GRAYSON

Elective classes were my favorite ones to take back in high school. Music, PE, Health. No surprise there.

A lot of my friends on the football team loved Physical Education but rolled their eyes when it came time for to take Health. I understood their perspective. Health wasn't active. It wasn't practicing lateral passes out on the field on a seventy-five degree day instead of sitting in a classroom sweating your balls off.

But my friends also hadn't been born with a narrow aorta. Health was something they could shrug off because they'd never had to worry about it.

It was different for me. Learning about the body fascinated me. Learning about about healthy choices. And the not so healthy ones.

On my sixteenth birthday, Mr. Hopkins brought in drunk goggles. I joked that it was like turning twenty-one early, but it wasn't even close. I put those damn things on, realized I felt so fucked up that I couldn't walk down the gym bleachers and said never again. Never again.

Sometimes I felt like I was constantly playing an away game. Constantly playing the team on the home field because I was born with a disadvantage.

A few beer weren't worth giving me another one.

That was why I never drank. My heart would probably tolerate it—to an extent. But it wasn't worth it.

Driving home from Nessa's house, though? I felt like I was back in tenth grade, wearing drunk goggles in the gymnasium. I felt like I'd taken shots before kissing Nessa goodbye, and the liquor was slowly soaking into my bloodstream.

Something wasn't right.

And it had nothing to do with Nessa.

Nessa was perfect. Nessa was everything that was right. Last night she let me hold her—like really hold her—and I'd never slept so damn good in my life. She felt amazing. Smelled amazing. Sounded amazing with those little soft snores that I was tempted to capture between my lips.

She didn't even blink twice when I said she was mine today. Because we both knew it was the truth. She'd been mine since the beginning. Stubborn girl just didn't want to admit it.

Nessa was perfect. She gave me the blow job of my life on the way home, and I didn't think I'd ever get over how she'd moaned on my dick. How she'd taken me so deep into her mouth. How she'd sucked me so perfectly right. How that pretty little hand had wrapped around my base.

And sure, I was a little shocked to hear that she'd done the same thing to Bren, but as long as she didn't have any plans on doing that again in the future, I could get over it. Nessa had never shown any indication that she had feelings for Bren, and I trusted her when she said that was the case. If anything, I was more concerned that he got the message.

Her mouth was mine now.

Nessa was perfect. But I did a shitty job of reassuring her of that in the moments before I drove away.

I wasn't lying; I was tired.

Exhausted and a bit dizzy. There was a pressure in my chest that I'd been feeling on and off for a while now. I should have looked into it, but I'd been so wrapped up in things on campus. And by that, I meant a dark-haired, sharp-tongued girl named Wednesday.

Maman was the first one to sense my arrival. She was standing on the porch when I pulled up, nursing a steaming mug that I definitely held some kind of herbal tea.

She smiled, and as much as I wished I was still on campus with Nessa, I warmed at seeing her. At being home.

As soon as I stepped foot onto the porch, she raised a brow.

"I was getting a little worried."

"Worried?"

"You texted when you left. And it definitely took you longer than normal."

I stopped, blinking at her. I couldn't even think of a good excuse, and even though she probably wouldn't care, I wasn't about to tell her that I'd pulled over on the highway for some road head.

Maman laughed before pulling me in for a hug.

"I'm not even going to try to figure out whatever it is you're hiding," she whispered, humor in her voice. "I'm just happy you're home."

"Me, too."

And I was.

Walking inside and seeing the brightness of my childhood home put me at ease. A comfort I felt deep in my bones. I sank down onto the sofa before even kicking my shoes off, hoping that if I closed my eyes, some of my dizziness would go away.

I heard my mom's voice as she walked into the room. "Midterms really took it out of you, huh?"

When I nodded without opening my eyes, she laughed. Her voice grew louder as her footsteps made their way over to me. "I thought we could just order pizza for dinner. How does that sound?"

Her cool hand rested on my forehead, slicking my hair back like she'd been doing since before I could remember.

"Sounds great, mom." When I opened my eyes, I saw two of her. I closed my eyes and tried again.

There, only one Grace Everett. That was better.

Except as soon as she stepped away, walking back toward the kitchen, she branched into two again. And two Grace Everetts was one too many.

"Fuck," I muttered, rubbing my eyes.

"What was that?" she called back to me.

"Oh, nothing."

My parents didn't really care about swearing, but I didn't need to go out of my way to point it out. I closed my eyes again.

"Are you okay?" Maman, again. I could smell her tea.

"I'm fine. Just exhausted." I tried to give her a smile, but it was half-hearted.

"Well, then what about a movie marathon night?"

Fine by me. It meant I could zonk out on the couch. Although they'd probably want to move to the basement where we had surround sound and a huge-ass sectional.

"As long as it isn't 19th-century romance flicks this time," I said, teasing.

Although, at least Bridgerton had a duel scene.

"You can pick!" mom shouted from the kitchen.

I raised my brows. Because even though she said that, she would end up rejecting every option I suggested, and we would still end up watching something they wanted. Which was honestly a toss-up. Could be a romantic comedy or could be national geographic documentaries. There was no in-between when it came to these two.

"Okay," I said as I dared to open my eyes a bit. Things were still a little blurry, but when I looked at the front door, there was only one. Not two doors, just one. So it was an improvement. "I'll join you both downstairs in a bit."

If they caught my drift that I wanted a second alone, they didn't show it. But they did disappear, sliding their slippered feet over to the basement stairs and sneaking away.

Pulling out my phone, I found Nessa's name. I knew she asked me to text, but I wanted to call. I wanted to hear that voice and reassure her again that everything was alright.

But that was the problem, wasn't it?

Everything wasn't alright.

I didn't get to press the call button.

The feeling in my right hand disappeared. Numb. There was an odd tingling, a strange weightlessness to it. My phone fell, hitting the floor. My screen shattered.

Shattered. My head was shattering. Pain erupted inside it, intense enough that I thought I would pass out.

"Mom," I choked.

She didn't respond. Probably because when I called for her, it came out as nonsense. I was speaking nonsense. A slur of sounds that didn't make a word. Didn't make sense.

I doubled over with dizziness before trying again.

"Mom!"

My voice must have been loud enough to get her attention. Four of her wide, frantic eyes appeared, and I realized there were two Grace Everetts again.

Both of her alarmed faces were the last thing I saw before I took a step and fell to the ground.

💗

is it too soon to ask if you accept my apology?

xoxo amelie