All My Life

All my life I have been afraid

Afraid of being me

Afraid of doing wrong

Afraid of being looked down upon

All my life I have settled

Because I was too afraid

To afraid to reach for more

All my life I have hidden the real me

Always too afraid to expose myself

To risk people seeing who and what I really am

All my life I’ve played it safe

Followed the leader

And done what I was told

All my life I have felt –

That I was worth less than others

Believing I had no right to expect more than I had

But one day I reached out and took a chance

I decided I had a right at a shot at happiness too

I discovered that true love –

And the forever after kind of happiness

Is reserved only for a few

I’ve never had a look at that list

But I know I’m not on it

Now my life is filled with tears and pain

And a longing that I now know

Will never be fulfilled

So I go on – not living

Just existing – going through the motions

Until my time is done

And when the time comes

It will be welcomed

A relief almost –

Not a final happiness

But hopefully a final peace