Under Pressure // Queen & David Bowie

The game took all of my energy. Most of the guys were pretty subdued, trying to focus on the win and failing. How can we keep our head in the game when one of our own is suffering?

I can't believe Matt's dad is gone. The guy was a fucking jerk of a father but still. It was a sudden death and no one can prepare for the aftermath. No matter how much Matt was pulling away and making his own life, now that his dad is gone he has to look out for his mom and his brother. I feel terrible for the guy. He was a mess. Couldn't even put a sentence together coherently.

I wish I could have gone home with him but I don't think I could have helped him much. Hannah will be there for him. A guy needs to hold on to his girlfriend when shit goes down.

I should know.

All I've wanted for weeks is to hold Alison. It's a bitter pill to swallow knowing I can't. Knowing I had to push her away because of the shit going on. Shit that's still waiting to come back around

I know it's gonna happen. Reign is a loose cannon on the field lately. Coach hasn't said another word to me about this whole behind the scenes investigation he's doing. I don't even know if he's still looking into it or leaving me out to dry. Either way, Reign's on the warpath. He's been needling me all week at practice. Today at the game he took it to the next level. Threats every time he passed by.

He wasn't threatening to hurt me. He never even said words that anyone else would think twice about. But I knew what he meant.

Lookin' a little scrawny out there, scrub.

Like watching a baby take his first steps.

Put some muscle in that arm, scrub.

He's setting me up. I know it. I'm waiting for the back room deal where he tries to dope me up. That's the only way he'd feel like I was trustworthy enough. If I'm in on it, I won't rat him out. What I don't understand is why he hasn't already tried to get me to use.

I don't think it's a secret that I play by the rules. Matt and Pete called me camp counselor and team dad all through high school because of it. Maybe Reign figures I wouldn't touch the stuff unless he wore me down first. I've been playing into it, half hoping he'd corner me and force the issue just so I'd have some kind of evidence to take back to Coach. The other half of me is sick to my stomach over all of this bullshit. I hate what knowing this asshole has done to my life.

Now I'm back in this hotel room, out of town for the Thanksgiving weekend for a game and away from my family. Matt flew home last night. We played for shit today. Tennessee kicked our asses. Nothing new this season. I sit on the end of my hotel bed trying to think things through about what I might say to Reign if he ever twists my arm about doping, when I hear a knock on the door.

It has to be Reign. No one else is spending much time with me since he pulled rank and forced me into his inner circle. Micah and Gio have pretty much ghosted me. Coach hasn't made direct eye contact in weeks. I stand and walk to the door taking deep breaths to calm my heartrate. Damn I'm not ready for this. But once I swing it open I get a shock.

"What?" I can't believe who I see. Alison. I pull it together and glance around, making sure no one sees her here, then yank her into the room and shut the door. I should apologize for manhandling her. I should beg her forgiveness for what I've put her through, how I lied about not wanting her in my life. Hurting her. But I don't. I can't.

"Jeff, I-"

I kiss her instead. I don't even let her finish speaking because wasting even one second of this chance would be a regret I can't live with. So, I kiss her, holding her close and touching her the way I wondered if I ever would. But it's not long lasting because she puts her hands on my chest and pushes me away.

"What are you doing?" She steps back, wrapping her arms around herself. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"Fuck," I say, turning away from her. "I'm sorry. I just..."

"What? You just what? Ghosted me? Lied to me? Left me in shambles while you skipped merrily away?"

"No. Shit, this isn't how I wanted this to go." I can't turn to look at her.

"Wanted what to go? You didn't know I was coming to your room so how could you have wanted it to go any kind of way. You didn't know I was at the game, or at any of the games this season, but I've been there. To all of them. And I know something's going on. I can tell."

I remember why I pushed her away from me in the first place. Turning back to face her, I step closer, whispering my plea.

"Stay out of it, Ali. Please."

"Jeff-"

"No, don't get involved. If I could be with you, if I could tell you, I would."

Alison gives me a hard glare.

"Is this something to do with Reign? Declan?"

I flinch every time she says their names, not wanting them coming out of her mouth. Remembering what they did, what they're doing now.

"So that's a yes." She's resolved.

"Stay away. Please." I'm desperate

She presses her mouth to my ear. "I have. I am. You kissed me, remember?"

I pull her closer. "I couldn't stop myself. I miss you." God, I do. So damn much. Having her near me now is a cruel reality.

Alison pushes me back. "Too bad."

Another knock sounds into the room.

"Open up, Scrub." Reign's loud demand rattles me even more now that my guard is down.

"Shit," I seethe as I pull Alison to the closet and plead with my eyes for her to go with it. She allows me to close the door, hiding her away.

Then I accept my fate and open the door.

"Where we going?" I ask hoping to get as far away from this room as possible.

"Nowhere. Open up."

"No, man. I need out. Matt's whole situation got in my head. Change of scenery."

"It wasn't your dad that kicked the bucket."

I cringe. What a heartless bastard, but I already knew that.

"Fuck it. I guess my room since you're being a dick and won't invite me in."

Crap. I was hoping to leave the hotel entirely, but this is better than nothing.

