"...and then he just stood and walked away, saying that he didn't think Frisbee Football was fun, which I think is a lie, because the first half of the game he seemed to be having fun," Ash said.

"Did I tell you how he evened out the score and kept it completely balanced? I mean, from a player standpoint that is pretty impressive because he was able to maintain the balance while playing with twelve other players. But from a psychological standpoint, it's fascinating. If you think..."

Dr. Ellerson interrupted Ash by clearing her throat. Ash pursed her lips shut as she was reminded she wasn't there to talk about Zach, but herself.

"When he left abruptly, how did that make you feel?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"How did it make me feel?" Ash repeated as she tried to refocus her brain back on herself. "We were having a nice conversation and then out of the blue he just stood up and walked away. We didn't even get to see the end of Jason and Mel's argument. Zach made this grand hypothesis that it was all about the mother, but how could he know that if he didn't even follow through with his observation?

"It was sloppy psychology, if you ask me. Professor Huxley says that your gut instinct is good, but you have to follow it up with concrete evidence. Maybe Zach isn't as good as I had originally thought."

Ash got lost in her thoughts as she recalled all the times he had been more capable and observant than she had ever imagined, so that wasn't the answer.

After a minute, she realized it was silent and she looked over at Dr. Ellerson. She had a patient look on her face as she asked again, "And how did that make you feel?"

At this point, Ash wasn't surprised Dr. Ellerson saw through her distraction tactics, but she still always tried just on the off chance it worked.

"We're looking for an emotion," Dr. Ellerson added.

"Confused," Ash said quietly.

She hated confusion. It made her feel helpless. If she was confused then it meant she didn't fully understand the situation, and if she didn't fully understand the situation, then she couldn't control it. Even admitting she had been confused felt like a sort of defeat.

Dr. Ellerson nodded and was quiet for a moment before she asked, "And how do you feel about it now?"

"Annoyed! Zach did something dumb and now I'm spending my whole therapy session talking about it. We shouldn't even be talking about this. It's so annoying!" she said, feeling more comfortable ranting. "Most people could probably just move on and forget about it. Most people would probably be more understanding and just make up an excuse as to why he had acted that way and just let it be. But here I am, talking about it in therapy. This is why I don't have friends."

Dr. Ellerson gave her a few minutes to fume before she asked another question. "Do you want to talk about what you want to say the next time you see Zach?"

"Oh, I already saw him," Ash said, her irritated emotions receding as she realized she had found a way to move the conversation on. "We took a yoga class together."

"And how did that go?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"Fine...." Ash let the word hang in the air as she remembered how that event ended. She had made it out of one touchy topic only to step into another.

"Can you say more about the class?"

"It wasn't fun, I'll tell you that," Ash said, trying to laugh but it came out hoarse. "The teacher wasn't great. He had all these grand ideas about 'the universe' and half of what he said was complete nonsense. I was just there to workout and here was this guy trying to tell me how to 'accept the gifts of the universe'," Ash said, adopting the mystical tone Daniel, the teacher, had used.

"Which idea bothers you more? The idea of the universe being something that can bestow gifts? Or the fact that you don't feel like you ever received any?" Dr. Ellerson, said, cutting straight through all of Ash's rant to the core of the issue.

"Ha! Okay!" Ash said, sitting up straight, feeling like she had just been sliced open by the truth. "Who said anything about gifts?"

Dr. Ellerson waited a minute to give Ash time to take a deep breath before she said, "You did."

"Well...." Ash stuttered. "Daniel said it first. I was just passing along his teachings to you."

"How did Zach feel about the class?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

Ash understood Dr. Ellerson was giving her a chance to talk about her own feelings masked as Zach's and she happily reached for the assistance.

"He left before the warmup was even done. He didn't like the class. Maybe he has never received any of the gifts from the universe either."

Dr. Ellerson nodded. "And you left with him."

"Yes. We left together." Ash said.

Dr. Ellerson nodded. "Have you set up any new plans with Zach?"

"No. I haven't seen him since the yoga class."

Dr. Ellerson nodded again, and it made Ash think she somehow understood exactly how Ash had reacted and just walked away from Zach.

"You haven't seen him in class?" she questioned.

"I had a lot of homework lately, so I skipped a few classes to work on it," Ash said, examining her nails so she didn't have to look at Dr. Ellerson.

