| CHAPTER 57 : REST OF MY LIFE |

"So Roxy is a she?" I asked finally, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"Yup," Levi popped the 'p', flinging a small knife into the air then catching it, "She has always been a she."

And here I was thinking Roxy must have been a huge chunk of a man who looked like a literal God. Not that I mind Roxy being a girl. It's just that it took me by surprise.

Something twitched in my chest and my eyes widened, preparing for another one of those insane pains. After a few moments of stiffness, nothing happened, so I relaxed back onto the wall.

"Why aren't you feeling the heat?" I frowned at Levi.

Levi gave me a 'don't be ridiculous' look, "A, I'm a guy. Only the females feel the heat. Has something to do with their baby giving organ. B," he shrugged, "I don't have a mate. No mate, no pain."

He continued flinging the knife into the air then catching it.   

"Baby giving organ?" I scoffed.

He nodded.

The walls of the hallways in this mansion still make me feel somewhat dizzy. Who heck built these many hallways?

"So do you have a girlfriend or something?" I asked.

His eyes flit to me with a teasing smirk, "Are you going to ask me out?"

"I'm just getting to know my oh so dear friend better." I smiled sarcastically.

He continued smirking before shaking his head, "Nah I got no girl."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Never thought about it."

"You don't have a mate?"

"King Alpha lifted the concept of having mates. I don't know how he did it. But to avoid some special issues, he had to lift off the mate thing.  Now whoever gets mated is an act of the..."

"Witches." I finished.

"Yup."

"Well, then that's good. You people can get with whoever you want. Unlike me. It feels like my fate is sealed with King Alpha no matter how hard I try to run away. And now it wants me to do the deed with King Alpha. Like how twisted and horny it can be." I scoffed.

A small chuckle came out of Levi's lips.

"Have you even tried looking for a girlfriend?" I asked.

He looked at me and gave a small shrug, "I found no one I'm least interested in."

"Oh come on, this mansion is filled with hot werewolves everywhere. Have you even been on a first date?"

He remained silent.

My mouth dropped open, "Seriously?" I playfully hit his shoulder causing him to grin, "What are you wasting your beautiful looks for? You know girls die for your type of guys!"

A small smile spread on his face as he lowered his eyes to the ground.

"What?" I asked, noticing his mood dimming down, "What happened?"

He shook his head.

"Come on, you can tell me." I nudged his arm.

A sigh escaped his mouth as he leaned his head back onto the wall and looked up at the ceiling, "I never met my parents or even knew who they were. King Alpha told me they got killed. He found me being chased and abused by some creatures and saved me from them. No matter how much of an asshole our king is, I'm still grateful for him to pick me up and make me who I am right now; The Royal Beta. He pushed me and motivated me into becoming the best version of myself."    

"But..." I raised my eyebrows.

"I really want to know who my family is." Levi looked at me, "Listening to the stories of how the Royals came together and won the war from the witches just gives me those powerful family unity type of motivational shit. And I want to know if my family was something like that."

"Oh."

I didn't know what else to say so instead, I just put my head on his shoulder. His arm basically, cos he was so freaking tall!

"Even I want to know who my real family is." I spoke, "most things in my life feels so fake right now."

"Yeah."

We stayed like that together for a long peaceful moment.

Until...

My chest constricted all of a sudden with a stabbing pain shooting from everywhere. My hands flew to my chest, gripping my heart as I groaned and bend over. The pain resembled knives trying to rip through my skin. My body heated all over. A darkness clouded over my eyes. A cry escaped my lips as I fell to the floor. The illness spread through deeper parts of my body. My hands tightened around me.

Levi's hands were on my shoulder, shouting something.

Another cry came out of my lips as my stomach flipped sending me nauseous and making me dizzy.

Levi cursed under his breath before his hands slid underneath me and lifted me off the ground. He rushed while I clung onto his body, trying to muffle my cries.

"Drew!" Levi yelled.

My body reacted to the pain as if hot searing lava poured all over my body.

"What happened?" Drew's voice reached my ears, worried.

"The heat," Levi spoke.

I didn't know what happened next, but we were rushing again while my face was pressed onto Levi's hard chest clad in leather.

We kept on rushing and rushing until Levi lowered me down. Hot water enveloped me, clinging to my body. I almost yelped at how hot the water was but sucked in a deep breath when the agony had faded into a dull throb. 

I submerged into the water completely, letting it surround me like a relief blanket. The water rushed into my nostrils, into my ears cutting me off from the outer world.

