ALL OF THE STARS

JIHOON + CHLOE:

Chloe remembers a time when she was little, with bags under her eyes and ink smudged on her fingers, that Jihoon had told her that she made the stars brighter.

"That one." He said, pointing at the sky, "That one reminds me of you."

There were way too many stars for him to precisely point out which one he meant, but she got the idea. Her eyes had been a bit too big at that time, her smile a bit too wide, and she smiled only wider when he climbed back into his room and drew the star on his wall with a black marker— a dot.

And then she held his hand and he was attached.

That 'star' looked like a masterpiece back then (it still does to him). But now, it's often mistaken to be an accident that happened during making homework by others. It still makes Jihoon's heart flutter in his chest almost painfully when he looks at it, especially because he knows that there's an identical speck on Chloe's wall somewhere above her bed.

"Jihoonie, did you bring the journal?" There's a cold hand resting on the nape of his neck. Jihoon doesn't need to turn around to see who the hand belongs to, and he is quite surprised with himself that he didn't just jump out of his skin at the touch. He nods and doesn't take his eyes off the telescope before him.

"It's on my desk." Jihoon tells Chloe, and although it's a little softer and muffled than he intended, he knows she still hears it. And he's right, because she sucks in a breath, tired from climbing in and out of his window too much, walking towards his desk to grab the astronomy journal the two of them kept and flipping through the pages. Some are ripped and bright pink because of her leaking highlighter in fifth grade, but there is only one page that stands out to her.

Chloe stops to read the words scribbled down on it, a little bit amused.

"Oh?"

Jihoon doesn't look up, the only sign of curiosity being that his eyebrow slightly raises. "What?"

"Is this true?" She beams, stuffing the notebook — and herself— in his face and Jihoon flinches because she's close and he can practically count the eyelashes around her eyes.

It's kind of stupid, really, because the moment Jihoon opens his mouth to answer her, she leans in even closer as if to say 'Well?'

Jihoon doesn't want to, but still pushes her away, gently though, because he is getting nervous from the small distance and the look in her eyes isn't good for his heart, he believes. "Yes. I saw it once, you should have seen it!" He says with a full-blown grin to match her excitement.

Chloe's face lights up once she imagines the stars falling from the sky inside her head, and is it just Jihoon or does it look like there suddenly are shooting stars inside her eyes?

He winces. Sappy. He probably shouldn't say that out loud.

"We might see it tonight," Jihoon then reminds her, his mouth shifting into a nervous smile when she leans back against his bed again, but she isn't looking at him. She's reading the rest of the information Jihoon wrote down for her, side-eyeing him after she finishes.

"Oh. Right.." Chloe mutters, "This is embarrassing. I've never seen a falling star before, or anything of the sort."

Jihoon gets up and carries the telescope to his window. How the fourteen year-old looks in the moonlight, all alien and ethereal, as he stands in front of his window with one of his proudest postures causes a little bit of thrill to pass over Chloe's eyes.

"Now, that's why we are here right now."

And it's probably the most pretty thing she's ever seen in her entire life. Not him standing there (okay, maybe), but the stars and how absolutely breathtaking they look even when burning and vaporizing and plunging into the Earth's atmosphere. It used to make her sad, how stars fell, even though she had never personally witnessed it, because they were so fascinating and the thought of them just falling and never seeing them again frightened her.

But Jihoon is here to save the day, or rather night, and he tells her that it's alright because stars don't die. Stars drop, true, but their shades go back to the place where they once hung and dropped only to shine all over again.

So Chloe just sits back and watches, her hand reaching out for the sky and fingers tracing the fiery trails stretching out behind the meteors. And while her palm itches to touch them, Jihoon's palm itches too, but not because of the same reason. His teeth are buried in his lip, eyes settled on her and he holds back a grunt when his hand twitches with the effort it takes not to reach out to touch her.

But then Chloe looks at him and she smiles and he just does it. He grabs her hand. He gives her an uncertain look the moment after, apologetic almost.

The corners of her lips lift higher.

She doesn't pull back though.

|

Four years ago, Jihoon had sat on his roof with a girl he fell in love with that night and held her hand during a meteor shower in the middle of spring and the air was a little warm and Jihoon had found out how much of a fool that girl really was —and still is. It isn't that Chloe's stupid or naïve or dumb, no, she's foolish because from that one moment high school started he could see that all the laughs and the smiles and cheekiness are built upon a longing in her chest to do it all by herself and be the best.