It wasn't a lie. She did have homework and she had spent the time she would have been in class working on said homework. She could have gone to class and done the homework afterward, but she hadn't known how to face Zach.

"And he hasn't come into the Busy Bean?" Dr. Ellerson pushed.

"Well...I haven't been on the schedule for the last couple of days."

This was only because she had called out, but did little details like that really matter?

"Why don't we think through some things you could say to Zach the next time you see him?" Dr. Ellerson suggested.

As much as Ash wanted to go kicking and screaming to therapy, it was at moments like these that her gratitude towards Dr. Ellerson grew. Dr. Ellerson could point out all the excuses that Ash was using to avoid Zach, but instead of focusing on what Ash had already done, Dr. Ellerson was working with Ash to help her move forward.

"Okay," Ash nodded.

1 Week Later

"How did it go with Zach?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"Oh grand!" Ash said, gesturing wildly. "Just so grand! We tried out a comedy club, cause doesn't having fun mean you laugh. But the funny thing is, it turns out neither of us wants to laugh. Or at least, neither of us knows how!

"Also, comedy clubs aren't so friendly to people like us. Comedians think it's great to joke about serious stuff and most of the audience thinks it funny except, when you have had to live through the stuff that the comedians are joking about, it isn't so funny. It's actually really dumb and stupid and somehow Zach ended up leaving before I did, and I only made it through ten minutes."

"You left after ten minutes?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"And I left them a one-star review!" Ash proudly declared.

She might have gone overboard mentioning the comedian's obvious issues with his mother but it also wasn't wrong. "Writing the review was actually the only fun part of the whole experience."

"And Zach?"

"Oh! I haven't seen him for days. But whatever. I don't care."

"Do you really not care?"

Ash gave Dr. Ellerson a cutting look. If she was going to ask dumb questions, then Ash was going to treat her accordingly.

"Let's take a deep breath," Dr. Ellerson suggested.

A few days later

"If the person wanted the picture to be complete, then they never should have broken it into a thousand small pieces to begin with," Ash said, throwing her hands into the air.

Zach took a deep breath and she slapped his arm.

"Stop it," she said.

"What?" he asked, innocently as his eyes scanned the puzzle pieces in front of them.

"You're doing that thing where you slow your breathing so that I'll follow along, but I don't want to."

"Cause freaking out over a jigsaw puzzle is a much better option?" he asked flatly.

"I am not freaking out."

"We've been here for approximately twenty minutes and you have given up."

"I never said I was giving up," she argued. "I just don't understand why I have to put this puzzle back together when it's not my fault that it's broken apart in the first place."

"I think you're missing the point."

Ash looked up from their table and around the room at all the other people hunched over their own puzzles. This was her own fault. She had seen the ad on one of the school's bulletin boards and thought, why not?

The comedy show had been such a disaster she thought trying something slow and relaxing might be a more reasonable option for them to have fun. At least she could be ninety-nine percent certain that no one at the puzzling night would be talking about childhood trauma from their parents.

"There," Zach said, sitting back in the chair and giving the table a satisfactory look.

Ash looked at the table and frowned. He had barely accomplished anything. The border was complete, she would give him that, but the rest of the pieces were just in neat piles scattered within the border of the puzzle.

She began a slow, mocking clap. "I had no clue your spy skills involved puzzles, but what you have done here is truly inspiring."

"Thank you," he said sincerely. He pushed back from the table and stood.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she jumped up after him.

Anywhere was better than this puzzle hell. Ash felt like she was two puzzle pieces away from putting her head through the wall.

"My work is done here," he said.

She laughed. "Work? It still looks like a mess to me."

"It would to an uncultured puzzler."

"I'll happily accept that label."

His mouth pulled at the corner in what Ash had come to accept as his smile.

"Are you really going to walk away without finishing it?"   

"Who says I didn't finish what I set out to do?"

Ash looked at the puzzle and then back at him, like it was so obvious no words were needed.

"I set up the perimeter and established the quadrants. Every participant in a puzzle has a role," he explained as he led the way out of the puzzle room.

Ash followed and listened as he broke down the roles of the leader, strategist, technician, and cleaner. Ash felt certain there wasn't a need for such defined roles for completing a puzzle, but she kept her mouth shut and listened as he slowly and methodically defined each role.

