Boulevard of Broken Dreams // Lindsey Stirling (Green Day Cover)

I walk through the front door, drop my bag of dirty clothes and head straight for the kitchen. My mom is stirring a big pot of soup, my aunt and younger cousin, Sawyer, nearby. I wasn't expecting a full house. That's pretty stupid of me because this house is always full. My mom has her sister and family here all the time. My other cousin, Hannah, is practically best friends with my sister. It's a rare weekend when people aren't here to socialize and make good food.

With the amount of money my dad has made on his chain of coffee shops, some people would assume we have a personal chef and all kinds of employees around. But we don't. No drivers or nannies or house managers. It's always just been our family taking care of things the way most everyone else does. I take out the trash. I do my laundry and change my sheets. My dad insists that it keeps us grounded and I agree. There were enough rich assholes at school to cringe about the possibilities of how I could have turned out.

I wouldn't have a girl like Alison if I'd been a pretentious prick.

"Honey! You're home!" My mom drops her ladle into the pot and rushes across the kitchen. "I was about to send out an S.O.S. it's been so long." She throws her arms around me in a hug that's always surprisingly strong for how small she is.

"Sorry. Between school and football, I've been slammed." It's half true. I don't mention Alison and all of my spare time being spent with her. I shouldn't keep this from my family but I'm not ready to tell them if I can't bring her around.

I guess I could. My family would keep things quiet. No one is stalking me to find out any dirt about who I'm with and what I'm doing. Although being the son of Leo Miller it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility to have someone watching for anything out of the ordinary.

But after that run in with Declan the other week I'm paranoid.

"Well, you picked the right night to stop by. Fresh, homemade soup and biscuits are almost ready."

"Sounds good. I'm going to throw in a load of laundry first." I kiss my mom on the cheek and return to grab my bag before she offers to wash it for me. I'd let her, but half of my clothes smell like Alison's perfume and I don't need the questions. I dump the entire bag into the washer and start the load, no separating colors for me. I use cold water instead.

I make my way back to the kitchen to find my mom and aunt have retreated to the dining room. They've been replaced by my sister, Kyra, along with Hannah and her boyfriend, my best friend, Matt. The happy couple is still in their love bubble, standing close, touching whenever they get a chance. I realize I haven't seen much of the two of them on campus considering Matt's my roommate and Hannah is my cousin. I can admit to myself I'm jealous of the time they can spend together. I feel like a toddler pointing to someone else's toy screaming, I want that!

"Sup, man?" Matt nods to me, his arm slung over Hannah's shoulder. "Didn't know you were coming home tonight."

"Yeah, I should've cleared my schedule with you." I know I sound bitter, because I am. He's never around and I could use a friend to talk through all of this with. It's not like I can really tell him anything, though. Especially with him being a teammate. I don't want Matt overthinking things on the field.

"Dude, haven't seen you outside of practice in a while. What's up with you?" Matt asks.

"Um, well, you've got a girlfriend. I'm officially a third wheel." I leave it at that, even though the lie of omission sits like a rock in my gut.

Matt's hands fly up in defense. "Whoa, struck a nerve. Remind me to keep my mouth shut."

Hannah elbows him in the stomach while Kyra shakes her head. I bite my tongue because this isn't about being left out. This is about seeing what they have and wishing I had it.

"Anyway..." Kyra says, expertly changing the subject, "are we hanging out tonight? Cause I finished my homework and I need a Chris fix."

"A what?" I ask. Now I'm scowling because I don't know who this Chris guy is, but I'll be damned if he's good enough for my baby sister.

"Pine, Evans, Pratt, Hemsworth. You know, Chris? Any of them will do and all of them have superhero movies, so...which one will it be? I'll be generous and leave it up to the guys, so they don't mock my choice all night."

My fight mode cools down a bit now that I know she's referring to a movie star. "Pratt." He's at least got a sense of humor.

"I could care less," Matt says. His opinion doesn't count anyway. He's most likely going to spend the entire movie wrapped up in Hannah. Barf.

"Pratt works for me." Hannah's nuzzling into Matt as she speaks.

