Thursday

Avan placed an arm around Senn's shoulder, pulling him closer while they followed Lucas towards the pond to sit down in the grass next to it. "I'm here for you, okay?"

"I know, thanks"

But this was more nerve-wracking than the moment he decided on telling Avan about his sexuality. Avan was important to him, but Lucas was a whole different deal. They had a weird friendship in which they could always, always tell each other everything. Yet, this secret had been buried for years. Senn had managed to keep it buried for as long as they had been friends, since Lucas was in fact his first guy crush. Never had it stood in between them.

And then came Elio.

He knew he couldn't keep it a secret any longer, and it felt suffocating to keep it hidden from Lucas, above all else. This needed to happen. He needed to come out to him.

But maybe it was best not to tell him he previously had a crush on him. Maybe that would be a bridge too far.

Lucas sat down in the grass, retrieving three cans of beer he picked up at home, and handed them each their own.

"So, you're ready to tell me the big secret? Or is this about something else?" Lucas casually asked, not looking at Senn while he sat down beside him.

"This is about the big secret," Senn confirmed, nodding his head even though Lucas wouldn't see it.

"Are you sure you want to tell? I don't want you to feel pressured. Like you said, you weren't ready."

"I don't think I'll ever be ready. But this has been building up inside me for a while already and I'm about to burst. I don't want you to be the last to find out because I keep spurting it out accidentally."

"That's... nice to hear," Lucas muttered, chuckling a bit. "But bro, I've got you, okay? You're my best friend—no offense Avan—"

"—none taken."

"and I will always be your best friend. Remember? No matter what?"

"Right, I remember," Senn replied with a nod. "So, hypothetically, even if I'd be gay, you'd still want to be my best friend?"

Lucas didn't laugh, which he would've done if he would know Senn was actually really joking. He remained silent for a short while, before he turned to look at Senn. "Seriously, I wouldn't care if you'd be telling me you'd be into purple-haired trolls. But is it really hypothetically?"

"Would you really accept me if I'd be dating a purple-haired troll?" Senn joked back, awkwardly chuckling while avoiding the real question. "You hate purple."

"That's how much fucks I give about who you like, Senn."

Senn let out a sigh in relief, since Lucas couldn't have responded in a more typically Lucas way. He really didn't care.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm actually gay, or bi, or whatever," Senn mumbled, shrugging a shoulder before taking a sip from his beer.

"Whatever option on the spectrum you are, you're my best friend and you really need to start remembering that I don't care about that. I care about you, and if you're happy." Lucas placed a hand on his shoulder. "But now that you told me that..."

"What?"

"You weren't moody because of Joyce. It really wasn't about her, huh? It was about Elio."

"And they say you're not the brightest tool in the shed."

Lucas laughed, Avan joining him soon. It made Senn smirk, but he was in fact thankful Lucas had noticed the details after all. He just never judged the situation without having all the information.

"Did Elio brake things off with Joyce because of you?" Lucas asked, curiosity filling his eyes. "That would be romantic. I mean, that's romantic, right?"

Senn chuckled, shrugging in response. "I don't know if I'm the reason why he broke things off with Joyce. I think he did. But I haven't talked to him yet."

"What?" Avan chocked on his beer, and Lucas frowned. Avan hit him on the shoulder. "Wait, you haven't talked to him about it yet?"

"Well, he wasn't in school today. So, no."

"He didn't tell you after he broke things off? You were actually unaware of it until Joyce told you?"

"Didn't I look surprised enough?"

"Well," Avan shrugged a shoulder, then laughed shortly. "Your reply was a bit awkward and clumsy."

"You should go talk to him." Lucas nudged him. "Find out why he broke things of with Joyce. He hasn't really given her a clear reason, but if it has to do with you, I can see why he hasn't said anything about that to her."

"Lucas is right," Avan said, "you should talk to him. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious he likes you. And you like him, right?"

"Well, yeah," Senn said, lolling his head to the side. "I do like him."

"But?" Avan lifted an eyebrow. "What's holding you back?"

"Julian, remember?"

"Shit, right..." Avan sighed, while a smile decorated his face. "I guess that means you still don't know what to do about him?"

Senn shook is head, but before he could speak, he heard a long 'ooh' coming from his left. When he looked at Lucas, his facial expression caused him to laugh out loud.

"You and Julian? Really? That's why you always left with him?" Lucas seemed really surprised, and it caused Senn to laugh even louder, though he was unsure why it was so funny to him.

Avan chuckled along with him, before he nudged Senn. "They were seeing each other in secret. I guess nobody knew."

"Well, my parents guessed it. But that's just a parental thing, I guess. They know us better than we think."

Lucas nodded in agreement. "But, don't swerve away from the subject. Elio and Julian? I really thought you were still hooking up with Joyce after your break up and that you guys would get back together."

"Well, for a while we did. I don't know if and when it ended before the accident though. But now it's just... I don't know. Elio and I kissed, Julian and I... well, we uh, slept together," Senn explained, feeling slightly embarrassed to talk about having sex with a guy with them. But neither of them responded weirdly, which made him feel a bit more confident that they really were okay with his sexuality. "I just don't know what I felt for Julian, and I haven't exactly been able to explain what I feel now."

"What about Elio?" Avan asked calmly. "What about your feelings for him?"

"I just want to be with him every single second of every day," Senn admitted timidly. "He makes me feel calm, better, understood, happy."

"And you don't feel that when you're with Julian now?"

"It's mainly just really awkward between us."

"Then focus on Elio for now. Julian is going through a lot right now and that just makes it more complicated as well since you're dealing with a lot as well. But his problems don't mean you have to put yours aside to make him feel better. Follow your own heart in this."

"Which tells me to talk to Elio and have him confirm to me he broke things off with Joyce because he wants to date me."

"If that's what you want to hear, I think it's pretty obvious with who you should talk first," Lucas said.

"In that case, I will." Senn nodded. "Thanks guys, it really means the world to me that you two support me."

"And we always will."

* * * Chapter 30 and Chapter 30.5 (patreon exclusive) are now available on Patreon. Chapter 30.5 gives more insight on Elio's life and background; so if you're interested in finding out more about him, head over to Patreon and pledge a minimum of $1,-!

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Love, June