As Zach talked, something shifted in his mannerisms. He let more expression slip into his voice, and something about him felt a little more relaxed.

"So you were the strategist today," she said after having received a thorough breakdown of how the CIA carried out a mission. "You established the border, set the groundwork, and prepared the supplies for the technician."

He nodded.

"Were you always the strategist?" she questioned. "Did you ever play any other roles?" she clarified. "Like the technician?" She caught the small movement of his shoulders tensing and quickly added, "As a puzzler?"

He fully smiled, and Ash knew instantly she had stepped on a bomb. "I don't know what you mean. Today was my first time puzzling," he answered.

Then he walked away. Ash wanted to kick herself as she watched him go. She would just leave out this ending when she reported back to Dr. Ellerson.

2 Weeks Later

"We were only there for ten minutes before Zach said he figured out who the killer was," Ash said, her feet bouncing as they dangled off the edge of Dr. Ellerson's couch. "If I'm being honest, I was definitely annoyed that he figured it out so fast, but it was a good incentive. I figured out who the killer was five minutes later."

Dr. Ellerson gently cleared her throat and Ash looked over at her.

"What?" Ash questioned at the look Dr. Ellerson was giving her.

"This was a Murder Mystery party?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"Yes," Ash answered hesitantly. Dr. Ellerson was using her "leading" technique where she asked strategic questions to get Ash to a certain point.

Ash always liked playing the game of trying to figure out where Dr. Ellerson was trying to lead her before Dr. Ellerson could ask too many questions. Her lowest record so far was four questions.

"Was this your first time attending a Murder Mystery party?"

"Yes," Ash answered. She had clarified that point at the beginning of her story.

"Did you do any research into what a Murder Mystery party is?"

"It's a party where you are trying to figure out who the murderer is."

"Yes..." Dr. Ellerson said, "But it isn't just about finding the murderer." Ash looked at her blankly. "Part of the fun of a Murder Mystery party is playing your role. I'm sure you received a character you were supposed to play at the party."

Ash had received a character name and profile. She had been Becca Riley. A girl from California who loved cocktails and had recently broken up with her boyfriend for mysterious reasons.

But Ash had quickly surmised that Becca's "love for cocktails" had actually been the driving force behind her breakup. She liked to party and her boyfriend was on track to graduate a semester early and didn't want her drinking to slow him down.

She had clearly stated this background story she had created to anyone who had questioned her at the party. They had always seemed stunned that she was so forthright with her character's personal details, but Becca wasn't the murderer so Ash saw no point in being mysterious.

"Did you play your role?" Dr. Ellerson asked.

"As Becca? Sure. Turns out she is a straight shooter and very similar to me."

Dr. Ellerson cleared her throat and Ash didn't have to look at her to know the look she was giving Ash.

"There was a murderer on the loose!" Ash protested. "Someone was dead. Did they really just expect me to sit around and slowly reveal details about my troublesome breakup and give the murderer time to get away?"

Dr. Ellerson let out a soft sigh.

"Fine. I can see that I went into the situation with the wrong intentions," Ash conceded for Dr. Ellerson's sake. "I think it's safe to say that Murder Mystery parties are not for me. But don't worry, we already have our next attempt at fun lined up."

"That's positive. I'm glad to hear that even though you realized the Murder Mystery party isn't for you, it isn't holding you back from trying again," Dr. Ellerson said, sounding like she was trying to buoy herself as much as she was trying to buoy Ash. "What's the next thing you are going to try?"

"An escape room."

**********************************************************************

HAHA!!

At this point no one could read this book and I'd still love it! Why are they such a hot mess! Like the hottest of hot messes! It's hilarious.

Two questions: what are your thoughts on the book so far? What emotion do you hate the most?

I'm with Ash, I hate confusion because there seems no way out of it. Sometimes there's no clear answers or reasons and you're left with this floating intangible feeling, it's awful!

Have you ever been to a murder mystery party before?

I've been to two. The first one was a bit of a mess. The second I knew who the murderer was, not because I asked questions, but because I saw that he never went and asked other people questions. He didn't need to since he was the murderer so that's how I knew.

Vote, comment, follow and have a good day! That's a command, if you don't have a good day then I'll be forced to come find you and make it a good day!