Friday

Senn had gotten in trouble for skipping school on Wednesday afternoon, and they didn't really accept his usual excuse any longer, so he had been in detention on Thursday because of it. He was also sort-of-grounded at home, since aunt Tessa was kind of upset that he skipped again.

But Senn didn't care about that. Because what Elio had said on Wednesday hurt, but it didn't make it any less true; he had cheated, and he hadn't ever told Joyce. He simply broke up eventually, after realizing his curiosity wasn't just a phase, and he liked meeting up with Julian a little too much.

It had been eating him alive ever since his conversation with Elio on Wednesday, and it only got worse after he confined in Lucas and Avan, asking them what they thought about it. Avan simply felt like he should only tell the truth if it would do Joyce any good, whereas Lucas pointed out to him that maybe it would show Elio that he really wasn't like that. That he felt regret, that he was young and confused when he did it, but that he learned from it, and took responsibility for his actions.

But both agreed; Senn knew Joyce better than they did, so he would have to decide if she needed to hear the truth.

It would probably be an endless internal battle at what to do, and neither options were appealing. He could decide on keeping the truth from Joyce, hopefully so that she wouldn't find out any other way, and hopefully it would prevent him from breaking her trust as well. But if he'd keep it from her, he'd feel guilty, probably for the rest of his life. Elio wouldn't know he'd regretted his actions, and again, Joyce could find out anyway.

Telling her would possibly help him feel relieved and less guilty and it could help convincing Elio he could be trusted. But it could break Joyce's heart, or trust, or both. It could ruin their friendship.

It could potentially ruin everything in his group of friends.

By the time lunch came on Friday, Senn had made up his mind anyway; he needed to tell Joyce the truth. She simply deserved to know. He already broke her trust when he cheated, and the only thing he could do is show her that he regretted things. If it would have been the other way around, Senn would want to know as well.

Because he knew, better than anyone, what not knowing something could feel like.

Especially since Joyce found out about his and Elio's sexuality in a very cruel way. He hadn't even talked to her about it ever since he was forced to come out in front of half his school. Which was something he still needed to talk about with Elio too. But all in due time.

"Joyce?" he muttered, gently touching her arm as she sat down next to him at lunch. "Can we talk in private?"

Joyce's eyes went wide for a split second, then looked at his hand touching her arm. "Of course," she replied with a voice full of worry, "is something wrong?"

Senn shrugged, shook his head, nodded, and shook his head again before he shrugged a second time. "Probably not what you think."

Joyce nodded, grabbed her lunch, and followed him out of the cafeteria and outside. They went to a quiet corner, sitting down on a brick wall that had once been part of a wall from the old additional school building.

"There's something you need to know. Something I should've told you a long time because you deserve to know the truth."

"Senn, if this is about you and... uh, well, your sexuality, I understand why you didn't tell me before."

Senn shook his head, sending her an insecure smile. "It does have to do with my sexuality, but it's not so much the coming out part."

"Then what?"

Senn took in a deep breath, suddenly feeling himself left unable to look her straight in the eye while he gathered the courage to tell her he fucked up, and he cheated. That he was a bad boyfriend, and a bad friend too.

"You're scaring me," Joyce tried to joke, nudging him playfully. "Come on, you always told me everything. Have I ever responded badly?"

Senn awkwardly chuckled, shaking his head. "But I never hurt you before and now I know I did."

"How? You mean Elio? Don't feel guilty about that! Elio broke things off with me and in hindsight, I know he did it as soon as he figured out he wanted to be with you instead."

Senn swallowed, forcing himself to look at her while telling her what was bothering him. And since she gave him the perfect opening, he knew this was the right moment.

"But I didn't," Senn started.

"Senn, we broke up—"

"Let me finish, please," Senn whispered, "this really isn't about Elio. It's about us, and the fact that when we were dating, I was seeing someone else. A guy. I'm not telling who because he isn't out and I'm not going to spill his secret for him. But, I cheated, and I wasn't decent enough to break things off between us right away."

Joyce remained silent, though she nodded to tell him she heard him. That she understood what he was telling her.

"I don't remember exactly for how long I saw both of you in the same time because I don't remember anything from the months before the accident, but I know there was an overlap that lasted at least two or three months. Then I figured out I rather was with that guy, than you, and I broke up with you then. But still, I cheated, and I though you needed to know. I regret every bit of it and if I could I would do it all so different, but I can't. And I hope you'll be able to forgive me."

Though Senn expected her to slap him in the face and storm off, she remained silent for a few more seconds, before she flashed a small smile.

"It wasn't good, I think we both agree on that. Cheating never is. But... I think I understand how hard it must have been for you to date me, but to realize you are probably into guys. And you just told me, the second you realized you rather wanted to be with a guy, you broke up, right?"

Senn nodded, holding in his breath. At least she hadn't used any violence to show him her anger.

"I'm glad you told me this," Joyce said, placing her hand on his, "and I think I would react way different if you would've told me you cheated with a girl, or if you were out already and then cheated with a guy. Yes, you probably should've broken up with me the moment something happened with that guy, but we're young, you were probably confused, and I am just the most understanding friend you've ever had, so I forgive you."

Senn let out the breath he had been holding, allowing her to press a kiss on his cheek.

"But," she held up a finger, "I think you owe me one thing."

"Which is?"

"Did you confront Elio about outing you? Because that wasn't cool. No matter what happened. You're not outing the guy you saw last year either. There's no reason to do so, not even if you're angry."

Senn sucked in a breath, shaking his head. "I haven't talked to him about it yet. I was so occupied with having him listen to me, and then he pointed out I am a cheater and I wanted to clear the air between us first."

"It's not cool, really. I'm flattered that your guilt over cheating on me outgrew your anger on being outed by him, but he needs to understand that it is wrong."

"And I will," Senn replied grabbing her hand, "and thank you for being such an understanding and amazing friend. It's good to know I'm not the only one who is angry about that."

"We're friends, Senn," Joyce whispered with a happy smile on her face. "And we'll always be friends."