GRAYSON

The little bits of worry that plagued me, the tiny shots of pain that pricked me—it all vanished as soon as Nessa showed up on my doorstep.

I didn't care that she yelled at me outside Ackley Hall. I didn't care that I was on about five different types of medications, all with their own annoying side effects. I didn't care that I'd missed an entire month of my life. I didn't care about anything except kissing the shit out of Wednesday Elez.

Now she was cradled against my chest, and that was still the only thing on my mind. But emotional exhaustion seemed to have done a number on Nessa. So I let her sleep. I probably could have closed my eyes and drifted off, too, but I couldn't bring myself to miss out on this.

I'd slept enough.

About an hour had passed before I heard the back door open. Plastic bags crinkling together. Laughter.

Grace and Lillian tumbled into the kitchen, dumping groceries onto the counter until they caught sight of me and my scowl and the girl sleeping in my lap. I put a finger to my lips, and the surprise on their faces was nearly comical. Forgetting the groceries, the two of them tiptoed across the living room, understanding the assignment. I wanted them to be quiet.

Looking down at Nessa and the way her cheek was pressed up against my chest, I smiled. Then I looked up at my parents again. They were gazing at us with dewy eyes.

"This is Nessa," I whispered and dropped to give her a kiss on the top of her head. She barely stirred, just continued to breathe deeply. Sleep soundly. Sighing, I added, "And I need you to promise that if anything ever happens to me again, this girl will know. She needs to know."

Maman looked like she might cry. She clutched Mom's shoulder, and then both of them nodded.

"She's adorable," my mom murmured.

I nodded. She was. Especially right now.

"She's exhausted, though. I think I'm going to bring her to my room. It's okay if she spends the night, right?"

"That's fine, Gray. Maybe we can meet her in the morning."

Nessa was about to get far more than she bargained for, but it was too late for her to back out now. The moms had seen her. She was stuck with us.

I smiled at the thought.

After my parents went back to sifting through their Trader Joe's bags, I scooped Nessa into my arms and carried her to my bedroom. It wasn't until I closed the door behind me that she mumbled beneath her breath.

"Grayson?"

"Right here, Adler."

Her brown eyes blinked up at me.

"I was going to find some comfier clothes to put you in since you're so tired," I said.

She lifted her head a bit, a curious gaze scanning the room. I winced at all my sports' portraits lined up against the wall and the pile of dirty laundry in the corner. She didn't really seem to notice, though.

"You don't need to be back at campus tonight, do you?" I asked, hoping to God the answer was no. It wasn't that late, and I could easily drive her back to Oakland. But I didn't want to.

She shook her head sleepily.

"No, I don't have class again until Wednesday."

I set her down, waiting for a second to make sure she had her bearings before l let go.

"Good, then I want to keep you." After snatching up a t-shirt and sweatpants, I glanced back down to find Nessa watching me with a sheepish expression. I smiled at her. "Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, looking like she didn't have the energy not to agree.

"Arms up," I murmured with another smile.

Nessa obeyed, sticking both hands straight up in the air. I stripped off her tight, black shirt and then dropped mine over her head. It fell below her ass, and I moved to unbutton her pants next. It felt reminiscent of that night in the locker room, and I struggled to keep myself in check as I hooked my fingers into her belt loops, tugging her jeans down.

Once she stood there in her underwear and my t-shirt, I paused. Nessa's big, brown eyes were on me, and they were making me feel like I could do anything. Screw the fact that my body had all but broken down. A few looks from Nessa, and I could feel the life coursing through my veins again. She was watching me with trust. Like she knew I would take care of her. Like she thought I was capable.

For the first time in months, I felt capable of something.

My hands lingered beneath the flimsy fabric of my shirt, caressing Nessa's bare sides with my thumbs. And when all she did was continue to stare at me with those sleepy, doe eyes, I reached up and unsnapped her bra, letting it fall down beneath her shirt.