I think I might need to leave. Watching them love up on each other is not doing good things for my mindset.

Kyra claps her hands together. "Perfect. Let's snack up and roll." The girls move to the pantry, a giant walk in with food organized by type and size. Matt leans his hip against the island and crosses his arms, eyeing me through a narrowed gaze.

"What's with you?"

"Me?" My eyebrows shoot up.

His head tilts to the side like a dog trying to make sense of its human's gibberish. "Yeah, you."

As much as I wish I could talk to him—he might actually understand at this point—I don't. I can't. I'm not sure how to start all of this without really being able to talk through everything. The last thing I need is an issue with Coach at practice, between he and I or he and Matt. I don't know what would be worse because Matt has a temper and a broken filter. When he thinks someone has it all wrong—authority figure or not—he doesn't hesitate to say so. It used to be over trivial crap with our crew back at Jefferson. But since he got his head screwed on straight, he's done a good job of putting people in their place. I'm proud of the guy, but I can't go there with him.

Not yet.

"Isn't the transition to college a bitch?" I say instead of what's really on my mind. Deflection on my part but that's on just trying to get out of this conversation.

"I thought it would be, but to be honest I love the freedom. Not gonna lie." He shrugs. Matt's dad is an asshole of epic proportions so I can't blame the guy for finally feeling like he's out of a cage.

"Been home yet?" I ask. He lives in Fallbrook, in this same Richie rich neighborhood as my family.

"Nope. Not planning on it anytime soon, either. Mark's been hanging out with me at Hannah's when I'm around. Better atmosphere for him."

I nod. Matt's brother is still young. I'm glad he's stepping up for the kid.

"Okay, let's roll!" Kyra and Hannah emerge from the pantry loaded down with salty and sweet options to nibble on. I check my watch. Alison has another hour of work at the coffee place and I don't have much to do back at the dorm other than miss her.

We all pile into the basement theater room and spread out. I sit as far away from the kissing crew as possibly. Matt's already got his lips on Hannah's neck.

"We can see you." I mumble in their general direction.

"Ugh. Yeah cut out all the PDA." Kyra throws a balled up napkin at them. Hannah shoves Matt off of her, to my relief, and starts up the movie.

The lights are out so I slip my phone out of my pocket and send Alison a text, knowing she won't be able to respond for a while.

Me: miss you

I wrap my fingers around my phone, gripping it close so I can feel it vibrate when she texts back. She will. At some point.

When I feel my phone buzz only a few minutes later, it's hard to disguise my surprise. I don't want anyone asking who I'm texting and open that up to conversation.

I glance down at the notification and deflate.

It's Reign. Since I don't have to keep that guy a secret, I pull my phone up to read his message.

Reign: Got a favor to ask

That's it. No hint about what the favor is. Or why he'd ask me. I take my time getting back to him, trying to guess what he might want. The movie is rolling but I'm hardly paying attention. Reign only waits about ten minutes before sending a second text.

Reign: ???

I take a deep breath. I didn't connect with him at all when we hung out a few weeks ago. I certainly didn't like his friend, Declan, or the dark look he gave me from the opposite side of the street when I was with Alison. But maybe I need to do some damage control. This could be my opportunity.

Me: Hey what's up?

I wait while I watch the dots scroll as Reign types.

Reign: my truck is in the shop. Pick me up before practice tomorrow.

Me: I thought my ride was too old for you?

Reign: desperate times, my friend

Ha. As if we were friends. At this point I feel more like his emotional support monkey. Reign lives in a frat off campus. Any one of those guys or the Thing brothers, Dave and Deke, could give him a lift.

Whatever. I'm the freshman scrub, meant to be enslaved to the upperclassmen on the team.

Me: fine. What time?

Reign: QB reports an hour before field time

Me: got it

Reign: make sure that car is clean.

I roll my eyes. What a dick.

Me: yup

The dots disappear as does my douche canoe of a teammate. I tell myself I'm investing in my future with Alison. I'm building a bridge for us to be together by sucking up to Reign. He's the logical one to butter up. The senior quarter back pulls the most weight on any team. I look over at Matt and Hannah cuddling together on the couch and reassure myself that once I can really be with Alison that way, all of this bullshit will have been worth it.

