Climbing the fire escape stairs has never been easy. It was a long way to the top, challenging, and tempting to see what was on top. It felt almost like climbing on top of the world. 

Lauren was always left breathless. Maybe it was the view of the glittering city brightening the night sky; maybe it was her corrupted lungs from all the smoke; or maybe it was from the never-ending stairs.

Perhaps it was the burning memory of another set of footsteps behind her and the heavy breathing of another person. Now, all she could hear is her uneven breathing and strong heart beating.

It has been a while since Lauren was here. Looking over the Golden Gate bridge, feeling the wind caress her skin. She put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and breathed in the air.

The green-eyed girl put out a broken phone from her pocket. The light of the screen illuminated her face. A few swipes of her thumb and a voice broke through the speakers.

"Have you ever been in love with someone you can't have?"

Lauren put down the phone and sat on the cold cement, eyes wandering over the city lights.

A bitter laugh came from the phone.

"People think it's hard to explain, it is in fact very simple.

You look at them being happy, being sad, being angry. And you want to do everything for them to feel better. To be the reason that they are in peace with themselves. Unconsciously, giving too much, you start to fade.

But they don't see it that way.

In fact, they don't see you gave so much to them.

But who's there to take care of you in the end?

No one.

And your body aches. For them.

Your soul is brought to life, only to be slaughtered again.

Your heart only beating for them until it stops.

And your mind- just them, them, them."

The voice faded in the night. Lauren picked up the phone and a press later, the voice was back.

"I had too much to drink last night.

But I remember clearly, the shame swallowing me whole.

I know it was just a joke. She told me 'Dykes are disgusting, all they imagine is having sex with you.'. It's funny because I wanted to argue, but her stupid friends started to laugh so hard. Like it was the joke of the year.

But then again, I am supposedly a 'dyke'. And then again I supposedly am 'begging for it.'

It wasn't a joke at all."

The message finished again, Lauren skipped down a few messages.

"I just don't understand.

You are there. You are always there when they feel down. Always trying to help them.

And then when you are down. That one time that is feeling like the world is collapsing around you- they just brush you off. Like nothing.

Every damn time.

What, am I less of a person than you? Doesn't my feelings matter? Doesn't everyone have their bad days? Wasn't I there for you when you were feeling down?

What did I do to deserve this treatment?

I was there. All the way.

And where were you?"

A heavy sigh followed with a long pause.

"I am suffocating in this world that I created."

Lauren was looking in the distance, her hand mechanically selecting the next voice message. 

This one always cutting deeper than the others.

"Lauren, let's make a pact." a cheerful voice said, followed by a deep laugh.

"A what now?" Lauren couldn't even believe that the voice was hers. It felt unknown to her.

"Let's make a promise that we will never break."

"Okay, but why are you recording it?"

"To have а proof when you break the promise, duh."

"Okay, what's the promise gonna be about then?"

"Our friendship, obviously. Repeat after me."

"Okay."

"I promise to love you unconditionally and always be there for you, always catch you when you fall, always pick you up when you're down," 

Lauren remembers the soft look on Camila's face after repeating those words. She never realized how much they made Camila's heart fly.

"Let's seal it with a kiss."

"Sure."

Lauren remembers how they intertwined their pinkies and kissed their hands. It felt millions of years ago.

"Have you ever felt so powerless?"  her voice was hoarse.

"Like, you are not in control. Someone else has taken the wheel and you just stay there and watch how they control your life for you.

And the most pathetic thing is that you have no desire to take your life back.

You let people take and take and take from you. You let them touch you with their dirty hands and scan you with their razer eyes. An embrace that should make you feel safe, not frightened. 

You are unable to save yourself. To scream for help. To even think about it."

Lauren stood up and walked to the edge of the roof, looking at the calm street below.

"Sometimes, death is the only option.

No. Death is always the option.

All this pain and suffering just woosh. Gone. 

All your problems? Solved.

All the aching? Disappear.

And you? Wooosh, gone too.

What is the meaning of life if you can't be saved if you can't save yourself and move on?

There is none."

The last thing Lauren remembers of Camila was their arrangement to meet at their usual place. Lauren, of course, was late as always. She tried calling a few times to let Camila know that she is running late.

She remembers stumbling out of the corner and seeing the cracked phone on the walkway; picking it up and examining it. 

It was Camila's, no doubt.

Surprisingly the phone came to life after pressing the buttons a few times. The screen lit up, notifications popping up.

"You have 3 missed calls from Lauren."

Lauren had never run so fast in her life.

Camila's house was empty. She knocked once, twice. No one opened the door.

A few days later Camila was officially announced missing. Lauren hasn't slept at all.

Two weeks later her body was found in an alley not so far away from where Lauren found her phone. Lauren stood there all night, crying.

She never gave the phone to the police as evidence. After all, it was all that had left of Camila.

A month later Camila's father was arrested for sexual assault and murder of his daughter.

Lauren clicked on the last message, stepping forward.

"Until it happens to you, you don't know what it is like."