So naturally, the two have grown older, except Chloe has matured (a little too fast) and he, sadly, didn't change much. And everytime he happens to pass her and he greets her cheerfully and she greets him back, he frowns because her head is a little lower than usual and he can't see the shooting stars in her eyes so clearly anymore. He thinks that it's odd how he can easily see that, proof on how much time he spends looking at her face.

But even so, nothing beats Saturdays, though. They are the worst; morning practice at home, the sight of Chloe running laps outside with sweat on her forehead and sometimes in the afternoon Jihoon would catch her with her nose in textbooks and pimples on her forehead. He never gets to ask her how she's doing, because she doesn't have time for small talk.

There are times he really can't help but think that the star inside of her has died, but he refuses to see it that way. It can't be.

Foolish person.

He calls Chloe that when she's not around, and there's this part of him that wants to just burst into her room and yell at her. He wants to yell at her for being such a coward, he wants her to wake up and realize that perfect doesn't exist. He wants that. He wants to look at her again and tell her he loves her and see the old—

"Chloe? What brings you here?"

Jihoon had already seen her walk in, but he still can't help the way his head jolts up at the mention of her name, much to his discontent. He hesitates to move for a moment, looking up at Chloe with practiced ease when he catches Jinyoung throwing him this glare that screams 'act natural'.

"Bae Jinyoung." Chloe bows in a show of respect, and Jihoon just can't get over how nice the school uniform looks on her. The light yellow sweater she always chooses to wear over her uniform makes her look cute. He is proud of himself because he's fine, but it's kind of short-lived, because she turns to him and he desperately tries to fight a cough as she bows again. He feels Jinyoung's foot press on his and his face stiffens.

"Jihoon." She says, eyes on Jinyoung but wandering back to Jihoon soon after that. Even though the fact that even the way she addresses him has changed should probably come as a surprise, Jihoon is still pleased to hear her say his name.

"Can you come and get some mushrooms with me after school? Our mothers asked me this morning." Chloe asks politely, but still unable to hide the excitement in her voice. Jihoon is relieved to find out she can still get excited, seeing the fact she looks rather serious after all these years and he doesn't see her smile sincerely often.

Of course she can get excited, you moron.

Jinyoung glances at Jihoon. "Heh?"

Jihoon opens his mouth, "Eh.." he pauses. He imagines Chloe, beautiful school girl and love interest since childhood, walking home with him and getting mushrooms together and maybe if he just grabs her ha— shit, stop.

He nods. She smiles.

|

The walk to the store is interesting. Jihoon trips over rocks five times.

"Next time we take the other route." Jihoon sighs, and he shudders a little bit.

Chloe giggles, "Okay, Jihoonie."

His eyes widen, but he doesn't get the chance to see the stars in Chloe's eyes when she laughs at him as she walks into her home.

|

Something inside him snaps when he sees Chloe pout a little with watery eyes outside at nine in the afternoon. She had a 78 for English, pretty good, but not enough for her. Jihoon sits in his room, his day off, and his heart clenches in his chest and it feels like someone is punching him in the face because all he can think of is how he can't go out to comfort her, tell her that she's doing well enough, considering the fact that at this point the two of them are practically strangers and she would most likely get weirded out (he thinks).

Chloe tries her best, really, Jihoon knows from the nights she is hunched over her textbooks and the early hours she spends jogging and the half faked smile she gives him when she bumps into him on the way to school. He knows. But she's human and she's just a third year.

Time seems to blend after that, and Jihoon slumps in his chair when she disappears inside and her bedroom light switches on. His heart shoots into his throat, and Chloe walks into her room with red cheeks and her knees tremble slightly from under her. She looks like hell, stressed out and tired, clutching her notebooks to her chest.

Then she sits down and studies. She doesn't get up for the rest of the night.

And meanwhile, Jihoon's heart feels like it could burst any moment now, but he feels guilty and that's what stops him. He decides not to look at her anymore.

(He still secretly glances at her, though.)

(He loves her, after all.)

|

After thinking about it for a long time, Jihoon texts Jinyoung that same night at around twelve.

'I really think I'm in love with her.'

