Friday

Of course, things weren't the same. It was awkward, it was weird, it was like there was a barrier between him and Julian, that Senn didn't like one single bit. Maybe it was the fact Julian hadn't drunk any alcohol yet. Maybe it was because things evidently did change, massively, and Julian didn't know if Senn wanted to talk about it or not.

Which was why Senn asked Julian about his life, but that didn't get him much elaborate answers either. Julian dropped out of college, but he didn't want to talk about the why's or how's or when's. And since Senn didn't feel like spilling details about his new life either, they sat in silence for a while, Julian sipping from a beer Senn and Elio had left there no too long ago.

Initially, Julian had been staring towards the river just like Senn, probably overthinking life and the ways everything got screwed over. But after a short while, Julian resolved in staring at Senn from pretty up close. His breath fanned Senn's cheek gently, and it made Senn's stomach twist when he found Julian staring at him with some sort of affection he had missed so much.

When Senn turned to look at Julian as well, the latter slowly started to lean in, and part of Senn wanted to lean in as well and kiss Julian. But a small part caused him to think back of the kiss he shared with Elio, and all the things it did to him. But that automatically lead to him remembering how Elio and Joyce had kissed in front of him, and pushed him over the line to lean in and capture Julian's lips with his own.

It took about three seconds before he was able to let go of all the nagging thoughts, grab Julian's sweater, and pull the boy on top of him while Julian deepened their kiss. His hands slid under Senn's hoodie, touching his skin.

Senn had somewhat expected Julian to be calmer, like he used to be months ago when they first started sneaking away to hook up. Well, for as far as he could remember, Julian had always been calm and... sweet.

He was a bit more lustful now, and Senn didn't exactly mind. It made it easier to look at it as something that didn't mean a lot but was still somewhat important. And having Julian touch his skin, made him realize how much exactly he missed being touched by anyone.

The last touches beside a short hug from his aunt, or a pat on the shoulder from Killian or his friends, had been nurses, helping him wash himself in his hospital bed.

Not exactly the intimacy he longed for.

He wiggled underneath Julian, when the boy pushed his hoodie up to trail kisses down his upper body. Senn took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to enjoy every touch, every kiss, as much as he possibly could. This was what life was like before everything went to hell. Just getting drunk with his best friends, sneaking out with Julian to smoke a spliff, drink more beer, and have sex. Explore his sexuality, explore feelings, enjoying the undivided attention from a hot guy like Julian.

Julian was doing more to him than just turning him on with his kisses. Julian was taking him back in time, and for the first time in a long while, Senn actually felt like he was enjoying himself.

He was also enjoying Julian, very much.

And since it took two to tango, Senn woke himself from his train of thoughts, and used his hands, his lips, his body, to return the favors to Julian. They undressed each other slowly, kissing every part of the other's body.

No words were said, nothing was verbally asked. They only needed to look at each other to know exactly what the other thought. And since they'd been there before, doing the exact same, Senn wasn't all too surprised when Julian reached for his backside, and started teasing him.

He hadn't expected—nor wanted—foreplay that dragged on and on. Senn rather wanted the cuddling that came afterwards. He wanted to feel safe in Julian's arms, a place he knew so well and missed so much.

But no matter how much he longed for it, it felt different too. Julian prepping him, Senn kissing him or jerking him off. It all was completely different because Senn felt different. He wanted this; he was turned on by Julian for a reason. But he still felt conflicted.

Julian stared down at him with dark hooded eyes, leaning in for a small kiss while he held Senn close.

Senn answered the kiss, pulling him in for a better kiss, a real one. One that took his mind to other places, void of doubts or confusing feelings. One that left him in a state of pure longing. He was growing impatient, and when the kiss ended, he took the condom Julian had in his pocket, and wrapped him up. It was merely a way to tell Julian he needed to move things along.

The first time they had done this, Julian had repeatedly asked Senn if he was sure. But by now, they had done this numerous of times—most likely more times than Senn could remember—and Julian took his actions as approval.

Or consent, whatever people wanted to call it these days.

Still, Julian sent him a look that probably lasted a few seconds but felt like ages. A look as if Julian was trying to read his deepest secrets and his biggest wishes, all through his eyes. As if he was reaching for his soul, but Senn didn't want to ruin the mood by jokingly informing Julian there probably wasn't much left of his soul nowadays.

He turned over to break their eye contact, and Julian repositioned himself behind Senn before pecking kisses on his back, gently pushing inside.

Maybe it was because Senn couldn't remember doing this in nearly a year, maybe it was because he actually forgot, maybe he was just nervous. But it was uncomfortable in the least, and he held his breath as Julian started to move. Gentle at first, but at the que of Senn's moans, he picked up in speed while his hand found Senn's, entwining their fingers and squeezing it.

Drops of sweat trickled down his face as Senn closed his eyes and tried to savor all the good feelings he felt in that moment. Not just sheer physical pleasure from Julian pushing and pulling in and out of him, creating a sensory overload in his body, but also those of feeling at home in Julian's arms. For a short blissful while, he was back in time for a year.

Their moans and panting created their own tune that echoed through the treehouse as their bodies moved like one until Senn cried out, waves of pleasure going through him as Julian made similar sounds behind him while reaching his climax.

And as soon as they lay down beside each other, still grasping for air, a sense of sadness washed over Senn, because as soon as Julian pulled him in his arms, Senn knew this would all be over soon, and he'd have to face reality once again.

But just for a little while, he allowed himself to act ignorant of reality.

For ignorance was bliss.

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Love, June