"I heard girls don't like to sleep with their bra on," I murmured while she snuck the straps off her shoulders and tossed the undergarment to the side.

Nessa didn't say anything. She simply looked up at me and then snuck her hands beneath my shirt. Warm palms slid up my stomach, pushing my tee out of the way. Her eyes connected with mine when she whispered her next words.

"And I heard guys don't like to sleep with their shirts on."

I grinned and whipped the tee over my head before backing Nessa toward my bed. She dropped onto it with a giggle and leaned back onto her palms. I took in the sight before me, wishing I hadn't put her in a white shirt that was stretched and see-through and left very little to the imagination.

"You're making me want to do things to you that I have no business doing right now," I said, my voice hoarse.

Nessa smirked, but there was a shyness there that told me she wasn't quite ready. Right now wasn't the time for that. Especially since my moms decided it would be a good moment to laugh at god-knows-what, and the echoes of it drifted down the hall. Nessa froze, her eyes widening.

"They know you're here," I said.

"And they're okay with it?"

I nodded. "They're more than okay with it."

"Really?"

I laughed and pushed her back onto the bed so I could climb in next to her. She twisted around until we were side-by-side, looking at each other.

"Well, I woke up from a month-long coma, and one of the first things I asked for was my phone because I wanted to call this girl named Nessa." I kissed the tip of her nose. "So, I guess you could say they've been excited to meet you."

Nessa began blinking rapidly, and I swore beneath my breath when I realized what I'd done.

"Don't, Nessa," I whispered, cupping her face. "Don't cry again. I can't take it."

She covered her face with her hands as if she couldn't help but cry and didn't want me to see it. "I called you an asshole, and you were in the hospital."

I moved her fingers, spreading them out so I could look at her through them as she kept talking.

"That bad dream I had the night after the gala," she said, sniffing. "Do you remember?"

Did I remember waking up in the middle of the night to find Nessa crawling into bed with me? Was that even a question? It was something I'd imagined happening again countless times over the last month.

"I remember," I said, gently pulling her hands away so I could see all of her. Even if there were tears.

"I don't know what happened in the dream," she confessed. "All I know was I had a god-awful feeling when I woke up that something would happen to you. Or that it had." A prickle of awareness, a shiver of sorts, ran down my spine. Nessa took a deep breath before continuing. "When you didn't call me over spring break or show up to drive me back to campus, it felt the same way. I was worried, Grayson. But when I went looking for you in your room and spoke to Brodie, he...."

Nessa stopped talking, sucking in a breath. She closed her eyes tight, squeezing something away. That shiver of mine turned cold, freezing like ice.

"If he was a jerk to you, I'm going to kick his ass."

But Nessa shook her head. "No, no...I—" She clapped one of her hands over her mouth, the other dropping to the side. "I misunderstood," she whispered, more to herself than me. "I misunderstood what he said."

I had no idea what she was talking about, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. It was painful, imagining Nessa in these situations where she was confused and alone and wondering where the hell I was. Wondering if I had abandoned her.

"I'm still going to kick Brodie's ass because he should have told you. Without any misunderstandings."

Nessa opened her eyes, looking at the ceiling with a sigh, and I pulled her close as those tears of hers slowly dried.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she whispered eventually.

I needed her. I needed this. During my entire recovery process, something was missing. And I always knew what it was, but the last few hours only confirmed it.

Nessa actually cared. About me. In a way that couldn't be faked. And there was something so revitalizing about that. Something told me she would have been at the hospital if she'd known, pushing me through the hard parts. Even though a lot of them were behind me, having her here now still made all the difference. And hearing that she had faith in me, at least in the beginning, was like hearing the perfect harmony. A massive dose of serotonin released in me. I was soaring high on Nessa.

"I will be, Adler. I will be."

Nodding, she snuggled up closer to me. I grinned over at her.

"Are you going to fall asleep again, or do you want to watch something for a bit?" I asked, tilting my head toward the TV on my dresser. "Maybe I can find us some food, too. When's the last time you ate something?"