That lasted only for a while before Drew grabbed the front of my t-shirt and yanked me back up.

"What are you doing?" he asked while I gasped, air filling my lungs with water running down my face and hair.

I swiped my hair away from my face, blinking at Drew.

"I'm trying to kill myself," I stated before submerging into the water again. I didn't even get to dip my head in before Drew yanked me back up again, "Kidding, Kidding." I grumbled, rolling my eyes at him.

"How bad was it this time?" he asked, crouching to my level.

I wiped the water from my face, glaring, "Like hell bad. It felt like someone threw me into a freaking volcano."

"Chérie," Drew spoke seriously, "did King Alpha have that talk with you?"  

"About us having to do the deed to save me from an agonizing death?" I asked, "yup."

"So...?" He trailed off, "when are you two doing it?"

"I'm not doing it just because some werewolf crap gives me pain!" I threw both Levi and Drew a glare.

"Cherie, normal werewolves couldn't survive the heat. It gets worse as it nears the full moon. You need to do something about it." His concerned blue eyes met mine.

"I will," I said, "I will fight through this heat."

"For how long? You may or may not survive this year. What about the next? And the next? And the next?" Drew asked.

I've never thought about the following years, much less about the following days or minutes. The thought of spending years in this mansion being surrounded by King Alpha, Drew, Levi, Katia and the rest of the supernatural creatures makes me wanna curl myself into a firm ball and never come out of my hole.

"I'll manage." I looked away from Drew.

"Your wish." He sighed, standing up and walking out of the bathroom.

"You know..." Levi spoke once Drew left, "it doesn't have to mean anything. You're doing it only to save yourself. Until you know? When you truly want it to mean. Till then it doesn't hurt having it."

"But I do! I do want all my firsts to mean something!" I admitted then put my hands on my face realizing how pathetic I sounded, like a small girl.

"Is it better to suffer through twelve days of intense pain than having one night of meaningless sex?" Levi crossed his arms against his chest.

I removed my hands from my face and glared at him, "Obvi you don't understand. Only Jade knows what I truly mean."

"Sure," he rolled his eyes, "but since I'm all you got right now, listen to me. Just dig in deeper and think about it. Does King Alpha mean anything to you at all? Even the tiniest bit?" 

"Where are you trying to get?" I frowned.

"Just think."

My eyes flickered to the tattoo on my forearm. I recalled all the times I spent with him and what all has passed between us. Our relationship was hella complicated-if a relationship is what we do have. But then I got used to him. I got so used to him that maybe, just maybe, spending the following years here won't be that bad?

"Of course he means something," I muttered, my fingers tracing the tattoo, "I wouldn't have decided to stay here otherwise."

"Think deeper about what you actually feel towards him then maybe things will be easier on which decision you want to take."

"But I don't know what I think about him!" I exasperated, "he's a huge jerk and a big asshole but sometimes I like him, and I tolerate him and it's just a huge mess!"

I wanted to bang my head on the wall of this tub.

"You'll get it." He patted my head, "Anyways, I'll leave you for now."

Saying that he walked out too, leaving me alone to my clouded messy thoughts.

What if I do do the deed with King Alpha? He's been talking about that since he met me. I mean if I do have to spend the rest of my life with King Alpha then I wouldn't exactly mind having that with him.

Am I really gonna spend the rest of my life with him? In Saludom?

All I want is a normal life and for everything to go back to the way it was.

Was that even a sensible thing to ask after everything that's happened?

What if I never leave this place and never live the life a normal girl my age would?

Sure I would get stronger, learn new stuff, and be a better version of myself but is that what I really want?

I always thought of how would I lose my virginity and whom it would be with? I always thought it would be some charming guy from school whom we'd meet in a café and get to know each other by talking for five hours.

Instead, I got a psychotic werewolf who picked me up from my house and placed me in his mansion like a doll.

The more I keep thinking into this, the more I feel like my fate is sealed with melted iron to King Alpha. No matter what I do, he's always there. No matter where I run, he's always there. No matter whom I meet, he's always there.

I did decide to be his Ride, but I don't even know where to begin with. I need King Alpha to open up to me. I opened up to him on various occasions whether it was completely or not. I need him to do the same if I want to understand him better.

I need to find out what I am and get Collin back. And I need to stay here until I do so. I even need to find what King Alpha is planning according to Katia.

All those kinds of stuff and this stupid heat.

Now I can either really do get over my girlish insecurities and experience something any parent would beat the shit out of their child for.

Or suffer through twelve days of insufferable pain that would probably kill me.

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Date: 31 August 2021