'Wow. You're late.' Jinyoung replies.

|

Fall comes with bruises and flowers in his locker. There's an unpleasant feeling in Jihoon's chest and by now the stars don't look so bright anymore. Different things use up all of his time now, a fulltime job and grades, college preparation and training.

Jihoon is tired, his eyelids are heavy and he feels disappointed because tonight a star is falling and he isn't as excited as he hoped to be. Now, a sticky note covers the dot on his wall that is conveniently drawn where his desk is, because it distracts him and—shit, Chloe is right in front of him. Maybe not really in front of him, as in in the same room, but still.

One glance out his window, she looks different. Not the different she looked weeks ago, worn out and stressed, but different from just that; her smile is back and her eyes are slightly glowing. She just returned from her trip to China and Jihoon can see the same form reading textbooks and suddenly he is that lame fourteen year old again.

Jihoon's hand moves unconsciously, and his eyes fall on the note on his wall. He rips it off quickly. And he can't help but sigh, really, because he feels like he is so sure about what to do, but at the same time he has no idea. He feels as if he should know, actually, but when Chloe lifts her head up to reward herself with a break and her eyes move to his he can feel his heart shoot into his chest in a way that's unhealthy without a doubt.

And then he is lost. He just watches Chloe open her window. He is growing more than a little nervous now, and it takes him a while to copy her movements and do the same. Jihoon doesn't really think things through the moment that comes after that. It's a mix of affection and desperation that drives him to climb out of his window, two feelings that have been swirling inside of him for the past few years at the sight of her. The feelings make him so restless, because he has work and papers and training and she's always right there (so close), behind the window on the other side and she's always working.

But this is something else entirely.

He walks over the grass towards her house, nearly falling over the same potted plants he always used to struggle with four years ago, and Chloe lets out a giggle.

"Hi." Jihoon says as he climbs into her room. It takes Chloe a few seconds to realize that he's really standing in front of her, and when she does, she slowly blinks.

Her room and its layout is still the same, if you dismiss the new sheets and the books sprawled over her desk. Plants and journals are stacked on her windowsill, that old teddy bear on her pillow, and something that looks like an alarm clock whereof the batteries have long run out collecting dust on her nightstand. There's still that star above the headboard of her bed. Jihoon bites his cheek as soon as the fact registers in his mind.

"I... Uh, how have you been?" He doesn't know exactly what to say, but he manages a sentence nonetheless, using his hand to casually lean against the wall. "We haven't s—"

"I am really sorry." Chloe interrupts him. She almost sighs in relief; her voice didn't even falter the slightest bit. She doesn't miss the way his mouth falls agape a bit. He's confused.

"Why?"

"For... Ignoring you, and stuff. Uh," She says, "Really, Jihoonie."

If Jihoon had the courage, he probably would have grabbed her by her arms. But right now that isn't exactly the case; he's taken off guard, almost startled with the fact that maybe she always had been feeling the same guilt as he did. Because of that, he settles on nodding instead, not really trusting his voice to speak in this situation. Not for now, at least.

"Jihoonie," he then repeats with an unbelieving smile.

There's a blush present on Chloe's face, but it's a little less vibrant than he remembers.

"It's okay." He says and he smiles, hoping it would make her feel more at ease. And it does, not completely; just a little bit, but it's good enough to make Chloe launch forward to hug him.

All Jihoon does is wrap his arms around her waist. He doesn't talk, and she can't really breathe too well because she missed this and her body feels warm and— God, he is right here. But the moment she actually stops breathing —really stop— is the moment something wet lands in her hair and it rolls down her neck. She laughs through her own tears silently.

Jihoon had always been a closet crybaby.

And Chloe can't help but admit to herself that it makes her love him a little, eenie meenie, bit more. And she doesn't have to tell him anything, because Jihoon already knows.

And she knows, too; she knows that Jihoon always watches her study from his bedroom window and that he feels lots of things right now, because she feels the same and because she's in love with him and he's in love with her too. She knows, so she doesn't question him when he holds her hand tighter than he ever has before, saying he's cold, but both knowing he isn't cold at all, or when the stars fall and he smiles at her as if he found answers to every mystery in the whole universe.

Jihoon is really glad though, and he thanks the speck in his bedroom for bringing the star inside her back to life and then he remembers;

stars don't die.