She's worth it.

My phone buzzes again. I look down expecting another dumb comment from Reign but am surprised its from Alison instead.

Ali: I miss you toooooo <bandaged heart emoji>

Fuck. I need to wrap her up in my arms, experience one of her kisses. Feel the warmth of her skin and nuzzle into her hair. The scent of peaches and cream always gets to me when she's that close.

Me: <heart emoji>

It's all I can send. I hate every second of this secrecy bullshit. She's worth it, the mantra I repeat every time I'm frustrated about our circumstances. Which is basically constant, so those words are on a loop in my mind.

"Hey, guys. I'm calling it a night. See you at practice, Matt." I'm done. Can't handle hanging out anymore. Right now I feel like a caged animal and I need to move. I slide off the couch and leave. No one interrupts the movie with more talking, but they do wave me off.

I'm in a mood as I grab my laundry, now clean and stuffed in my bag, kiss my mom on the cheek and hug my aunt. My dad isn't home to say goodbye to so I leave quickly. He'd be able to read through me. It's a good thing he isn't around right now.

I'm all kinds of jumbled feelings right now. Frustrated, depressed, disappointed, hopeful, patient, irritated, anxious, excited. How can a guy be all of those things at once? Alison is the source of the good ones, and in some ways the bad as well.

No, not her. The situation pisses me off, but not my girl.

Mine. That's what she is. I need to hold on to that. I need to remember what she means to me and shake off the frustration...among other things.

I'm determined to do that when my phone buzzes again. Pulling it out, hoping for a chance to call Alison on the way home, I see yet another text from Reign. What does he want now?

Reign: BTW heard about your side piece. Nice. You either have balls of steel or an in with Coach.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUUUUUUUUCK.

That's all I can think, that I'm good and fucked. He's going to use this against me, to his advantage somehow, I feel it in my gut. It makes no sense that he would. I don't understand why he'd need to have an upper hand with me, I'm a fucking freshman benchwarmer, but far be it from me to try to understand that neanderthal. I guess my instinct to do damage control was a premonition. That's where I'm at.

Maybe I can be vague enough to downplay without actually denying how important Alison is. I don't want to do that, ever. But something tells me to watch myself with Reign.

I don't trust him.

Me: LOL. But I don't do side pieces.

I hit send and cringe. Nothing I said is a lie. Alison is the furthest thing from a side piece she could be. She's my future, not an accessory. Telling him the cold, hard truth isn't an option.

Is it?

No. I need to keep him guessing because I have a feeling the backlash would be worse than I can guess.

Reign: Bet

Perfect. His response tells me everything I need to know. I'll hold my true feelings close and just hand out the crumbs when I have to. It's the only way to get to the end of the season without pissing off Coach, making life difficult for Alison, making football impossible and ruining what is probably the most important relationship I've ever had.

I promise myself that everything I tell Reign will be based on the truth. And I'll keep Alison in the loop, sharing it all with her honestly.

She's who matters most.

This one didn't roll the way I'd hoped. Let me know if it read choppy because it felt a little lopsided. I didn't intend for Reign to take up so much of this chapter, at least not over text, but my other plan was to have him waiting at Jeff's dorm room to "talk" and that seemed uncharacteristic of Reign, to physically seek out a freshman for a favor? Nah, he'd send the command from his throne. LOL!!

Ali is up next and I have NO IDEA which way it's going to go... ah but you know that's how I roll 😉🥰❤️💀

Music: I was so excited to find this cover of Green's Days loneliest song (I walk alone...) because that was Garrett's theme song in More Than This. And although Jeff isn't in G's circle at all, this song is a bit of foreshadowing for him and I love that it fits the vibe of this playlist while also fitting the genre of 80/90's retro alt rock. Ta Da!!

https://youtu.be/mdkWFPrrZVQ

Got KU? If you are a kindle unlimited reader, check out Broken Lullaby! I PROMISE we'll get the next book out soon. Eventually. At some point. Ugh. It's rough going because we've hit plot snags but we are digging ourselves out and will be on the right path asap.