Reign leads me down the hall and around a corner to his room. We're all on the same floor but I'm hoping Alison will have a chance to sneak back to wherever she came from. I'm only now wondering if she's been here in this hotel the whole time. Probably came on the road with her dad since he didn't travel on the team bus.

Reign pops his door open and waves me in behind him. Then he sits down at the table by the window. The mood in the room is as dark as the atmosphere. He's only got the light from the bathroom to illuminate the place, the curtains pulled shut.

"You've been sucking lately."

"Gee, thanks."

Reign laughs, propping his feet up on the table. "I call it like I see it."

I nod.

"I sucked as bad as you my freshman year, worse even. That's why I red shirted, planned on taking time to bulk up and train." His feet drop to the floor as he leans forward, leaning on his knees with a pointed look in my direction. "A smart guy knows when opportunity comes knocking."

I nod again, not wanting to say anything leading. I feel it brewing, though. He's going to bring me into his shit. Reign leans away, seeing that I'm not taking his bait yet.

"Declan had a similar path. Dave and Deke, too. None of us were at the top of our game until the last year."

I'd argue that if this was the top of his game, with our team sucking left and right, then his method isn't working. But I'm not stupid. That's the line of thinking to rile him more.

"You could improve your stats quickly, if you wanted."

"How so?" This is the first question I've asked. The first thing I've said since coming into his room. I'm feigning interest when really, I want to run in the opposite direction. I need the information more than I need to distance myself, however. It's the only way to end the nightmare I'm walking through.

"A simple regimen of diet, exercise and supplements."

Ah. There is it. "What kind of diet?" I decide to go for the less obvious point to see if it messes with his strategy to bring me in the know.

Reign laughs, standing and crossing to the window. He pulls the curtain aside to peek out onto the view of the street below. He's using silence as intimidation.

It's working.

"Doesn't matter. Diet, working out, getting your footwork clean. All typical. Everyone has the same goal, man. Everyone's going about it the same way. You got to differentiate yourself from the pack. Stand out, not blend in with the masses."

He chuckles. "Masses, ha that's funny." He turns back to look at me, stepping closer and poking me in the chest with an index finger. "You're mass needs work."

"My mass. I should bulk up. With supplements."

He shrugs. "No shame in needing a little help to compete with the big boys."

I bite my tongue. I fight against saying the words, but I'll be damned if I ruin this because I had to call him out.

"You think I should get bigger to compete."

"Nah, it's not about size. It's about strength. Size is the byproduct."

Fuck, he's a con-artist with his logic. "Is that what Declan says?"

"No." Reign gives me a hard look. "That's what I say. It doesn't matter what Declan says, he's not here."

"But he's behind this whole ring." I don't ask, I make the statement.

Reign gives me a long, hard look. His arms are crossed, those biceps bigger than my thighs. A receiver doesn't need bulk. Guys playing my position need speed, and that tends to come with a leaner body type, not a bulked up one.

"Speed is the goal for me, you know that."

"It's one of many. You have the skills. You just need to enhance them."

It's my turn to cross my arms, although in comparison I've got nothing on his bulk.

"Declan is only one piece of the puzzle. I can go around him if he's the hold up."

"Then why hang around him at all? He's gotten us in this." I don't specify what 'this' is because we were both there. No need to drag up the details that both Reign and Declan have kept hidden from me.

"That guy had it coming to him."

Ah shit. I'm not sure I want to know this. I don't react in efforts to diffuse the tension.

Reign doesn't read my clear hint because he steps closer to me, leaning in with heavyset brows.

"Don't go judging what you don't know."

That's the last straw. I can't bite my tongue anymore. I mirror his heavy demeanor, leaning a little closer as I do.

"Do you blame me? Declan jumps into my car covered in blood, demanding that I drive and then the two of you confiscate my car. Don't ask, you said. Turn around and walk home, you said. And then nothing. I'm here worried about being an accessory to murder and you're telling me not to judge. Fuck. You."

Reign's breathing comes in shallower as I rage.

"Have you been questioned? Did Jez find you? No. That's on me. If anything happens from here on out, that's on you."

"Who the fuck is Jez?"

Reign's eyes narrow. "An ass who thought he could get away with selling us bad shit. Didn't end well."

I turn away from him and clench my fists. "Why? Why the hell did you target me? I don't want to have anything to do with this shit. I want my fucking life back." So much for holding my tongue.

"No one took your life away, scrub. I'm trying to improve it. Now I'll leave it in your court if you want my help. You know where to find me." With that, he motions for the door.

I stumble over to it and leave. The air in the hallway is strangely lighter. I don't know what to do next. The only thought I have is talking to Coach. I can't live like this anymore.

The tables are turning and twisting. Alison's chapter last week has set off a series of events that I did not foresee. But, as usual, my characters know more than I do and this plot has only gotten better because of it.

I had hoped to write more this week (our spring break) but alas I used my writing energy for a few other projects as well. I find I only have so much writing in me each day and sometimes a wordy email will sap it all up. Anyway, I got this one done on time and have a strong direction for the next chapter so I'll count it as a win.

This week's music is clearly how Jeff is operating at this point - under so much pressure.

https://youtu.be/YoDh_gHDvkk

Find me around the SM sites! Twitter, fb, Insta and Tik Tok. Check my link tree in my bio 🥰