Wednesday

It was an understatement to say Senn felt relieved when Julian went home around eleven in the evening, and he could go to bed without feeling guilty for leaving. Julian seemed so glad when Senn told him they could definitely hang out to see just exactly how Senn felt about him while missing a lot of memories.

Senn too was kind of excited since he was definitely interested in Julian, and curious to figure out his feelings.

But there was still Elio, and the fact he missed the boy ever since they left the bathrooms and went separate ways. Elio made him feel better without putting much effort into it, and he had been the one who got Senn to go out a little more. He was the one who stuck sticky notes in his diary to give him reasons to continue; to help find a purpose. He was the one who seemed to really understand the guilt Senn was dealing with.

But when he went to bed, turning of his nightlight, there was a gentle knock on his door.

"Yeah?" Senn asked, expecting Killian to be the one to enter his room. It was, however, aunt Tessa, and she brought cookies and milk with her.

"I'm just checking in," she said, placing the late-night snacks on his nightstand. "To make sure you're doing okay, not to check on you." She chuckled, awkwardly standing next to the bed.

There really wasn't any other place to sit, so Senn scooted aside to offer her a place to sit on the bed.

"I'm okay," Senn told her, sitting up to grab a cookie. "You know, not happy, but... okay."

She simply nodded, grabbing a cookie of her own. "It's normal not to feel happy. I understand that. It's hard, and missing Felicia every day reminds me of the void in your life. Or Killian's for that matter."

"I never really realized you lost your sister," Senn muttered, feeling embarrassed. It felt selfish for how much he had made things about him. He wasn't the only one dealing with a loss. Yeah, he had been there, but that didn't mean Tessa wasn't grieving either. "I don't think I ever asked how you're doing."

"No, but I don't expect you to look after me, Senn." Tessa smiled warmly, pushing hair out of his face in a loving way only a mother could. Senn missed that, and he allowed himself to enjoy the warmth it caused inside him.

"I know. I've just been dealing with so much, I don't think there was room for other people's problems or feelings," he admitted with a sigh, grabbing a glass of milk. "I'm not sure if I could deal with it already."

"Which is why we shouldn't be talking about me, but about you. If you want to talk at all."

"I don't know what I should talk about."

"Anything you want to tell me."

Senn bit his lip, looking at Tessa. Did she expect him to talk about the accident? Or about how much he still missed his parents every day? Or was she aiming for something completely different? The answer came after a short silence in which he contemplated on actually telling her more about what he still remembered, and his fears to forget more about his parents while time passed. Tessa, however, spoke before he could.

"It must be nice to see Julian again."

Senn swallowed, shuffling in his spot nervously. "Yeah, I guess. He was a good friend before."

Tessa's smile changed. As if she knew something, and she didn't buy his answer.

Senn replied with a frown. Tessa couldn't possibly know what kind of friend Julian had been in the past, right? Or did she overhear their conversation that evening, when Killian was on the phone?

"Did you hear us talk?"

Tessa kept smiling, shaking her head. Then, she leaned in as if she was going to tell him a secret. "Senn, sweetie, I know Julian isn't just a friend to you. At least, your mother had her suspicions about the two of you. If there's more between the two of you, I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If he really is just a friend, your mother was wrong about you for the first time since... well, ever."

Senn's frown increased, and his jaw dropped. "Mom had suspicions about me?"

Tessa nodded, biting a cookie without breaking eye contact. "She didn't want to ask you about it, since it's not something you can force someone to accept or come out with just because you want to know. But she was in fact wondering why you wouldn't talk about it to her, or your father for that matter."

"Maybe because she was wrong?"

"Was she?"

"No," Senn muttered, hugging his knees to his chest. He was done fighting, and hearing aunt Tessa tell him that his mother practically already knew, and didn't treat him any different for it, told him she didn't care about his sexuality. She loved him no matter what. That was all he wanted to know. It was one of the main things he still struggled with when it came to coming out; he just wanted his parents approval.

And Tessa just gave him exactly that.

"It's all just a big mess and I'm still not even sure what I am, if I like Julian, or this other guy..." Senn told her with words rapidly following each other. Now that she removed the breaks, he couldn't stop himself from pouring out his heart. "I don't want to lose my friends when I tell them. I don't want things to change even more because everything already changed immensely, and I just want the world to stop so I can take a minute and breath."

"It's a lot to handle, Senn," Tessa said as she placed a comforting hand on his arm. "But for the most part you need to remember not to rush anything. Not your process of grieving, not in figuring out what you are or who you are. Not who you like or who to tell. Don't rush into something you might regret later. But most important, don't forget to try and enjoy life while you're finding your way in it."

"But how do I do that when everything feels so suffocating and forced?" he timidly asked, staring at her hand on his arm. "Lucas wants answers and I want to tell him, but I'm afraid he might not like the truth."

"Sweetie, always, always pick your own happiness over others. If you are ready to tell him, tell him. If you're not, it's not his place to force you out of your comfort zone. But believe me when I tell you this; you have to make your own happiness. And if hiding your true self feels suffocating, stop hiding."

"It does feel nice to know you won't kick me out for it."

"Neither would your parents, neither will Dean, or Killian or even Jessica. We love you, and we always will."

"So, dad knew about it too?"

"Your parents really knew more about you than you know, Senn. They just wanted you to be happy. If it's going to be a guy who makes you happy, they would've welcomed him with open arms. And so will we."

"Thanks, Tessa," Senn whispered with a tick voice. "You don't know how badly I wanted to hear those words."

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Love, June