around me for years and I'm just starting to understand why. I'm as shitty to her as my dad is. I lost some respect for her when I realized she's been staying with him out of habit, giving him free rein to bash her confidence every chance he gets. She told me she has nowhere to go, and the fact that he's on the job site for months at a time has actually kept them together this long is another reason to stay.

I hate that logic. She really should leave and find her worth. And I need to start building her up if she's ever going to do that. If not my dad, then it should be her oldest son. Maybe he'll learn something from me.

"Sherri! Where the hell did you put my suitcase? Why isn't it in my closet like it should be. Can you not do anything right?"

Or not. Fuck, he's already started. Although if he's looking for his suitcase that means he's leaving again soon. Thank God.

I grab my hamper of dirty clothes and haul them to the laundry room, stuffing the washer full and tossing in a few of those detergent pods. As I'm stepping back into the hallway I crash into my dad.

"Oh, sorry."

"What are you doing?" Dad asks with a scowl.

"My laundry."

His scowl deepens. "Why?"

What? "Um, because my clothes are dirty, and I figured I'd go ahead and wash them."

"That's your mother's job. Is she not keeping up?"

Holy shit he's backwards. "She's doing just fine. But I'll be at college soon so might as well get started on this stuff." What a shitty reason I gave. It shouldn't be a big deal for me to do my laundry. But his scowl loosens up so I know my logic works for him.

"Right. But if you'd taken the Fallbrook Scholarship, you could just bring your stuff here and she'd do it. Instead you chose the school on the other side of the country." He shakes his head. Dad's been bitching about me not taking the better offer, but I had my reasons. He's number one on that list.

1. Get the fuck away from Dad.

Now, however, I've been rethinking that plan. Jeff gave me some really good reasons to stick around. And the fact that Hannah also got a scholarship to Fallbrook is more tempting than I want to admit. Do I say this to my dad? I'm already eighteen, a legal adult. He doesn't have a say in where I go, or what I sign. Maybe I'll call the coach or the admissions counselor over at Fallbrook and see if the offer is still on the table. Maybe I won't say a word to anyone until I know for sure.

"Mark!" My dad yells for my brother and my stomach takes a dive. The tone in his voice makes the decision for me. I need to stick close by for him. And even for my mom. She deserves to have someone fight for her.

I move past my dad to follow through on these thoughts. When he takes a step toward my brother's room, I speak.

"Leave him alone, dad."

He turns to glare at me. "Don't direct me, son."

I hate hearing the word son in that tone. "Not directing you. But you are kind of pissed off right now and don't you think you should just leave him alone when you're this mad? I think your suitcase is in the hall closet. Mom was cleaning it up for you, then I stashed it out of the way."

He doesn't even have the decency to look apologetic at the way he was treating us as he stomps down the stairs to the closet. I continue back to my room and grab my phone, making a call that might change everything.

***

Me: Remember me? Jeff's friend Matt

Me: actually, don't remember. Pretend we just met.

Hannah: Hmmm sorry. My brain doesn't work that way. I remember EV.ERY.THING.

Me: Great. I guess this is goodbye

Hannah: lol, no don't go. It's all good.

Hannah: Everyone deserves a second chance

Well, shit. I stare at Hannah's reply for a few minutes before I text anything else. A second chance? Do I really deserve that? Probably not but I'm not letting this opportunity go.

Me: In that case, I want to thank you for helping me out. I should have said so that morning but...

Hannah: but you were still a little torn up. I get it. You're forgiven.

Hannah: Jeff told me what you told everyone. About leaving with me, and that nothing happened.

Me: well, yeah. I know I left you with a bad impression, but you left me with a really good one. I didn't want to let any rumors fly.

Hannah: It's nice to know you're that kind of guy.

Am I? That kind of guy? I have had enough with rumors. The rumors about me used to pump me up. I let those go, but I've been guilty of spreading them in the past. Last year I learned the hard way what spreading rumors can do to a person. Half of our crew was suspended for perpetuating a rumor about April, a transfer from Miller High. I was caught up in it, even spread some of the bullshit around myself thinking it was funny.

I've been such an asshole.

Hannah: Hey you still there?

Me: Yeah. Sorry.

Sorry for more than she can know. I need to change the direction of this conversation before every shitty thing I've ever done gets discussed.

Me: I heard you got a scholarship to F.U.

Hannah: They seriously need to do something about those initials. But yeah, soccer.

Me: Nah I love those initials *smirk emoji* So fun to say.

Me: What position?

Hannah: Striker. Like Alex Morgan

Me: Nice

Me: I'm looking forward to watching you play.

Hannah: Oh? Won't you be across the country at Wayford leading the Beavers to victory?

Me: Not since 4 this afternoon.

Me: you are texting with the new starting quarterback for the Fallbrook Hills University Hawks.

There's a beat of silence before the little dots start blinking on my screen. Why is my heart racing so hard? I'm anxious about her reply, but I shouldn't be. This girl winds me up like no one ever has. Not even Amber.

Hannah: Congratulations!

Hannah: What made you change your mind?

She really knows how to ask the loaded questions. How do I answer that? You? Sticking around to make sure my brother doesn't get steamrolled by my dad? You? I go with the simplest reason.

Me: Jeff. He wanted to guard the best quarterback, and that's me.

Hannah: I think your ego just exploded

Me: haha

Hannah: not joking

Oh. Damn she really is a ball buster. I have to admit, I kind of like it.

Me: Duly noted

Another beat goes by before the dots appear. Then disappear. Finally, a message comes through and it shocks me.

Hannah: I've been thinking about you.

Me: Oh yeah?

Hannah: How are you doing with...everything?

She means with Amber. She's wondering if I'm pinning for my ex. A month ago, I would have said yes. A couple of weeks ago I would have said, no I deserved to lose her. But today...today I'm feeling like it's all good because I know she's in a better place now. I didn't mess her up for the long haul.

Me: I'm actually doing ok.

I leave things at that.

Hannah: so...do you want to hang out sometime?

I wasn't sure until I saw those words in text, but yeah, I really do. I want to get to know Hannah, and not as the angry girl from my hungover brain. But this time, with this girl, I want to take things slow. I don't want to mess up with her and end up back where I started.

Being an asshole.

Me: Yeah. Sometime.

Me: Is it okay if we just keep talking this way for a while?

My leg starts bouncing as I wait for Hannah to answer me. It's not a big ask to just keep texting for a while, but I'm worried she'll think I'm blowing her off when really that's the last thing I'm doing.

Hannah: Sounds good to me. Talk later?

Me: absolutely

For the first time I'm feeling like I'm doing something right. I could get used to this.

Such a challenging chapter for me to write! We are still in the MTT overlap timeline and I really want to give you new content without too much review of chapters from the other storyline. However, you need context so I have to give some kind of summary of events so you know where we are. Plus, anyone who hasn't read MTT won't know what's going on if I don't mention it.

Ugh...this is what happens when you wait five years to write the next story. Anyway, whatever you read here on Wattpad will have big revisions if I ever actually self publish it. So thank you for being my Alpha readers (reading while I'm writing) your feedback is seriously PRICELESS!

I felt like The Anthem was the perfect compliment to Matt's mindset, kind of that loser mentality but still hanging with the cool crowd. Idk maybe not...

https://youtu.be/desJKYvdq9A

More good bookish stuff can be found on my IG, fb, and little bird accounts 💕