She was drowning in my t-shirt, more so than usual. Nessa must have lost at least fifteen pounds since before spring break, and it didn't surprise me one bit when she looked up at me and shrugged.

"I don't know. I haven't had much of an appetite lately."

My lips drew into a thin line. "You have to eat, Adler."

Nessa responded by groaning and flipping over, so her face was pressed into my pillow. She stayed like that for a minute or two, hiding from me. Brushing her long hair off her neck, I kissed the exposed skin, sucking lightly as I made a path up toward her ear. She wiggled and let out a little moan.

"Talk to me," I breathed.

I needed to know why the hell she wasn't eating.

Another groan before she finally twisted to look up at me with those dark eyes. "I've just been nauseous a lot. It happens when I'm anxious, but I also think it's a side effect of the pill. I started taking it...." Her gaze flicked down. "Over spring break."

Maybe I was jumping to conclusions, but I thought I understood the expression on Nessa's face all too well. And it made my breathing pick up, my body tighten. She'd started taking birth control over spring break so that after spring break, we could pick up where we'd left off in my bed that night. And Jesus Christ, I knew I was like two months too late, but I still wanted to pick up where we left off. I wanted this girl.

But I didn't want her to feel sick.

When I was quiet, Nessa eventually ventured to look back up, and our eyes caught. Heat lingered. Her cheeks were a little flushed, her hair a little messy, and god, I wanted her.

I cleared my throat. "Have you told your doctor?"

She shook her head. "I thought it might go away after I got used to it."

I sighed. "I need you to make an appointment and talk to your doctor, darling. There are probably some other options."

She peeked up at me, and I slid my hand over her cheek to keep her from looking away again.

"I'm not going to have you feeling nauseous all the time just so I can finally give it to you."

Laughter fell from her lips, mocking and familiar. "Oh, so you think I went on it for you, huh?"

A smirk cracked on my face. "I know you did, baby."

"You're such a cocky ass," she said but then grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me down to drug me with a kiss so good that it was torture to stop.

"Yeah, but I'm your cocky ass," I said, laughing, when we broke apart.

She rolled her eyes, and I jumped out of bed to go scavenge in the kitchen for food. A few minutes later, I had an armful of leftovers from the fridge, and I was about to sort through it all when I ran into Maman. She wrapped her cardigan around her tighter and quirked a brow.

"I don't know what she'll want to eat," I explained with a sigh. Where were some Bosnian dumplings when you needed them?

"Why didn't you just ask her? Honestly, Grayson..." She shook her head, judgment in the slight movement.

I stared at her, irritated. "Because she's saying she doesn't have an appetite, but I need her to eat something today. She's lost weight. I can tell."

Maman's blue eyes warmed. And then they lit up, fiery. "I swear to god that I will disown you if you say something to that girl about her weight, Grayson."

"I'm not going to say a damn thing to her. I'm just explaining to you."

"I'll tell you what," Maman said, snatching the pile of Tupperware out of my arms. "I have the perfect comfort recipe in mind. I'll whip that up, and if she eats it, great. If not, don't make a big deal about it. There's always breakfast."

If she hadn't immediately gone to work, pulling out pots and pans and ingredients, I would have given Maman the biggest hug. But she shooed me out of the kitchen, and about a half-hour later, two bowls of vegan French onion soup appeared outside my door.

Whether she felt obligated to eat it because Maman made it or because she really liked it, I wasn't sure, but Nessa finished every last bit of the soup. Contentment filled every part of her expression as she curled up next to me, an episode of Sherlock playing in the background as we let sleep creep upon us.

Falling asleep next to Nessa was bittersweet. I hated closing my eyes and having to sacrifice the moments together. But falling asleep next to Nessa also meant waking up next to Nessa.

And I was all about that.

💗

a little bit of wholesome for your Sunday?
hope you all had a nice weekend!
xoxo amelie